1. People wandering around the world, who can avoid getting stabbed? Baituoshan Bone Strengthening Powder has miraculous effects when used internally or externally. After being knifed and smeared with a bag, I still want to be knifed a second time. If I dodge my waist and eat a bag, I will live to be two hundred and not look old. Baituoshan Bone-Strengthening Powder, the powder of youth, the powder of friendship, the designated nutrition product of Huashan Lunjian, is sold in all major pharmacies and hospitals in this town. When purchasing, please look for the black toad anti-counterfeiting mark, croak, croak...

2. Everyone goes back to his own home and finds his own mother!

3. Only when you reach the top of the mountain do you realize that there are only a few steps between the wrong path and the right path

4. Only those who keep their tail between their legs are called heroes

5. Don’t steam the steamed buns to lose your breath

6. Lao Bai: Where is your knife? Xing Baotou: There is no knife in the hand, but there is a knife in the heart. Lao Bai: Wrong. The highest state is to have no knife in your hand and no knife in your heart. (Then the two got into a stance - rock, paper, scissors!) Xing Captou lost and protested: Didn't you say that you don't have a knife in your hand, and you don't have a knife in your heart? Lao Bai: Yes, these are scissors, not a knife!

7. Beauty is not discounted—my sister is called beauty, and my sister is called discounted

8. Ah, my blazing biceps~~~!

9. The boss lady was confused about Li Dazui’s hunger strike: You usually eat even if you are not hungry, but now you are not hungry even if you don’t eat for two days?

10. Scholar: Xiao Guo, how are you doing lately? Sample? If there are any difficulties, just say it. If there are no difficulties, just say them! ~!

11. Xiao Guo: I can’t sing. Lao Bai: It’s okay, Brother Cui is not here, you can lip-sync~~~

12. Tong Xiangyu: If a person makes you grateful, you will be willing to give your life to him; if a person moves you, you will be willing Give yourself to him.

13. Widow Zhang decided to invite everyone to her house to eat tofu

14. You look at the clouds now and then at me. When you look at the clouds, they are far away from the clouds and when you look at me Very close to me

15. If a tiger doesn’t show its power, you think I’m a HOLLOKITTY

16. Take good care of my 7th uncle

17. Don’t you remember If you are a villain, the prime minister can punt a boat in his belly, the moon is crying and the sky is full of frost, and the couple will return the house

18. I obey you, I respect you, I worship you in my heart

19. Do you think I love money so much? You are! I am ashamed, just know how to be ashamed, be ashamed and be happy at the same time.

20. Standing in heaven and looking at hell, life is like a melodrama. Standing in hell and looking at heaven, you are working hard for whom and busy for whom

21. Catching a thief is sometimes that simple

22. I am optimistic about you~

23. Superstition means being superstitious first and then believing it. If you are fooled and confused, you will have to believe it

24. The people inside listen, hand over the stinky tofu eggs, and release the hostages

25. Have you been to the world's first spring? I've heard people talk about it several times. Next to the second spring is a clear view. In that Taoist temple, there were two Taoist priests. They like to play music next to the spring. The tune is called "Quan Ying Yue"

26. I eat more salt than you eat rice. , that’s because you’re being harsh, I’ve crossed more bridges than you have walked, that’s because I’m not willing to move.

27. Xiaobei: I am the leader! Shopkeeper: Not even the shopkeeper! Beckham:. . . You are the only one who has sores

28. If life is just a chance encounter, then death is an inevitable killer

29. Why do flowers smell so fragrant? It’s because of me. Why does grass smell so good? The green one is also because of me. The reason why my fart smells is because of Lao Bai~~~~

30. Top line: Opposing domestic violence. Second line: Calling for social love. Horizontal comment: Don’t talk to strangers

31. Go your own way and let them fight. . .

32. What a talented person! Well, what a smart, capable, and inexpensive scholar~~~~~!

33. Hungry is wrong. Hungry has been wrongly listed from the beginning~ You shouldn’t have married when you were hungry. If you didn’t marry, the hungry husband will not die. The hungry husband will not die. I won’t fall into this sad place......

