Parents all know that educating their children requires good methods. So what is a good method? In my opinion, the best and most effective way to educate children is to cultivate good behavior habits.

A mother told me that my children are really annoying. They have too many bad habits. They don't like to do homework, eat snacks, spend money indiscriminately, and stick to TV all day. what do you think? I told him 800 times, but I just can't change it.

Because I know her well, I joked with her and said, "If you tell your child 8,000 times, he won't change. A famous pediatrician told me that repeating a sentence three times is torture to others. You have repeated it to your children 800 times. How can you stand it? " I suggest that parents, if they don't believe me, can record what you say to their children every day and listen for a week. Parents will be bored to death.

The children complained to me that my mother was so annoying that she kept nagging every day. As long as her lips move, I know what she wants to say, because she says the same thing every day.

I was also surprised to find that many parents all over the country, like clones, said the same thing to their children: stop watching TV and do your homework quickly! If you can't get into a good middle school, how can you get into a good university If you can't go to a good university, how can you find a good job in the future? Without a good job, why not drink the northwest wind? Wait a minute. It's okay to say it again and again, but if you say it too much, it will become a pile of noise, which will only make children emotionally confused and their confidence collapse. Is this the result you want?

In fact, no child doesn't want to be a good boy, and no child doesn't want to study hard. He doesn't study well, so he must have met with difficulties. What children need is your specific and effective help, not nagging or reprimanding. So I give you a suggestion-"It is better to cultivate a child a thousand times than to cultivate a habit".

In fact, parents now have begun to pay attention to children's habit cultivation, but why is the effect not obvious? I found that the problem is that many parents still regard habit cultivation as the content of preaching, but ignore that the fundamental way of habit cultivation is persistent behavior training. In other words, habit formation is a scientific educational method, which needs to be done according to its laws to be effective.

Here, I want to try to share six steps to form a habit, which may be helpful to you.

The first step of habit cultivation is to raise awareness, or to guide children to cultivate a habit interest.

The results show that the best education in childhood is to form good habits. The so-called good children must be children with good habits, and the so-called problematic children are generally children with many bad habits. A bad habit may cost you an opportunity, while a good habit may lead you to success.

Let me tell you a story first:

In 2003, the score of foreign language listening in the national postgraduate entrance examination was included in the total score for the first time. Although the foreign language test will be officially held at 14: 00, in order to ensure the effect of the listening test, the education authorities clearly stipulate: "Candidates must enter the examination room before 13: 45, and use this time to debug the broadcast and audition. Candidates are forbidden to enter after 13: 45." This regulation is clearly stipulated in the examination room discipline and the examinee's admission ticket, and the major media also repeatedly reminded them before the exam.

On the afternoon of the exam day, there were four late candidates at a university test center in Shanghai after 13: 45, and at this time 13: 55 had already passed. When the teacher told them not to enter, these students were dumbfounded on the spot and remembered to read the admission ticket.

They all said that they didn't see the regulations clearly and asked the invigilator to release them. One of them kept pleading with the teacher: "I have been preparing for the postgraduate entrance examination for three years this year, and I am confident to pass it." Please give me a chance. " A candidate cried and said that the examiner was unreasonable.

Some of the reasons why these boys are late are because they overslept, some are because they ate late, and the most important thing is that they all ignored the rule of "admission before 1: 45". It is said that similar situations have occurred in many test sites across the country. It can be said that any student who is responsible for himself should not make such a low-level mistake.

The emotional thing above warns us that everyone needs to form the habit of confirmation, otherwise there will be unbearable pain. For a student, forming the habit of confirmation will benefit him for life, such as carefully checking after finishing homework, carefully examining questions during exams, remembering what agreements he has with others and implementing them in advance, and so on. Such students will not only get good grades, but also be very popular in dealing with others.

Let's enjoy another story.

1959 10, the selection of the first astronauts in the former Soviet Union was carried out nationwide. Gagarin stood out from more than 3,400 air force pilots under the age of 35 and became one of the 20 selected pilots. 1960 began training in the former Soviet union astronaut training center in March.

