In psychology, people like Xiao Guo who care too much about face are often defined as "sensitive and inferior". Because the more sensitive a person is and has low self-esteem, the more he or she cares about how others view and evaluate themselves. In order to maintain face, they will always ignore their own true abilities, needs and feelings, use other people's standards to hold themselves accountable, and force themselves to do something. Things that are beyond our power and against our will.
It is precisely because Xiao Guo is too sensitive, has too low self-esteem, and feels that he is worthless that he rushes to help others, but what does he get in exchange for it? Everyone regards him as a free "Post-it note", and in the end they tire themselves to death and add a lot of unnecessary psychological pressure. If things go on like this, sooner or later, they will run out of ammunition and food.
As the saying goes: "You have to live to save face and suffer the consequences." This is indeed true. From a small perspective, a man with a small savings will make a big deal about his marriage in order to find a wife, but in the end it will lead to the loss of his life. They were so stretched that they had to go out to borrow a bowl of rice even to eat; in a big way, a company with limited funds kept spending a lot of money on decoration in order to make itself look more luxurious, but ended up in deep trouble and unable to extricate itself.
Of course, some people may say that a person has a face, a tree has a bark, and as a human being, who can really not care about face? A person can love face, but he must not be obsessed with face. We must know that even if we have face in the eyes of others, it is just a false illusion, just like the moon in the water and the flowers in the mirror, purely deceiving ourselves and others.
In short, being sensitive to face is a mental illness that needs to be cured! The most critical step in curing this kind of heart disease is to calmly face and accept your own imperfections. After all, no gold is pure and no one is perfect. Omniscient and omnipotent are God’s errands. As ordinary people, we do not have to force ourselves to shoulder this responsibility. In the process of interacting with others, helping others as much as possible is the ultimate kindness. Sometimes, we also have to allow ourselves to have limited abilities, allow ourselves to do poorly or not be able to do certain things, and sincerely forgive ourselves for our mistakes.
In addition, we must completely let go of "the outstanding self in the eyes of others." Since being sensitive to face puts our body and mind in a state of extreme exhaustion, we must reflect on the fact that there is no need to compromise ourselves to cater to others and meet their needs in order to seek recognition, recognition and praise from them.
Mr. Lu Xun once said: "A true warrior dares to face the bleak life, and dares to face the dripping blood." People who are sensitive to face, it is time to step out of the illusory pagoda created by themselves. When we muster up the courage When facing the shadows and shortcomings in life, the sunshine above our heads will surely shine brighter, and our lives will become less bitter and sweeter.
Sensitivity means denying yourself and licking your wounds
Song Xintian is a very sensitive person. Every time she calls a friend, if she is in the middle of a conversation, her friend has to hang up the phone first if something happens. , she would think wildly about it, and eventually make herself uneasy, and also make her friend Xiaoqian troubled. Once, my friend Xiaoqian hurriedly hung up the phone because of something urgent at home. As a result, she received a text message from her the next day, "I thought over and over again what we chatted on the phone yesterday. Are you because I said, "You seem to have gained a lot of weight recently." Are you angry with me? I'm sorry, it's my fault. I shouldn't have said such things to make you unhappy. Can you forgive me?
After reading the text message, Xiaoqian was a little confused and thought, wasn’t the conversation yesterday very pleasant? She didn’t say anything wrong, and I wasn’t unhappy either! Xiaoqian immediately sent her a text message back, asking her not to think too much and saying that she had absolutely no dissatisfaction with her.
After the same scene has been staged many times, Xiaoqian no longer dares to hang up the phone easily, otherwise she will definitely go back and analyze what she said wrongly, and then find out the possibility There are clues to apologize to Xiaoqian.
In this way, Xiaoqian has always managed their friendship carefully, for fear of hurting the sensitive and suspicious Song Xintian, making her doubt and deny herself again and again. In the article "We Are All Masochists", Wu Zhihong once described such a woman. The woman's father was a big drunkard. When she was a child, she not only had to endure the brutal beatings of her drunk father. He scolded him and had to use his weak body to take care of his father. At her conscious level, she hated her alcoholic father and vowed not to marry an alcoholic man when she grew up. However, what was counterproductive was that after she became an adult, all the boyfriends she dated were alcoholics. Even those who were not alcoholics at first eventually became alcoholics after getting along with her day and night.
