In recent years, people live in bigger houses, wear bright clothes and eat delicious food. But many people feel that their happiness has decreased. Who stole our happiness?
It's anxiety, it's ubiquitous anxiety.
That's ... You said that today's people are anxious about their grades when they were students, anxious about entering work when they left school, anxious about promotion when they entered the workplace, anxious about their "five sons" and anxious about doing nothing after retirement. Men are less anxious about money and less anxious about power; Women's anxiety weight increases rapidly, and anxiety cosmetics can't cover crow's feet.
I don't know when, anxiety has captured the faces of people who are guarded by smiles and occupied the hearts of people who are satisfied with being stationed. Looking at anyone casually, everyone's face is full of anxiety, and even meeting greetings seem to change "have you eaten" into "Are you anxious?"
What is anxiety, so strange?
First, in fact, you don't understand my heart.
Xiao Zhang entered the ranks of civil servants after graduating from undergraduate course three years ago. Her friends congratulated her, her family was proud of her and she was very satisfied.
Not long after going to work, she put away her smile and replaced it with a sad face. Ask her what happened. Xiao Zhang said that the men in the unit are confused every morning, saying that they are sleepy after playing mahjong all night, and all kinds of dinners are drunk every day at noon; Women together, not to say who the object is, but who the clothes, bags and cosmetics are. The main job is to fill in all kinds of meaningless figures and fake cold-blooded official documents.
Work has lost its attraction, and interpersonal relationships are difficult to adapt to, especially for the future. Xiao Zhang said that although it is a county-level unit and still in the county compound, it seems that she saw it at a glance ten years later. There is no suitable candidate now, even if there is love, I dare not talk about it. I can live like this for decades, but what about children? Is the child going to let him stay like this forever?
So after a period of anxiety, she began to "re-take the Long March Road" and re-take the selection examination after the planned service period, in order to fight for the future again!
This year, Xiao Zhang finally realized his dream and went to work in a unit in the provincial capital. On New Year's Day this year, I saw her in the sun with a handsome young man. With a smile on her face, you can guess something without asking.
Xiao Zhang said that if there was no initial anxiety, maybe she would take root in the original organization.
It can be seen that anxiety is not blue-faced fangs. In fact, anxiety is a signal light, a reminder, and it should be our friend, not our enemy.
Psychologically speaking, anxiety is a kind of fear or anxiety facing the future, accompanied by a feeling that things are difficult to control and unpredictable. In other words, when a person feels that a negative event is about to happen and he is powerless to stop it, this annoying feeling is anxiety.
People who feel anxious will meditate on possible dangers, examine the sources of anxiety, and then make corresponding attitudes and reactions.
Just like Xiao Zhang, facing the mundane real life, he has a vague worry about the future. But she knows that she can't change the working conditions of the unit, only her living environment. Although the present job is quite attractive in the eyes of others, she knows that she must fight for the dream in her heart and for her future children!
Maybe you will say, since anxiety is not hateful, it is still a little cute, why do so many people suffer from it?
Second, it is you who torment you.
Three psychologists, including the winner of the Outstanding Contribution Award in Psychology and the winner of the Outstanding Psychologist Award of the Florida Psychological Association, wrote the book How not to be anxious and gave a formula:
Anxiety = worry+sense of threat
As can be seen from the formula, the higher your attention to a certain point, or the greater your sense of threat to this point, the more serious your anxiety will be.
After leaving campus, Li Qian entered a banking institution in a second-tier city. Before entering the bank, every time I went to the bank for business, I felt that the staff there were glamorous, well-dressed, personable, elegant and well-paid.
Who knows, I won't feel it until I go. It's really not like that. Hundreds of thousands of business tasks every month, monotonous and repetitive workflow every day, zero-error work requirements, no holidays, no rest, and even thinking about how to complete the task when sleeping.
After a few months, performance pay was either affected by business failure or named because of a small flaw in the procedure. The leader also talked to her several times. What makes her even more unbearable is that a person who came in at the same time has been promoted. Li Qian's heart is getting more and more anxious, but his business volume is getting lower and lower.
Gradually, Li Qian appeared chest tightness, shortness of breath, dizziness, serious lack of sleep, and his temper became more and more irritable. Her parents advised her to take a rest for a while, but she resigned when she couldn't, but she just couldn't bear to lose her job and just carried it on.
With the development of internet finance business, physical banks have been greatly impacted. The company has said that some employees may be laid off after passing the examination, and Li Qian is worried and sleepless at night.
Analyzing the situation of Li Qian, we will find that she really likes this job, is very worried about losing the opportunity to work here, and feels a strong sense of threat. One of her concerns is the completion of business, the other is the work link, and the third is the need to keep her job.
After anxiety, Li Qian didn't find that the root of anxiety was his unfamiliarity with business processes and lack of marketing methods. And these all need to be studied and consulted to be proficient and polished over time. She just wanted to get it done in one step, and didn't give herself time to grow up. To put it bluntly, she is a bit greedy.
Most people who let anxiety develop into anxiety disorder are caused by greed. They want to get a reward beyond their current ability, or they stare at people a few steps higher than themselves unrealistically, so that they feel the pressure of survival. He didn't look for the root of anxiety like Xiao Zhang, but explored ways to eliminate anxiety. This accumulation is likely to lead to hysteria and mental breakdown.
Third, giving time for illness means giving yourself hope.
How to get out of the encirclement of anxiety and let the smile fill your face again?
First of all, you should realize that anxiety is as common as eating when you are hungry and sleeping when you are sleepy. You are born with it, and it will be accompanied by your common feelings all your life. Not a heinous monster.
Secondly, we should accept anxiety and trust anxiety. Mencius, an Asian sage, once said, "Knowledge is born of worry and dies of happiness." Moderate anxiety can not only keep us away from Buddhism, but also give us an early warning time for possible threats, make timely evasive countermeasures, and increase our happiness in life.
Third, be clear that "Rome was not built in a day" and your anxiety disorder is not born. Relaxing and giving the disease some time is actually giving yourself a hope. This applies not only to the reduction of individual anxiety, but also to the reduction of group anxiety.
Just as we realized the importance of environmental protection and put forward the slogan "Clear water and green mountains are priceless treasures", we also felt the serious environmental pollution at present, hoping to change it as soon as possible. "Coal to gas" and "coal to electricity" were overcorrected, which broke people's stoves, but failed to deliver gas and electricity, leading to people who spent the winter with thick skin. The original anxiety can not be eliminated, but has increased.
Finally, shifting the center of gravity and appropriately lowering expectations are also a powerful guarantee to get rid of anxiety. No matter how hard you stare at your child's poor grades, it's no use if he doesn't pay attention. You might as well guide him to have an optimistic attitude and cultivate a healthy hobby. You can't pass the 985 exam, and ordinary universities are not bad. Education is not everything, health is king. In this way, your anxiety is less and your child is much happier.
Of course, learning some professional knowledge or listening to some psychology lectures will be of great benefit to eliminating anxiety.
A new year, a new beginning, I hope you can get rid of anxiety and find your own happiness!