The text is excerpted from Shi Tiesheng's essay "I and Ditan", which is one or two parts of the article. From the content, it is closely related. The first part is about me and Ditan, and the second part is about me and my mother under the background of Ditan. Thematically, it is also seamless. Ditan made me treat life and death calmly and solved the question of why I was born. My mother helped me find the meaning of living and solved the problem of how to live. Ditan, my mother, inspired my life. It can be said that Ditan is my confused mother, and my mother is my eternal Ditan.
Shi Tiesheng, 195 1 was born in Beijing, 1967 graduated from the junior high school affiliated to Tsinghua University, 1969 went to Yan 'an, Shaanxi Province to jump the queue, and returned to Beijing three years later at the age of 2/kloc-0 due to illness, and then worked as a worker in a street factory.1. There are also essays, love issues, learning dialogues and so on. My Distant Qingpingwan and Grandma's Star won the National Excellent Short Story Award. His works show great concern for the fate of the disabled. Some of his works reflect his philosophical thinking on society and life, with beautiful language and strong expressive force.
Shi Tiesheng's essay Me and Ditan was written in May 1989 and revised to June 1990. The full text 13000 words, divided into seven parts, describes the relationship between the author himself and Ditan from various aspects, and its main content is thinking about life.
The official name of Ditan is "Fang Zetan", which is located in the northeast corner of the old city of Beijing to the east of Andingmen Road. It was the place where emperors of Ming and Qing dynasties sacrificed to the gods. It was built in Jiajing period of Ming Dynasty and expanded in Qianlong period of Qing Dynasty. It is a group of large-scale ancient buildings. The whole building complex is square, symbolizing the earth. The main buildings are "Imperial Room" and altar. In the "Imperial Room", there is a memorial tablet dedicated to the gods. The altar is a two-story square platform with ditches around it to store water. In addition, there are buildings such as the god library, the god kitchen, the vegetarian restaurant, the sacrificial pavilion and the sacrificial vessel library. Every summer solstice, the emperor will hold a grand sacrifice ceremony here. Sacrificial activities were abolished after the Revolution of 1911. 1925 opened the park as Jingzhao Park, and 1928 changed its name to "Civilian Park". However, during the war years, it was occupied by the garrison and the buildings in the park were repeatedly destroyed. After the founding of New China, it was called "ditan park" after the reform and opening up, and was listed as a municipal cultural relics protection unit by the Beijing Municipal People's Government. During the "Cultural Revolution", the garden site was abandoned due to destruction and neglect of management. At present, the main buildings such as the Forbidden City, the altar and the Zhai Palace are well preserved. As the author said, "The garden is barren without decay." In recent years, this ancient garden has been reborn. After finishing, it has become a modern city park. This is a good place for people to exercise and relax in the morning and evening. Every Spring Festival, a large-scale "temple fair" will be held in the park.
The author "walked into" the Ditan when he couldn't find a job, couldn't find his way and suddenly couldn't find anything. Since then, he has forged an indissoluble bond with Ditan. Until 15 years when he wrote this essay, "he never left for a long time". The author seems to have gained some enlightenment from this ancient garden which has experienced vicissitudes for more than 400 years, and absorbed the strength of tenacious life and struggle. In the article "Ditan and I", in addition to what we saw in the excerpt, the author also wrote about the people and things he saw and met in the ancient garden, expressed his thoughts, and more expressed his feelings about fate and life and death.
The excerpts are the first and second parts of Ditan and Me. The selected part involves two issues, one is the author's deep thinking about life and death after his legs suddenly paralyzed, and the other is that the author didn't understand the selflessness and great regret of maternal love until his mother died early. The article has certain philosophical significance.
"Ditan and I" is about life itself: how people should treat the suffering in life. This question was first raised because of a cruel incident in my own experience, that is, "I lived to the most arrogant age and suddenly became lame." This event, which is not universal, falls on an individual, making his fate suddenly different from others, and he can only bear this fate alone. In this sense, Shi Tiesheng's meditation on life first belongs to his personal state of mind.
