——After reading "Tsing Yi" by Bi Feiyu

I started reading Bi Feiyu's books from the 2003 TV series "Tsing Yi".

"Tsing Yi" is an urban drama produced by Liaoning Huayi Film Company, directed by Kang Honglei and Chen Peng, and starring Xu Fan, Fu Biao, Pan Hong, Li Mingqi and Xia Lixin.

The play revolves around the opera dream life of Xiao Yanqiu, a popular Peking opera actor in the 1980s. It tells the story of a woman who sang in Qingyi opera, who was obsessed with her career to the point of morbidity. This love finally ended It has become a burden in her heart, and the state of "no distinction between people and drama" and "life is like a drama" blends into the story of her destiny.

When I watched this TV series, I was prospering in the business world. I thought that my heart had been wrapped in layers of reinforced concrete and was indestructible. However, Xu Fan's resentful singing voice and superb acting skills vividly presented Xiao Yanqiu, a stubborn, willful, sad and unsatisfied Xiao Yanqiu to me, and brought me back to that unbearable young man. I feel sad in my heart.

I lamented Xiao Yanqiu’s fate and burst into tears.

I found the original work without stopping and read it word for word.

Bi Feiyu uses unique narrative techniques, delicate psychological descriptions, and humorous and cold writing styles to vividly outline the personalities of each character for us. It makes us feel that they are around us. I even feel that my psychology and emotions when I was a teenager are very similar to Xiao Yanqiu. I love her, understand her, and pity her.

Just as Bi Feiyu himself commented: "Xiao Yanqiu is everywhere around me, in my bones, and in the hidden places of life. The unique resilience of Chinese women enables them to make certain efforts Their sense of inhibition, pain, and unwillingness are really heartbreaking."

Now, Xu Fan's smiles and gestures are still fresh in my memory. I borrowed the original "Qing Yi" from the library again and read it again and again. My heart was no longer filled with sadness. What came out of my mind was actually This is what Sanmao said:

The so-called tragedy is not so much a tragedy of fate as a tragedy of personality.

This sentence couldn’t be more appropriate when applied to Xiao Yanqiu.

1. The young Xiao Yanqiu: too willful but not tactful enough, missing opportunities and destroying his future

The Xiao Yanqiu written by Bi Feiyu is different from the moment he appears:

Nineteen-year-old Xiao Yanqiu was born as a classic resentful woman. Her eye movements, accent, enunciation, pronunciation and waving of sleeves are filled with an innate tragedy, which attracts everyone. Five thousand years of resentment against heaven and earth, except for the faint shadow of the green mountains, this is the long-lasting hatred.

Yes, Xiao Yanqiu is a born Tsing Yi girl who is indeed suitable to play Chang'e. The director did not hesitate to let her play the A-grade Chang'e.

She indeed met the best time at the best age.

She acted well, bringing the greedy and regretful Chang'e to life.

She was also trapped in Chang'e's identity and couldn't get out. She thinks she is Chang'e, and Chang'e is just her Chang'e.

The reality is that she is not the only one in the troupe. The role of Chang'e is also played by B-parter Li Xuefen.

The problem arises when File B is about to show up. Xiao Yanqiu has been dominating the carpet and not letting anyone else get on it.

Li Xuefen was Xiao Yanqiu’s senior and a famous actor. She was sophisticated and slick, and was good at showing off. Xiao Yanqiu was no match for her.

When Li Xuefen came on stage, her opportunity to show off came. Li Xuefen was originally not suitable to play Chang'e, but she had people from the army as backstage. Even if she didn't sing like Chang'e, there would be organized applause.

Xiao Yanqiu could tolerate all this, but the most abominable thing was that Li Xuefen actually guided Xiao Yanqiu to play Chang'e in front of everyone, forcing Xiao Yanqiu to affirm her Chang'e. Xiao Yanqiu originally scorned Li Xuefen's role as Chang'e, thinking that she was Chang'e, so she couldn't help it. She answered Li Xuefen with cold, straightforward, and sarcastic words.

What Li Xuefen wants is this effect, so that she can openly and justly slander Xiao Yanqiu's Chang'e.

Chang'e's slander of Xiao Yanqiu exceeded Xiao Yanqiu's bottom line. She couldn't bear it anymore and poured boiling water on Li Xuefen's face.

Seeing Xiao Yanqiu’s move, my heart suddenly sank. I know that her move was not out of jealousy, but out of spontaneity. She never thought that she would pay a heavy price for this.

It can be said that Li Xuefen easily made Xiao Yanqiu fall into the trap she set.

Xiao Yanqiu’s tragedy began to unfold.

2. Young Xiao Yanqiu: frustrated, perfunctory in life, drawing the ground as a prison, imprisoning herself

After Li Xuefen was burned, she could have let Xiao Yanqiu go to jail, but she No, she chose to let Xiao Yanqiu write a letter of apology and leave the troupe.