34. After the Year of the Monkey, it is the Year of the Rooster, second line: After the Year of the Rooster, it is the Year of the Dog, Hengbiao : A year is a year after being idle

35. Wushuang: The average Hong Kong sister is the third. I really like your dress.

Fu Rong: Very ugly. The ninth sister is the ninth. A dexterous hand hibiscus: your beauty nourishes the face from the inside out, is pure and pure, and makes people pity

Wushuang: your beauty touches the heavens and the earth from the bones to the skin. This feeling can be remembered

Fu Rong: Give you back your beauty

Wushuang: Give you back your beauty and your whole family is beautiful

Fu Rong: You have a good temperament

Wushuang: You have a good figure

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Fu Rong: Your skin is good

Wushuang: Your hair is good

Fu Rong: You are good at everything. The only drawback is that you are too eye-catching and easily attract traffic. Accident

Wushuang: Your shortcoming is that you are so perfect that it makes people regret

Fu Rong: Regret or something

Wushuang: I was born in the wrong child and I am not that greedy. Good DNA

36. The shopkeeper secretly hid Xiaobei’s letter and was seen by Xiao Guo

Xiao Guo: What if this is an urgent letter

Shopkeeper: If it’s urgent, can you put a feather in the letter? It’s obviously a trivial matter

37. Shopkeeper: What is your goal?

Xiao Guo: Become a female hero!

Shopkeeper: This goal is too far away. Let’s talk about something closer.

Xiao Guo: Increase wages!

Shopkeeper: This one is farther than the one just now~

38. God of Thieves: Are there any thieves like you? Stealing things and helping others clean up the house

Thief Saint (White): Is it okay if I don’t clean up? What if people want to follow the footprints?

The God of Thieves: Now that you have the thing, how many days will you play with it and send it back to others?

Thief Saint: Can it be done without sending it back? Don’t worry if you lose something!

39. Lu Xiucai: Who has the best Qinggong throughout the ages? ——Ji Wubing: Cao Cao (Say Cao Cao, Cao Cao will be there)

Lu Xiucai: Who has the most stable stance? ——Ji Wubing: Liu Bei's son (Liu Adou, who can't help him, is called a thousand catties drop)

Lu Xiucai: Who has the most powerful hidden weapon? ——Ji Wubing: Zhuge Liang (Zhuge Liang killed Ma Su with tears, while others picked leaves and flying flowers, but he flew tears)

Lu Xiucai: Who has the strongest internal strength? ——Ji Wubing: Zhuge Liang (Kong Ming plays the piano to defeat Zhongda, and is invincible with ultrasound)

Lu Xiucai: Who is so boring? ——Ji Wubing: Zhang Fei (Zhang Fei ate the weight and became determined. Who in the normal world would eat that?)

40. Don’t treat the catcher as a cadre

41. Coming out In this world, is this the highest mountain? A child with love is like a treasure. If the sky is affectionate, the sky will grow old. I love you so much that I will never forget you. I can't forget your tears, your kindness, your intoxicating lingering, and the faint smell of tobacco on your fingers...

42. With lightning speed, it can cover your ears and steal the bell~~

43. Advertising:

Big Mouth: How will you do this job after getting stuck again?

Shopkeeper: Are you still using an iron pot for cooking? It's long past time to replace it. Tangmen non-stick pan adopts Sichuan's latest Tangmen copper technology. It has a large heating area, heat transfer, uniformity and rapid heating. If you put a little oil, you can cook delicious Jiayao. Moreover, it is easy to clean and not easy to stick to the pan. If you buy it now, you will get a set of Tangmen's exclusive secret concealed weapon as a gift. It is first come, first served, while supplies last. It is available in all major inns and weapon stores. Welcome to tell us about it.