196 1 On April 2, 2008, at 9: 07 am Moscow time, Gagarin set sail from the Baikonur launch site on the "Oriental" spacecraft 1 and circled the earth once in the orbit with the highest altitude of 30 1 km, which lasted 1 hour for 48 minutes.

There were 20 astronauts training at that time. Why Gagarin can stand out is an accident. It turned out that one week before the candidate was determined, the chief designer Rolev found that Gagarin was the only one who took off his shoes before entering the spacecraft and entered the cockpit wearing only socks. It was this detail that won Rolev's favor and touched him at once. Rolev said: "I can only rest assured if I give the spaceship to someone who cherishes it so much."

Therefore, Gagarin's success is due to his good habits. Some people joke that success begins with taking off your shoes.

This story tells us: Why did Gagarin succeed? Because good habits bring him good luck, because good habits liberate him, he doesn't need to consider whether to take off his shoes at all, and his civilized behavior has been automated. In other words, good habits can bring people more chances of success, while bad habits will often lead you to failure unconsciously.

Some people may ask, what is a habit? Habit is a habitual behavior, a stable and automatic behavior, a lifestyle of language, behavior and thinking developed through repeated practice, and a series of conditioned reflexes established in people's minds.

Educator Ye Shengtao said that education is to cultivate habits. Ushinski, a Russian educator, said it more profoundly and vividly: Good habits are the capital deposited by people in the nervous system, which will continue to grow, and a person can enjoy its interest all his life. Bad habits are morally unpayable debts. This kind of debt can torture people with increasing interest, make his best initiative fail, and lead him to the point of moral bankruptcy.

The second step of habit cultivation is to clarify the code of conduct and let children know the specific standards for developing a good habit.

A boy in Beijing Shi Jia Primary School is very naughty in class, which makes the teacher very angry. After class, the whole class complained about him. The little boy was very upset, so he went to his class teacher, Mr. Sun Puyuan.

Teacher Sun has been engaged in the work of primary school class teacher for more than 40 years, with rich experience, and is a national special-grade teacher. She listened to the little boy and said to him, "When you make a mistake, admit it. It's still a good boy. Then how did you decide to admit your mistake? " The little boy said, "I will apologize and bow to the teacher." Teacher Sun said, "Bowing well will let the other person know that you are sincere. But can you bow? Try me. " The little boy nodded stiffly. Teacher Sun shook his head and said, "This is not a bow, just a nod. It is insincere to nod and apologize. " The boy froze, because he was so old that he never knew the difference between bowing and nodding. At this time, Mr. Sun stood up and showed the little boy how to bow: hold your chest out, your hands droop naturally, then your upper body bends down parallel to the ground and then straightens out. This is a bow. Then, Mr. Sun asked the boy to practice several times before he made him apologize to the teacher.

Teacher Sun Puyuan deserves to be a national special teacher. She teaches students not only patience, but also carefulness, because only careful guidance can cultivate real good habits. It can even be said that there is no education for children without detailed guidance.

The third step of habit cultivation-timely example education, so that children can have cordial and yearning feelings for developing a good habit.

Guan Ying, a researcher at Tianjin Academy of Social Sciences, has difficulty communicating with his son, but many portraits of basketball star Jordan are posted in his room, because Jordan is his idol.

Later, Guan Ying, who never liked basketball, began to watch basketball games with his son, and collected many stories about Jordan, which made his son look at his mother with new eyes and naturally became close to him. Guan Ying found that as long as he talked to his son about Jordan, his son would be convinced, because he had a sense of identity and intimacy with this idol.

As a result, with the help of Jordan's example, the family lived in harmony and the son became more and more lovely.

Childhood is an era of role models and idols, because children's learning characteristics are observation and imitation. Of course, children's role models and idols are not all celebrities, but more of their partners. Therefore, parents and teachers can choose their children's favorite celebrity role models or their children's excellent partners. As long as they find some good habits, they will have a great influence on their children.

