1
Recently, I was chasing the hit drama Ode to Joy 2, and continued to watch five different classes of girls perform different versions of life on the 22nd floor.
Seeing the drama of Qiu Yingying's lovelorn love, I can't help but think of the devastating plot when she was lovelorn in the first season:
After being lovelorn and unemployed, I blame others and feel sorry for myself every day.
Looking at the books on success bought by my father in the room, I happily took the CD and shouted slogans.
Andy saw her book and kindly pointed out a few words, but she strongly responded that she was going to break up and stand in front of someone else's house. ...
Qiu Yingying, who was lovelorn in the second quarter, seems to have entered an infinite loop again:
First of all, no one is allowed to attack, especially after Xiao Qu Kong hit Qin Ying. Qiu Yingying kept breaking off the relationship with Xiao Qukong, and then she was angry with the behavior of other sisters.
As a result, the brain-dead Qiu Yingying makes people even more disgusted.
Andy, a business elite returning from new york, is tall, beautiful and capable. She is a woman who combines beauty and talent, and she is also a typical idol that most people want to be. At first, like most people, I liked Andy and hated Qiu Yingying. But when I told my friend about the play, a word from my friend gave me a new view:
"Maybe I don't like Qiu Yingying because I can find my own shadow in her, but I don't want to admit it."
2
Sometimes, we often mention the role of Andy and have a preconceived contempt for Qiu Yingying.
When I watched the play from Qiu Yingying's perspective, I found that Qiu Yingying was as real as before.
Who just graduated is not naive and ignorant? Who doesn't meet one or two boys who have a little experience in picking up girls and can't help falling in? How many people can recite everything clearly in their early twenties?
I won't read successful books, and I won't refute those who throw cold water on me, but I will be like a deflated ball after listening to those "correct" words, and I have no courage to get up.
In this world, people like Andy are rare, but Qiu Yingying is everywhere. Everyone likes Andy and hates Qiu Yingying, which is probably caused by "psychological projection".
Projection, in a nutshell, is to throw your own things (the parts you don't like or the parts you like) to others to get your own peace.
Many people don't like Qiu Yingying's stupidity. In fact, they projected their childish stupidity on Qiu Yingying. After throwing this feeling out, we will be comfortable, and we can hate, criticize, despise and disapprove of her "righteously" and "condescendingly".
Of course, this projection often happens when we are unconscious.
This is also called "projection effect" in psychology, that is, a cognitive obstacle imposed on others by projecting the values and emotional likes and dislikes in one's inner life on others.
three
There is a classic joke that tells the story of projection effect:
Lao Li, who was driving a Li Xia, was overtaken by a Big Ben. The driver of Big Ben shouted at him, "Brother, have you ever driven a Big Ben?" Lao Li stepped on the gas pedal angrily after listening.
After a while, he was overtaken by Big Ben and shouted, "Brother, have you ever turned on Big Ben?" Lao Li angrily caught up with him again.
After a while, I was overtaken by Big Ben and was called "Brother, have you ever driven Big Ben!" " "The words sound just fell and he ran into the side of the road.
Lao Li gloated over and the driver of Big Ben climbed out and said, "Brother, have you ever turned on Big Ben?" I asked, how do you step on the brakes? "
Lao Li in the story may have been ridiculed in his life and experienced many humiliations. So when he heard "Did you drive a Big Ben?", his first reaction was that the other party was mocking him, which projected the role of a cynic on the driver of Big Ben.
In daily life, we often make Lao Li's mistakes:
What I like, I think others will like it; Use your own experience to compare others' experiences; Design the future for children, choose schools and careers for children. ...
All these will make us lose the objectivity of cognition in interpersonal communication, which will lead to the situation of "treating the hearts of others with your own heart" or "treating the belly of a gentleman with the heart of a villain".
Sometimes, what we see is often the inner projection, and what we tell others is often our real face and inner world.
For example, when we criticize others behind their backs, we are probably venting our dissatisfaction with ourselves. Sadly, many people don't know that we are criticizing ourselves.
All interpersonal relationships are a mirror, and the others we see through this mirror are ourselves.
four
Projection effect is like rhonda byrne's "Law of Attraction" mentioned in The Secret-what kind of person you are, you will attract what kind of person.
People who can come to your side and walk into your life may always have their own side that you like and are willing to accept.
Some seemingly incredible love actually has a reason: a handsome and rich man finally married a short and fat woman.
The reason is that although a woman has a poor appearance, when she smiles, her mouth and teeth are similar to those of a man, and her appearance evokes a feeling of deja vu.
Secondly, men feel inferior and insecure because their parents divorced when they were young. The woman grew up in a happy family, sunny and confident, with the qualities he yearned for but didn't have, giving him a 100% sense of security.
Loving someone is nothing more than falling in love with yourself after psychological projection. However, not all the projections are so beautiful, and there are some things behind them that they are unwilling to admit. If you want to really understand others and yourself, you must consciously get rid of the adverse effects brought by psychological projection.
Objective clarification is the best way to deal with psychological projection.
We can clarify with the person we project, distinguish my projection from him, let him return to the original appearance, and then accept the part of me that I project.
When we find that we hate Qiu Yingying's ignorance, stupidity and weakness, we need great courage to slowly digest and accept ourselves.
No one is perfect, we all have shadows, and the area of our shadows can only be obtained by ourselves.
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