Ralph Waldo Emerson, the most independent person, has a famous saying: "If you want to be a real 'man', you must be a person who does not blindly follow the rules. The integrity of your soul Sex is inviolable... When you give up your own position and want to see something from someone else's point of view, you may make mistakes."
This passage emphasizes " "Seeing things from other people's point of view" will undoubtedly have a powerful impact on people who want to enhance interpersonal relationships.
Emerson's words can also be understood this way: "As far as possible, see things from the perspective of others - but do not lose your own perspective." If maturity can bring you any benefits, then It means being able to discover your beliefs and strengthen the courage to realize them no matter what factors you encounter.
Young people who are not deeply involved in the world are often afraid of being different... Whether it is clothing, actions, speech or thinking patterns, they try to identify with the circle to which they belong. Parents of teenagers at home are most afraid of hearing this.
“Sally’s mother makes her wear lipstick.”
“Other girls my age are going out with boys.”
"For God's sake, do you want me to be an old monster? No one is going to get home before 11 o'clock."
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Children generally like to play with their peers People of the same age do the same thing, they care a lot about what their friends or playmates think of them. They need to be accepted by their peers - this is the most important evidence of his existence. If the standards of peers conflict with the standards of parents, it will also cause great harm to them. For parents, this is the most frustrating thing.
When we come to a strange place and have no past experience to refer to, the best way is to conform to ordinary people's standards - until our own experience and confidence are enough to give us strength. Then you can act according to your own beliefs and standards. If you rush into reform without knowing the object or reasons for your opposition, then failure is bound to be waiting for you.
As our knowledge grows, time will allow us to formulate our own value system. For example, we may find that honesty is the best course of action. This is not only because many people teach us this, but also because our own observations, experiences, and reflections tell us that the cost of crime is not worth it. Happily for society as a whole, most people agree on some important basic principles of life, otherwise the world would be a different place.
Of course, there are times when popular norms are tested, and they will be challenged at any time by those who do not follow the crowd - this is the driving force of civilization and progress. For example, people have always been afraid to express their opposition to the long-standing slavery system. It was not until a small number of avant-garde people rose up to speak out that they finally received a response. There are also torture to extract confessions, child labor exploitation, inhumane punishment, product misrepresentation, etc. These unreasonable phenomena were once accepted and acknowledged by most people. It was not until a small number of people rose up to oppose them and persisted to the end that they were gradually abolished by the authority.
It is not easy to dare to be unconventional and put forward your own opinions, at least it is not a pleasant thing. Sometimes, it's even dangerous. Therefore, most people prefer to conform to the environment, hide among the crowd and receive protection, and do not question or object to the leadership of various rulers - we dare not do anything different. We do not realize that this kind of security is actually hypocritical. The public's psychology is to follow the trend, and will only be touched when unreasonable things happen to them.
Like the pursuit of security, people adapt to the environment and often end up becoming slaves to the environment. The true freedom of a person is to accept the various challenges of life, to constantly struggle and to experience various controversies. The famous field correspondent Etgart Moller once said: "Ordinary men and women do not achieve personality integrity by pursuing negative virtues - such as adapting to the environment, safety, or so-called happiness, but by relying on Bearing heavy burdens to achieve excellence (this is also the greatest happiness). Healthy people never avoid difficulties. Our ancestors understood this and made mankind develop today. ”
Previously. The need to accept responsibility was discussed and considered the first step towards maturity. From this point of view, growth should be interpreted as: under the protective shade of parents, gradually moving towards the vast world of self-development.
Mature people should no longer retreat into the shelter of the cowardly, but should adapt to the environment; there is no need to hide one's edge and blindly follow other people's ideas, but to have one's own opinion in everything. point of view.
There is a kind of person with a strong character who does not need you to give them a long speech about the value of human nature. This kind of person is usually driven by a passionate sense of mission and therefore has no hesitation - a strong sense of mission that enables them to face all kinds of difficulties regardless of the circumstances.
But most of us—like you and me, or your next door neighbor—are constantly swinging between pressures from various groups. Because we think that if so many people oppose it, we must be wrong. Our beliefs are often overwhelmed by overwhelming majority. When the majority of people oppose us, we will waver in our beliefs.
Some people have this idea that those who do not follow the crowd are usually eccentric, like to sensationalize, or like to be "different". We do not think that a person with a beard, or a person who goes barefoot on the street, or a person wearing a T-shirt to a formal banquet, or a woman smoking a cigar in the theater, is an independent person who likes freedom. Instead, we think that They are like monkeys in a zoo, uncivilized people who have not yet evolved.
Mature character enhances our beliefs and drives us to live out those beliefs. Everyone has a responsibility to themselves, to all mankind, and to God - to make good use of their various abilities to enhance the happiness of all mankind.
In this regard, Emerson's firm stance of not following the crowd is admirable. When he was alive, many people engaged in anti-slavery or other reform movements wanted his support, but he refused. Emerson certainly sympathized with these movements and wished them well. But he doesn't think he should put his energy and ability into these sports, because they are not his expertise. He firmly adhered to this principle, and although he was misunderstood because of it, he did not change it.
Adhering to a principle that is not supported by others, or not casually accommodating a principle that is generally supported by others, requires toughness of character. It does take a lot of courage to be a person who does not follow the crowd and is willing to stick to his beliefs when he is attacked.
Such an incident happened at an annual business meeting. At that time, the topic was turning to a recent issue. Everyone present agreed with a certain point, and only one man disagreed. He politely refused to express his opinion at first, and then when someone asked him directly for his opinion, he smiled and said: "I originally hoped you wouldn't ask me, because I have different opinions from everyone, and this is a pleasant social gathering. . But since you asked me, I had to express my opinion." Then he briefly explained his opinion and was immediately attacked by everyone. He stood firm in his position and refused to give in. As a result, although he did not convince others to agree with his views, he won everyone's respect. Because he sticks to his beliefs and has his own unique insights.
