On the afternoon of September 17, Zhang Mourui, a ninth-grade student at Jiangxia No. 1 Middle School in Wuhan, was caught playing poker with two other classmates in the classroom. The head teacher immediately asked the parents of the three students to come to school to cooperate with discipline.

According to surveillance video, the boy was scolded by his mother in the corridor of the teaching building and received two slaps in the face.

After his mother left, the boy stood silent for two minutes, then turned around, climbed up the railing and jumped off the fifth floor. The passing classmates tried to stop him but failed.

At 9 o'clock that night, Zhang Mourui, who was seriously injured, was pronounced dead. The local education, judicial and other departments have intervened to deal with the aftermath.

This incident sparked heated discussions on the Internet.

Many netizens believe that the educational methods used by parents are too rough. Children also have self-esteem, and parents should not spank their children in public.

The humiliating behavior of parents "teaching their children in front of others" means that parents humiliate their children in public, which makes the children lose face and lack dignity. In fact, criticizing children in front of outsiders not only does not allow children to reflect, but also It will hurt the children's self-esteem. For the sake of face, some children run away from home, and some... and some children die because they can't think about it for a moment.

Some parents "teach their children in front of others", on the one hand, they are showing their parental authority and showing their parents' "strict upbringing". On the one hand, they are venting their own bad emotions, and on the other hand, they are venting their negative feelings towards their children. And other dissatisfaction and anger, which is what we call criticizing.

Corporal punishment and violence by parents are basically useless for children over 10 years old. The more they spank their children, the more rebellious they become. Even though some children appear to be honest on the surface, they are unconvinced on the inside. .

Parents’ verbal violence is very destructive, even surpassing the violence of corporal punishment. It is a knife to the soul. As the saying goes, trees are afraid of hurting their roots, and people are afraid of being sad.

You must know that there is nothing more sad than a dead heart. Education is the sowing of the heart. Think about it, the human heart is dead, how can it thrive?

Some parents always compare their children with others to undermine their children's self-confidence.

Whenever a child is disobedient, parents often like to scold loudly, regardless of whether there is anyone around; sometimes they will even find a "negative" example and sarcastically say: "Look at the neighbor who gave you You are about the same size. The more you listen and study, the better. How can you be like you? You only know how to do nothing all day long. If you don’t know how to study, you only know how to eat, drink and have fun. I feel sick when I see you. I don’t know if I had a bad conscience in my previous life. How did you get pregnant? You are such a traitor. "

Okay, let's take a look. "On September 17, Zhang Mourui, a 14-year-old male student in the ninth grade of the No. 1 Middle School in Jiangxia District, Wuhan City, was in the classroom with another student. Two students were playing poker, and the class teacher asked the parents of the three students to come to school to cooperate with the discipline. How should parents solve this problem?

The correct thing for a mother is to smile -

My child, my mother was invited by the school teacher today. Is it because you play cards while working and resting?

Children, you need to know this,? Playing cards is not a place, school is a place for learning. If this has a bad impact on other students, you must abide by the school's rules and regulations if you are in school. You said so? no?

Child, in a... If you are a teacher, today, your students are playing poker in the classroom, how will you solve it?

My child, today, what my mother did is very understandable. I think back then, when your parents were your age, they also made mistakes of this kind. Sometimes, they were more serious than you. We make timely corrections after the teacher’s criticism and education.

My child, however, I think each of you classmates has realized your mistakes. In fact, as long as you apologize to the teacher and classmates, and promise not to make similar low-level mistakes in the future, I believe that the school teachers, Mom will forgive me. I believe you are still a good teacher, a good student, and a good mother's son, right?

With such education, what bad habits do children still have?

However, think about it, the class teacher asked the parents of three students to come to school to cooperate with the discipline when my classmates were playing poker. I felt that the teacher’s education method was a bit inappropriate. The mother spanked her child in public at school, which was even more inappropriate. That’s not correct, you are gambling with the child’s life.

There is a saying in our country: teach your children in front of others, teach your wives behind your back.

In fact, this sentence is an expression from "Zhu Xi's Family Instructions": "Teach your children in front of the hall, teach your wife by your pillow."

What this means is that the child’s mistakes should be pointed out in person, regardless of whether there are more or less people. If the child feels ashamed in front of others, he will not make similar mistakes. Regarding your wife's mistakes, you should tell her quietly behind her back to save her face.

So, is this ancient Chinese education maxim completely correct?

In fact, there are many excellent things in traditional Chinese culture, but the dross is dross. Just because we have inherited it does not mean it is the essence. Just like "a filial son emerges from under a stick", some parents are often unwilling to let go of wrong educational concepts.

Philosopher John Locke has a famous saying: "The less parents publicize the faults of their children, the more their children will value their own reputation, and therefore the more careful they will be in protecting the good opinion of others. If you are in public Announce their faults and make them feel ashamed, and they will be disappointed, and there will be no tools to punish them."

According to reports, the most prominent manifestation of Swedish respect for children is "not educating children in front of others." In this regard, they explained this: Children also have self-esteem. Parents must respect their children's self-esteem and protect their children's face under any circumstances. This is very helpful in cultivating their self-confidence.