In the whole article, this meditation has roughly gone through two stages. At the initial stage, Shi Tiesheng observed and reflected on his personal experience, and gradually saw the inevitable things in life: "After thinking for several years, he finally figured it out: when a person is born, it is no longer a debatable issue, but just a fact given to him by God." This conclusion leads to the concept of irresistible fate: life is an unpredictable fate, including the most unbearable cruelty and pain in life, and there is obviously no room for people to change the facts set by external forces beyond individual life.
Next, Shi Tiesheng went a little beyond his own scope and wrote about other people in this garden to see what kind of fate and life they had. First, he wrote about his mother. His own misfortune was aggravated by his mother.
In the garden, he met a beautiful but mentally retarded girl (abridged part) and once again felt that "as far as fate is concerned, there is no need to talk about justice". This is a different world because of suffering. If you are chosen to play the role of suffering, "it seems that you have to accept suffering-all human dramas need suffering, and existence itself needs suffering." In that case, things will become very desperate. Unfortunate fate has given you a role to bear suffering, so in what way can you spend your life? In other words, can you still have your own way of redemption? Obviously, the key to the problem lies in the incomprehensible way: how should people view their own suffering?
Shi Tiesheng's personal problem has actually become the common problem of all sentient beings-"Where is the road to redemption of all unfortunate destinies?" Some critics look at Shi Tiesheng's writing from the relationship between "normal heart" and "abnormal heart". The so-called "normal mind" is based on "he externalized his inner pain, abstracted his specific experience, threw everything he could not bear to fate, and then tried to adjust the relationship between himself and fate in order to achieve a balance". This role, which fundamentally admits the fate and misfortune of suffering, does not underestimate the cruelty and pain of life itself, but pulls the cruelty and pain of life out of itself and integrates it into a bigger and more magnificent place. This "place" is related to "extraordinary heart". It means "putting your life between heaven and earth, not realizing its smallness based on the truest realm of life and the deepest pain in your heart, but showing the greatness of life because of the grandeur and profundity of the background". This is the self-image that Shi Tiesheng finally drew in this essay: he sat quietly in a corner of the garden, at the moment when he blended the past, present and future, life and death. I see the greater nature of life, including any lonely individual life. The confusion about how to live and how to realize self-salvation is finally washed away by all eternal life desires. When you are involved in the endless dance of life, it is inevitable to transcend the individual suffering and all unfortunate fate. Such a beautiful state permeated with the true colors of life not only achieved Shi Tiesheng's inner hope and reluctant questioning, but also completed his sustenance for the article. As a writer, as a man, this is the real integration. The whole "Ditan and I" is so beautiful and kind.
Pain makes it so beautiful —— Appreciation of Me and Ditan (excerpt)
In the most glorious season of his life, his legs were disabled; When brilliant success approached his moment, his beloved mother closed her tired eyes forever. Writer Shi Tiesheng's life is so painful! However, the suffering of life, chewed by Shi Tiesheng, glows with magical and magnificent brilliance, and the pain makes it so beautiful; The first time I saw Ditan and me, I couldn't help but marvel at its beauty. 1. Muddy structure and profound theme articles, with relatively independent two-part structure, profoundly show the author's mental journey out of the shadow of disability. The first part writes "I" and Ditan, focusing on the description of scenery and expressing the author's perception of life; The second part is about "me" and my mother, expressing the author's memory of my mother through memory. The two parts seem to have nothing to do with each other, but in fact they run through two clues: the bright line-"I" and the fate of Ditan; Dark line-the author's thinking about life. In the first part, "I" went to Ditan to escape from reality; "I" thought about three questions: ① About death. ② Why were you born? ③ How to live. The second "I" went to Ditan to feel the affection and cherish the memory of my mother, because there are memories of my mother everywhere. Here, "I" also thought about two questions: ① Why can't my mother live two more years? (2) What is the way my mother expects me to find? Finally, the author found the answer. The two parts highlight the same center at different levels: comparing the barren but not declining scene of Ditan, the author realized that "I am disabled but can't be decadent" and should make my life flourish like Ditan; Compared with her mother's hard and strong life, the author understands that she should be as brave and strong as her mother to face the misfortune of life and make "ups and downs" brilliant. Not only that, but at the end, the author combined the two parts of the article with the following sentence: "There are not only my ruts everywhere in this garden, but also my mother's footprints everywhere." Therefore, although this article is long in length, large in capacity and free and easy in writing, it is rigorous and fully shows the author's skill in structural writing. Second, the detailed scenery and the imaginary scenery are vivid, novel and delicate. The author may capture the static scenery and write "the glass eroded under the eaves of the ancient temple" and "the faded scarlet on the door and wall" to express the vicissitudes of the Ditan; Or describe dynamic scenery, write "ants shake their heads, touch their tentacles, suddenly figure something out, turn around and leave in a hurry" to show the happiness of little life's survival, thinking and struggle; Write down "Dewdrops rolling and gathering on the grass leaves, bending the grass leaves, crashing to the ground and breaking into thousands of golden lights", indicating that even a short and ordinary little life can create life. ...
