buy buy, the double eleven pickpocket, buys and takes photos to bask in the sun, all because life is short, so take the time to love yourself. Love yourself, is there anything wrong with that?
However, two Americans, through more than ten years of social investigation and research, have come to a conclusion: the narcissism craze is spreading all over the world like never before, dragging the whole era to the abyss.
In the modern society where narcissism is prevalent, the research results of these two professors can be said to stir up a thousand waves with one stone, which was specially reported by The New York Times Washington post of Time Magazine. Who are these two people who throw stones in the water? One of them is called Jane? M Teng, a professor of psychology at the University of San Diego, USA; The other one is W. Keith? Campbell is a professor of psychology at the University of Georgia.
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The self-love you are proud of is probably just narcissism. Excessive narcissism is an epidemic of modern people and can be cured!
narcissism is English for narcissism, which comes from ancient Greek mythology. Legend has it that Narcissus, a beautiful boy, fell in love with his reflection in the water, admired himself in front of the water every day, and finally languished and died, becoming a daffodil, so people took his name "Narcissus" as the etymology of narcissism.
Since 1898, psychologists such as Freud have made clinical research on narcissism as a personality trait in psychiatry.
In 1968, the American Psychoanalytic Society defined narcissism as "a morbid phenomenon in which psychological interests are concentrated on oneself". ?
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Let's find out what psychological drivers are behind narcissism.
psychologists believe that the formation of narcissistic personality comes from people's childhood experiences of emotional frustration.
in 1914, Freud wrote an epoch-making paper on narcissism, which divided narcissism into primitive narcissism and secondary narcissism.
Freud believes that people are narcissistic in infancy. Babies think that they can do anything. When they cry, they have milk to eat. When they call, they are coaxed, and their parents serve them. Primitive narcissism is the instinct of people's survival.
As the baby grows up, this desire to love himself will be transformed into the ability to love others. If there are setbacks in this transformation process, such as not getting the attention of parents or being degraded by parents, the child will compensate his damaged self-esteem with fantasy self-ideas and regard the idealized self as the object of love, which will produce secondary narcissism.
Many psychologists have revised and perfected this narcissistic theory, but generally speaking, they all agree with family of origin's influence on narcissism.
There are several typical manifestations of secondary narcissism, such as "self-knowledge inflation", "excessive obsession with physical beauty", "sense of superiority and privilege" and "superficial interpersonal relationship".
We use three psychological terms to explain the psychological drive behind these appearances.
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"reality distortion"
The so-called "reality distortion" means that narcissists will treat their idealized self as their true self, just like a narcissistic kitten looking in the mirror, which sees itself as a powerful tiger.
The narcissist's "reality distortion" psychology will also show a tendency of self-beautification. We use two figures to illustrate:
One figure is 364 million. On the famous American photo social media Instagram, there are more than 364 million photos labeled "I" and "selfie".
another figure is 1.1 billion. More than 1.1 billion users around the world use Meitu Xiu Xiu software, that is to say, one out of every seven people in the world will beautify their photos. "If you suddenly see fascinating selfies everywhere on social networks, then you should thank this app from China," the Daily Telegraph said.
Beauty software modifies our "actual appearance" into "expected appearance", and narcissists believe in their hearts that the "expected appearance" after beauty is their actual appearance.
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? Self-betting.
In psychology, "betting" refers to the infiltration and projection process of people's psychological and emotional energy. Two inanimate objects, such as two stones, can't penetrate each other. But between people, there is the ability to bet on each other's emotions.
narcissists' "self-betting" means that their focus is on themselves, and even if they put their energy into others, it will eventually be reflected on themselves. When they talk to people, they always turn the topic into "how do I do it?" They also lack the ability to show affection for others.
For example, if you beat your friend in a tennis match, the average person will take care of his friend's depression and comfort him by saying, "Well played, let's play another day"; But if you are a narcissist, you are likely to dance happily and shout angrily at your failed friend, "You lost!" "
Symington, an Australian psychologist, believes that narcissists have a hole in their hearts, and they have no power to support their own life value.
Although narcissists can't hold others in their hearts, they are particularly attached to others. They will put the praise collected from others on their skin like perfume to indulge themselves. Once this borrowed fragrance is exhausted, their sense of superiority will collapse.