Big Mouth: Using Tangmen non-stick pan for cooking is good for you and me.

44. If you quarrel with your wife, don’t do it easily; even if you want to do it, don’t beat her to death; if you beat her to death, don’t delay treatment; if she is put to death alive, Don't forget to inform us to come to the funeral.

45. Xiangyu: Let’s leave here first. Since we can’t go back to Shaanxi anyway, we can go south to Dali...

Xiao Guo: Oh, Dali is great, the scenery Super~~~beautiful!

Xiangyu: Let’s take a breather in Dali and then transfer to Myanmar...

Big Mouth: Myanmar is great, and those bananas are delicious! Xiangyu: If there are still pursuers when we get to Myanmar, we will transfer to Thailand...

Xiao Guo: Oh~~The temples in Thailand are super cool~~~! Haha

Xiangyu: If we still can’t stay in Thailand, we will turn to the waterway and go to Japan...

Everyone (with a firm attitude, turning their heads, disgusted): No! !

Xiangyu: Then Goryeo...

Everyone (turning back, agreeing): That's OK.

Xiang Yu: Go all the way north to Siberia and transfer to a sleigh, directly to the Arctic Circle, and then all the way south from Alaska, across the equator, trekking long distances, directly to the permafrost of the Antarctic Circle, and then...

Everyone: Are you still leaving? !

Xiang Yu: The last step is to arrive at the Antarctic Circle, bring enough dry food and water, take a rocket, fly into space, land on the surface of Mars, and start a new life!

Everyone was intoxicated. . .

Xiucai: What should I do if there are still soldiers chasing me when I get to Mars

I was stunned, and everyone beat the scholar up

46. Zi once said : Knowledge is power.

Which one?

Bacon!

47. What’s your last name? What's your name? Where to come from? Where to go? How many people are there in the family? How many acres of land per person? How many cows are there in the field? Talk about it. . .

48. Tong Xiangyu’s mantra: O God!

Xing Baotou’s catchphrase: My dear mother!

Guo Furong's mantra: overwhelming

Lu Xiucai's mantra: Zi once said.

Bai Zhantang’s mantra: Sunflower acupuncture hand

Zhu Wushuang’s mantra: Let me do it!

Mo Xiaobei’s mantra: Sister-in-law~~~~~~~~ ~(The sour kind)

Yan Xiaoliu’s mantra: Help me take care of my seventh uncle and his third niece!

49. Eat other people’s food and let yourself have your own say.

50.What are you doing holding the chamber pot?

Can I take a shower?

51. I wish you a long life together and no descendants.

52. Shopkeeper Tong put the responsibility on the scholar to protect Lao Bai, and Ji Wuming pursued him. . .

Scholar: Wait a minute, Confucius said, force cannot solve any problem.

Everyone; what?

Scholar: Lu Zi.

Ji: How you want to die, I will help you. There's no need to shout first before making a move next time. Take your life--

Xiucai: Wait--you can kill me, but you have to explain first, whose hands I will die in.

Ji: Nonsense, it's me.

Xiucai: I...am...who...

Ji: How do I know who you are?

Xiucai said with a smile: Here comes the question ...

Ji was confused: What do you mean...

Xiucai: This has to start with the relationship between man and the universe. You have always been There is a question haunting you. . .

Ji: What do you mean?

Xiucai; who am I

Ji: I already know this

Xiucai: No ,you do not know. You know, who are you? Is Ji Wuming? No, it's just a name, a code name. You can call me Ji Wuming, I can also call you Ji Wuming, they can both.

After taking away the code name, who are you? Ji: I don’t know, and I don’t need to know

Xiucai: OK, OK, then you can answer another question for me - who am I

Ji: This question has already been asked了

Xiucai: No, I just asked about the self, now I’m asking about the self

Ji: Is there any difference?

Xiucai: For example, when I use my code name to have a conversation, your code name is also me. What does this mean? Does this mean that you are me and I am you....

