When it comes to "self-reliance", we think more about "doing our own thing", thinking that self-reliant children will do their own thing and take care of themselves. However, this understanding is actually one-sided. The self-reliance of children in self-care ability is not only reflected in this aspect.
After a class, Mr. Doudou's course tells us that if we want to cultivate a self-reliant child, then parents must "care without interference, help without substitution."
Self-reliance, psychologically speaking, is a process in which individuals get rid of what they relied on in the past and move towards independence. For children, self-reliance means arranging their own lives independently, leaving the shelter of parents and teachers and dealing with problems encountered in study and life independently. For adults, it means starting your own business and creating a colorful life with your own hands. Therefore, as a quality and outlook on life, self-reliance often represents a good study and living habit, a positive attitude towards life, and an ability that parents and schools hope to cultivate.
Self-reliance includes the following aspects:
That's what we say, do your own thing. Don't rely on others' help. As parents, children should be allowed to do it themselves, instead of always doing their own things instead of their children.
I can arrange and manage my time reasonably, and I don't need others to urge me to do anything.
I can decide my own affairs, and I don't depend on others to help me make my own choices. Have confidence in yourself, do things with confidence, dare to work hard, go forward without fear of difficulties or hands and feet.
With self-control, you can control your behavior and words and deeds. Standardize your words and deeds.
Parents should not always make decisions for their children. Let children decide their own things, such as what clothes to wear. How much to eat? Make what friends? When do you do your homework? Parents decide everything for their children, and gradually children will become very dependent and make up their minds about some small things.
Wash clothes, dress, eat and finish homework by yourself. ...
Make your own decisions, do your own thing and bear the consequences. For example, if you don't take your homework, you will be criticized for taking the consequences yourself, and you will be responsible for checking yourself. ...
There are such parents who didn't enjoy the treatment because of poor conditions when they were young. Now they want to compensate their children in full, and they will never let them eat again, so they will try their best to meet their requirements.
Many parents attach too much importance to their children's grades, fearing that their children will delay their studies by doing other things, and simply help their children do everything they have done, just to let their children concentrate on their studies.
Another is that parents choose to arrange their children one by one because they are distressed by their children.
I have to reflect on this. I will make the same mistake when I am busy at work in the morning. Thinking about children wearing clothes, socks, pants and shoes, washing their faces and brushing their teeth ... There are too many things, and I am very anxious. When I watch my children do too slowly, I will always help them. Over time, children will develop a dependent character. And self-care ability will be poor.
These attitudes of parents will make children more and more dependent on their parents in all aspects for a long time, leading to children's independence.
The essence of education refers to support and education.
Support: it means helping children to become complete in personality, supporting them as much as possible no matter what strange behavior they do, supporting children to cultivate their self-esteem, self-care and self-reliance, and cultivating their ability to live in harmony with others and the world.
Education: refers to helping children to constantly improve themselves, control their inner impulses, manage their emotions and expressions, gradually learn to regulate their behavior in a socially acceptable way, restrain their impulses, and be able to integrate into social life harmoniously.
However, education must be carried out on the premise of respecting children. However, psychological compensation leads to excessive satisfaction, only taking care of his performance, taking care of his children and arrangements, trying to save trouble by replacing and arranging, but afraid to let go because of anxiety. In fact, these practices are a kind of distrust and disrespect for children.
Especially the right to self-determination, it is difficult for many parents to respect their children's rights and not make their own decisions. Children are not respected by their parents, and unexpected things often happen to them.
Maria montessori said: "Children have a strong sense of personal dignity, while adults are usually unaware of their vulnerability and depression."
Just like a news some time ago, a boy of 15 years old who caught everyone's attention committed suicide by jumping off a building because he shaved his head. The child's choice was not respected by teachers and parents, which seriously hurt his self-esteem and made him finally choose this sad dead end.
Tao Xingzhi also said in Children's Songs, "Everyone says that children are small, but people are careful. If you look down on children, you are even younger than children. "
A child is also an independent individual, a person with an independent personality. It also needs to be respected. Therefore, respecting children is what everyone should do.
To respect children and their independence, we must respect their bodies, their privacy, their desire for self-development, their right to speak, their self-esteem and their emotions and feelings.
Let the children make their own choices. This is the first level of self-reliance, that is, working at the level of making your own decisions. The specific method is very simple. In daily life, give children more opportunities to choose for themselves. These choices provide valuable opportunities for children to practice making decisions. If you have never experienced making your own choices since childhood, it will be difficult for you to choose your career, lifestyle and partner in the future.
Affirming children's efforts means paying attention to children's actions, giving affirmation, encouragement and affirmation in time, and conveying parents' respect for children's efforts to solve problems for themselves.
When a child's efforts are respected, he will concentrate on solving problems by himself and be more willing to take the initiative to try and explore.
For example, when children wear their own shoes (upside down) and come to show them to you happily, you should affirm and encourage them to wear their own shoes through their own efforts, instead of criticizing them for wearing their shoes upside down.
Respecting children's privacy means not to talk about children's anecdotes at will in order to satisfy parents' curiosity and solve parents' anxiety, not to read children's diaries casually, not to get to the bottom of it, and not to ask children too many questions. Asking too many questions will make people feel that their private life has been violated.
We should encourage children to make good use of external resources, let them know that they can't rely entirely on us for everything, and convey to them that there are many resources in this society that can be used by him/her to help them solve problems. Let children realize that besides family members, there are many people who can help them solve problems, such as teachers, classmates, doctors, policemen and so on. This is a very important process to help children build trust and security in others and society, and it is also a very important aspect to cultivate children's self-reliance ability.
Especially for the role of the police, in fact, many children are insecure and they are afraid of the police. The reason is mostly because of parents' intimidation, "You are not good, I will let the police uncle take you away", "If you cry again, the police uncle will arrest you" ... Parents always use the police to scare their children, and over time, the children have an inexplicable fear of the police. In the end, these children have no sense of security and trust in the police, and they may not necessarily ask the police for help even if they encounter something.
Many times, we feel that as long as children ask us a question, we should try our best to answer it perfectly, thinking that this is to increase children's knowledge. But this way deprives children of thinking. When a child asks a question, he is usually already thinking about the answer. He needs an adult to respond and help him continue to think deeply. At this time, telling the answer directly to the child deprives the child of the opportunity to think, and the child will have the inertia of thinking. Therefore, when children ask questions, what parents have to do is to use heuristic questions to ask the questions back and let the children think further. This is most helpful, because the process of finding the answer is as valuable as the question itself.
The so-called "hope" is the truest fantasy, hope, expectation and desire in a child's heart, a certain purpose or a certain situation that the child expects to achieve. Even if it is whimsical, parents should respect and affirm their children's dreams, so that children can feel that they can do it, even if they can't do it temporarily, they can do it in time, or they can do it by asking others. Parents should never attack or laugh at their children, but learn to encourage them to explore and try and avoid saying "no" as much as possible.
It is good for children to have dreams. A child in our class dreams of becoming an inventor when he grows up. He said, "I want to be an inventor when I grow up. I want to invent a fishing rod. When I put the fishing rod in the water, I can catch fish at once. " I was shocked to hear this dream. A child over five years old can have such interesting and bold ideas, which shows how flexible and creative his thinking is. This kind of thought is so precious that it will have a great influence on a person's life. So why discourage children from thinking?
It is not a day or two to cultivate children's self-reliance. The most important thing is to learn to respect children and let go. Care without interference, help without substitution.