Correspondingly, in recent years, psychologists also like to compare people's emotional patterns to icebergs floating on the sea.
Therefore, for children's education, what parents should do is to help him build the piece under the iceberg, because for an adult, the piece under the iceberg is difficult to change, while for a childhood child, it can completely cultivate or shape their underlying emotional logic, so that they can have a better growth and development.
Freud, a famous psychologist and the originator of psychology, believes that the emotional experience gained in childhood will affect a person's life. Take inferiority complex as an example. For an adult, he always feels inexplicably inferior on different occasions, which may be related to his childhood experience.
In the book Warm Children, the author thinks that if an individual is treated like this by his parents or other adults in childhood, he may leave more inferiority in the subconscious: 1, language degradation; 2. Emotional neglect or even indifference; 3. Behavioral corporal punishment. These three experiences come from language, emotion and behavior respectively, which will sow the seeds of inferiority for a person.
Speaking of this, I have to attach a famous saying by Freud's student Adler: happy people are cured by childhood all their lives, and unfortunate people are cured by childhood all their lives. Adler said the same thing.
In short, childhood experiences, metropolis gathered under the iceberg, became a part of one's emotional personality, and played an important role in his later feelings and behaviors.
When it comes to being more independent, a psychological term-attachment is needed.
Psychologist MaryAinsworth divides attachment types into three types: security attachment, anxiety avoidance attachment and anxiety resistance attachment.
Children with security attachment can explore games and play by themselves in the presence of their mothers, without worrying about their mothers leaving. Children with anxiety-avoidance attachment will play games in the presence of their mothers, regardless of whether their mothers can leave. Children with anxious-rebellious attachment will always stay with their mothers and dare not play games because they are afraid that their mothers will leave them.
Why do children have such an attachment to their mothers? It is because these three kinds of children have different sense of security. For example, at the beginning of life, before the age of one, children don't feel enough sense of security from their mothers, so when they are a little older, they dare not leave their mothers to explore the world easily, which will lead to unhealthy attachment types, such as anxiety-avoidance attachment.
Of course, if you don't experience the sense of security from your mother at all in the early life, your child will become emotionally indifferent and have anxiety-avoidance attachment, that is, you won't be attached to others at all. When such children grow up, it will be difficult to get close to others and establish relationships with others.
Therefore, psychologists believe that only children who are fully loved in early life will develop healthier attachment, become more independent when they grow up, and establish their own relationship world more easily.
The latest brain science research shows that family warmth plays a vital role in children's brain development. Scientists who study cranial nerves have specially scanned the brains of abused children, that is, children who are often beaten and scolded by their parents or others and whose language and body are damaged, and found that their brain development is very different from that of normal children.
Stimulated by this hormone, the brain area where they manage attention and learn skills is traumatized, making it difficult for them to concentrate and learn new skills. From this point of view, it is very important to give children an emotional sense of security during the critical period of their physical and mental development.
In addition, psychologists have found that even if children often witness family quarrels or fights, it will cause the same form of trauma to their brain development as the above consequences.
Childhood experience has established a person's emotional personality, so as an adult, it may be difficult to change our own emotional personality. We need to seek professional help, but if you want to be a parent, or are already on the way to becoming a parent, you have read today's article.