A few days ago, I chatted with my long-lost friend. He told me that the biggest worry now is not knowing what he wants to do. This is probably our biggest myth today: we try hard, but we don't know why. Doing a thing often goes through several stages: determining the final goal, subdividing the small goals, making a plan to achieve each small goal, and then doing it. So it's terrible not to do it, but it's just as terrible to do it without knowing where it will take you.
The current situation mentioned by him overlaps with my old key words, "boring, vacant and ignorant", which I fully understand, because everyone has had that kind of life-just like a pot of good ingredients, stewed for a long time with a small fire, fragrant and mature, but missed the best time to enjoy it. If this continues, there will only be a pot of paste that is difficult to swallow.
In fact, he is still young, starting a business in a country that most people yearn for and working hard for three years. Although his present situation may be in ruins now, this experience will certainly have its valuable significance in the future. Just like money can come and go, education is just a piece of paper. If you don't like expensive clothes, you can donate them and sell them. But only the pits you stepped on and those difficult experiences carved you into what you are today-character, cultivation, knowledge, logic, and the underlying thinking that can see the essence. Their existence does not depend on any entity to carry it.
Looking back, the reason why I am who I am now is probably three turning points in my life. I have been desperate countless times and hesitated in limited choices. Until now, I can at least take the initiative to strive for any precious possibility for myself and make every effort to get close to my goal. Thanks to the gift of the past, I can face danger but be absolutely brave today when the time and preparation are ripe.
"About independence"
The first turning point was that when I was fifteen, I went abroad under the arrangement of my parents and lived alone in a foreign country for seven years. When I was leaving, I hugged my parents. My mother smiled and waved to me outside the farewell area, her eyes blurred. However, when I was a child, I strolled to the security line, just like when my parents were busy in the kitchen, I went out to buy a bottle of drink with the change on the shoe cabinet. I didn't realize that life was at a turning point at the moment. In retrospect, it was the first time in my life that I flew by myself.
Boarding and taking a seat, everything was in good order. At the moment when the hatch was closed, my heart panicked-I really wanted to fly away, and I wanted to fly to a place of 108,000 miles alone. Who will pick me up when I get off the plane? How to get there? Where do I live? Will there be friends in the future? My parents are no longer my guides, and my home is no longer a harbor two steps away. I am a raft floating on the sea. From this second on, I may have no place to park.
I have never shed tears since I was a child, but I always cried when I called my father in those years. I regret my mediocrity and even failure, my disappointment with my parents and my fear of an uncertain future. Those nights compromised by Texas Hold 'em, Japanese TV dramas and American TV dramas, and all other meaningless and wasted nights, my willpower is like a handful of thin sand, which can't stand any warm wind and soft rain called temptation. I never know what kind of future my present efforts can become, or even what the future means.
To make it clear, I don't remember what happened when the sky was falling, but now it seems that it was just your frustration. Maybe it's the displacement of 12 times in seven years, or maybe it's forced to look at people's faces and be forced to summon up courage to do different things again and again. How much sadness and anger can only be silently turned into a few tears after hitting the wall ... I am really distressed. There are countless lonely little girls who were only fifteen years old and went to a foreign country alone and grew up alone.
During those seven years, I had no relatives or friends to rely on. When I encounter problems, I always let myself out of trouble first. When thinking about each solution, I will force myself to ask, "Is this feasible?" Would that be better? What about after it's solved? What if it can't be solved? What is Plan B? "From learning to digest emotions to almost no emotions, it became the most solid backer in my loneliness in those years.
"About Breakthrough"
The second turning point was in June of 5438+0,2018. After a long and obese half-year rest period after meniscus repair surgery, I basically recovered and stepped into a single-minded private class. Under the devil training system, it took almost two years to practice from a fat girl who ran 50 meters and was panting to a girl who could squat 70 kilograms in XS. I remember that I was in pain for a whole week at the beginning of training, but the powerful driving force in my heart urged me to brave the heavy snow and hail, shorten the interval of punching in private classrooms, do strength training the next day, take oxygen for the rest of the time, and try my best to stretch my body to the limit I can bear.
