This is the first time I have carefully read "Fu Lei's Family Letters". Before that, I had only glanced at it lightly in many recommended books. There used to be a prejudice. When choosing a book to read, you should first look at the author's birth and death dates to see how old the author lived. Authors who are still alive and who are over 90 years old are almost not considered options.
Those who die early because of illness always feel that they have nothing to learn from, and suicide is not an option. Fu Lei happens to be one of them. It is only now that I can fully understand that everyone has their own feelings, and especially after experiencing all the anxieties that hit me after becoming a mother for the first time, I can carefully appreciate Fu Lei's deep and deep love for Fu Cong. Love down to the smallest detail. Fu Cong, the world's piano master, is undoubtedly Fu Lei's greatest "masterpiece", which is admirable enough at this point. Of course, Fu Lei's erudition and versatility in art and academics at that time are something that we ordinary people cannot surpass to this day. But you can still learn from him a "model" of family education that will never go out of style.
True
Fu Lei had an unfortunate childhood. He lost his father in his early years and his mother adopted a tiger mother-like parenting style. Fu Lei, who grew up in this educational background, directly imposed the "family tradition" of strict education on his first child, Fu Cong. In his first letter home, Fu Lei reflected on his son, admitting that he had been too harsh in educating Fu Cong in his early years, admitted his mistakes, and admitted the physical and mental harm he had caused to Fu Cong and his mother in his early years. Authenticity gives effective feedback to his words.
Reflecting on the fact that I always play the role of the always-reasonable person in the family, I feel really ashamed. For children, an unattainable saint will make them feel depressed, and they feel that they can never catch up with the glorious image of their parents' saints. However, a parent who makes mistakes, admits them, and corrects them can become a leader for his children.
Everyone makes mistakes, there is no escaping it. How to truly confess your mistakes in front of your children is crucial: My child, I make mistakes just like you, and some mistakes cannot be made up for, but I will not make such mistakes again in the future. You see The consequences of my mistakes will also serve as a warning to you. I let you see my pain to prevent you from suffering again.
Whether it is a child or a physical adult, learning is lifelong, and it is a two-way learning from experience and lessons. Only by showing children a true self, an equally imperfect self, can correct concepts be exported to children. It is impossible for children to learn to be ordinary people from an unattainable "saint".
Intelligent nagging
Some people say that nagging is the killer of parent-child relationships and the culprit of children’s rebellion. I feel that this view is not completely correct. Fu Lei did not talk too much in his letters home, but dwelled a lot on trivial matters of life and the details of dealing with others. It’s as trivial as the placement of stamps in a letter, the accuracy of wording, body movements and mood when playing the piano, expressing gratitude to people in a timely manner, the tone of speaking, how to get along with your wife, don’t pamper your children too much, let your children learn from an early age Adapting to loneliness... is also all trivial Tang Seng-style chatter.
If Fu Cong hears these words in front of Fu Lei, they may not have a guiding effect on him. Fu Lei himself admitted that he had a bad temper. Fu Cong once took a short vacation to return to China during his stay in Poland. Fu Lei mentioned in the letter that he should cherish it, but there was still some unpleasantness in the language when they met. Everyone has bad emotions, and they will instinctively react within a limited time. If there is a buffer, setting a speed bump for the impulsive brain will greatly reduce the trouble caused by impulsiveness.
And the unrestrainedness between relatives is exactly the reason why our words and deeds are too intense. Writing letters is different. People have to slow down their brain's processing speed when writing, which is equivalent to adding a speed bump to bad emotions. The person who reads the letter cannot directly face the bad mood of the writer. It is easier to accept it by focusing only on the text itself. As the saying goes, "distance creates beauty." Beauty lies in isolating intense emotions.
If Fu Cong and Fu Lei had lived together for more than ten years, with their equally fiery personalities, they might not have been able to live in harmony, and their achievements might not have been as great as they are now.
From this we can learn that the correct nagging is to block emotions: use writing. Now I often use this method to nag my children, and I have personally proven that it is much easier to use than using a knife and a mouth. What is reflected in the letter is really a model of wisdom and a glorious image of a loving mother. The most important thing about education is effectiveness. As long as irreparable mistakes are not caused, all methods lead to the same goal.
The truth is all in small life. It is necessary to give children a realistic and feasible life operation guide
Fu Lei is thoughtful about life. He explained to Fu Lei what is normal and is the way. . All the ways of being a person and dealing with the world are actually in real life. Fu Lei himself has learned Chinese and Western knowledge, has traveled extensively, and has profound insights into various situations in life. He always believed that Fu Cong should be taught to be a human being first, and then to be an artist. This can be seen from the fact that the content of the letters is more about daily life than about art.
The teachings he gave to Fu Cong were extremely practical, and the principles must be followed by a feasible method of operation: Regarding how to get along with husband and wife, he instructed Fu Cong to spend at least ten minutes every day to spend time with his wife. Chat; artists should stay close to life, don’t just soak in music, go to nature to relax and find pure inspiration; be polite, stand respectfully when listening to teachers’ instructions, and give back to others in a timely manner Goodwill; learn to manage finances, develop the habit of keeping accounts, and let your wife live a moderate standard of life. Poverty can also kill artists; cultivate children to be independent. When children are young, it is easy to magnify their advantages and ignore their potential. shortcomings, when children always want to pester adults, they must learn to let go at the right time, so that children can experience loneliness from an early age, because people will always be lonely, and getting along with the lonely self is an ability that should be cultivated from an early age... ...
As an ordinary mother with no achievements at all, what she can receive from "Fu Lei's Family Letter" is the above three aspects. Maybe I will have a deeper understanding if I look at it in the future. After reading Fu Lei's last letter, I felt sad and deeply felt sorry for him. I must have no worries before I can bear to take my wife to brave the world!
People live only to achieve their greatest achievements, and educating their descendants is one of the greatest achievements. It is related to the inheritance of blood and spirit. And Fu Cong is undoubtedly Fu Lei's unique achievement. Fu Lei's epitaph is: "When a child is lonely, he will create a world." Fu Lei is successful. He knows that Fu Cong can fight alone. He is already lonely, creates a world, and also creates spiritual friends.
The purpose of education is nothing more than to make children grow into people who are not afraid of fighting alone in the world. It is good to have like-minded comrades, but at major points in life, everyone will have to face loneliness. Fight hard. This is a lifelong education that everyone must receive.
Pay tribute to Fu Lei, pay tribute to the innocent, and pay tribute to loneliness!