How to avoid blind heartbeat
Psychologically, the brain imaging study of love shows that love begins with one person's desire and hormonal response to another person, which will make people temporarily lose their minds. Men and women yearn for intimacy at this stage, and then develop in-depth intimate relationships. But the maintenance time of this hormone is about two years, and the longest is three or four years.
So it is unwise to maintain love only by passion. After the current marriage or feelings are dull, looking for novelty outside is also avoiding self-behavior.
Psychologist Fromm once said: Immature love is because I need you, so I love you, while mature love is because I love you, so I need you.
Lovers don't need tools to satisfy themselves. They don't need to exist because they are lonely.
According to the Israeli philosopher Martin Buber, there are two kinds of relationships, one is "you and me" and the other is "me and it". When I regard you as a tool and object to achieve my goal, the relationship is "me and it". When I let go of my expectations and goals and fully satisfy you, the relationship is "you and me"
The core of "suspension bridge effect"
A famous psychological effect "suspension bridge effect" also shows that dangerous or exciting situations can promote feelings. It means that when a person walks across the suspension bridge with fear, his heart will accelerate involuntarily. If there is another person around at this time, he will attribute the acceleration of the heartbeat caused by the scene to the heartbeat of the other party, which is the physiological reaction of the other party, so he has an affection for the other party.
Therefore, it is easier for two people to experience exciting scenes together in life, and their feelings are deeper and stronger.
They say this is the feeling of love, right?
Why does the "feeling" of love pursue profound experience so much?
According to psychologist Freud's theory, the subconscious will only perceive the intensity of feelings, but will not judge the quality of feelings. The desire pursued by human beings points to high-intensity feelings.
The love we pursue is the pursuit of a high-intensity feeling. The stronger the feeling, the happier the subconscious mind and the more satisfied the heart. Studies have found that human beings perceive pain twice as much as happiness. If a person can't find positive high-intensity feelings to please himself in a relationship, he will tend to satisfy himself by seeking pain.
A "feeling" that has been with you for many years without heart.
Some people have been in love for many years, and their love life is gradually dull, thinking that finding a younger and more lively opposite sex will give them a warm feeling of love.
These people who are lost in feelings and can only go in the direction of passion are actually addicted to spoony feelings, only passion, and forget that good love needs commitment and intimacy besides passion, so it must not be true love just for heart and passion.
Blind date can't find feelings.
In life, I often hear the woman on blind date say that she is slow, but the man misunderstood that this is an excuse for the woman not to value herself.
It is often the case that two suitable young men and women arranged by relatives say that they have no feelings for each other after meeting once or twice.
The more abuse, the more love.
Doumyouji Tsukasa doesn't have a crush on his girl, but only has a soft spot for Cunninghamia lanceolata who punched himself.
Love is not valued by outsiders, but the more experienced, the deeper the love between husband and wife.