A good child is a child who cannot make demands or make deals. A healthy child must have vitality, and the way to show vitality is to make his happy and unhappy sounds and make his reasonable or unreasonable demands.
Tell me your own story. My mother said that I cried all the time when I was a child and had to be held. I cried as soon as I was put down. When I was one year and four months old, I suddenly stopped crying. I haven’t cried much since then. I can remember things very early, and my earliest memory is only a few months old. But as long as I can remember, I have always been a little adult, and only occasionally do I feel like a child.
I never understood it. I was supposed to be well cared for. My grandparents would never take care of my children, life or death. The experiences of my brother and sister fully proved this. After I was born, my mother simply stopped earning work points and became a full-time mother to take care of me. This was a unique thing in rural areas. As far back as I can remember, I have never been beaten or scolded once, and my parents have never denied my will. It seems that I have received full love and freedom, but why am I so good? Is it because of your love for your parents? But where did my energy go? She has a great voice, but she gradually loses her ability to sing. She has never been able to dance, but now she can do something intense.
It wasn’t until one day this year that I had three very deep dreams, and the next day I discovered that five gray hairs had grown, that I understood what was going on. It turns out that crying is shouting to my mother, look at me, pay attention to me, and respond to me. When he was one year and four months old, he suddenly stopped crying. He was desperate and would never express his wish again. Being sensible is a deep despair.
When I first fell in love, for three years, I had nightmares every night and looked for her, but I could never find her. These thousand nightmares are the manifestation of the despair of wanting to love but finding it impossible. It shows how deep the despair is. But I am not the deepest kind. After all, I have always dared to pursue love, never been knocked down by despair, and have always longed for love. Too many people have made it clear that they will never marry the person they love the most, or even fall in love with them, just take a look. It was struck down by despair.
I recently went to Fujian to take a class from Teacher Ananduo, and I understood what was going on with my mother. She suffered from severe depression because she was attacked by her grandparents (mainly her grandmother) and was labeled unfilial and discriminated against by the villagers. Neither her father nor she could fight, and in the end she almost lost the energy to live. She struggled to live and to take care of us. Under such circumstances, it was great that she did not take her anger out on the child, not to mention she took good care of me. Because of this understanding, I don’t have any resentment towards my mother, but I really didn’t get the love and flow, or vitality, and I had to live it out by myself.
Psychoanalysis says that in depression, outward anger often turns into inward attacks on oneself. It certainly was true for my mother. Every time something happened, she would be so angry that she would lie on the kang unable to move. My father is also very serious. When he was 30 years old, he had a conflict with his grandparents and had to swallow his anger. As a result, all his teeth were lost. I want to cry every time I think of this. This is called "knocking out teeth and swallowing blood."
At that time, my father ran to the railroad tracks and wanted to commit suicide. He thought about his two children (I was not there at that time) and came back. My family is very perverted. My eldest uncle died young, and my aunt was tortured to death by her grandmother. Now the family does not talk about this family at all. My second uncle was given away. My father, the third son, was severely discriminated against. Fortunately, he did not live in the same compound, otherwise My mother might have been tortured to death; my uncle and aunt were doted on.
Finally, let me talk about my name "Red", not because my parents are patriotic and party-loving, but because before or after I was born, my father dreamed that he picked up a ruby ??in the field. They thought it was very interesting, so they named it. It is true that after I was born, the family situation began to improve, so they have always been grateful to me, thinking that I brought the good family situation. In fact, it was their hard work that finally allowed the family to accumulate.
Do exercises in teacher Anando’s class - enter your parents’ bodies to experience their hearts and their impact on you. I found that both my parents were struggling to live, had no energy, and did not dare to have extravagant hopes. Therefore, whenever my father had some savings in his small business, something would happen and the money would be lost. They had no expectations for me at all. , everything about me is one surprise after another for them. Even, they didn't allow themselves to be surprised.
It’s not that they have no expectations for me at all. They occasionally say this to me, and my subconscious has deeply captured their inner words – “Don’t get into trouble, don’t cause trouble.” The reason is that, being labeled as unfilial, they feel that if something goes wrong, they can't fix it, and even if something goes wrong, they will not be able to survive.
This sentence has a profound impact on me. Living in China, I am always in a faint and inexplicable fear, but fortunately this is not all. Furthermore, after all, my parents never punished me in any way, so I still have a spirit of resistance. This spirit of resistance is aimed at the filial piety that has influenced China for thousands of years.
I want justice for my parents.
If I could not understand this at all, I might become an anti-filial philosopher. Fortunately, my path to psychology has gradually made me calmer. I will write more about filial piety in the future, but maybe there won’t be any anger in it.
The story of Chinese families is also the story of China as a country.
Myanmar's democratic leader Aung San Suu Kyi said: In a system that denies basic human rights, fear often becomes a fashion - fear of jail, fear of torture, fear of death, fear of losing friends, family, and property Or means of making a living, fear of poverty, fear of loneliness, fear of failure. The most insidious form of fear is disguised as common sense, even wise words, condemning as foolish, reckless, worthless, or trivial and useless, everyday acts of courage that help preserve self-respect and human nobility.
I found that I have this fear in my heart that Aung San Suu Kyi said, and it is diffuse, but it will not conquer me. My parents were literally struck down by this fear and they lost their vitality, but I was going to resolve it and live out my vitality.
I hope we can all understand that being sensible is really not a good thing.
On the surface, it brings the benefits of a grand event to parents, but perhaps deep down it is driven by fear - "Don't cause trouble, don't get into trouble, or else..."