The most comprehensive China homophonic joke encyclopedia -5 10 (slip of the tongue)-3200765438+Wednesday, February 26th 0 1:3 140 1. The most classic is my college classmate, nicknamed "Matan", who often quarrels with people.
I peed! "
402。 It's him again. It's very hot in the billiard hall. He squatted in front of the air conditioner to enjoy the cool air and found that the boss's bulldog was also blowing the air conditioner. Yi's information came again. "Boss, your air conditioner is specially used for dogs!"
403。 Still him. One day, he was insulted by a classmate. "I'm hungry for pork. I said I'm thirsty for blood." Detective Ma sneered. Do you want to drink urine? !
404。 Fill in the blanks with Chinese common sense. Sun Li, a famous writer, is a _ _ _ _ _ (Lotus Lake) school, and some people fill in "Rightists". It's right to think about it!
405. A classmate once said to me seriously, "Be careful, eat and leave!" ! . . .
406. Selling small matches to girls. . . I'm sweating!
Money! Get the money! I want my mother to bring money! )
408。 Mom, I'm late for work. I'll brush my teeth and wash my face first! You help me make breakfast!
409。 When singing karaoke, the waves bloom;
I want you to watch me swim with that turtle. . . . . .
Original lyrics: I want you to accompany me to watch turtles swim in the water.
4 10。 A girl in our company is violent. Once she saw a MM riding a bicycle in hot pants, and she shouted on the factory car, "Look at that little girl in front, wearing bicycle shorts." I was dizzy when I lifted the car, which almost led to the tragedy of death in a car accident.
4 1 1。 This kind of thing often happens to me. Not surprisingly, the last time I went to Kunshan to play football, "Who kicked me to the ball?" Who am I in a hurry with? "
4 12。 One of my classmates, physical education class, likes to put his foot in his mouth and play basketball one day. Another student accidentally hit the basketball on his head.
He suddenly shouted, don't hit my ball with your head!
4 13。 Why hasn't the old man's junk come yet?
4 14。 One of my classmates once made a mistake. The teacher asked questions. He said: "People always make mistakes, just like eating sesame seeds and losing sesame cakes ..."
4 15。 In junior high school, we hit a man and pinned him to the ground. He said that a scholar can be humiliated, but not killed!
4 16。 When I was still at school, I went to Sashido for dinner. When ordering, I ordered a "skin painting".
4 17, the political teacher talked about the inevitability of things in class. Speaking of human beings, give us an example, just one sentence: for example, people become apes!
4 18。 Once on my way to school, I saw an old man sweeping the steps, because I often saw him sweeping, and I knew he volunteered. I'm really touched.
I want to chat with that old man. I wanted to ask how old she was, but it turned out to be: "How old are you?" When' tis once spoken, the sweat ...
4 19。 A boy who grew up by the sea boasted to us that he had eaten seafood since he was a child, saying that among birds, I usually don't eat pigs, cattle and sheep, but I often eat seafood.
420。 Junior high school self-study early, the Chinese class representative wrote on the blackboard: silently read the text of lesson 15. When the deskmate came, he read the text of lesson 15 while looking at the blackboard.
42 1。 The bean skin in Wusanhe and Laotongcheng is delicious. When I went to eat, the cashier said "a bowl of land"!
422.Xi 'an called rice. When my classmates came back from Xi 'an and entered the restaurant, they shouted, "Boss, have a bowl of rice!" " The boss is cold!
423. The master gave me a roast chicken.
424. Once, my classmate stuttered, and I was anxious: straighten your tongue before you speak! !
425, once my friend and classmate said he was really charming, my friend corrected him, and then my friend spoke loudly; Will I splash? !
426. My boss is very young, twenty-seven or eight years old (family business). He is always serious in the company, and occasionally he is a little scared. He explained things in my office the other day, and I was so nervous. When he finished, I said, OK, total, 88. I was so nervous that I thought I was on the phone!