Ji: Is this question meaningless?

Xiucai: Then ask a few meaningful ones. Where did I come from in life and where will I go in death? Why should I appear in this world? What does my presence mean to the world? Did the world choose me, or did I choose the world?

Ji; enough...

Xiucai: Is there an inevitable connection between me and the universe? Is there an end to the universe? Is there any length of time? Where does past time disappear and where does future time stop? Is the question I raise at this moment the same question you mentioned just now? Ji: I will kill you——

The scholar shouted: Who killed me, and who did I kill?

Ji: Did I kill me?

Xiucai: The answer is correct! Let’s do it!

...So Ji Wuming, the top master of the generation, died like this...Ending

Xiucai: He won't wake up again, will he?

Lao Bai; probably not anymore

Xiao Guo: What kind of statement is this?

Xiucai (arranging his appearance and posing): Knowledge is power!

53. If God gives me another chance, I will definitely say three words to you:... put less salt!!!

54. Verbal Capture a little bit of red - Operation Lipstick

55. Put a drop on your face, and it will be sweet in your heart. Women should treat themselves better

56. I am Guo Furong

I don’t know martial arts

I come from Jianghu

I am different

57. Guo Furong praises Xing Tou: It’s really the seventh grade The tyrant of Xia Town (Dad)!

Li Dazui: Who is that mother?

58. Shopkeeper Tong: A woman’s happiness is to marry a man and serve him her whole life.

Guo Furong: Why didn’t he serve me all my life?

Shopkeeper Tong: Do you know why you can’t get married?

59.Teacher: Is this Li Kui?

Mo Xiaobei: No, this is Zhang Fei.

Teacher: Oh, what about this?

Mo Xiaobei: Yue Fei.

Teacher: What about this?

Mo Xiaobei: Faye Wong.

Everyone: What does Faye Wong do?

An extra actor: Singing!

60. Lao Bai: Go and read the entire book "Norwegian Wood".

Xiucai: Please, what era is this? There are no such petty bourgeois books to read.

Lao Bai: Can’t write without you?

61. Scholar: Why don’t you let me write Spring Festival couplets.

Lady Boss: Your handwriting is too dry and thin, not festive, so save it for the Qingming Festival.

62. One word: medium

Two words: sharp

Three words: mother-in-law

Four words: Oops?

63. Big Mouth: Isn’t it really hard to put money under your feet?

Shopkeeper Qian: You will know when you get married. This is why men get corns!

64. Big Mouth: Shopkeeper, do you know that her face changes so quickly and her acting skills are so good? Among the people I have seen in my life, only Qingxia and Man Yu can compete with it...

Zhantang: That must be because she performed abnormally, Qingxia Manyu performed beyond her level...

65. It’s good to act like this Well, there are no good actors these days.

66. Bai: OK, Xiao Guo, have you learned how to embroider penguins?

Guo: That’s a mandarin duck!!

67.i am wrong i' m really wrong, i should not married, if i'm not married my husband will never die...

68. Mrs. Qian is so miserable~ but she is so strong that she can survive~

Xiaoqiang is not as strong as her~~

69. In life, food and drink are two words!

70. Lao Bai: Welcome to the ratings of Qixia Town No. 1 A costume variety show, I wipe, I wipe, I wipe, wipe

Lao Bai: Welcome to watch the nation’s number one costume variety show, I Wash, I Wash, I Wash, Wash Lao Bai: Welcome to the world The most watched costume variety show in the world, I drag, I drag, I drag drag

Lao Bai: Welcome to the world's most watched costume variety show, I pull, I pull, I pull.

71. Lu Xiucai: The breeze and bright moon scratch my heart, but you might as well gouge my heart! (Ask the landlady) What other words are there?

Lady Boss: Steal my heart!

Lu Xiucai: Yes! The cool breeze and bright moon steal my heart!