In fact, even though a child may be small, his dignity cannot be ignored.

Mourning the underworld.

In a word, in short, it is wrong for parents to "teach their children in front of others"!

Next, let’s take a look at Hu Shi’s mother’s reasons for changing “teaching her children in front of her face” to “teaching her children behind her back”?

Hu Shi, as we know, is an advocate of Chinese vernacular and a pioneer of the New Culture Movement. He once served as president of National Peking University, ambassador to the United States, and president of Academia Sinica. He is an important figure in modern Chinese history. One of the most famous scholars; he has conducted in-depth research in many fields such as "philosophy, literature, history, textual criticism, education, ethics, and red studies", and has won 35 doctoral laurels.

Is it accidental that Hu Shi achieved such great achievements?

It’s not an accident!

Why?

Hu Shi is a born good boy who never gets into trouble?

No, it’s a child. How can anyone not be naughty? Hu Shi is a smart and naughty child!

Just as Hu Shi said: One time when the weather got cold, his mother said, "Put it on, it's cold." Hu Shi replied casually: "What's wrong with you? I'm not even a kid."

Faced with such a problem, how did Hu Shi's mother deal with it?

There is no child in the world who is not naughty, and there is no child who does not make mistakes. Generally speaking, growing children make mistakes. "Mistakes" mainly include unconscious "mistakes", "mistakes" caused by curiosity and "mistakes" caused by imitation. The key to the problem is how to deal with children's mistakes?

Some people say that China’s unique method of educating children and wives is to “teach children in front of their faces and teach their wives behind their backs.”

It means “education of children can be done in public, so that they can have Shame, don’t do it again next time. When the wife makes a mistake, the husband and wife should discuss it behind the scenes, not in front of others, to take care of the wife’s self-esteem.”

So, is the saying “teaching children in person” correct?

See how Hu Shi’s mother faced, treated and dealt with her children’s mistakes?

Feng Shundi was both a loving mother and a strict father, a "mentor" and a "strict teacher" to Hu Shi. She never doted on her only son.

Hu Shi said, "My mother has the strictest control over me. She is a loving mother and a strict father. But she never scolds me or hits me in front of others. When I do something wrong, she only looks at me. I was frightened when I saw her stern look. If the offense was small, she would wait until I woke up the next morning to lecture me. If the offense was serious, she would wait until the night when people were quiet and then close the door. She scolded me and then punished me by kneeling down or pinching my flesh. No matter how severe the punishment was, I was not allowed to cry out. She did not use this to vent her anger so that others would listen."

One early autumn evening, I had dinner and played at the door, wearing only a single vest.

At this time, my mother's sister, Aunt Yuying, was staying at my house. She was afraid that I would be cold, so she brought out a small shirt and asked me to put it on. I refused to put it on, but she said, "Put it on, it's cold." ’ I replied casually: ‘Mom (cool) what! I don’t even know what I am doing. ’ As soon as I said this, I looked up and saw my mother walking out of the house. I quickly put on my little shirt. But she had heard the frivolous remark.

"After everyone was quiet at night, she made me kneel down and punished me severely. She said: 'How proud you are of losing me! It's easy to talk to!'" Hu Shi Autobiography: Page 34 of the first edition of Jiangsu Literature and Art Publishing House in September 1995

It can be seen that Hu Shi’s mother will grasp the timing and proportion of education to protect her children’s self-esteem; Mistakes, generally speaking, it is not necessary to nag and lecture the child endlessly before going to bed, so as not to affect the child's rest, and at the same time give the child a space for reflection and introspection at night; however, when he wakes up the next day Come on, parents still need to ask questions about their children’s mistakes yesterday, tell them what to do, and remind them what to pay attention to. In this way, parents can give correct reminders before going to school so that their children can welcome a new day of learning.

Is "teaching children in person" a good way? The answer is no! Is it a proper education method? We should change "teaching children in person" to "teaching children behind the back".

Because our theory of "teaching children face to face" should be said to be the dross of feudal cultural thought, and we should not inherit and carry it forward in modern society.

In fact, in feudal society, parents regarded their children as their own private property and could do whatever they wanted. This was a typical paternalistic style.

In life, we often see parents "teaching their children in person", beating and scolding their children, and some parents even criticize them.

Parents should know that although their children are born by themselves, they have their own independent personality and need respect from others and from their parents.

Parents, you should know that no matter how big or small your children are, they are all people like you and have "face", which is self-esteem.

If parents reprimand and educate their children in front of others, the child's first reaction is to lose self-esteem and feel that he has no "face", thus rejecting the parents' education, and even planting seeds in his "heart" The “seed” of hateful parents.

Perhaps this is one of the reasons why many parents cannot communicate well with their children.

Of course, not advocating "face-to-face teaching" does not mean that children do not need to be educated. It is normal for children to make mistakes of one kind or another as they grow up. However, if education is neglected, it will not be normal.

In today's education, parents must study and master the favorable opportunities and correct methods to educate their children. Don't take advantage of the moment of anger and hit and scold them, which will harm the growing children.

In fact, in a word, when it comes to educating children, especially when it comes to dealing with their children’s mistakes, parents should learn from Hu Shi’s mother to “teach their children from behind”.