The American Sports Association's personal education guide says that 50% of people can't survive the first six months of intensive training programs, but I have seen too many people who give up in the first month, the second month and the third month. I can imagine the repeated pain-trying to find reasons for myself before taking action, almost wanting to cry during the process, completely relieved with a short sense of accomplishment after the end, and then the whole painful process was branded.
This is almost a fixed formula, and I feel the same way, because I have been in this unsolvable black hole for many years. Looking back now, I am even more grateful to meniscus tear for his unexpected trouble. He knocked down a series of dominoes engraved with "change" with a scalpel. I can't do anything, from 40, 50, 60, 70 kilograms of hard pulling and squatting, from being able to knock my teeth on my stomach to doing push-ups, boxing and karate with one hand, as long as it is fresh exercise.
The strength that muscles can bring is beyond imagination, and the spirit grows with the body. When your body is no longer afraid of overload, you know that you are no longer afraid of new things, new setbacks and new "insoluble". Going into private classes again and again, while experiencing the process of physical tearing and rebirth, unlocking countless achievements, your heart is also undergoing a test and reshaping.
"About love and freedom"
The third turning point is probably this year: I resigned twice-the first job made me feel anxious and powerless in a narrow space, and the second job made me realize the limitations of "work" itself. Just like there is no lover born for you, and there is no job born to satisfy you. Most people do all kinds of jobs to make a living, make money, save face, even don't know why, and then try their best to find the meaning and value of growth in their work, hoping to wash away this bondage, torture and even pain. Countless 996 and 007 can only translate "inspirational" with warmth, because the simplest literal meaning is really terrible.
I used to think that I worked hard in the first half of my life, even though I made a lot of money, in order to realize my dream, I was free and did what I wanted in the second half. But it will never be like this.
A job that is incompatible with your dream from the beginning has gone further and further on the opposite road. No matter how long it takes, it can't lead you to the place where you dream. In the final analysis, I'm afraid we don't have that kind of strong self-confidence, and we are sure that we can keep the ideal of youth when we know our destiny. At that time, we will live in harmony with our work-with the approval of customers, the praise of leaders, and the close relationship between colleagues and relatives and friends. This occasional reward makes us mistakenly think that this tormented daily life is what we like; We will also be busy for a busier career, scratching our heads for more stakeholders, hoarding more materials for more occasions, leaving little time for what we really love ... I can imagine that I won't have time to carve a poem, go out to take photos and take a carefree trip.
Therefore, when we grow up, we will not mention the angular and "naive" lofty aspirations when we were children: I want to be a scientist, I want to be an astronomer, and I want to invent things that change human beings. We all thought we would be indomitable heroes, until later we could only look back on this ordinary life with a sigh of relief.
My coach, Mr Feifei, runs his own private education studio. Every time I walk in, I see him sitting in a chair on the left side against the wall, watching a play and reading a book. When I get dressed and start class, I stretch to drink water, and I watch him go back to the theatre and read books. Sometimes when I arrive, he will be practicing boxing, watering the green radish, watching snails, or doing other things.
Every time I see such a picture, I envy it from the bottom of my heart. This may be my ideal state of life: doing what I like, and then earning some money to support my life and my few material desires. What I long for is this kind of enthusiasm that is driven from the inside out and can be moved forever without being tempted by the outside world, a career rooted in love. In such a busy life, one can be self-sufficient and free.
So I have a clear goal this year. When I began to think about my career, I clearly knew where I was going, where I was, how I was going, what I had and what I lacked. Fortunately, all the time is just right. It is no longer that I am oppressed to the wall, but that I give up and fight for it. I am grateful that this incomplete and even flawed past has polished my mind, made me mature, independent and brave, and enabled me to move proudly towards a steep future.
Life has no complicated meaning, just an experience. I hope that in this short time, with fearless courage, I will constantly break myself and go to the unknown.