Appreciation of philosophical epigrams in Me and Ditan
Me and Ditan is a beautiful article that Shi Tiesheng expresses his life feelings. It takes oneself and mother as the object, takes the deformity of "I" as the origin, writes the personal pain incisively and vividly, and shows the mother's difficulties extremely fully. When expressing this content, the author used many sincere and beautiful words, so there are many philosophical warnings. Here are some interesting examples:
1. In the quiet light of the garden, it is easier for a person to see the time and his own figure clearly.
Appreciation: ditan park is the place where the author lived for a long time after his disability. It is this unique "quiet" environment that brought him back to life and made him realize the hardships of life, thus making a qualitative leap and transcendence. This kind of environment "permeates" the quiet "light" and is the soil for him to leap beyond. He felt the silent passage of time and saw his disabled figure. It can be seen that this sentence closely links the environment, time and personal experience, reveals the ruthlessness of time and the cruelty of reality, and also shows the author's strong will not to escape, not to be cowardly and to face reality bravely.
I think I am the most unfortunate one in the world. I don't know that my son's misfortune is always doubled with his mother.
Appreciation: this sentence says you are "unfortunate" first, and then your mother is "unfortunate". The former refers to physical disability, while the latter refers to mental pain. It links two kinds of misfortunes together, and sets off more misfortunes of mothers with their own misfortunes, which not only shows the helplessness and pain of mothers to their sons' misfortunes, but also highlights the author's feelings, deep love and deep understanding of mothers, thus revealing the pure and touching kindness between mother and son, which is very shocking.
Her hard fate, indomitable will and unobtrusive love have become more and more vivid and profound in my impression as time goes by.
Appreciation: This sentence is the author's summary of his mother's deep care for himself for many years and a comprehensive evaluation of her strong life. Mother lives in sorrow and anxiety day and night. She is the "most bitter mother" in the world. How difficult her fate is! But she never bowed to suffering, silently endured, and silently paid attention to my life, change and fate until her sudden death. This is unknown, and only "I" can understand it most profoundly and seriously, especially when "I" knocks down a road of life. After the death of my mother, this experience became more "vivid and profound". This is a memory, gratitude and deep praise for mother, and a concentrated expression of mother's greatness and maternal love.
This garden is not only full of my ruts, but also full of my mother's footprints.
Appreciation: This sentence connects my rut with my mother's footprints. On the one hand, it outlines my close relationship with the park and shows my special love with Ditan. On the other hand, it also shows the difficult course of my mother coming to the park to find me. My disability has brought great pain to my mother. She had to take the whereabouts of "me" as a clue lingering in her mind and as the focus of her life. This is a mother-child dependent, bitter, touching and tearful song.
Reflections on me and Ditan
Walking on the Ditan at dusk reminds people of Shi Tiesheng's Me and Ditan. At that time, the paper world was impermanent. The world is an endless topic, in which there are all kinds of things, and everything is in a trance. However, it has its own true meaning, and the impermanence of the altar is one of them.
Ditan and I give people a feeling of depression, desolation and vicissitudes. Invisible condensation of the world's impermanence, there is a taste of shrinking life. Shi Tiesheng lives in a deserted ancient garden, the Ditan. Thinking about the world and life. However, many ideas seem redundant, because "when a person is born, it is no longer a controversial issue, but just a fact given to him by God; When God gave us this thing, he had already guaranteed its result, so there was no need to die in a hurry. Death is a doomed procedure. "But people will live after all, and will continue to live. No matter what the ending is predestined by God and the destination is, since it is endowed with survival, it is helpless to think about how to survive.
