? Because my major is the study of criminal psychology, I have a special view on family education. After a lot of relevant research, I have come to the simplest conclusion, that is, crime prevention should start from minors, and the work for minors should start from parents.
? The ancients said: at the beginning of life, human nature is good. Indeed, the vast majority of families are healthy and warm, the vast majority of parents love and teach their children, and the vast majority of children are sensible and lovely, but there are still exceptions.
? There was a case of kidnapping and killing four teenagers in Beijing. After the case happened, people were not only shocked, but also discussing the reasons for their crimes. The results show that the parents of the four teenagers are all good, the family economy is good, no one in the family has a bad criminal record, and the parents claim to have been disciplining their children, but the children still commit crimes.
? This example shows that a sound family is not equal to a sound family education.
? Family education is a science, which needs wisdom and skills. Although many experiences can give us knowledge, in family education, by the time parents have experience, the children have grown up and the opportunity for education has been missed.
? Therefore, we should pay attention to the research of family education and the publicity of related knowledge. Among them, the concept of family education is extremely important.
? People's psychological development is orderly. There are roughly three periods of human growth, namely 1-6 years old, 6- 12 years old, 12- 18 years old. 12- 18-year-old people have entered adolescence, and their independent consciousness and rebellious psychology determine that this period is no longer the dominant period of family education.
? Therefore, the best period of family education is before 12 years old, which is the attachment period. Attachment period, 1-6 years old is the most critical.
Because people's psychological development has a logical process, many psychological problems in adulthood often originate from minors. In 2007, the gunman Seung-Hui Cho's criminal psychology belongs to the psychological trauma caused by immigration when he was a minor (8 years old), which led him to kill for no reason at the age of 23.
? If we can understand that one of the most important needs of childhood is a sense of security-for a young child, familiar environment and friendly companions are more likely to make children form a sunny and healthy psychology than rich houses and cars-parents should not live according to their own will.
? This case tells us that parents should understand their children's psychology, otherwise all efforts will be in vain.
? A minor is a passive weak person, and his weakness and passivity determine that everything about him is caused by adults. Objectively speaking, the dependents have the right to decide their life, the provision of materials, the degree of care and personality.
? If you ask an adult and a child, "How did I (the child) come from", you will find that "my appetite" is fed, "my temper" is brought out, "my concept" comes from nagging, "my cruelty" comes from loneliness and helplessness, and "my shame" comes from various forms of indulgence.
Even if the child runs away from home, commits suicide or commits a crime, it seems to be the choice of the child, but it is actually the reaction or result of the parents' behavior. For example, suicide is a child's wrong judgment because of his parents' excessive love-since you love me so much and my request is unreasonable, you must promise me now, or I will respond to you with death. As a result, children don't know that life is only once and can't be repeated.
? Who caused this mistake? Or parents. Parents should find opportunities to show their children a clear attitude when they are 3-5 years old-if you do something wrong, I don't love you-which requires relevant knowledge and operational skills.
? There was once a father who made a lot of money diligently, but suddenly found that his son who had grown up for more than ten years became unreasonable and addicted to the internet. In desperation, he found an expert on juvenile problems and actually paid100000 yuan, saying, "You help me educate my son, and I will give you100000."
? At that time, the author wrote an article telling the father that you are wrong and it is your father's unshirkable responsibility to educate children.
? What's more, psychological education for people begins with emotion, and the most basic emotion is affection. If there is no affection, it is impossible to form people's basic emotional response; How to educate a person without normal emotional reaction?
? Therefore, the time to earn money for children is not as good as the time to accompany them; Efforts to save money for children are not as good as efforts to teach children to be human and do things; Looking for a wet nurse to take care of the children is not as hard as taking care of the children yourself. This is a very important concept of family education, that is, education is closely related to emotion, and emotion is closely related to education.
? In modern family education, many parents pay more and more attention to their children's intellectual development under the impetuous and desire social background. It seems that children's scores and key schools determine their starting line and life. This is a serious deviation of family education.
? Although intelligence, grades and academic qualifications are very important, throughout human history, most successful people, those who are admired and remembered by people, must have the most basic human feelings. They have a sense of responsibility, compassion and fraternity; They can control themselves, give to others and cooperate with others. Responsibility, self-control, cooperation and dedication are all human characters, which do not belong to the category of intelligence.
? During World War II, a middle school principal who survived a concentration camp once wrote a request to all teachers, which all parents should hear: "Please help our students become human beings. Your efforts will never create a knowledgeable monster, a versatile psychopath who kills without blinking an eye. Reading, writing and arithmetic are only important if they can humanize our children. "
? Because children are weak and need guidance, some parents have misunderstandings. They think they have the right to make decisions for their children, to decide their own lives, and even to impose their ideals and will on their children.
? For another example, some adults who don't understand computers and networks actually strongly call for the elimination of the network in front of their children.
? Under the background of this family education, or around this kind of adults, children are unhappy although they have no food and clothing. Many children committed suicide, even though they had obtained higher education.
? At this time, the distressed parents will ask, "What is this for?" The reason is simple: how can a person who has never felt happy since childhood have a healthy and sunny attitude? How can a person who has not been treated well by relatives or society since childhood be kind to others? How can a child who has never experienced the feeling of being respected have self-esteem and self-control? How can you respect the rights and lives of others?
? Even if we adults give our children life and the things they need to grow up, the "given" still has an independent personality, and they still need to be respected, discussed, understood and communicated equally.
? So the problem of minors depends on the efforts of adult society.
? The primary task of family education is how to educate parents, how to let parents know the psychological process of children's growth, how to let adults consciously find their own problems when children have problems, and adjust themselves first. Only by doing this can family education have real value.
? There was once a real case in which a boy was slightly addicted to the internet and wrote several online diaries (or online novels) with his exercise book, but this incident was discovered by his parents. Parents scolded misled children, burned their online diaries and made it clear that they would be severely stopped. Children also promise not to surf the internet again. But after that, he appeared once and went to the Internet cafe. Although his parents didn't scold him immediately after he broke his word, he chose to commit suicide the next day. Sad parents don't understand why their children committed suicide without scolding them.
? In fact, if he hadn't burned the child's online diary and read it carefully, he could have found that the child had psychological problems such as depression and inferiority, but he didn't.
? Therefore, to change the behavior of children, we must first change the behavior of adults.