The fourth step of habit cultivation-persistent behavior training, so that children can develop a good habit from passive to active to automatic.

According to American psychologist lashley's experimental research on animal memory, behavioral psychology believes that a behavior that is repeated for 2 1 day will become a habitual action, and repeated for 90 days will form a stable habit. In other words, the formation of a habit must be that a behavior can last for a period of time, and their calculation is 2 1 day to 90 days. Of course, this is just a general concept. According to our research, different behavior habits take different time to form. In a word, the longer you persist, the stronger your habit will be.

For example, you should train a child to wash his hands. You can't eat without washing your hands. You must wash your hands as long as you eat. Did you wash your hands while eating? You see, you always ask the children, take care of them, and the children will get used to it. When I first saw my mother, I knew, "Oh, I want to wash my hands." Later, he didn't need me to remind him, just like now we adults get up in the morning to wash our faces and brush our teeth. Do we need to remind them? This is a habit! A habit becomes a stable and automatic behavior.

Then the child's habits are formed, and there is a process from passive to active and then to automatic, so training is needed. Parents know very well that children are prone to chaos when they are young. Where are my socks when they get up in the morning? Where are my shoes? I can't find my pants. I found them everywhere. It's a mess This is not a habit.

I suggest that parents adopt a method, and children should form some good habits from an early age. For example, before going to bed at night, fold your clothes, put your shoes away, put them in a fixed position, and put your schoolbags in order. Children can't do it at first. Parents can guide and demonstrate, and then mess up and let the children do it. Children are often very interested. Like a soldier, the quilt is neatly folded.

It should be noted that the key to cultivating children's good habits lies in the first three days, and it is decided to be 1 month. This is the discovery of Mr. Zhou Shiyuan, a habit-forming expert. The cultivation of habits requires perseverance, but the first month is a crucial period. After this month, children can form initial habits. So many good habits should be cultivated step by step.

The fifth step of habit cultivation-timely evaluation and rewards and punishments, so that children can develop good habits through successful experiences.

Some parents say to their children, "Today is a holiday. You should practice writing and holding a pen this holiday. I want to check it before school starts. "

I'm afraid this practice won't work. Children often can't control themselves, and general requirements don't work for them. Therefore, parents should divide the big plan into many small plans and constantly sum up and evaluate with their children: if you do well today, you can reward a little star; Get a small star in 7 days, which can be exchanged for 1 big star; Get three big stars, you can get a higher reward.

In this way, children will know whether they have made progress every day and look forward to tomorrow's progress.

There is a mother in Beijing. Her son is in the fifth grade, muddling along with his homework. Under the guidance of a psychologist, my mother began to take measures to cultivate habits.

One day, the mother tried to observe how her son did his homework. I found that my son stood for seven times after finishing an hour's homework. Once he opened the refrigerator to see what was delicious, and once he turned on the TV to see if the cartoon had started. He stood for one lap and two laps in less than ten minutes. Can you do this homework without dawdling?

The mother then said to her son, you are a very clever child, but I just counted you and stood seven times an hour. Is it too much? I think you can do your homework for an hour and stand for three times. My son paused, but I didn't expect my mother to be very tolerant and said that she would go back three times. Mom went on to say that if you stand up no more than three times in an hour, you can watch cartoons that night. My son was overjoyed. Mom also said, don't be happy yet, there will be punishment if there is a prize. If you stand up and do your homework more than three times in an hour, you can't watch TV, including cartoons, that night.

The mother-child agreement has been reached.

As a result, my son did it in five days and three days. He stood up and did his homework no more than three times an hour and watched cartoons happily. But I forgot two days. At 6 o'clock, I was anxious because I couldn't watch cartoons, but I begged my mother not to watch them.

Real education is self-education, and real control is self-control. The child slowly changed like this. As long as I think that I can only stand three times an hour, I will slowly control myself and try to watch cartoons at night to motivate myself.

In this way, after three months of training, the child finally developed a good habit of concentrating on his homework.

