He suddenly asked me, "What do you want most in your life?"

"love."

"Huh?" He's a little surprised?

"Be loved and be loved." I said, "A lot of love."

"What do you want second?"

"money." I said.

"How much is it?" He asked.

"That's enough."

"How much is enough?"

"Not much." I answered.

"Is there anything else?"

"healthy."

"Very practical." He said.

I have always been a pragmatic person with a practical plan in mind.

In Yi Shu's "Xibao", "I always hope to get a lot of love. Without love, a lot of money is good. If there is none, I am still healthy. I am actually not poor. " This passage has appeared countless times.

Yi Shu brought us a seemingly ordinary but extraordinary story.

We are no strangers to the story of a woman selling her youth. A beautiful poor woman, forced by life, seduced by vanity, or degenerated into the world of mortals, or hidden by a person's golden house. For money or happiness, I sold my youth and got money; I got the money, but I found that I was not happy, and then I found that the money was useless. Such stories are commonplace.

But in Yi Shu's story, Jiang Xibao gave people a special feeling from the moment he appeared; Although we were very surprised when the story finally developed in the direction we didn't want, Jiang Xibao didn't disappoint the readers, or the people who cared about her.

1, love and money

"In any case, it is unforgivable for a person to make excuses." When I first started reading the story, I was addicted to Xibao's life situation and chewed this sentence repeatedly. This is what Yi Shu said, but I don't agree with it to a great extent.

Because we are not "Xibao". If we are not her, we can't understand her choices and her life, so we have no right and shouldn't judge her morally at will.

As she said, no matter big or small, the truth will never be known if it is not the parties themselves.

"Poverty" is her summary of her short life in 2 1 year. Lack of love, material poverty. Every girl should be a princess, at least for her parents. And every woman should be a queen, at least in the hearts of men who love her.

However, for Jiang Xibao, she has neither. She lives alone with her mother, or mother and daughter live alone. For a decent life, she regards "the cultivation and expression of emotions" as an extravagant thing in life. And she was loved by men, even by many men, but it didn't last long.

She said it was too easy to meet a man, but it was difficult for him to marry me. In any case, a man's greatest respect for a woman is to propose marriage. But she doesn't have this ability.

Everyone has his own outlook on life and values. Mother's education of Xibao from childhood is positive. That unusual, unique positive. Buy her a veil even if she dies. Even if you wash your hair with soap, you should keep your hair clean; Even if the future is uncertain, I will exchange a one-way ticket to London for my daughter to study abroad; "If you have money to buy a plane ticket, you won't go to Europe", which was what Xibao's mother "scolded" when she came home from abroad.

Working hard and not struggling at the bottom of society is the survival concept instilled in her by her mother since childhood. In Xibao's cognition, a woman can only rely on her father and husband all her life except personal struggle and hard work. Unfortunately, she has neither.

In a word, she is in urgent need of love, a lot of love; Or the next best thing, a lot of money will do. Therefore, Xu Cunzi's compromise became her only and best choice. Besides, she doesn't need much, and she is by no means an insatiable person.

"I just want enough living expenses-a lot of coal for heating and a lot of chocolate for me to chew." The existence of Xu Cunzi lies in Jiang Xibao's mother's marriage, absolute loneliness and helplessness, and urgent tuition and living expenses. At this time, Xu Cunzi is "the right time, the right place and the right people."

What's more, she is taken care of so well.

2. Dreams and letters

Xibao said in the book that Bernard Shaw's play "Flower Girl" was changed into a movie, and the heroine sang loudly:

I just need a room.

Stay away from cold air at night.

There is a chair.

Oh, that would be great.

Someone's head is resting on my knee,

Gentle and warm.

He took good care of me,

Oh, that would be great.

Xibao said that there is only "cuteness" in the lyrics, but there is no "love"; And love is too extravagant.

However, the Xibao merchant in the story is different from this "flower girl". Xu Cunzi took good care of her and made her feel valued or loved.

"In addition to money, there are other reasons? Xu Cunzi is always there, and when I need him, he is ready. " A sense of security. A sense of security that people care about and love. A sense of security that is not forced by life. These are what Xibao desperately lacks, and they are willing to pay at all costs.

So, for a while, she felt the happiness brought by this sense of security; For a while, she tried to get close to him. Until Xu Cunzi shot Hans, a handsome young physics professor, out of jealousy.