GG put his brother on the bus. When he got on the bus, he said, "You wrote down everything I told you." Brother: "I see."
All right, I'll hang up then.
428. I can't find the JJ calculator in the office. He grabbed my calculator and said, why is it here?
I said loudly: I am a calculator.
Everyone in the office looked at me. It's very cold.
At 429, the university, the class teacher (a very old and serious person) called the dormitory, and a classmate answered the phone and shouted, * *, the handsome guy called!
* * After answering the phone, the class teacher asked me the first sentence: Am I really handsome?
That classmate will blush when he sees the head teacher in the future.
430. Occasionally, a good friend is also my hometown. We often get together. I call her "hometown", but I often call him "husband".
Fortunately, we know each other very well. . . How embarrassing
43 1。 It happened to my mother, too. At the dinner table, I said that someone in my dormitory was so nice, and my mother would ask: male or female?
432。 When I was in the third grade, I was placed in the class. I was the representative of mathematics. When I handed out my homework for the first time, my classmate's name was Xun Wensheng, and my name was Xun Wensheng.
The boys in my class told me not to study Xun but Xin (two tones), so I changed my name to Xin Wensheng and Xin Wensheng.
The boys in the class began to laugh.
Hey, hey, I don't understand (I'm from Jining, Shandong, and our local dialect is: to marry a daughter-in-law, I have to take that classmate Xin home, but I'm a girl)
433. After graduating from high school, I helped a classmate in the summer vacation. Their family just started a company.
My classmate's GG brother is two years old, studying at a university in other places, and staying at home during the summer vacation.
This GG from Shuai Shuai is very tall. I blush at the sight of him and dare not talk to him.
And after he came back for a day or two, he began to call me "Xiao Tao's MM", "Xiao Tao's MM" and "Xiao Tao's MM"
The classmate's GG nickname is Xiao Tao, and everyone in the family is used to calling him Xiao Tao.
I listened to his puppet MM in Momo, and my heart was empty and beautiful.
So as soon as he called me, I was filled with joy.
Later, my classmates even said, don't let him call you "Xiao Tao's MM", which is ugly.
I don't understand. What happened?
How bad is it for classmates to say "thief's MM"
Ah ah ah ah ah ah.
I was bored for three minutes,
Finally, I thought about it.
I am as proud and romantic as a peacock.
My last name is Mo,,, and the sound is similar to touch.
That bastard Tao, using the word "petty theft",
Call me "thief's MM"
Woo hoo.
Depression,
Since then,
If Xiao Tao calls me to his house again, I'll give him a hard time.
434。 In my sophomore year, a graduate student came to teach us the history of ancient literature. He is the same name as the godfather of Taiwan Province music. He is characterized by a mouthful of rhubarb and buckteeth, which we privately call "tooth-rubbing Sue". One day, Ms. Liao and I were walking on campus, smiling at Mr. He's trademark teeth. He came from a distance. We stopped laughing. I was just thinking of saying hello to show politeness when Ms. Liao called seriously and nervously. Our dear He Laoshi's face changed n colors in half a minute. I'm afraid to laugh because I'm blushing. Liao Mei turned pale with fear. ......
435。 The final exam in our school, I remember it was a literature exam. The invigilator found someone cheating in our examination room and shouted "What are you doing?" ! ! ! Copy yours! ! ! ~ "... I was silent for three seconds ... the whole examination room was laughing crazy ... I still want to laugh when I think about it ~ ~ ~
436。 A man excitedly said to his favorite girlfriend, "I'll treat you to Adidas (Haagen-Dazs).
I'm dizzy (who invited me to eat Nike)
437。 At three o'clock yesterday afternoon, I called the courier company to pick it up. Maybe it's because I talked too much on the phone one day and my brain was a little abnormal. I actually said "Hello, I have a courier here, please come and get it" as "Hello, I have a fax here, please come and get it", which made people not respond for a long time!
438。 Maybe it's because I say the word "4S shop" too much every day, but I call the A4 copy paper I want to order 4S paper, which makes our bear brother stare at me for a long time and never come back, haha!