In the fairy tale "The Emperor's New Clothes", the people praised the naked emperor loudly, which made the emperor very useful and his self-confidence soared. But when a child told the truth, the emperor was ashamed and wanted to run away. It means that narcissists' sense of superiority collapses.
So, what do narcissists do when they no longer feel superior?
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"Shame Flees"
The first story in the Bible tells that Adam and Eve were expelled from the Garden of Eden, which is actually a metaphor that people will experience a sense of shame after losing their initial protection. Shame is everywhere, and the key is how to deal with it.
There is such a girl beside me. She goes to play tennis, expecting everyone to applaud her and say, "You are great!" " But if she misses a ball, her mood drops to freezing point and she throws the racket to go home. In life, we will say that this person is too sensitive to play. In psychology, we call this kind of performance "narcissistic injury".
Some things as big as sesame seeds and mung beans will stimulate the narcissist and cause her to evaluate whether she is "good" or "bad". For self-protection, narcissists will pass on their sense of shame to the outside world, such as belittling others, to repair their wounds. This kind of self-protection mechanism, just like a finger will automatically retract when it touches a hot pot, is subconsciously made by narcissists. They use such words as "It's not my fault", "It's not my fault" and "It's none of my business".
In p>27, a school shooting caused a sensation all over the world. Seung-Hui Cho, a 23-year-old Korean college student, shot and killed 32 people. The only reason for the shooting was that his work was rejected by the publishing house. Seung-Hui Cho felt that no one appreciated his talent, so he vented his anger on innocent people. He wrote in his suicide note: "You tore my heart, raped my soul and burned my conscience. Thanks to you, I can die like Jesus Christ." This is a typical example of "shame escape".
Narcissism is also classified as a dark personality by some psychologists because "shame escape" is easy to stimulate violent tendencies.
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Dark personality? !
Although they belong to a dark personality, narcissists often give people the impression of being "capable and attractive".
There is a famous saying: "Not all mental patients are in prisons or hospitals, but some are in the board of directors."
Steve Jobs, the founder of Apple, is recognized as a super narcissist. People who have worked with Jobs admit that Jobs brought his own "reality distortion field". He once asked employees to design a "brick-beating" game within four days. It used to take several months to play this game. Everyone thought this goal was ridiculous, but Jobs convinced them that it would be possible. As a result, they actually finished the impossible task.
Jobs's "reality distortion" power also brought bad results. In 211, Jobs was diagnosed with a tumor. He refused to face this reality and stubbornly delayed treatment for nine months. In the end, it killed him.
Narcissism is a toxic asset in human nature. We can't equate narcissism with self-esteem and self-confidence.
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Narcissism is the Protestant ethic of this era!
Richard, a famous contemporary western thinker? Sonnet believes that narcissists can't understand what is self and self-satisfaction. They must keep asking about the meaning of the external world to themselves and the relationship between themselves and others or their behavior. But when they start to build relationships with others, they will find that this is not what they want, and thus experience a deep sense of disappointment.
to some extent, narcissism is the original sin of human beings, and we are naturally endowed with such beautiful flaws. This kind of flaw encloses us in a heart wall, and we can't see the real existence of others, so we can't really grow up.
narcissism will not make us strong in life.
As Ovid, an ancient Roman poet, said, only by overcoming narcissism can we gain the ability to love. May you and I both get rid of the shackles of narcissism and usher in an open and bright life.
main reading list:
narcissistic times (Jane m tengger? /? W. Keith Campbell? ）
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The golden sentence in this book
Narcissism refers not to the deep self-loathing or self-provision, but to a kind of self-confidence in the field of personal achievement, as well as a neutral or even negative attitude towards the intimate relationship and feelings of oneself and others. Don't try to define narcissism and narcissism by enhancing narcissism's self-confidence. All they need to learn is to respect others.
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Like other destructive behaviors, narcissism is also a kind of "delay trap"-luring you with immediate good results, but it will eventually hurt you.
The greatest consequences of narcissism are borne by people close to the narcissist.
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Narcissists often can't get along with others in real life, but online, their narcissistic behaviors and narcissistic photos will also receive more comments, so users are more willing to establish contact with narcissists, and at the same time, people's behavior and self-presentation benchmarks will gradually move closer to narcissism.
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Reference reading list:
Freud's On Narcissism: An Introduction
(Joseph Sandler, Ethel Spector Person, Peter Fonagy)
Narcissism
Narcissistic Culture (Christopher? Rush)