In the secular world, the world is always impermanent. A Dream of Red Mansions is the impermanence of women, Romance of the Three Kingdoms is the impermanence of emperors and princes, and Legend of the World is the impermanence of romantic celebrities. There is confusion, helplessness, fragrance, serenity and more sadness. Therefore, the problem of being alive must accompany people's life like Devil and Lover.
The feelings in the world, regardless of family, friendship and love, are always contaminated with helplessness. Some people are old, some meet strangers, some get together and leave in a hurry, and so on. This may be the arrangement of heaven, or the world may be like this, unspeakable.
Mother is the greatest, but also the most painful, especially as the mother of a son who is stunned by fate. She is facing a son whose legs are suddenly disabled at the most arrogant age, and she has been looking forward to his ultimate happiness. Even, in order to make her son feel relieved and free, she did not hesitate to bear the "pain" and "panic" in her heart. Among them, only the mother of Tiandi Ji knows best. Greatness is selfless love and selfless acceptance. However, nature is always fooling people, which is the helplessness of this world. When Shi Tiesheng won the prize for the first time, he hoped to give his mother a comfort. How much he hoped that her mother was still alive and gave her a little comfort with his own achievements. Even if it made her smile, she couldn't help it. She died at the age of 49 and lived a hard life against her will.
For many days, the storms of the four seasons have never stopped. No matter spring, summer, autumn and winter, there is always some desolation. There is intermittent rain in spring night, sunset in summer, fallen leaves in autumn night and continuous snow in winter.
However, in any case, only one person can taste and feel slowly. Bitter or sour, let it go, life is life, what is there to say?
At sunset, the contrast between eternity and change makes love more impermanent. The old man walking hand in hand in the sunset, I don't know how many days and nights, how many ups and downs. They are old and have deep feelings. That kind of pure, rain or shine true feelings will not pass with time, but time has sent people from middle age to old age.
Meeting is helpless, but friendship is impermanent. On the road of life, many people are strangers, meet strangers and leave strangers. There is always some flavor that Nai people are looking for, perhaps sweet or bitter.
Writing is in a hurry, and the world is in a hurry. In the passage of time, there are some carelessness, such as the leisure of the elderly drinking; Some dissipate, such as birds missing. In short, everything is in a hurry, and things are different. In the days when time flies, leave some illusions for yourself and some peace and comfort. Maybe even better.
Life is always helpless, time flies, carefree childhood is gone forever, facing the ups and downs of the world, joys and sorrows. Sometimes, it is better to be silent than to "glare" and "say nothing". It's going through too much suffering and then silence. There is no need to cry, and silence will never give people a great shock, because behind silence is a kind of impermanence of life, silently enduring everything. No one knows the world.
In this world, life is like a play, and each has its own role. However, there is no reason to talk about what role to play, "just by accident."
The world is "sometimes relaxed and happy, sometimes depressed, sometimes carefree, sometimes anxious and lonely, sometimes calm and confident, sometimes weak and confused." His words are not difficult to remind people of Schopenhauer's tragic philosophy. Life is a tragedy, not to mention impermanence. However, the tragedy of life is beautiful, because people always have to face it and give themselves the courage to live and the space to think, so they have the reverie of why to live and what to live for.
You can't say everything in life. Some things "once they become languages, they are no longer them". Therefore, the key to life is to taste the beauty of life with your heart, a kind of beauty that is impermanent and helpless in the world. It is a kind of comfort and a kind of "grave" (inevitable death).
Death is sublime beauty, and arrival is new beauty. And life is from arrival to death. Maybe one day, "I ran out to play for too long, and I remembered it." Maybe I don't have to think about it. Naturally, what should come will come.
The mystery and profundity of fate often make people feel confused in the form of impermanence. However, fate is as white as water, and I often feel that everything is like this. I don't have to think too much and ask for trouble. Far less beautiful than walking in the sunset.