439。 Some time ago, a buddy told me that a female colleague in their unit was just going to get gloves when my buddy passed by. The female colleague actually said, wait a minute, I'll bring a condom. My friend has a mouthful of water! ! !
440。 A friend called and asked us when the exhibition time was on the day of the auto show. Originally, the exam was from 9 am to 5 pm, but when I got excited, I said it was from 5 am to 9 pm, and I became bus timetable. In order not to mistake my friends, I quickly changed.
44 1。 When I was a sophomore, all the girls in the dormitory liked Emil Wakin Chau's songs, and one tape was borrowed by everyone. One day, the girl in the upper bunk asked: Where is my Emil Wakin Chau? The girl in the lower bunk replied, It's in my bed! There was silence for two seconds, and then everyone fell on the bed.
442. Hehe, I remember, too. I just talked to my girlfriend for a month that year. One day, she told me that her waist was sore and tired. I said with concern, what's wrong? Do you want to go to the hospital? She said no, I have my period. I want to know: when? The winter vacation is still early. Girlfriend, sorry. I still often make fun of it.
443. Watch TV at home and put it in the Forbidden City. I said "uterus" in one bite-I didn't dare to say anything for a long time. I don't know if mom, dad and sister heard it.
444. Going out for dinner with colleagues, a bunch of men and women, drinking white wine, took out a new lighter from it, which is the kind to prevent children from playing. A group of people were curious and began to play. Someone asked what it was for, and I blurted out, "I just brought a condom!" " Only then did I know it was not good. Sure enough, at the dinner table, I was silent for a few seconds, and I couldn't wait to get under the table ... embarrassed! !
445. In the third grade, I had a little diarrhea every morning. When chatting with the boys at the back of the class, I proudly broke out a professional vocabulary "I feel a little uncomfortable these days, maybe it is premature ejaculation" (it was on almost every telephone pole at that time). Male students were shocked for a long time because I am mm.
The teacher's occupation is similar to that of a crosstalk performer-they all eat by mouth, but the actor often intentionally slips of the tongue to make people laugh, and the teacher's funny slip of the tongue is unintentional.
446。 Teacher G, an old physics teacher, said, "Today we are going to learn about free fall-"All beings were surprised and suddenly remembered his accent. He said "free fall".
447。 Teacher L, an old chemistry teacher: "... this rotten egg-flavored gas is called hexa-dioxide ..." (sulfur dioxide)
448。 Teacher Z, a little math teacher: "Look at that little guy, he studies very hard, and he doesn't open his eyes or lift his head."
449。 One day, I told my students that "introspection is the best memory of Ba Jin" and inadvertently said, "We must introspect the palace before we can …" The students laughed.
450。 Teacher M: "... touched me, my eyes were sore and my nose was coming down."
45 1。 Sasha: "Looking out from the window of the plane, there are a lot of marshmallows ..." (It should be called porthole)
452。 Miss Ayong: "Some people are not active in their studies. Grab the basketball court after class is the first! " The students suddenly disagreed and winked at each other. He was even more annoyed: "I know I used the wrong idiom. What language level is better than the physics teacher?" :(
453。 When I was a cashier, a woman once took a pack of sanitary napkins to pay the bill. After checking out, I wanted to say "Please take care", but I accidentally said "Please enjoy your meal". ......
454。 In high school, a classmate talked about the situation in the Middle East in a chat and suddenly said: Hussein of Jordan. burst into laughter ......
455。 Once I talked to MM about tears, and she found me. She pointed at my eyes strangely and said, what's the matter? My innocent answer: my eyes fell into the sand.
456。 One day, my roommate and I went to the canteen together. Because I went too late, there was no food, so I had to cook noodles. In the window of the small stir-fry department, I said to my sister who is in charge of catching vegetables into the basin: stir-fry a bowl of noodles and add beef. Roommate threw the basin away: Miss, make noodles and lay eggs for me.