Just two or three centuries ago, Americans had to rely on individual decisions to survive. Those pioneers who drove horse-drawn carriages to the west did not have the opportunity to find experts to help solve problems when they encountered problems. No matter how big the crisis is, they can only rely on themselves. When they were sick and there was no doctor, they relied on common sense or family secrets. When the Indians attacked and there were no police, they relied on their own wisdom or strength to defeat them. To settle their families, there were no construction companies at that time. You have to rely on your own hands; if you want food, you have to farm or hunt by yourself. These people have to make judgments and decisions immediately every time they encounter any problem in life. Because they have no one to rely on.
We now live in an era full of experts. Because we have become so accustomed to relying on the authoritative opinions of these experts, we gradually lose confidence in ourselves and are unable to express opinions or hold beliefs on many matters. The reason these experts take our place so easily is because our minds have grown lazy.
Our current education framework is designed for a given personality model, so it is difficult to train leadership talents with this education method. Since most people are followers, not leaders, although we need training for leaders, we also need to train ordinary people how to follow leadership consciously and intelligently. In this way, we will not be like the cattle being sent to the slaughterhouse, blindly allowed to be slaughtered.
Educator Walter Barbie told us: Children in our country are trained according to the personality characteristics needed by the country, so they have developed the following characteristics - sociable, approachable, and capable. Adjusting oneself to group life etc. at any time - this is the case for every child. Shyness is considered a sign of an inability to adapt to the environment. Children must all participate in games and take turns being leaders; each child must express his opinion on each topic and must seek approval and happiness from others.
To ensure that the future masters of these countries can happily receive training under our education system, we must allow these children with independent personalities to have independent space. For example, if a child likes reading but not playing baseball; or if a child likes music but not playing football, we should allow them to do what they want and should not regard them as people who do not fit in with the group. to restrict or obstruct.
It is very admirable that some parents dare to raise objections to the way their children are educated in public schools. Because they are often told that these educational issues are best left to qualified experts. I know a young man who lives in the suburbs of the city. He bravely stood up and expressed his opinions to the school about the way his children should be educated. He is an independent thinker and has great confidence in his own beliefs. He constantly asked questions and struggled alone with worldly habits. A year later, many people were influenced by him and elected him to be a member of the community education committee. Today, not only are his own children benefiting from his work, but hundreds of other children have benefited from his advice.
In today's market, there are a variety of textbooks. Pediatricians tell us how to feed, raise and take care of our children; early childhood psychologists also tell us how to teach our children; successful businesses Experts tell us how to get business done; in politics, we rarely vote out of personal choice, but mostly follow the opinions of certain groups; even our private lives are often influenced by the opinions of certain experts. These experts observe, create charts, and then sell their opinions to the public for them to digest, absorb, and adopt them as guidelines for action.
Most of us, men and women, have no idea that we are actually some of the greatest experts in the world—people who do something in their own, family, or career worlds. These things are just because some "experts" say so, or because it is a trend, we just follow it and join in the fun.
Edgar Mohler happily used the term "group condition" to warn us - something that he believed would kill the precious value of the human individual.
“This kind of strangulation is just like the hated Nazi regime.” Mohler wrote in the “Weekend Literary Review”. “It encourages the cruelty and authoritarian elements in human nature, which is in line with the It runs counter to the ideals of American society."
"In addition to safeguarding the country's independence, the most important thing in the founding spirit of the United States is to make the people respected in the country. , or are educated into a group without independent personality, they will have the power to rise up against the government."
Moeller poignantly pointed out at the end of the article: "Although humans are not yet able to reach the realm of angels, this does not mean that they have no independent personality. It’s not the reason why they have to become ants.”
What is undeniable is that the most difficult commandment for us to fulfill today is: “Keep your true face” in a world full of mass products and mass products. In a developed society of communication and assembly line education, it is difficult to understand oneself, and even harder to maintain one's true self. For example, we often distinguish a person's attributes based on the group or class he belongs to, such as "He is from a trade union", "She is a working married woman", "He is a liberal", "He is a reactionary" Molecule" and so on. Almost every one of us has been labeled by others, and we label others mercilessly. This is very much like the game of "officer and robber catching robber" played by children.
Princeton University President Harold Das has done a special study on the issue of conformity to the group or not. At the student graduation ceremony in 1955, he delivered an impromptu speech on the topic "The Importance of Becoming an Independent Individual": "No matter how much pressure you are under, so that you have to change yourself to adapt to the environment, as long as you are a person with People with an independent personality will find that no matter how hard you try to surrender to the environment in a rational way, you will still lose the most precious asset you have - self-esteem. It can be said that if you want to maintain your independence. The sacred need of human beings is an expression of dignity that does not want to be condescended to by others. Although drifting with the crowd can temporarily obtain some emotional satisfaction, it will also make it difficult to calm down."
Das. The principal finally made a very profound conclusion. He pointed out: "Only when people find themselves, will they understand such basic questions as why they came to this world, what they want to do, and where they want to go in the future."
In June 1955, when Sir Percy Spander, Australia's ambassador to the United States, was appointed as the honorary president of Union University in New York, he once pointed out: "The meaning of life to us is to make everything we know We all have responsibilities to our country, society, and family. This is the reason why we are in this world, and it is also the basis for us to live more usefully. Without obligations, society will not be orderly, and our talents and independence cannot be exerted. We have the right and should have a sacred opportunity to cultivate our own uniqueness. Only in this way can we make ourselves, our families, our friends, and even the whole world better. Human beings achieve eternal joy and happiness.
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