72. Thief Saint (White): Oops! Oh my god! ! This~~this~what kind of trick is this! This is! ! ?

Xiao Guo: Could it be that this is the legendary knife... in two parts!!!

73. Someone raises a pig at home, annoying!

So he abandoned it and failed to count, but he knew the way home.

After driving for a few days and abandoning the pig, I called in the evening.

The husband asked, "Has the pig returned?"

The wife said: Come home!

The husband was furious: Let it have fun with the sun and the moon?

74. Dear guests and fellow citizens, good evening, welcome to Tongfu Inn to attend The First Chicken King Competition

The vast sky has given birth to our history and civilization.

The passage of time has created our diligence and kindness.

Under this clear sky, we chant and sing,

In this vast land, we fly freely!

75. Conspiracy is the enemy of love!

76.Bai Zhantang: Who is the acting school, scolding people? (Then he turns around, intoxicated) I am an idol. .

77. Lao Bai: You really can’t help Adou~~~~

Big Mouth: Who is Adou?

Lao Bai (viciously): Water Margin, one hundred and nine generals.

Big Mouth: What nonsense are you talking about? There are only one hundred and eight in Water Margin. If you want to tell me about Three Kingdoms, I still believe it.

Lao Bai (relieved): This time you are really right, he is Liu Bei’s son from the Three Kingdoms.

Big Mouth: Look, you have deceived me again. He is not Liu Bei’s son. Otherwise, Liu Bei’s surname is Liu and his surname is Ah Ni~~~

(Big Mouth, Lao Bai was in so much pain that he hit the table with his head and a mouthful of blood spurted out——)

78. Furong: You are a widow

The shopkeeper: You are a melon seed

79. Shopkeeper Qian was beaten black and blue by Mrs. Qian for hiding three pieces of private money. Everyone asked what happened to his eyes.

Shopkeeper Qian: The door is crashing~~

Everyone: Is it possible to hit the door like this?

Shopkeeper Qian: He hit the door first, then bounced off the door and hit the wall again. The wall was too hard and bounced back and hit the door again...

80. Scholar: If I could Xiao Guo has forgotten me, even if he goes bankrupt

Big Mouth: The key is that you don’t seem to have much money

81. Tong Xiangyu is going to marry Lao Bai! ! Xiaobei doesn't want to

Sister-in-law: Your brother is dead

Xiaobei: You just can't marry someone else, you were born as a member of the Hengshan sect!

Sister-in-law: That’s not alive!

Xiao Bei: Even if you die, you will be a dead member of the Hengshan Sect!

Sister-in-law: What’s the use of a corpse? !

Xiao Bei: Then you are also the corpse of the Hengshan Sect!

82. A virtuous person can do nothing if he stays at home!

83. The world is so beautiful, but I am so irritable, okay~~

84. The shopkeeper: Naihe Bridge is far away.

Lao Bai: Open the window, jump down headfirst, and you will reach Naihe Bridge.

85.Xiao Liu: I am the one who catches the head, and you are the one who runs away. . .

Lao Bai: Tangtang Yitang?

Xiao Liu:? Just a waiting room! !

86. Furong: Do you know how my mother tied my father up at home?

Lao Bai: With a dog chain?

87. Furong and Xiucai were angry and threw dishes to vent their anger

The shopkeeper yelled: This is my property, not your show!

88. Xiaobei to the shopkeeper: You cowardly wife!

Everyone: Cowardly wife?

Xiao Bei: Men are called cowards, and women are called cowards, right?

89. Madam of the head: How to have both your cake and eat it too?

Xiucai: This is impossible.

The head wife: Raise a bear that can catch fish.

90. Xiaobei is going to participate in the Huashan Sword Discussion

Big Mouth: I don’t have anything to give you. You can take this begging jar. If there is nothing to eat along the way, Go out on the street to get some food, don’t starve yourself no matter what

Xiao Guo: I’ll give you this dog-beating stick. If you don’t have to compete with wild dogs for food, it’s better to have someone with you.