In this regard, Wu Zhihong’s analysis is spot-on. In his opinion, the woman is repeating the pain she suffered in childhood, and she longs to use this pain to comfort her fragile and helpless child. .
Although Song Xintian does not have an alcoholic father, her "masochistic" mentality of denying herself and then licking her wounds is surprisingly similar to the woman in Wu Zhihong's works. In fact, in the final analysis, this sensitive personality that likes to be fed by pain largely stems from childhood trauma. From a psychological point of view, every child is narcissistic at the beginning. In their consciousness, everything that happens around them is "given by him".
For example, when his parents are close to him, he will think that "I" at this time is a "good me"; when his parents ignore him, he will think that "I" at this time is a "bad me".
When Song Xintian was a child, she rarely received love, praise and affirmation from her parents. This experience directly led to the formation of her sensitive mind. If something was not done well, she would feel that her ability was not good enough. If If a friend shows the slightest bit of displeasure, she will feel that she is doing something wrong, saying something wrong or doing something wrong. Xiaoqian just hung up the phone because she had something urgent. She was thinking about it and was restless. It was hard to imagine how she, who was so sensitive and fragile, could survive the complicated waves of interpersonal relationships.
In fact, in real life, there are many people like Song Xintian. They often say "I can't do it", "It's my fault", "I can't" and other words. Over time, this This kind of psychological suggestion will occupy every atrium of their hearts like wild weeds. It can be seen that if a person is shrouded in such pessimism for a long time, he will easily become depressed and full of sadness. When such people encounter any setbacks or interpersonal disputes, they can't help but take all the responsibilities on themselves, constantly criticize themselves, blame themselves, and gradually, they will stop because they are afraid that others will look down upon or dislike them. Unwilling to interact with others, he lived in isolation from the world, feeling sorry for himself and feeling secretly sad. Let me ask, how can such a person enjoy the joy of life to the fullest? All they are left with are endless shades of gray.
Golky once said: "Reflection is a crystal clear mirror that can reveal the contamination of the soul." A person's strong ability to reflect can indeed help him make greater progress, but he can be sensitive The failure of many people is due to excessive introspection. They always use a magnifying glass to examine their own souls, but they do not have the strong psychological endurance to match this, so they can only deny themselves again and again and give themselves to Put invisible shackles on yourself.
In order to get out of the shadow of "self-denial", it is best for sensitive people to inject more confident blood into themselves, decisively remove the doubts and uncertainties in their hearts, and restart their relationship with the outside world. Free communication allows the bright and moving sunshine to shine into the humid and gloomy heart again.
If you always care about what others think, then don’t live anymore
Anyone who has read the article "A Maverick Pig" should know the writing style of the late writer Mr. Wang Xiaobo humor and uniqueness of thought. When Mr. Wang Xiaobo was cutting in line, he fed pigs and herded cows. In his opinion, these two animals knew exactly how to live even if no one was there to take care of them.
"They will roam freely, eat and drink when they are hungry and thirsty, and talk about love when spring comes." This sentence describes the romantic freedom of pigs and cows without human control arrangements. daily life. After people came, their happy life completely changed. For the cow, its highest mission was to work hard, while the pig had to work hard to grow meat.
While most cows and pigs silently accepted this fate, one pig was quite different. This four or five-year-old pig is black and thin, with bright eyes. It is as agile as a goat and can jump over a one-meter-high pig pen in one leap. Not only that, it can jump up to the roof of the pigsty easily like a cat. In short, it just doesn't want to stay in the pigsty peacefully and always wants to wander around.
For this reason, Mr. Wang Xiaobo was particularly fond of this pig. He often fed it porridge made from fine rice bran. After it was full, he mixed the bran with wild grass and fed it to other pigs. Whenever it is full, it jumps on the roof to bask in the sun. Sometimes it will imitate various sounds, such as the sound of cars and tractors, when it is interested.