A person's biggest enemy is himself. If someone can defeat himself, then this person can defeat everything.

We have learned too many dogmas about how to get along with others, but we have forgotten the most fundamental point, that is, how to get along with ourselves.

A person who doesn’t get along with himself will definitely not get along with others.

Part.1

For many people, Yang Jiang is undoubtedly the "goddess". She has a perfect love, a happy family, outstanding achievements, and her whole person is synonymous with calmness and elegance.

In fact, her life is not always smooth, but she knows how to get along with herself.

How to survive war and turmoil and remain calm for a hundred years is the biggest mystery of Yang Jiang.

Perhaps, the answer lies in her own explanation: After a person undergoes different levels of exercise, he will obtain different levels of cultivation and different levels of benefits. Just like spices, the more you pound them, the finer they are ground, the stronger the fragrance becomes.

Only by seriously experiencing the experience of life when you are young and learning to get along with yourself can you grow old gracefully in the years.

We often talk about the harmony between man and nature, man and society. In fact, the most important thing is the harmony between man himself.

There are endless desires and endless contradictions in our hearts.

You might as well take a look at your own heart. How many delusions are there, and how many emotions are entangled in it?

In these endless thoughts, we are like a lonely boat swaying on the waves, sometimes being rushed here, sometimes being thrown that way, without any peace for a moment.

But are these ideas really worth pursuing? Yang Jiang is a goddess who pursues meaningful ideas.

For example, she loved reading all her life and maintained this habit throughout her life. This hobby of hers comes from her father.

Yang Jiang’s father is a senior intellectual, and reading is one of his hobbies.

Yang Jiang likes to talk about reading with her father, and at the same time she has her own unique aesthetic. For example, Yang Jiang loves Li Yu's lyrics, and her father admires Du Fu's poems.

Regarding the matter of reading, the father and daughter had this conversation:

"Aji, I haven't allowed you to read for three days. How are you doing?"

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"It's hard."

"What if I don't let you read for a week?"

"My life has been in vain for a week."

Whether he is studying in the UK or still in his old age, Yang Jiang's biggest hobby is just to go home and read some books and do some knowledge.

Only by having valuable preferences and learning to regulate yourself can you learn to get along with yourself. When you learn how to get along with yourself, you can maintain harmony between body and mind.

Part.2

Learning how to get along with yourself is the foundation of life.

Zhuangzi said: "The unique person is the most noble."

The "unique" here refers to independence, self-harmony, and self-improvement, that is, knowing how to How to live with yourself.

On the one hand, people must give full play to their abilities, serve the society, and make it conducive to the development of society; on the other hand, they must be "unique" so that the individual's life is in a positive and harmonious state and becomes " The most noble person.

The former is the embodiment of Confucianism, and the latter is the embodiment of Taoism.

Learning how to get along with oneself, how to reconcile with loneliness, and how to be with time is a compulsory course for everyone, and it is like nutrients that nourish people and slowly penetrate.

So, how to get along with yourself?

First, recognize that loneliness is inevitable.

Human beings are social animals. It is impossible for a person to exist without others in his life, but we are lonely.

In the night when there is no one around, deep down in our hearts, we long to be understood and accepted by others. However, with so many acquaintances in the world, how many can we have as close friends?

Huizi was a friend who often quarreled with Zhuangzi, and was criticized by Zhuangzi every time.

After Huizi died, Zhuangzi told a story to describe the loneliness after losing his spiritual rival. The story goes like this:

There was a man who had a drop of mud as small as a fly splashed on the tip of his nose. He asked a craftsman to chip it off for him. The craftsman swung his ax and chopped it down casually. The stains were peeled off, the nose was not damaged at all, and the man stood there without changing his expression.

After Song Yuanjun heard about this, he asked the craftsman Shi to try the same for me. The craftsman Shi replied, I could do it before, but the partner who could match him has died long ago. Got it!

No one can accompany us all the time for life. For a long time, hugging each other in the crowd, bustling and bustling, makes people mistakenly think that this is the normal state of life. In fact, loneliness is It is the eternal state of life.

Yang Jiang has a gentle personality, but is never afraid of trouble. She strictly adheres to the bottom line in the face of humiliation and injustice.

At the end of the Anti-Japanese War, Yang Jiang, who taught at the half-day primary school of the Ministry of Industry and Commerce Bureau far away from home, had to walk for a long time after taking the bus every day before taking the tram to the school.

During this period, the Japanese got on the car and made a surprise inspection. Everyone in the car had to stand up, but Yang Jiang was the slowest to get up. A Japanese soldier came to trouble her and lifted her chin with his hand.

I don’t know where the courage came from. Yang Jiang was neither humble nor arrogant, and actually shouted, "This is unreasonable."

As soon as these words came out, everyone in the car was stunned with fear, feeling that Yang Jiang's life was not guaranteed.

I don’t know why, but when Yang Jiang roared, the Japanese soldier who caused the trouble actually retreated and did not bother him again. It was a fluke.

Yang Jiang was afraid after thinking about it, so she changed her route to work the next day.

It can be seen that Yang Jiang is also a goddess who knows how to face loneliness when getting along with herself and does not follow the crowd!

All we can do is face loneliness and find a way to get along better with ourselves.

Part.3

Secondly, accept yourself calmly and improve yourself.