She knew Xiao Yanqiu well and knew that she was arrogant and arrogant. It would be more uncomfortable for her to read a letter of apology in public than to kill her. And if Xiao Yanqiu is in jail, he will not be able to show his magnanimity in front of everyone. By doing this, she killed two birds with one stone - she blinded everyone, kept her reputation and prestige, and at the same time made Xiao Yanqiu leave the stage. She also knew that Xiao Yanqiu would be worse off than dead after leaving the stage.

After Xiao Yanqiu arrived at the drama school, she was like a zombie and lost confidence in everything. She couldn't live beyond her capacity, so she gave herself over to the man she didn't love hastily, like a drowning person grabbing a piece of driftwood that he could swim through.

Mian Gua loves her and dotes on her in every possible way, but they are not on the same channel at all. Xiao Yanqiu’s heart is with Chang’e, and her love for Chang’e makes her unable to stop. She is destined not to be a A whole, real woman. She drew a circle with Chang'e and imprisoned herself inside, lonely and desolate.

I understand her, but I feel sad for her for no reason.

It can be said that one step is wrong and every step is wrong!

She lived half-dead in this unwillingness until she was thirty years old, when she thought her Chang'e was dead. But she discovered that the coming of spring was the most sufficient reason for "Chang'e" to live in this world.

In order for his Chang'e to survive Chunlai, Xiao Yanqiu shamelessly begged Chun to be his student. Put all your effort into teaching her.

3. Middle-aged Xiao Yanqiu: Times have changed, and she is stubborn and stubborn, costing her life

Xiao Yanqiu never dreamed that she would be forty years old Now, there is still a chance to go on stage again.

She originally placed her hope in the coming of spring, but now the opportunity has come to her door again, and her Chang'e has awakened again.

It was her boss who paid for her to go on stage again. The boss was her savior. She believed that sleeping with her boss for Chang'e was normal and natural. Dignity is nothing, Chang'e is the reason for her survival.

When she stands on the stage, she is Chang'e, and no one can replace her.

She forgot her promise to Chun Lai; she forgot that she was a woman with a family; she forgot that her boss was also a vulgar man who would also sleep with Chun Lai and try to find a way to get Chun Lai on the stage; she forgot that Chun Lai was taught by her herself and was Chang'e's perfect choice.

Even her own father and mother wouldn’t let her go. She dominated the stage and sang for four performances.

In the fifth game, she went to the hospital and missed the time. After Chunlai came on stage, she found that Chunlai was as beautiful as a fairy, and Chunlai was Chang'e. She knew that her Chang'e was really dead this time. After putting on her makeup, she walked out of the theater regardless of her body that had not recovered from the miscarriage. In the heavy snow and the biting cold wind, she sang to the sky, to the earth, to the sky. The audience sings in the heart.

Finally fell in the snow.

Seeing this ending, I couldn’t help but think: If I had known this, why bother in the first place!

If she had had a little more sense and calmly faced Li Xuefen's provocation, or had not cared about Li Xuefen's extreme words at all, then she would not have left the stage and she would not have suffered these twenty years. torture.

However, a person's personality determines a person's behavior. Xiao Yanqiu was controlled by her personality. She was unable to deal with objective emergencies, and her tragedy became inevitable. .

4. Three generations of Tsing Yi, two lives, a lifetime of struggle and drama obsession

Although Li Xuefen, Xiao Yanqiu and Chun Lai are three generations of Tsing Yi, their lives are completely different.

Li Xuefen and Chunlai are typical representatives of secular society. They can cope with it easily in this society and they will not let themselves live a miserable life. Singing is just a profession that they rely on for survival, and it is absolutely linked to their own interests. So Li Xuefen later went into business, and Chunlai also thought about joining a TV station as a host.

In the final analysis, they are the same type of people - common people! Although they live like a duck in water, we don't like it.

Xiao Yanqiu is different. She regards singing as her belief in survival and the only reason for her to live.

In life, having faith is a good thing. The problem is that for this belief, she has completely forgotten her relationship with society, nature, and other people, isolating herself, and driving herself to a dead end step by step.

We appreciate Xiao Yanqiu’s rigor and persistence in art, so we sigh with regret at her tragic ending.

However, maybe she herself felt that it was worth leaving so heroically for Chang'e!

Here we have no intention of talking about what is right and wrong, we just want to draw some lessons from it. Although tragedy has a soul-stirring charm, I still like to live a life with the best of both worlds, holding ideals in my left hand and reality in my right hand.

Xiao Yanqiu’s tragedy tells us:

You can be persistent, but don’t be stubborn;

You can be obsessed, but not addicted;

It’s okay to be lonely, but don’t isolate.

Bi Feiyu’s book also serves as a good warning to us today:

We must recognize the gap between ideals and reality;

We must deal with it rationally. The conflict between ideals and reality;

Put yourself in the shoes of others;

Believe in and grasp the power of the team.