This is the true feeling of a family member of a cancer patient, which leads to a universal problem: how should we respect the patient's decision not to do chemotherapy, and how should society really let every member live to the end with dignity.

Why dad?

20 13 April 15, Monday morning, my father was first diagnosed as having a liver tumor. After a phone call, I decided to go to a third-class first-class hospital in Shanghai to confirm it again. I found Dr. Chen and made an appointment to see him at 4 pm.

The connecting flight did not appear. The results in every exam are the worst. The malignant degree of advanced gastric cancer, liver metastasis, lymphatic metastasis and tumor cells is the highest in the existing classification level. Why, dear dad? I hid in the toilet and cried.

I can't sleep at night, thinking of many scenes when I was a child: I was sitting on a tricycle. On a hot day, my sow gave birth to piglets, and my father and I went to sell them together; The rice collected at home will be shelled. My father goes boating. I sat by the boat and saw snakes swimming in the river, screaming loudly. My mother was ill in hospital, and my father took us to see her by bike. My sister was in the back and I was in the front. We shouted slogans and cheered for our father to go up the mountain ... Go deep into people's hearts and we can see how much love we have.

Should I tell him the truth?

Do you want to tell dad the truth about your illness?

Mother objected, "How can I put it? Dad, you're hopeless. You are threatening him. I firmly oppose it and don't allow it. " My sister objected, "Why do the families of most cancer patients choose not to tell the truth? Because if you don't tell me, there is still hope. There is no hope, how do you let dad live one day at a time? " Aunt also objected: "It's cruel to let him live in a muddle. If he is very ill, he will guess for himself. "

I feel trapped in a big net that I can't explain. I hate it when people describe my father with the words "confused" and "unable to bear the blow". I can't accept people looking at my father with pity. I almost hysterically think that my relatives underestimate my father. But without the support of my relatives, especially without my mother's consent, I dare not and should not give good advice.

The atmosphere began to become ambiguous and evasive. At the dinner table, everyone is worried about dad talking, afraid that he will ask about his illness, afraid that he will say desperate words; Being alone with my father has become an embarrassing thing, whether pretending nothing happened or not trying to comfort. Dad is more silent and embarrassed.

Also ask people around you. Friends, colleagues, doctors and people who have no direct contact with their father are almost the same: it should be said that he should know his illness. I think viciously, if things happen to them, will they still choose like this?

Suddenly one day, as if a mysterious converter was turning, my father, mother and sister were transferred to the same channel in a conversation after dinner. We explained his illness to dad in detail, only facts, no emotions. We were sad, but the atmosphere suddenly became lively.

Hiding can't produce real comfort.

Doesn't chemotherapy mean giving up?

I went to several hospitals and met many doctors, all of whom decided that there was no chance for surgery. However, many doctors told me categorically that in the process of outpatient diagnosis and treatment in less than 5 minutes, chemotherapy should be accepted according to the treatment norms. "What if you don't have chemotherapy?" "If you don't have chemotherapy, you must die or give up." Some doctors in the top three hospitals were expressionless, some sent me to other departments like kicking a ball, and the best looked at me sympathetically with a sorry wry smile and said goodbye.

What I can't let go of is that after seeing the news report, I went to a top three specialized hospital to see their department director. It is reported that its department is the first in China to treat cancer patients who cannot be operated or even treated with chemotherapy, providing patients with medical means to improve their quality of life and eventually die with dignity. When I saw him, the doctor's arrogance and indifference hurt me.

This is really a great irony. Many doctors are really interested in tumor cells, not people. They have a fighting spirit on how to kill cancer cells, but they are not interested in how cancer patients live with dignity and quality.

Can't sleep at night, can't sleep. My mother, my sister and I, the immediate relatives of these three fathers, all have the same opinion. We don't want my dad to suffer from chemotherapy, which will benefit little. Simply make a decision, but it is painful to carry it out in daily life. I can't stand repeating some rude words used by doctors after learning of our decision not to do chemotherapy. The questions and inquiries from relatives and friends make us feel that we have not tried our best; If you don't need to seek medical advice to fill the sick time, what should you use to enrich it?

What else can we do besides chemotherapy? We went to see Chinese medicine. The doctor made it clear that Chinese medicine combined with chemotherapy is useful, but taking Chinese medicine alone can't inhibit the tumor, which is purely comfort. "Ganoderma lucidum and Cordyceps can eat? Is it helpful? " The doctor said sympathetically, "whatever, you can eat if you really want." It's no use. We do not recommend it. "

Without chemotherapy, it seems that we have nothing to do and let dad go. It takes a lot of courage to do nothing and let nature take its course.

Something must be done. I suggested, "Dad, let's take a trip." "Pretty good, where to go?" "Hong Kong or Sanya, you choose." "It's good to go to Sanya." In order to avoid the big passenger flow, my father wanted the whole family to go, so he asked for leave from work and school. 1 1 people, old and young, lived by the beautiful Yalong Bay beach.

On the way back from Sanya, my father said to us, "If there is an opportunity, I will go to Beijing once."

Ok, dad, we'll leave tomorrow.