Objectively speaking, although all the suggestions in this book are correct, it is still very difficult to really do it. For example, when you are unhappy, it is easier to lose your temper and criticize others instead of praising them; People naturally talk about what they want to say, instead of paying attention to others ... In fact, this book is not to teach us knowledge, but to help us cultivate new habits and try new ways of behavior. It takes a lot of time, and you need to stick to it and practice it actively in your daily life.
The great writer Bernard Shaw once said, "Man will never' church'." Therefore, we might as well regard this book as a portable manual. When you need to convince others, don't give in to your instinctive reaction first, because that is often wrong. At this time, please think about the method given by Carnegie and try to do it as required to see what effect will be achieved. Finally, I hope you will become a social expert as soon as possible. You are a heartthrob at home and in the workplace!
The deepest desire in human nature is to get the attention of others, so please pay attention to others sincerely; Nobody likes to be ordered. If you really want to change others, you should always think of others and inspire them with sincere praise. In most cases, people will not blame themselves, let alone accept criticism easily, which is another weakness of human nature. So if you must criticize others, be careful.
The weakness of human nature This is a social guide book. Before we interpret it, let's look at a few sentences: don't do to others what you don't want them to do to you. What people really care about is themselves, which will never change. Man will not die from overwork, but from waste and worry.
Although Carnegie is known as a master of success, he is not a flash in the pan, but a immortal, and he is also a master of interpersonal relationships. He won't teach you how to make money or become famous. His book has neither chicken soup for the soul nor inspirational chicken blood, but teaches you how to create better interpersonal relationships step by step. This book does not shout slogans or carry banners, but actually guides your actions. There are many such books on the market. Why choose the book "The Weakness of Human Nature"? Because this book is the originator of all subsequent interpersonal books.
The core problem of the book "The Weakness of Human Nature" is how to improve your interpersonal skills quickly and effectively and become a "heartthrob" that everyone likes. Carnegie gave three rules to make everyone like you, and we will learn more about them next.
First of all, sincerely care about others.
There are many ways to pay attention to others, and you don't have to talk to Kan Kan on all occasions. Sometimes listening is the best care for others. At a dinner hosted by a publisher in new york, Carnegie met a botanist. Before that, Carnegie had never been in contact with botanists, and he had no knowledge in this field, so he could not communicate with each other in depth. But all night, Carnegie listened attentively to each other talking about all kinds of plants and indoor gardens. After Carnegie returned to China, the botanist praised Carnegie to the host of the banquet, saying that he was "very inspiring" and that Carnegie was "the most interesting and talkative person" he had ever met. Most talkative? Are you kidding? Carnegie hardly spoke all night because he didn't know what to say even if he wanted to. He only did one thing-listened attentively and won a lot of praise for himself. See, attention is the most subtle way to please, and few people can refuse this kind of undivided attention.
For another example, on holidays, there are always many people who complain that they are asked this and that as soon as they get home, and they are bored to death. After a long time, they didn't even want to squeeze a fake smile, so they were accused of ignorance in the circle of relatives. Want to be "other people's talking children"? Carnegie told us, don't wait for each other to speak, you should pay attention to each other first, and ask the children of seven aunts and eight aunts actively. After that, you just need to listen, and everything will be fine.
Of course, Carnegie also reminded us that attention to each other must be based on "truth". Sincerity is the basic principle of being a man. Only out of sincerity can we achieve the desired results, otherwise we can only be self-defeating, which is called false sincerity and really hypocritical. Well, having said that, let's sum up: the deepest desire in human nature is to be valued by others, so Carnegie's first way to improve his interpersonal skills is to pay sincere attention to others.
Second, praise who wants to change who first.
One of the characteristics of human nature is that no one likes being ordered. If you really want to change others, you should always think of others and encourage them with praise.
In the workplace, what will you do if the former excellent employees start to work badly? Scold him? Fire him? In fact, it is not appropriate to do so. You should encourage him to change his state, not simply reprimand him rudely. Let's listen to the following example.
