Liang Kairu, Chief Physician, Department of Women's Health Care, Sichuan Maternal and Child Health Hospital

He Director of Nursing Department of Sichuan Maternal and Child Health Hospital

Gao Chengdu xingfu social work service center psychological consultant

During the summer vacation, many parents are busy arranging various remedial classes for their children, such as practicing piano, dancing, learning English, and doing Olympic math. This kind of education method, which constantly arranges interest classes for children and constantly gives them "chicken blood", has a special synonym on the Internet-"chicken baby".

The "group anxiety" brought by chicken baby education has made many parents impose their pursuit on their children. Behind the "chicken baby" is often the unbearable weight of children, which makes children and parents drift away.

Group anxiety is more prominent.

More than 90% of cases are caused by the problem of "chicken baby"

He: In the process of accompanying children to grow up, the most common thing for parents is anxiety. The degree of parents' anxiety is positively related to their children's academic pressure, and the anxiety caused by the tension between parents and children is particularly prominent in adolescence.

Gao, psychological counselor of Chengdu Retreat Happiness Social Work Service Center. Feng Wei photo

G: What is more prominent is the group anxiety brought by the "chicken baby" education. Among the parents who consulted me, more than 90% of the children were lack of motivation, inattentive, tired of learning, dropped out of school, depressed, self-injured or even committed suicide, rebelled against their parents, hated their parents and even fought with them. Some families interact with their children on the premise of grades. If they do well in the exam, they will be satisfied; if they don't, they will be punished. This interactive mode makes children feel that they are learning tools, and parents don't know it. They think it's all for their children's future planning. With the arrival of children's adolescence, all kinds of problems and conflicts brought by "chicken baby" education also follow. Parents realize that the education guidance method is improper, and it is too late to regret it.

He: Some children may be anxious because of excessive pressure, and fall into a vicious circle of "chicken baby", poor grades of children and parents' anxiety. In severe cases, individual parents and children may have emotional disorders and psychological problems, and even drop out of school to commit suicide.

G: Some children may enter the society with childhood trauma, which will affect their adult life. A woman in her forties gave me feedback. When she reached middle age, she still had nightmares about exams. She didn't do well in the exam or couldn't do the exam questions. She often wakes up in the middle of the night and can't sleep for a long time When I was a child, as long as I didn't do well in the exam, I was often pulled out of bed by my father to go to study at night, and even kicked the bed down directly. In her sleep, she was often frightened by her father and had to get up to study.

Liang Kairu: Parents' initial intention is to hope that their children will live a better life in the future, and behind it is their true and profound love for their children. Parents also hope that their children can live a better life in the future. But in the end, "chicken baby" still comes from parents' inner insecurity, uncertainty about future life and dissatisfaction with present life. Coupled with the scarcity of superior educational resources and the opening of the Internet in recent years, parents have more channels to see that "other people's children" are so excellent. When they were comparing, they saw the gap and instinctive panic, which formed the wind of group anxiety and comparison.

Liang Kairu, chief physician of Women's Health Department of Sichuan Maternal and Child Health Hospital. Feng Wei photo

At the same time, it may also be driven by high income expectations. Some parents invest a lot of time, energy and financial resources in their children's education, but the return is lower than expected, and they will continue to increase their investment and fall into a strange circle of more and more chickens. If parents have poor economic conditions in their early years and can now provide their children with good material living conditions, they will feel that children have no reason to learn some bad grades, which will further reduce parents' acceptance of their children's grades.

Improve self-emotional awareness

When you are under pressure, don't treat your child as a "back-burner"

Liang Kairu: Parents should get out of the extremely utilitarian educational trap, let education return to its original heart, and figure out what kind of children they want to cultivate, what kind of core qualities, values and ability to adapt to society should they have. First of all, what is suitable for children is the best. For example, "choosing a school" is an important aspect of every family's anxiety, but every child is unique, and the family environment and growth environment of children are also unique. Instead of being anxious about choosing a school, we should create a more suitable education for our children through the cooperation of schools, families and society. Secondly, don't harm your child's physical and mental health. Don't forget that the purpose of education is to promote children's social maturity and promote their healthy physical and mental growth. All education should not be based on the premise of endangering children's physical and mental health, and should not pursue test scores and entrance examination results at the expense of endangering children's physical and mental health.

G: Some children act as "doormats" and "backpackers" for their parents' negative emotions when their lives are not satisfactory. Such parents often use similar language: "Can't you listen?" I am tired of working so hard every day. "If it weren't for you, we wouldn't have played so hard!" "You are my only expectation, can't you fight for it?" ..... parents will overreact to all kinds of blame, abuse and even hands-on to their children, and then they will feel guilty and self-reproach after they calm down. In order to avoid this situation, parents can improve their self-awareness of emotions and adjust their state in time when they feel stressed and exhausted to avoid hurting their children's physical and mental health. We should also learn emotional management methods to help ourselves digest and relieve negative emotions when they come; Establish lifelong learning awareness, improve your ability to cope with the pressure of work and family life, and face life calmly.

He, director of nursing department of Sichuan Maternal and Child Health Hospital. Photo courtesy of Provincial Maternal and Child Health Hospital

He: Parents' emotions directly affect their attitudes and ways to treat their children. Some parents have not released their emotions well, and may scold their children for decompression, causing serious physical and mental harm to their children. Research shows that children are tired of learning and refuse to learn, emotional disorders, sleep disorders and so on. It has a lot to do with parents' excessive anxiety. Parents can be aware of their children's emotional changes in time and adjust themselves by releasing pressure, relieving negative emotions and timely treatment, so as to get along with their children better.

Close the relationship between father and son

Parents should set aside "exclusive time" and "special moments"

G: Parents should accompany their children to grow up, not by daily companionship, but by scientific companionship and effective companionship. We should pay attention to the quality of companionship, not the length of time. Grasping the following three principles can effectively close the parent-child relationship:

1, exclusive time: as long as you interact with your child, you will devote yourself wholeheartedly, even if it is only 10 minutes, it is the exclusive time for parents and children to feel the care and attention of their parents. Don't be absent-minded, half-hearted, and let the children suffer.

G: I can read children in three seconds. Parents can judge by the three internal senses (internal vision, internal hearing and internal feeling) of the human body. For example, they can judge the child's habitual internal sensory pattern by the direction of eye movement: when reviewing things that have been experienced in the past, if the child's eyes are upward, then they tend to have internal vision; The eyeball is left and right, so it tends to listen inside; If the eyeball is more downward, it tends to be the inner senses.

When getting along with some babies with internal vision, parents should pay attention to three-dimensional expressions such as short speech, light rhythm and multi-use gestures; Colorful scenes and changeable things attract him more; Do more demonstrations, talk less, and encourage him to imagine the scene with more examples; Use more pictures, charts, photos and samples, and use less words to avoid lengthy articles; Orderly decorations, objects and beautiful people will attract his attention; When discussing things, use more visual words.

Parents should pay attention to: keep a quiet environment and soften the music background; Have a beautiful tone, speak appropriately, repeat more, and listen attentively; More letters, phone calls and beautiful words will make him happy; Quote more rules, explanations and authoritative words; Pay attention to the order of speech and discussion, arrange clearly and explain clearly step by step; Rhyming slogans, fluent words, mostly auditory words.