Funny and humorous sentences to post on Moments (selected 54 sentences) 1. How to slap someone in the face appropriately so that they can interact on an equal footing? Answer: Ask him to borrow money. 2. What is it like to have a boyfriend? It became impossible to even unscrew the mineral water. 3. I used to like counting stars late at night, but in order to match your IQ, we can only count the moon. 4. I don’t want to survive without you. 5. This person must have grown up comparing himself with a ruler, right? Why are you so upright? 6. If you are well, it will be a bolt from the blue! 7. The world is so big. I want to see how far you can go with such a small wallet. 8. If you are really hungry, call me and I will chew some snacks for you. 9. No horror movie can compare to the head teacher popping out of the window. 10. The three strongest heartbeats I had in the first half of my life occurred respectively when I was called on by the teacher in class, when I stepped down the stairs, and when you smiled at me. 11. Three meals a day can only keep you alive. Snacks and midnight snacks are the true meaning of life. 12. You pretend to be cool every time after taking an exam, because while others are having a heated discussion about whether the answer is A or B, you can’t figure out why you chose C. 13. My integrity is the same as my underwear, how can I let you see it easily? 14. I allow you to enter my world, but you are not allowed to walk around in it. 15. Not only do you fail in love, but you also become perverted in love. 16. There is a kind of friendship called "frozen-hand friendship". No matter how cold my hands are, I will reply to your message in time. If I don't reply to you, it means you are not worthy of my cold hands. 17. The mermaid is fake, at least it definitely did not exist in Chinese history, otherwise the cooking methods and taste effects would have been passed down. 18. I thought life was like cats eating fish, dogs eating meat, and Ultraman fighting little monsters. The reality is that the rat is playing tricks on the cat, the sheep is playing tricks on the wolf, and the two bears are playing tricks on the bald guy! This world is so crazy, how can we be strong! 19. Being mean is a sunny attitude towards life. If I don’t tease life, it will tease me. 20. Homework, homework means staying up late at night. 21. Remember! There is only one person in this world who can call you fat, and that is Yuan Longping. After all, you have really eaten other people's rice. 22. I can’t give you the whole world, but I can give you all of my world. 23. Freedom is lonely. I know this, as does anyone who has ever been in a nuclear reactor. It felt like being in the trenches at the forefront. Fear and freedom go together! Everything can be your reason to live. 24. To be successful in life, you must have all the fun. Why, do you still want to leave this world alive? 25.Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every unsuccessful man, there are two. 26. Today I saw my ex-girlfriend sitting in the back seat of the electric car, holding her current boyfriend's waist and shivering from the cold. I raised my lips and smiled proudly, and squeezed into the warm bus. 27. You don’t want to study, you don’t want to work hard, you can’t persist, you can’t be focused, you don’t have the ability to execute, you don’t know how to be grateful, and you want to make money, then go buy a bowl. 28. I was reading today and saw that Emperor Kangxi had already become the king of a country at the age of twenty-three and had achieved great achievements. I was very depressed. But I also saw that Emperor Tongzhi had been dead for four years at the age of twenty-three. I was balanced. . 29. I went to the mall today and saw a very handsome guy. He was so handsome that I couldn’t help but stare at him. He also looked at me. I shamelessly walked over and took a look. It turned out to be mirror. 30. My mother has told me since I was little that I shouldn’t make friends that are neither trivial nor trivial. I think I have done this, and I have done it very well. Because all my friends are very stupid. 31. What every student is best at is: eliminating two wrong options from the four options, and then choosing the wrong one from the remaining two. 32. I have only admired 3 men in my life! The first is Dong Yong, the second is Xu Xian, and the third is Ning Caichen. One is an immortal, one is a demon, and one is so fucking crazy that he won’t even let go of ghosts! 33. There are two causes of princess disease: either she is ugly or she is poor. What about the beautiful and rich ones? Don't be ridiculous, that's not a disease, that's a princess. 34. There are many people who want to make money, but not many people who can make money. It is difficult for talented people to make money, but it is even harder for ordinary people to make money. 35. Some people lament that they are not young yet and have not matured yet. In fact, you have already matured. This is how you mature. 36. When you are too old to walk, I will push you to the square in a wheelchair every day and let you watch me dance with other old men. 37. Never compare with a fool, win? You just defeated a fool; lost? He actually lost to a fool; a tie? Congratulations, you are a fool! 38. Human life is like this, there are laughter and tears. Some people are mainly responsible for laughter, while others are mainly responsible for tears. 39. Don’t always compare yourself with others. You envy others for being thin, and others envy you for having a good stomach. You envy others for being rich, and others envy that no one asks you to borrow money. 40. The most beautiful thing in the world is eating meat. Never betray, never cheat, eat a pound, grow a pound, and always treat each other sincerely. 41. Sometimes, you see me sitting there with a peaceful face, but in my heart I am grabbing you by the collar and beating your head. 42. My daily state is quite regular. In the morning, I look like I haven’t woken up, in the afternoon, I look like I can’t wake up, and in the evening, I look like I’ve had chicken blood. 43. If you love me, put me in a wedding dress, and then strip it naked with your own hands.

44. Please recommend a sports car that costs more than 4 million. It starts quickly, is comfortable enough, and has a good-looking appearance. The more expensive the better. I want to change the wallpaper on my mobile phone. 45. Please don’t call me a homebody, please call me a closed home; please don’t call me a homebody, please call me Marie Curie. 46. ??Every time I face delicious food, I tell myself: If you eat too much, you will die. ?But it turns out, I'm not afraid of death at all. 47. The three things that happen every day are that I can’t sleep at night, I can’t get up in the morning, and I regret that I slept too late yesterday. 48. When I'm at home during the holidays, I can't hear my phone vibrating, but when I'm at school, it feels like an earthquake when my phone vibrates. 49. Top students show off their grades, goddesses show off their selfies, rich people show off their wealth, and models show off their figures. I just want to bask in the sun and make sure it rains every day! 50. When you get married in the future, and the person you marry is not me, I will move in next door to your house and be a quiet Laowang. 51. The Spring Festival is like this: adults play cards, and children play everywhere. It makes me, who is neither old nor young, nor has a partner, feel embarrassed. 52. You should be like a hot pepper, passionate! It’s like cabbage, with layers! Like lotus root, keep an eye on it.

But I'm different, I'm just a rolling pin, straight! 53. You love to talk sarcastically so much. Could it be that you are the product of Fengyoujing and Qingliangyou? 54. Practice has proved that even if a woman is willing to go to bed with you, she will find 10,000 reasons to pretend to shirk, or 20,000 reasons to easily convince herself!