The shopkeeper: This penny is my exclusive sponsorship for you, so be sure to save some money. Is it enough to go to Huashan? (Looking at Lao Bai)

Lao Bai: It’s enough.

Xiucai: (wiping tears) Take this rope. If you meet a bandit on the way, you can hang yourself on a tree. Can be used.

The shopkeeper: If bandits kidnap you, you must cry and ask the bandits to write a blackmail letter to your sister-in-law. Anything less than ten taels of silver is acceptable. I will ask Lao Bai to redeem you. If it exceeds ten taels of silver, I will personally collect your body.

Xiao Bei: I’m only worth ten taels of silver?

The shopkeeper: That’s it. . . Twenty taels? I can't take out any more.

Lao Bai: Take this bag of black coal ash with you. If you encounter a bandit, use the black coal ash to blacken your face and pretend to be a little black blind man. (Touching Xiaobei’s face) What a great condition for this chubby little face.

91. Leader Yue: Yue Songtao has met Leader Mo

Mo Xiaobei: When have you seen me?

92. Xiaomi: Wan The leader of Yiyue was soft-hearted for a moment and gave Xiaobei an opportunity. . .

Big Mouth: Even if she takes advantage of her, she will have to crash~~~

93. Xiao Ji told Xiao Bai that they, the Thieving God and the Thieving Saint, would join forces to protect their capital in one year. Two years of profit, three years of financing and listing, just go to the busy market to steal. By then, everyone will do whatever they want in broad daylight, and no one will dare to control it. Then he asked Xiaobai intoxicatedly, what kind of state this should be.

Xiaobai replied: Heaven and earth.

Xiaobai: What is going public?

Xiaoji: Going to the busy market

94. Bai Zhantang said: Sharing the blessings , if we share difficulties, let’s call it Tongfu Inn

Li Dazui asked: Then why not call it Tongfu Inn? Speechless. .

95. Is this your mother’s swordsmanship? Don’t curse! Is this your mother’s swordsmanship? Don’t curse~ Are you saying this is the swordsmanship your mother taught you?

96. My most proud right hand can hold a knife and eat.

97. Furong: Suppose I can slap you to death with three palms. With each slap, you will scream "Female" Please spare my life." So, what are the words you want to say before you die?

Xiucai: I refuse to answer this question.

Fu Rong: That counts as an automatic abstention.

Xiucai: Scream 3 times, 4 words each time, 12 words per sentence.

Furong: Wrong! It’s 9 characters!

Xiucai: Why?

Furong: With the first palm, there are four words, "The heroine has mercy on her life"; with the second palm, there are eight words, "The heroine has mercy on her life".

When you hit the third palm, you will die immediately. You only said one word "ah", 8 1 = 9. Hahahaha...

98. Chicken King Contest

Contest Rules: Exhibition Hall: The weight of the chicken cannot be less than eight pounds

Boss Wife: That is a goose

Exhibition Hall: The tail must be long, not shorter than a certain number of inches (I forgot how much)

Boss Wife: That’s a pheasant

Exhibition Hall: Claw length It can’t be less than how long

Boss lady: That’s an eagle

99. If you don’t want to work, cut off the power!

100. Big mouth asked: Which is more important, brothers or women?

The scholar replied: Brothers are like brothers and sisters, women are like clothes!

Big mouth praise: What a brother!

The scholar said calmly: Brothers are like the limbs of a centipede, and women are like winter clothes!

101. The court is adjourned! I am a little thirsty and need to go to the toilet!

102. I already have a wife after giving birth to a baby, why don’t you come back?

You should die of old age after giving birth to a baby, why don’t you come back?

103. Lao Bai: Welcome to this episode of "It's more amazing than I don't know the world"

You are not as happy as I am, and you are not as satisfied as I am. Are you satisfied? ? If you speak louder, you won’t be able to hear the crowd: Not satisfied!

Lao Bai: OK, then let’s make a guest appearance wherever it’s cool