As a parent, if something like this happens during your child’s study and life, how would you deal with it? One day, your child forgets to bring his books or school supplies to class; a few days later, he forgets to bring his homework; after a while, he damages his classmate’s watch; your child is often late for class; on rainy days, he Lost in the rain, got soaked by the rain, caught a cold and had a fever for several days; junior high school students still need their parents to watch their homework every day before they can finish it... Things like this can happen to your children every day, even countless. As a parent, how do you deal with these problems?
Will you rush home on the way to work to get books for your children and then send them back to school?
Will you pay for his damaged watch? Are you determined not to take any responsibility for your children?
Will you wake your child up every day and remind him not to be late?
Will you use nagging, reasoning, reminding, yelling, punishment, criticism and education to supervise your children?
If you really do this, then I think you are really too tired. The child lacks a sense of responsibility and does not worry about his own affairs. The parents do everything for him. When will this end? When will he really grow up and take responsibility for his own affairs?
Sun Yunxiao wrote this sentence in his book: "A person who is unwilling to take his own responsibilities may not be able to make real friends when he was a child, which will affect his healthy growth; if he becomes an adult, If parents neglect their duties, they may be subject to legal sanctions. ”
If parents often bear the responsibilities and consequences that their children should bear, when they become adults, their children’s behavior will still remain in their childhood and lack the necessary skills. Life experience, coping skills and responsibility. When a child enters society, he will get into a lot of trouble because of the mistakes he made.
The book "Positive Discipline" writes: "When you put the water glass on your notebook, when there is a very important courseware presentation task the next day, but you are still staying up late to watch the award ceremony, What happens when you go for a walk without an umbrella when the weather is bad? You spill water on your laptop, get mad about being late, and get caught in the rain. We all know this is the result of our bad decisions. The price paid, and what is worse than these, is that from childhood, no one has to bear any consequences for their bad behavior; it is the child who feels that he can do whatever he wants, even if his behavior will affect his health, interpersonal relationships, Financial or future harm.”
Read the following story: When the daughter of the famous children’s educator Sun Yunxiao was in elementary school, she loved to sleep in. In the morning, despite urging her to get up again and again, she always had to stay in bed for a while. If it's really late, just say: "It's all your fault for making me late." Later, Sun Yunxiao bought an alarm clock for her daughter and told her: "From tomorrow on, what time should you get up? You can set the alarm clock by yourself. The alarm clock will sound great." Come on, I won't call you even if you sleep until 12 noon." It didn't work for the first few days. When the alarm clock rang, my daughter raised her hand and turned it off, but she still overslept. Her parents didn't speak, and she herself had nothing to say. After a few times, she began to think of ways to put two alarm clocks and then put the alarm clocks out of reach. Within a week, she was never late again.
Another time, my daughter went to summer camp. Sun Yunxiao asked: "Are everything ready?" The daughter said: "Everything is ready, just don't worry about it." Sun Yunxiao checked it and found that he didn't bring enough clothes and a flashlight, so he reminded: "The climate over there is , Do you know? Do you have enough clothes? Are you ready for the evening activities?" The daughter said impatiently: "No problem, please stop talking!" A week later, my daughter came back. Sun Yunxiao asked: "Are you having fun?" "Happy." "Is there any trouble?" "Oh, I'm freezing to death. I didn't expect it to be so cold in the mountains." "What else?" "It's very inconvenient to do activities at night without a flashlight. , and there is no place to buy it.” “What should I do next?” “I have to make a list before going away like my father!”
“Let a person show his true nature and make him take responsibility. A kind of responsibility is the most effective way." - Somerset Maugham
In a community in Guangdong, a little boy accidentally bumped into a skateboard. The paint of the Porsche was scratched. In this case, the little boy did not flee the scene directly. Instead, he found a piece of paper and a pen and wrote a note before leaving. .
At that time, the little boy wrote on the paper that he did not mean it, and also left his name, phone number, and school. When the car owner saw that his car was scratched, he was very worried. I was angry, and then I saw this note in the car, and then I learned that it was a primary school student who accidentally touched the Porsche while playing. This act of proactively admitting his mistake and leaving a note moved the car owner very much, so He did not hold this primary school student accountable.
After the little boy’s mother found out about this incident, she took her child to the car owner’s house and wanted to compensate the car owner. The car owner said that the child was very responsible and there was no need for him to compensate, but However, the mother repeatedly asked for compensation. If she did not receive compensation, she would not be able to bear it, so the car owner took a few hundred yuan as a token fee. I think what the mother did was right and this is the right thing to do. educational methods.