457。 A girl is very arrogant in class, chewing gum and shaking her feet outside the table. The teacher couldn't stand it anymore. She walked up to her, slapped the table and shouted loudly, "Spit out your mouth! Put your foot in it! ! "
458。 I like singing when I grow up. Once I sang, bold and beautiful sang "Same Water, Same Blood". From then on, my classmates often called me a witch.
459。 Once I listened to the radio, what was the shopping guide hotline? Someone called in and the host asked him, "What's your name?" He replied, "Don't take your name!"
460。 When reading the text in junior high school, the soldiers' joy of victory was beyond words: "We just want to set up a monument for everyone! (commemorative coin) "
46 1。 In high school history class, Lincoln was assassinated in the theater. ....
The teacher said: Lincoln was assassinated in a brothel. ...
The whole class laughed for ten minutes, but the teacher was helpless ... (Author: Be a good boy)
462。 I remember when I was in primary school, once the teacher handed out exercise books.
As a result, a classmate shouted: "The teacher doesn't approve" (pronounced as "the teacher has no ass" in Shanghai dialect) (Author: fluorescent face)
463。 Our teacher ... wants to talk about a mess and a fiasco ... thinking about which one to say ... and then "fiasco"
Meet him. (Author: Xuan Qing)
464。 At the end of the history exam, there was a question: What is the longest epic in the world? A classmate wrote about the dead hippo (Author: meiyoutianli)
465。 I used to be a member of the Cultural and Recreation Committee. Once, when I was preparing my class's singing repertoire, I turned over the lyrics for a while, just as the Sports Commission came over and asked me: What to sing?
As a result, the title of the page I turned to happened to be that it was so immortal. I even said it out loud
I was really embarrassed at that time, blushing like a monkey's ass ... (Author: Bear)
466。 In college, in a debate, a girl was in favor of falling in love in college. When she refuted the other party, she said in a hurry: Love is not just talk, so it can't be done! ! (Author: Never die)
467。 A classmate in primary school, when studying Zhu De's pole in a class, read "going to Mao Ping to pick up food" as "going to the toilet to pick up food"
The whole class burst into laughter, and the teacher said, "There is nothing to eat in the toilet, only ..."
This classmate is also a relative of a famous crosstalk performer in China. Haha, the sense of humor is hereditary. (Author: Natsky)
468。 The head teacher of the university has a bald forehead, so we nicknamed him "onion". As a result, one day, a female classmate seemed to have something urgent to find the class teacher and shouted from a distance: "Miss Onion, wait a minute @ #%&; *@#$^&； %% $ $ "(Author: cited _ _ _ Wang)
469. In senior three, I chatted with my deskmate and talked about "Ecuador". A girl in the front row immediately turned her head and said, "I know Ecuador." (Author: Wan Chuan Chenghai)
470. Go to play white water with two male friends for fear of getting wet. I want to say "I'm not wearing a raincoat", but I don't know what's wrong. I suddenly fell down with laughter.
47 1. Colleagues talked about Taekwondo classes, with blue belts and yellow belts. I rushed to say that there was also a leucorrhea. Everyone laughed wildly (including the two leaders) ||| (Author: Yun Haier)
472. At school, it was popular to learn from Zhang Haidi, so I wrote in my composition that we should learn from the spirit of Aunt Zhang Haidi.
(Author: lanmeimei233)
473. Another time I sang in KTV, a friend ordered a song that was very similar to the original song. I wanted to make sure whether he sang it, so I asked if the song was sung by a man. I was so angry that I died. (Author: lanmeimei233)
When I was in high school, our English teacher surnamed Wang looked like a hippo and was very serious. As a result, one of our classmates met him on the road one day. When he was nervous, he said "He Laoshi is good" (Author: Apple Sister)
475. One night after the college entrance examination, my classmates and I played in the citizen square. One of my classmates went to buy a poker game. I don't know which nerve is out of order. While touching the card, he said, "This card is really new." The most terrible thing is that I didn't react when everyone laughed, and I didn't feel wrong after drinking.
