Before Pinduoduo (and at night? ) The employee worked overtime late at night and died suddenly. Later, a takeaway brother fell to the ground when delivering food. At the moment when I wrote the code word, the news of "Another employee in Pinduoduo committed suicide by jumping off a building" was still on the hot list. The news that young people have devoted themselves to their careers these days is really embarrassing.

In sharp contrast, Shanghai Shentong, Xiao Jiang, a 2020 graduate, refused the meaningless 996 overtime required by the supervisor even though he knew that he might be dismissed.

It seems that since the establishment of industrial society, persistence, especially when encountering difficulties, has become so respected that sometimes we forget that there is actually another option; At the same time, we also forget how not to equate ourselves with failure when we turn to let go.

Slogans to encourage people to forge ahead can be seen everywhere, from "you can win only if you work hard" to "no one can succeed casually" to "you will die as long as you don't die"-even Malcolm Gladwell's "10,000-hour rule" claims that only after decades of hard practice can you achieve something in a certain field.

However, in the process of striving for career, performance and love, how many times have you heard someone say, "You have done your best-now it's time to let go"?

Think again, how much effort, sweat and tears have you just wasted?

You may be overwhelmed emotionally and/or financially, but you can't make up your mind to quit.

Why is this happening?

If you know psychology or economics, you may have heard of the concept of sunk cost.

Sunk cost will lead to our decision-making deviation-after we invest resources for something or someone, we will invest more time, money and energy in order not to let the previous efforts go to waste.

It's hard for us not to be influenced by it.

Is the risk behind it high (such as continuing to invest money and energy in an unsuccessful project) or low (such as forcing yourself to finish a tasteless salad just because it is expensive).

When it comes to sunk costs, it is usually difficult for us to stop because of human nature.

Why do humans have such an evolutionary setting? Researchers speculate that this may be to avoid wasting valuable resources.

When you look at it from the perspective of scarcity, you will find that this setting is not without benefits-if the resources are limited and you have invested a lot in them, it is best to make persistent efforts to get a return, but when you invest in a certain critical point, this logic is difficult to continue to hold.

For example, it seems a pity to part ways with your partner for many years, but it is also a waste to continue to repair the relationship in vain.

And from a certain point of view, it is a waste of time to continue to get along. Ending a physically separated and emotionally exhausted relationship can make room and opportunities for trying to establish a new relationship again.

Unfortunately, due to the influence of popular culture, too many people simply equate the workplace/love field with the battlefield, and the reviled concept of "desertion" is so deeply rooted in people's hearts here that quite a few people would rather stick to it than give up.

What should we do when we find ourselves in this situation?

Here are five methods for reference:

In this era, from Peggy Piggy to Love Beans, everyone is advocating never giving up. Perhaps the most straightforward saying of never giving up in modern society can be traced back to Winston Churchill.

It is said that he once said "never, never, never give up".

But it turns out that Churchill's sentence was taken out of context.

What he really said was, "Never, never, never give in to anything, big or small, unless it is out of faith in reputation and reason." Never, never, never, never-never give in to anything, big or small, big or small-unless it is a belief in honor and reason. )

In fact, in today's era, the idea of "giving up" seems to have been acquiesced as a deviant, so that we often ignore that knowing how to advance and retreat, knowing how to gain and lose is actually a valuable quality.

Perhaps "never give up" should not be regarded as an irrefutable universal truth-especially when your body has signaled to stop, letting go may be a wiser choice.

Sometimes it's right to follow your heart. But sometimes, feeling alone is not enough, especially under the influence of sinking cost.

So, you might as well bypass your intuition for a while and calculate the gains and losses of continuing and quitting immediately. This concise list of advantages and disadvantages can help you pay attention to the opportunity costs that are often forgotten and stick to the end.

A study published in the famous journal Psychological Science found that young people are more susceptible to "sunk costs" than the elderly.

Generally speaking, young people pay more attention to negative clues, such as loss, rather than positive clues. The decision-making of the elderly usually reflects a more balanced attitude towards gain and loss.

This study shows that as we get older, we may become more wise and cautious, and learn how to invest our resources better. In short, sometimes it is wiser and more mature to stop loss in time.

Apart from sunk costs and other factors, the reason why we refuse to give up despite difficulties is largely because we are afraid of failure.

In the process of socialization, we have become accustomed to treating unattainable goals as failures.

If this goal is visible to the outside world, such as a happy marriage or a successful career, it is even more difficult to advance and retreat properly.

Ending a relationship or a project, especially if you put all your efforts into it from the beginning, is undoubtedly a difficult choice.

So, give yourself some time and space to digest these material and spiritual losses, and then think from another angle: if it can bring you growth and push you forward, it is not a failure, but it will always reduce your burden and give you an opportunity to subtract from your life, turn over a new leaf, travel lightly, better plan the future, move on and thrive. ...

Sometimes life will make you unprepared for some hopeless situations. For example, you may be bent on opening a hot pot restaurant, but it may just happen that the virus is spreading around the world. The landlord has just doubled your rent and the local oil price is also rising.

Can you turn this situation around?

Almost impossible.

You may feel like a failure, but some things are caused by mistakes, which have nothing to do with your ability, willpower or personality, and you don't have to blame yourself for it.

last words

In our long and short life, we will inevitably encounter some unhappy situations, and many people lack enough wisdom and judgment, and they are at the mercy of the sinking cost and can't break their wrists.

So, if you quit something, can you consider yourself a winner of "stop loss in time"?

In short, you don't have the information you have now. Besides, you have no ability to predict the future. But now that you have mastered enough information, experience and some wisdom, I believe you will have a more comprehensive judgment on how to deal with sunk costs and re-plan your future direction.

Supplementary reading:

1. Hayes, Smith. (2020). Accepting commitment therapy (translated by Zhu Zhuohong, Wei Zhen and Cao Jing). Chongqing: Chongqing University Press.

2. hendrickson, e (2019). 7 reasons to feel confident in giving up. Psychology today.