"Everything a child does seems to express his entire life and personality. Without understanding this hidden background, it is impossible to understand what he does." - Alfred of Austria .Adler
Parents should encourage their children to take responsibility for their mistakes. When children truly realize their mistakes, it is often the time when they really want to correct them, and it is also the best time to educate them.
In the usual teaching process, some children often forget to bring books, stationery or other school supplies when studying. I am particularly cruel. I do not allow and encourage the students around me to borrow them for them. I do this It does not encourage children to be selfish, indifferent, and not care about others. Classmate A didn't bring a pen today, and classmate B lent it to him, but the day after tomorrow he didn't bring a dictionary, and the day after tomorrow he didn't bring a textbook. The days passed day by day, but his bad habit of being careless has not been corrected. There is no accountability at all for mistakes. I don't let the classmates around me lend things to classmate A. The purpose is to let him learn a lesson, pay a little price, bravely take responsibility for his mistakes, and gradually correct his mistakes.
“You must not do for a child what he can do for himself. A child who is dependent on everything is often a child with a domineering personality. If we do not give the child the opportunity to take responsibility, he will Become an irresponsible person” - Rudolf Derricks and Margaret Gudenmann, authors of "Parenting"
One day in early April 2015, my daughter participated in a school organization. off-campus tree planting activities. After returning from a day's work, her face was red, black, and itchy from the wind and sun. She complained that I didn't remind her to wear a hat, sunscreen, and gloves. In fact, I consciously did not remind her. It was her first time to go out for outdoor labor and she had no experience. I let her learn to take care of herself through experience and take responsibility for herself. This "injury" caused by lack of life experience will be very beneficial to her in the future, especially the lessons she learned from it are unforgettable to her, and she will never make similar mistakes again.
Educator Chen Heqin once said: "As a mother, it is best to have only one hand." Children must learn to grow up slowly, and parents should only care for their children in moderation. It is also necessary to pay attention to certain methods and methods, and be sure to cultivate the good habit of children taking responsibility for themselves. Because it is impossible for parents to remind their children every day: don’t be careless, don’t be late for class, don’t damage other people’s things, be sure to bring an umbrella when it’s cloudy... and you can’t always wipe your child’s mistakes. Children should be allowed to slowly learn to take responsibility alone in their studies and daily life.
“No matter how uncomfortable you feel at the time, don’t save the child, because only in this way can you create an environment where the child takes responsibility and achieve the changes you expect.” - "Positive Discipline"
p>Every child will make mistakes. We must let the child face his mistakes and provide him with guidance and suggestions so that he can learn to take responsibility for himself, thereby turning these mistakes into the best learning opportunities. Also take this opportunity to teach your children a valuable lesson about the real world.
"Everyone has to bear their own responsibilities. If we want our children to succeed in the real world instead of being confused, we should teach them to take responsibility." - "Positive Discipline"< /p>
Children must learn to bear the consequences of their mistakes as they grow up. The book "Positive Discipline" writes that letting children bear the consequences alone has the following benefits:
"1. Bearing the consequences alone can exercise the child's rational thinking ability, because it will teach him to judge the possible consequences Evaluate all options.
2. Bearing the consequences alone makes your child more alert, because when one option doesn't work, he will try others.
3. Bear the consequences alone. It can enhance the child's ability to take responsibility because he will realize that making mistakes is not the end of the world.
4. Bearing the consequences alone can even make the child more compassionate because it has a deeper understanding of embarrassing experiences. Realize that these experiences can only be learned from life.
Please believe that real life can teach your children more than your nagging, and what you learn from life can be remembered for life. "
“Responsibility is the foundation of healthy personality and the catalyst for ability development. In essence, it is part of the personal motivation system. It plays a guiding role in the formation and development of a person’s personality.”——Sun Yunxiao< /p>
Being able to take responsibility for oneself and fulfill one's obligations is a sign of maturity.
If parents can cultivate the good habit of taking responsibility for their children, then the children will easily have a sense of rules, be able to protect themselves from harm in a timely manner, and will not cause trouble to others, which will make the children's mental Being more mature makes it easier for children to develop good habits, such as going to bed early and getting up early, planning everything in advance, allocating time reasonably, confirming things carefully, and taking everything seriously, etc.
Churchill famously said: "The price of nobility and greatness is responsibility." Being a cruel parent and letting your children learn to take responsibility for themselves is an important responsibility of parents.
About the author: Zang Xiaoyun, female, born in February 1971, 49 years old, Aquarius, graduated from Northwest Normal University with a bachelor's degree in English, has been teaching English in primary and secondary schools for 26 years, and likes reading and writing. .
I learn family education knowledge every day and hope to help more parents and children.