That time, too, it was getting late, and I pointed to a street lamp and said, "Let's go to the sun, it's very bright there" ... sweating profusely.
(Author: Jiang Yun after the wind)
Let me tell you something. The most important thing for me is that I once received a phone call from a parent. After listening to each other's self-introduction, I opened my mouth and said, "Ah, for XX's father, right?" Hello, may I know your name? "The other party was silent, and it is estimated that it is already stupid. It took me a long time to remember ... his father's surname was Xiang, too. (Author: listening to the night)
477. One day, my colleague (hereinafter referred to as Zhang) wanted to call a customer ... Maybe because the customer was more serious, Zhang Er was very nervous. ...
Pick up the phone and dial the number, and the other party answers. Zhang Er began to speak: Hello, Mr. Wang. May I have your name , please? ................
Ha ha ha ha ... We all laughed like crazy ... You're a disgrace ... (Author: bubble gum)
478. In college, girls like to chat in the evening.
One day, I was talking indignantly about someone's evil deeds. I said, "This man is a grandson."
The person in charge of the room reading a book suddenly said, "Who called me?" The whole house burst into laughter, an absolutely true story. I still miss it. (Author: According to King Yao -k)
479。 In high school, when a group of girlfriends got together, they always liked to make fun of one of the boys and often labeled him "dog". After a long time, the boy was really upset, and once he finally broke out: racial discrimination! ! Everyone was bored for a while, and then burst out laughing ... (Author: Rachel _800)
480。 A while ago, a company called me for an interview. I am very happy and like a company. Finally, I politely asked HRmm on the other end of the phone: How many rounds of interviews will your company have next? Dizzy, the mm on the other end of the phone replied: Your company has two rounds next. ..........
48 1。 In junior high school, teachers like to drag classes between classes. Once he spoke plausibly for five minutes and said to the whole class, OK, I'll stop here and let's continue playing. The whole class was stunned. . . After laughing wildly. (Author: Tomalin pig)
482。 When I was a child, my mother asked me to help her get a rose milk to rot in the refrigerator. I opened the refrigerator and shouted back, "Mom, do you want rose breasts?"
It was freezing ... and then everyone pretended not to hear it. (Author: Butterfly loves rock)
483。 I once chatted with a friend and complained about the poor quality of stainless steel iron gates at home. As a result, when I was excited, I accidentally said, "My steel (anal) door ..."
Say that finish really want to commit suicide! (Author: Butterfly loves rock)
484。 When I was in high school, I once had dinner with my mother at a relative's house. A table is full of elders.
Because it is spring, there is a dish called bamboo shoots.
I remember that my mother will get a rash when she eats bamboo shoots.
So I blurted out: my mother ate it and it will be spring!
During the dinner, there was laughter and silence. ...
I can't wait to dig a hole. I can't even look at my mother! (Author: Buan's anxiety)
485。 The physics teacher in senior high school teaches our class seriously in the critical period.
About make up a missed lesson, say:
It doesn't matter if you want to do it yourself.
If you don't want to do it yourself, I don't have to do it for you.
I like a girl in No.1 Middle School. Her mother doesn't want me to help her. I have no choice but to help her.
If you want to do it yourself, come to my office.
The following laughs to death ... (Author: Buan's uneasiness)
This passage became a classic joke in high school. It was repeatedly said and laughed at. ...
486。 In high school, I had a little problem with my Chinese teacher.
At that time, I was studying an ancient prose, which seemed to be a banquet at Hongmen, and there was a traitor Cao Wushang in it.
The spy Cao soon became the teacher's nickname.
It's been a long time, and I almost forgot his original last name.
Greeting each other, no time to think, "Teacher Cao ..." (Author: Buan's uneasiness)
Hehe, I miss my school days.
487。 According to the memory of my old classmates on msn, there is also a story of "5 is greater than 6" in high school.
