When the elderly live with the younger generations, opinions and conflicts often arise, and even disputes and unhappiness arise. Two generations have different backgrounds, have different outlooks on life, values, and living habits, and have different views on things. This is a very common phenomenon in society, and can also be called the "generation gap." If handled properly, the "generation gap" can be gradually eliminated, mutual understanding can be achieved, and common knowledge can be gained. On the contrary, contradictions can also intensify and become opposition and conflict.
To eliminate the "generation gap", the older and younger generations should work together. Young people should be respectful and filial to the elderly, and the elderly should be caring and loving towards the young. They should also understand each other, respect their respective ways of thinking and lifestyle, and do not force or impose their own ideas and practices on each other. This is a contradiction. will ease or disappear.
As an elderly person, you should adapt to the changes in your role in the family. Many people are prone to psychological imbalance when their roles first change, especially when they first enter old age. If they are the natural head of the family, they have the final say in family matters and plan their own expenses. But once the children join the workforce, the daughter-in-law and son-in-law come into the family, or the third generation is born, the situation will change greatly. If families are not separated, living will be more crowded than before, and expenses will increase accordingly. The income of young people will increase a lot. If the elderly are responsible for everything, there may be more conflicts between the two generations, especially between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. It is often difficult to unify between husband and wife. Even if the younger generation can be filial to the elderly, it cannot eliminate the feeling of loss for the elderly, because the status of "head of the family" has to be gradually replaced by "the dependent". Therefore, the elderly should overcome the sense of loss and abandonment that may be caused by this role change. They should adapt to the environment and help the younger generation arrange family affairs. However, they should not emphasize doing things according to the old habits of the past. They should also respect and trust young people and believe in them. These will be taken care of.
For a daughter-in-law or son-in-law, especially if they have just arrived at the home, they also have to go through an adaptation process. The relationship with the parents-in-law or parents-in-law will not be as deep as that of one's biological parents. There will be a certain distance. The elderly should be tolerant and understanding of them, and should have appropriate support and encouragement for their ideas and practices. Even their own children will have their own ideas and requirements as they grow older. Elderly people should also think more about them. As long as both parties can understand each other, the "generation gap" will gradually be eliminated and a harmonious family relationship will be established. Rabindranath Tagore has a famous saying, "Love is another name for understanding." You must cultivate love for your children and your daughter-in-law. With love, you will understand and you will not be out of place. Feelings and love can be cultivated. With a sufficient emotional foundation, the "generation gap" It will gradually fill in unconsciously.
Whether you get along well with the younger generation has a direct impact on the mental health of the elderly, and the mental health of the elderly is of great help to longevity. But no matter how careful you are, there will be times when there are conflicts and tensions. There are a few types, see if you get a kick out of it too.
The talkative mother Li was a "chatterbox" when she was young. She became even more nagging as she got older, worrying about everything and giving advice on everything to her children. As soon as the children were in front of her, Mother Li would hold on to them and talk endlessly. As soon as she heard what she said, the children were afraid to avoid her. Seeing this, she felt sad: "I hate that I am old, and no one wants to hear what I say!"
The old man is nagging. It's normal to nag a little, and it's also a way to vent and resolve, but you must pay attention to self-restraint and avoid nagging endlessly. This will have no good effect, and you will end up worrying and complaining. Try it the other way around. Can you bear it if your children keep nagging you about everything? The eccentric Granny Wang has loved her younger son since she was young. She thinks he is beautiful, smart, well-behaved and considerate, but she has no face for the dull boss. As her sons got married and started businesses one after another, Grandma Wang's partiality became more and more intense. She bought her younger son a house and found a job, and financed her younger daughter-in-law's education abroad, but she rarely cared about her eldest son's family. The eldest daughter-in-law is quite critical of this. Grandma Wang’s reasoning is: Don’t I love whoever I love about my son!
It’s really up to you to decide who is better, tiltable bowl The soup will spill and leak, and it will splash all over you. If you don't want to cause trouble, you'd better straighten your hands when holding the bowl. As long as you do not favor one party and neglect the other party, and the younger generation has a balanced mind, you will win double the respect and love.
The provocative neighbor, Mrs. Wang, likes to criticize her daughter-in-law Lingzi’s faults with her relatives and friends, making everyone think that Lingzi is lazy, greedy, and good-for-nothing.
What's more, Mrs. Wang often carried Lingzi on her back and complained to her son about her. As time went by, the couple also had friction. When Lingzi learned about her mother-in-law's "secret operations", she made a scene and filed for divorce. Mrs. Wang was now at a loss.