Henry is the service manager of a truck dealership in Indiana. Recently, one of his mechanics' working attitude is getting worse and worse. In the past, Henry would directly scold him and then expel him from the house. However, after attending Carnegie training class, Henry mastered the principle of encouraging each other with praise. So he called the mechanic to the office, first praised him, then pointed out some of his recent problems, and finally expressed his hope to see him again. The mechanic doesn't want to live up to Henry's praise, so he will strive for that good reputation.
This is actually a classic routine. If you jump out of this book, do you still remember Mi Yue's classic speech about encouraging the army in The Legend of Mi Yue? In Mi Yue, a woman became the Queen Mother and took power. The soldiers are ready to rebel and demonstrate in the following teams in the main hall. How did Mi Yue do it? She didn't swear or back down. She asked everyone first: "All the people standing here today are the best in Daqin. You are the glory of Daqin and the reliance of Daqin, right or wrong? " After listening to these words, the soldiers' first reaction was that Chi Yue didn't follow the routine, but then the tiger was shocked and everyone felt that they were one of them. Later, from the standpoint of a soldier, she recalled their original intention of joining the army: "You must not have rebelled as a soldier. You are not far from Wan Li. You go through fire and water not only to serve the king and defend the country, but also to make yourself better off. In order to make contributions to yourself, people are noble. " Well, this string of words by Changhong hit every soldier's heart.
Finally, Mi Yue said, "Your hard work will be rewarded a lot. You can be a scholar, a nouveau riche, even a marquis, a food city, and a home! Dare you fight for it? Can you do it? ! "At this time everyone followed the answer. We dare, don't we? Who cares if it's a man or a woman sitting in the dragon chair! I just want to win the battle and win the reward! You see, without firing a shot or an arrow, a woman persuaded tens of thousands of soldiers with one mouth. Why? Because she can stand in the other person's position and inspire each other with praise. It's just like Carnegie's thought.
Back to the workplace, if you are the boss and need to change the company atmosphere, you can consider doing so. You just need to change the Daqin in the above paragraph into a company, a soldier into a job, and a war into a coolie, and you can perfectly copy this big move.
Three: If you must criticize others, be careful.
Tolstoy said that every unhappy family has its own misfortunes, most of which are contradictions caused by criticism and nagging. If you want a happy marriage, please remember, don't criticize. But how can ordinary people restrain themselves from criticizing others? In order to reduce the negative impact of criticism, most people can apply a principle, that is, praise first and then criticize. When I was studying, my mother always wanted me to get rid of my carelessness. After every exam, she would say, "Son, I did well in this exam. I'm so happy for you! " ! But it would be better if you could spend more time on algebra! "My mother always thought it would show her kindness, and I really benefited from it at first. But later, when my mother said "I'm so happy for you", I would be like a deflated ball, because this sentence was just to prepare for criticizing me later. This way of speaking makes the previous praise unreliable, and it is even more impossible to change my study habits.
Carnegie told us that if we change one word, all problems will be solved. Which one should I change? But, of course. What is this? Replace with "and". Feel again: "son, we are really proud of your grades this semester. If you can keep this attitude, your algebra grades will also improve." Only in this way can we truly feel the praise of parents, and the purpose of parents' education for their children will be achieved.
The highest level of criticism is neither criticism nor tolerance. Hoover is a famous aerobatic pilot. Once, when he was 300 feet high, both engines of the plane broke down. Fortunately, Hoover was quick-witted and parachuted in time, so there were no casualties, but the expensive plane was unrecognizable after it crashed. The first thing Hoover did after landing was to check the fuel tank of the plane. It turns out that the propeller plane is filled with jet oil. Obviously, there is something wrong with the mechanic who is in charge of maintaining the plane. We can imagine how Hoover felt at that time. This stupid mistake almost killed three people. Of course, he has reason to criticize this careless worker. But Hoover didn't do it. He just put his arm around the worker's shoulder and said, "To prove that you won't make mistakes again, I ask you to help me maintain my F-5 1 plane tomorrow." Faced with such "criticism", I think this worker will be grateful and will never make mistakes again.
This is the third way Carnegie told us to improve our interpersonal skills: it's best not to criticize others, and if you must criticize, be careful.