Jiang Xibao really understood Xu Cunzi and really admitted how much he had paid for love, money and so-called security.

In fact, these books have always been foreshadowing, either bright or dark. "Dream" and "belief" are subtle expressions of Xibao's dissatisfaction with the status quo. Say "obscure" because Xu Cunzi is too kind to her, respectful enough, considerate enough, rich enough, and good enough for daily life, and has never even coveted her body; But she is almost loved as a princess and a child. It is because Xu Cunzi is so kind to her that Xibao ignores her real inner needs like self-deception. Only in dreams, in dreams where self-awareness is out of control, will those things you really want appear.

Letters in dreams, letters from boys who once loved him; My dream husband, who loves and respects her, is a young man's husband; A white wedding specially held for her in the dream church; Wait a minute. These things that she wanted from the bottom of her heart have become things that she dare not expect in reality.

With the death of Hans, Xibao also understood that Xu Cunzi gave her everything, but deprived her of her freedom. In reality, she seems to be free and respected, but it is within the scope that her posture can be controlled and accepted.

"He threatened me, he threatened me and gave me great psychological fear", "I know where I am going. Go to that cabin, sleep, smell a real pipe in your nose, Bach's concerto, and a person's blue eyes are full of confidence ... I want to go back there and sleep, just sleep. " "This is the only place where you can sleep without sleeping pills."

In short, Xu Cunzi deprived Jiang Xibao of his spiritual freedom. He bought her a precious spiritual freedom with enough love and money.

3, such as morning dew, it is much more difficult to go to Japan. Life is worth living.

For example, morning dew is much more difficult to go to Japan. Telling the truth, the emotional response to reading "Xibao" is full of twists and turns. It seems that Jiang Xibao missed his youth, his studies and even his bright future by a bad old man. However, this is not the case.

This is the shining point of Yi Shu's story and the place that captures people's hearts.

The so-called "twists and turns", at first, Jiang Xibao's self-indulgence almost made us see through her misfortune at a glance, but in fact she seemed to get everything she wanted; Later, when we were rejoicing in her near-lucky happiness, her true sadness and misfortune clearly surfaced; Finally, when we thought she would completely degenerate, or decided to leave and start over, she fell in love with Xu Cunzi, whose life was dying, and was willing to give up the vast world and young lover to spend the most difficult moment in her life with an old man without saying a word.

Yes, when it should belong to the cause of posture, it will be repaid to the child step by step; When Xu's gesture begins to be old and fragile, look back and repent; When he became a real old man, a patient and a lonely person, the meaning of Xibao's existence also changed imperceptibly.

She almost instantly became the object that all of them needed, relied on and thanked, and almost became the spiritual pillar of the whole family. Those who ignored, despised and despised her before her family began to respect, affirm and trust her. More importantly, Xu Cunzi himself, on the one hand, began to realize his selfishness and decided to persuade Xibao to leave him and live his own life; On the one hand, he began to really rely on her again, began to show his joys and sorrows, stopped performing, and stopped guarding himself.

At the same time, Xibao found that she fell in love with him in this "full of twists and turns" life drama. Yes, I don't know when they fell in love. She said-

At the beginning, for money, for safety, for ambition; Later, for shame, for hatred, for revenge; Up to now, Mr Xu, please don't laugh at me. Now it's for love. I love you.

Growing up, I never loved anyone, and no one loved me. I am not responsible to anyone, and no one has ever been responsible to me. I belong to no one, and no one belongs to me. But now I know where I should stay.

Life is worth living.

Jiang Xibao's five-year youth, which is neither too long nor too short, is worth wasting. Because she not only enjoyed the life and courtesy that she never even dared to think about before; Because she not only got a lot of love from it (the love of relatives, the love of men and women), but also got a lot of money from it (after Xu Cunzi died, her property was even incalculable); But also because through all this, she really saw the meaning and value of money-she saw it as transparent as crystal, and she knew exactly what it could and could not buy.

At the end of the story, Xibao said-

Xu Cunzi is right. I was the richest woman when he died. There is no doubt about it. But at the moment I just want him to live, love me and stay with me. Growing up, I only knew the benefits of money. I forgot to calculate. Forget that I'm human, and I have feelings.

For example, morning dew is much more difficult to go to Japan. Therefore, when Jiang Xibao finally understood all this, her previous five years of life were worth living.

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