The boss wrote an argument on the blackboard when I was sleeping with my eyes open.
The boss finally wrote down that 5 was greater than 6, and then woke me up and asked if it was right.
I pretended to be awake and said calmly, yes.
The boss said: Yes! ! It should be 5 greater than 6!
The whole class laughed! And I haven't reacted yet ~: P (Author: Buan's anxiety)
488。 There was a very popular TV series in Singapore in the last century called,
Our aunt next door said yes. (Author: the love between cats and fish)
489。 When I was in primary school, I read the text "Xiaojie Rain is Coming".
There is a sentence in it: only a small belly floats on the water.
Some students directly said: Only little ass floats on the water. . . . . . (Author: 7 13 1)
490. I remember once in a philosophy class, the teacher asked the students to ask questions, anything would do.
Someone mentioned why philosophy majors are basically single? The teacher didn't answer, then let others ask questions.
At this moment, a girl said: I ask a question vaguely.
We all want to know what personal questions she wants to ask the teacher.
Then she said, oh, I'm sorry, I took the liberty of asking a question. ........
49 1。 I joked with mm: "Don't say you know me, it will affect my reputation!" "
Mm said, "Do you have children? Can you have children? "
492。 Once read an article, a "jealous man in the family" said that his brother was jealous and the story was very good, so he excitedly told it to other students loudly.
There was silence, which originally sounded like a "virgin at home" ... cold and cold. ...
493。 A female friend of mine is carsick. She took the bus once before it started. She suddenly turned to me and said, "Oh, I forgot to take medicine to avoid dizziness (pregnancy)!" " It's too cold.
494。 A friend went to an interview, but she was a female interviewer and asked him what activities he usually liked.
He wanted to say that he likes playing football, but he mistakenly said playboy, and it was cold at that time. . .
495。 When I was in high school, our chemistry teacher did an extraction experiment and said, "We pour the solution in the test tube into a tablespoon B" ...
496。 A group of people in our office traveled to Yunnan and passed the security check by plane.
A MM is a little different from the photo on the ID card. The security personnel asked her, "Who are you?"
MM confidently replied: "Pig! I am a pig! "
It doesn't matter if you look at it this way, but what kind of effect will it be if you emphasize the first word in MM's answer!
497。 That time, I texted MM and asked her to come to my house. I was going to send "come in the morning", but I didn't expect to send "come to me" What a pity!
498。 Supergirl BiBi Zhou became the youngest and most popular female singer in the music charts.
BiBi Zhou, who won such an honor, said that the contribution of fans is the greatest.
When the media asked about today's mood,
The nervous pen actually said, "As a junior, I am still very nervous."
As a senior, I am still very nervous.
Immediately attracted a burst of laughter from the reporter.
499。 At the meeting, a leader shouted to his subordinates, "I tell you, I never rub my eyes for the blind!" " "
500。 On the stage, the actor who plays the police chief proudly said to his subordinates, "Now, their fox tail is finally exposed!" " "
50 1。 The tour guide pointed to the kneeling stone statue of Qin Gui and said to the tourists, "Look, everyone, this is Aloe Vera, the minister who framed Yue Fei!"
502。 Aunt kindly said to the children: "Next, aunt will tell you a fable called" The Race between the Tortoise and the Rabbit "!"
503。 Xiaoming accidentally broke the bowl. He was scared and shouted, "Mom, you broke the bowl!" " "
504。 A leader patiently said to an employee who made a mistake: "I tell you, making mistakes is not terrible." I'm afraid you won't do it again after you do it! " "
505。 The teacher shouted at a student who was talking in class: "XX, stand up!" " "
506。 An employee who made a mistake carefully explained to the leader, "Boss! I know my fault, but I really did it on purpose! "
507。 Xiao pang saw the water boiling on the stove and shouted, "mom!" " Hurry up, the water is on fire! "
508。 A girl spoiled her boyfriend: "I'm hungry, please go to the bathroom!" " "