Zhuangzi said: "Know that there is nothing you can do about it and just accept it as your fate."

We will all have shortcomings, disappointments, and problems. They are part of life.

Simply accepting these facts means a lot to us.

The so-called success theory likes to inculcate the view that a person's greatest enemy is himself. If someone can defeat himself, then this person can defeat everything.

The reason why people say this is because for a long time, the idea that man can conquer nature has been at work, and man has the desire to conquer.

The so-called "fighting with heaven, the joy is endless; fighting with the earth, the joy is endless, fighting with people, the joy is endless", in the final analysis, it is also the embodiment of this idea.

In fact, there is no problem of victory in self-struggle, but a process of continuous self-exploration and self-improvement.

Everyone has different potential, and success only means being able to reach your upper limit.

In this sense, defeating oneself is an appropriate evaluation of one's own abilities and the full expression of one's abilities.

Life is not about comparison or victory, but about acceptance and perfection.

Yang Jiang has always been indifferent to reputation. She cares more about the people around her.

No matter how difficult the situation is, as long as he can support the people he loves to realize their ambitions and values, Yang Jiang will give without any scruples.

Qian Zhongshu's stunning work "The Besieged City" was written based on Yang Jiang's efforts to put aside her status as a talented woman and become a "servant under the stove".

When Qian Zhongshu told Yang Jiang that he wanted to write a novel, Yang Jiang was very happy. In order to allow Qian Zhongshu to devote himself wholeheartedly to writing, she also suggested that Qian Zhongshu reduce the teaching hours at school.

Although the income has also decreased accordingly, Yang Jiang said that reducing expenses and living frugally is not impossible. When the maid at home resigned, Yang Jiang stopped hiring people and took care of all the housework herself.

She did everything from chopping wood for the fire to cooking and washing. During this period, she was able to find time to finish writing her fourth play, "Wind Blossoms." Qian's family sees everything he does.

Even her aunt (the wife of her uncle Qian Jihou) couldn't help but praise her and said: "Ji Kang, you can 'go to the hall and go to the kitchen; you can swim in the water and jump out of the water'. Brother Xuan is an idiot, and he is blessed."

Yang Jiang wrote in the article "Remembering Qian Zhongshu and "Besieging the City": "I am a layman when it comes to chopping firewood, making fire, cooking, washing, etc., and I often give out soot." My face may be stained, or my eyes may be filled with tears, or I may be blistered by boiling oil, or my fingers may be cut.

But I am eager to read "The Besieged City" written by Zhong, and I am willing to be a servant under the stove."

There is no pledge of eternal love, only the simplest support.

Always go inward, reflect on yourself, understand yourself, know your own shortcomings, know your own direction and dreams, accept yourself and continue to improve, and let your life become a gift.

How a person treats his or her time is his attitude towards life.

Loneliness is not terrible. What is terrible is wasting time in vain, accomplishing nothing except gaining weight and a look of resentment.

Part.4

Finally, learn to tolerate loneliness and enjoy being alone.

Zhuangzi said: "To communicate alone with the spirit of heaven and earth."

Loneliness can become a kind of beauty. Therefore, when we are alone, there is no need to walk on thin ice in an abyss.

We can enjoy being alone. Being alone, there is always some loneliness, but it is precisely because of loneliness that we can do the things we like.

Being alone is related to a person's confidence. It comes from one's own energy and will give you a kind of self-confidence that does not rely on others.

Loneliness and being alone are always difficult. With more free time coming, boredom becomes overwhelming.

People will be bored, and it will become more and more boring, but as long as you are enriched in your heart and break down the boredom into day by day, it will be gone.

Women often long for a sense of security from men. If they have had the experience of being alone, they will know that the sense of security they give themselves is more real.

"What doesn't kill you will eventually make you stronger."

No matter how unbearable loneliness and solitary life are, you must persevere until you can enjoy it Only by truly getting nourished by this kind of life and making peace with it can you have the ability to live another lively and tumultuous life.

In her later years, Yang Jiang had put down all her external possessions, and her state of mind became increasingly plain and peaceful. She once translated a poem by the British poet Walter Savage Landor:

I will not argue with anyone,

I will not argue with anyone.

I love nature,

The second is art.

My hands are warmed by the fire of life

The fire has died down,

I am ready to leave.

This poem has been loved by Yang Jiang for many years. Probably because Rand's poems illuminated Yang Jiang's heart, as if they were a footnote to her life - she used her own fire of life to warm all the darkness and uncertainty in the world.

This is probably what the so-called "soul friend" looks like.

As time goes by, still water flows deep. She has been getting along with herself all her life, like a match struck between brightness and extinction, illuminating the vast sky with a faint light.

Yang Jiang’s life was by no means smooth sailing, and her achievements were by no means easy to come by.

In the book "Coming to the Edge of Life", she looked back on her life and wrote this sentence: People have good qualities and many bad qualities mixed together, just like a piece of stubborn iron. Burning in fire, quenching in water, over and over again, burning and quenching, and then tempering it over and over again, only then can the stubborn iron be turned into steel that can be used to make a sword.

Yang Jiang’s life is an exercise process of conscientiously washing away the dirt and extracting the essence.

If at this moment, although you are partying in the crowd, you still feel lonely, then give yourself a chance to be alone, you don’t know how wonderful it will be!