I think this mother is a great mother. From her successful experience, I summed up the basic method of habit cultivation-addition and subtraction, that is, to cultivate good habits with addition and correct bad habits with subtraction. What kind of good habits do you want your child to develop, and do everything possible to keep him showing good behavior. The more they appear, the stronger the good habits will be. We can learn from this practice, that is, give children an acceptable process and let them get rid of bad habits slowly.

Subtracting a child's bad habits by decreasing method is like giving up drugs. One year, when I visited Amsterdam, I found some shops selling drugs on the street. I'm surprised: the whole world is quitting drugs. How can you sell drugs? The Dutch said, we sell it to those who have given up drugs. He can't give up drugs at once. We allow them to take a small amount of medicine. With the certificate, they can buy some and let him gradually decrease. This is a decreasing method.

I think it makes sense. Bad habits are similar to drug addiction, which must be corrected by decreasing method. That is to say, if his bad behavior is less than the original number of times, he can be allowed to even reward him, less each time, until he succeeds.

The sixth step of habit cultivation is to form a good environment or atmosphere, so that family life, school environment and even social atmosphere can become the supporting force for children to form good habits.

What is a good environment and atmosphere? Everyone will understand as soon as I say it.

There are many foreign teachers in Beijing, and I have had contact with a foreign teacher in a middle school. When a female foreign teacher first arrived in Beijing, she was not used to talking with students at close range. Foreigners are used to speaking at a distance of about one meter, which makes them feel safe. But domestic students are not used to this and always come to teach abroad. When the students go forward, the foreign teacher falls back and retreats to the corner. There is no turning back. Foreign teachers are not used to being surrounded by students, but they get used to living in Beijing for a long time.

When the female foreign teacher returned to her own country, her colleagues were very scared because she was always close to others. This is the impact of the environment. When in Rome, do as the Romans do, and everything changes according to environmental conditions.

The above story is intriguing. We must pay attention to cultivating children's good habits and forming a good environment. For example, no one can swear at home. If a child curses, the whole family will ignore him, which is a good environment.

If there is a student in the family, you need this family to become a scholarly family. Parents should never play mahjong when their children are studying. While playing mahjong, some parents said, "Son, study hard and get into Peking University Tsinghua." Can he be admitted?

For example, you always watch TV at home, watching Korean dramas episode after episode, and you cry when you watch them. You also said, "son, stop watching TV. You should study hard and do your homework." Do you think the child can concentrate on his studies? Do you know what children do at this time? He didn't dare to come over when you were watching TV, but he wanted to watch it, so he opened the door a little, pricked up his ears and listened to TV with his ears. How tired! So people are the product of the environment. What should we do at this time? You can watch TV when the child is not at home, or when the child is asleep. You'd better not watch TV when children are studying. You're an adult. You can't control it. The child is too young to resist the temptation.

Cultivating habits is not a simple matter, but it doesn't mean that habits can't be cultivated, just that your methods are not in place. The formation of habits is a science. So what are the principles of habit cultivation? It is to respect children and respect their status as masters. What is the goal of habit cultivation? It is to cultivate good habits to liberate children's brains and free them from some low-level bad behavior habits that bind them. For example, if you don't dawdle, break your word or do vulgar things, you must make your child's life interesting and meaningful.

2 1 century is a century in which two generations learn from each other and grow together. The process of habit formation is also a process in which two generations learn from each other and grow together. Some habits children form earlier than adults, such as environmental protection, so we should learn from children. Parents and children grow up together. Moreover, a good relationship is better than many educations. The better the relationship between parents, teachers and children, the more helpful it is for children to form good habits, so that children can have affinity and trust their teachers.

Habit determines the fate of children, and the core of education is to cultivate healthy personality. The most effective way to cultivate healthy personality is to cultivate behavior habits. When we grasp the root of cultivating behavior habits, we grasp the most effective way of family education, which is the most basic task of our family education. Let's remember such a famous saying: family is a school of habits, parents are teachers of habits, and children's education is to cultivate good habits. We cultivate children's healthy personality by cultivating good habits.

Selected from Baidu experience