It is a taboo for parents to talk about the younger generation among relatives and friends and spread gossip to cause trouble. If your children live an unhappy life and your family is in turmoil, will you have a happy and stable old age? You can openly communicate with your children about their problems, point them out in person, and speak sincerely and tactfully. Your children will be convinced and strive to correct them. Discussing behind one's back cannot solve the problem, deepens the conflict, and appears to lack the quality of elders.
After the indifferent Xiaojia got married, her mother-in-law was very dignified and never took the initiative to care about the young couple. When Xiaojia had a child, she was in a hurry to go to work after her maternity leave. She didn't hire a nanny for a while, so she asked her mother-in-law for help, but her mother-in-law refused. Not only that, but her mother-in-law often blamed Xiao Jia for not being diligent enough and not fulfilling her filial piety.
Someone once said: "There is no love without reason in the world." Parents and children should also compare their hearts with each other. You are a piece of ice, but you ask your children to be a ball of fire, which is unreasonable and only increases troubles. Give your children warm care, and your children will naturally reciprocate.
The bossy old Zhang is the absolute "number one" in the family, and all family members must obey his orders. In the eyes of his children, his father is an out-and-out "dictator." After retiring, he found that his influence on his children was dwindling. Recently, his son actually invested a huge amount of money in the stock market without telling him, which his old man would never allow. Lao Zhang was so angry and anxious that he developed high blood pressure. Lying in the hospital bed, he no longer had the strength to teach and control his son.
You cannot ask your children to do things according to your own wishes. This will only lead to rebellion and alienation from your children, who may conceal and deceive you, and obey you in secret. It is reasonable to treat children with an equal and democratic attitude, respect their choices, and provide them with necessary and effective guidance and help.
After graduating from university, the picky Xiaolin rented a house with friends near his workplace. Her mother came over occasionally to visit, and every time she commented and pointed fingers at everything her daughter did, including her weird hairstyle, flashy clothes, and excessive spending. Anyway, she was not satisfied with anything. Her daughter was so angry that she pushed her away: " Mom, let’s go! Why do you think I don’t like everything!” Mom was also unhappy: “It’s for your own good, but I don’t appreciate it!”
Out of concern or dissatisfaction with your children, criticism and advice are Yes, but when your children become adults and have their own lifestyles and ideas, they will inevitably conflict with your ideas. You need to be more tolerant and understanding, and trust and encourage them more. Blaming and denying them will only distance you from your children.
When the suspicious type traveled abroad, Lao Tong bought his daughter-in-law a pair of expensive leather gloves. However, it was late winter and he had never seen his daughter-in-law wearing them. When Lao Tong asked about it, her daughter-in-law always evaded the truth. It's just a fool's errand. Lao Tong muttered in his heart: Did he not like it? Or was there another reason? His daughter-in-law had a younger sister, so why not pass this good thing on to her parents' family? The more she thought about it, the more awkward she became. In the end, it was the son who revealed the mystery. It turned out that the daughter-in-law had left her gloves in the taxi and was afraid that her mother-in-law would be unhappy when she found out, so she did not dare to say anything.
As the old saying goes: "There is nothing in the world except for people who disturb themselves." As parents, you must not make excuses for the affairs of your younger generations and make trouble out of nothing. If you have something to do, you should explain it to your child face to face, and don't whisper behind your back. If you have any questions, you should ask them in front of your child, and don't make random suspicions to avoid misunderstandings.
The stubborn old man is a retired cadre. He talks about "what we were like back then" all day long. His son used his year-end bonus to buy him a brightly colored cashmere sweater. He insisted that he couldn't wear it, so he forced his son to Quit. What's more, when his son has a girlfriend, Lao Bu heard that the girl is two years older than his son, but he doesn't agree with it. The son is reluctant to let go of his like-minded lover. For this reason, the relationship between father and son has reached a deadlock.
The times are developing and society is changing with each passing day. As an old person, there is definitely a gap in understanding with young people, but the elders should work hard to understand and adapt to the new life. If you really can’t stand it, you can Ignore it and don't interfere. There is a saying: "Live until you are old and learn until you are old." By advancing with the times, you will not only be happier and more fulfilled, but you will also be amazed and admired by younger generations.
I also tell my children that as the elderly age, their body functions decline and their moods fluctuate easily. In addition, they are often plagued by major and minor diseases. Physical discomfort can also cause changes in temperament or loss of control, making them appear surly and unwilling. He is unreasonable and difficult to get along with, so he is often called "old boy".
When conflicts arise with children, there are certainly problems on the part of the elderly, but children should not blindly emphasize these issues, but should put themselves in the shoes of the elderly, show the patience and love that the elderly used to raise us "little children", and have more understanding and understanding of the elderly. Tolerance, care, and consideration. In this way, there will be less unhappiness and more warmth between the elder and the younger, and the family will be extremely harmonious.