With the deepening of market economy construction, the traditional family structure, lifestyle and value orientation have undergone profound changes. The pursuit of equal and harmonious marriage and family relations has become the knowledge of most families. The following is my knowledge of mediating marriage and family conflicts and disputes, hoping to help you.

First, in recent years, marriage and family have highlighted contradictions and disputes.

Contradictions and disputes caused by changes in moral concepts. Since the reform and opening up, the material and cultural living standards of families in China have been continuously improved, while family disputes caused by extramarital affairs are increasing. Illegal cohabitation, looking for lovers and other phenomena are not uncommon. In the letters and visits received by our street women's Federation, family disputes caused by extramarital affairs have increased year by year.

Contradictions and disputes caused by domestic violence. Influenced by feudal thoughts, ideas such as male chauvinism and son preference still exist. They think that beating and abusing their wives is their own business, and others have no right to interfere. Influenced by individualism, hedonism and money worship, some people are irresponsible to their families, and gambling, alcoholism, drug abuse, third-party interference and "lover phenomenon" are increasing day by day. These reasons make domestic violence spread to all levels of society except those with low education level, which is very hostile and aggressive.

Contradictions and disputes caused by individualization of marriage and family relations. At present, "personality incompatibility" is the first reason for divorce. This is a reflection of modern society's respect for people's individual value and the publicity of people's personality. However, too much emphasis on individuality in family life will inevitably affect the coordination of family relations. The maintenance of the relationship between husband and wife mainly depends on the values and codes of conduct recognized by both sides, which requires both husband and wife to develop simultaneously in psychology, emotion and cultural literacy, otherwise there will be a potential crisis in marriage. However, many families lack understanding of this. After marriage, they still overemphasize personality, often complain that the other party can't meet their own psychological needs, rarely consider how to adapt to each other and each other, and ignore the cultivation and communication of husband and wife's feelings, resulting in the gap between their concepts and emotions, which eventually leads to the breakdown of feelings.

Second, the causes of contradictions and disputes in marriage and family

Market economy has brought a certain degree of impact on the stability of marriage and family relations. Many family members are facing the economic and mental pressure brought by the diversion, laid-off and fast-paced, high-efficiency and high-risk occupations. Coupled with the increasing recovery of people's subjective consciousness in modern society, the contradiction between men and women is becoming more and more difficult to adjust. Many couples originally entered the marriage with beautiful yearning, but because they are not good at resolving social pressure and family conflicts, the marriage that should have been saved is gradually heading for a dead end. The influence of market economy on contemporary marriage and family relations is also manifested in the fact that interest-driven forces modern people's views on marriage and love and values to be affected. It is not uncommon to choose a spouse based on whether you can earn a lot of money, to determine the position of husband and wife in the family based on how much money you earn, to destroy other people's families for money and to be a third party, and to seek excitement when you have money.

Women's comprehensive quality is low, and it is difficult to get out of the shadow of vulnerable groups. Traditional feudal ideas such as "women are inferior to men by nature", "it is better to learn well if you marry well", "follow the chicken when you marry", "destiny takes a hand" and "submit to adversity" still exist. Many women work hard like men in the workplace, but when they get home, they live in the shadow of traditional feudal thoughts without knowing it. Some women often go to extremes in family conflicts, or they are resigned and wronged; Either chase and fight, make a scene; Either extreme and narrow, heading for a dead end; Some women have a weak legal concept, knowing that de facto marriage has been abolished by law, but they are still willing to live with the man in the name of husband and wife; Some people live with married people knowing that being a third party is illegal; Some women don't know how to use legal weapons to safeguard their legitimate rights and interests when their rights and interests are violated.

The society lacks systematic and sound monitoring on the comprehensive improvement of family conflicts. The deepening of family conflicts often has a process of emergence, accumulation and outbreak. If we can give necessary guidance at the beginning of the contradiction, we may be able to prevent unnecessary consequences. However, in the real society, some mediation departments pay insufficient attention to family disputes, which leads to further intensification of contradictions. China's marriage law, women's rights and interests protection law and other laws, in reality, because of certain difficulty in operation or certain flexibility in implementation, there are some legal loopholes. For example, the definition of bigamy and the identification of the degree of domestic violence are often difficult to implement one by one, resulting in the embarrassing situation that "legal provisions are not equal to actual implementation".

Third, how to mediate marriage and family conflicts and disputes

Improve the understanding of marriage and family mediation. The privacy of family conflicts has made "it is difficult for honest officials to break housework" a creed for thousands of years. When mediating family conflicts and disputes, people often adopt a neutral attitude of not praising or criticizing and letting nature take its course. However, in marriage and family disputes, all kinds of emotional entanglements, some even go through years. If you don't mediate in time, once you vent it, you will often turn your husband and wife against each other and make irrational choices.

Pay attention to mediation methods. When mediating marriage and family disputes, mediators should make an in-depth and detailed investigation on the marital basis, feelings after marriage, causes of contradictions and current situation of family life in each case, and pay attention to mediation methods to improve the quality of mediation. For example, for some disputes caused by family debts, encouragement is adopted to stimulate the emotions of the parties through praise, praise and encouragement, which is conducive to resolving contradictions and disputes; For disputes caused by over-emphasis on individuality, the fault analysis method is used to point out their respective faults and let the parties evaluate the handling of disputes themselves; For families with deep emotional foundation between husband and wife, we should adopt the method of evoking old feelings, find the reconciliation point of contradictions, choose the correct influence point, awaken the conscience and reason of both sides with the remaining true feelings between them, and resolve contradictions;

For disputes caused by one party's obvious violation of the law and strong moral condemnation, critical education can not only promote the introspection of the parties, but also play the role of mediator in establishing good moral habits; For disputes caused by family chores, we should listen patiently and let the parties vent their grievances first. Most of the anger will disappear after the parties fully express their opinions. At this time, they will be guided to analyze their behavior. Under normal circumstances, the parties will reflect on themselves, and the other party will go down the steps when they see that the other party is wrong. In this way, the mediation work is easy to do.

Improve the mediation mechanism. The first is to improve the coordination mechanism. Marriage and family disputes are characterized by extensiveness, complexity and mass. Some rely on only one department, which is often unspeakable, such as domestic violence and extramarital affairs. It is necessary to establish a "great mediation" working mechanism in which relevant departments cooperate with each other, conduct joint mediation on difficult and key disputes, and continuously improve the mediation effect. The second is to improve the punishment system. Because the existing laws are difficult to implement in reality, extramarital affairs and domestic violence have not been effectively stopped, but have intensified. Conscientiously implement the principles of "freedom of marriage" and "monogamy" and severely condemn unethical behaviors such as third-party interference, cohabitation and domestic violence. Those who break the marriage should be given disciplinary or administrative sanctions, such as high fines and administrative detention, depending on the seriousness of the case. It is necessary to severely crack down on illegal and criminal activities such as pornography, gambling and drugs, ban pornographic service places, purify the social air, and ensure family harmony, health and stability.

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