Before, when I was free, I always thought that it was not difficult to quit color. As long as the core points were mastered, quitting masturbation was a natural thing and should be something that everyone could do. But after reading some cases and persuading my friends around me, I suddenly found that it is really not something that everyone can do to give up prostitution completely. Abstinence from sexual immorality is a systematic thing, and it is also a "second-rate" thing. The first step, of course, is to abstain from a series of substantive sexual habits such as masturbation. The second step is to break off sexual immorality. The third step is to temper a series of negative thoughts. The fourth step is to externalize it into doing things. All these are done, and it is only at the peak of professional abstinence. If we continue to deepen, we will reach the metaphysical ontology category. These steps are more difficult than each other, but the scope of influence on life increases exponentially. Many people always complain that there is no improvement after quitting color, which is probably because the practice of quitting color is still relatively primary. However, these times are intertwined and vary from person to person. Some people may have to do the third step before they can do the first step, while others may do the first step first, and then continue to improve to the third step ...
Why write these first? Of course, it is related to the topic. The so-called "sudden failure after long-term abstinence" in the title is actually what happened in the first step, that is, sudden failure after quitting masturbation for hundreds of days or years. In fact, there are quite a few abstainers in the bar. The fuse for their sudden breaking of the precepts can be varied, but it can also be summed up as one thing: mass production has changed qualitatively, and the wall of abstinence that was finally built was gradually corroded by various habits during the calm and stable period of abstinence, and finally collapsed. As far as the physical harm caused by breaking the precepts once is concerned, the harm is actually very small, but the most terrible thing is the psychological "collapse" caused by breaking the precepts this time and the re-emergence of the "pornographic circuit" in the brain. Now discuss these two things separately and add subheadings.
psychological "collapse"-building self-confidence in one's own personality
It's probably a weakness that everyone is born with. When one's personality is established, one will unconsciously build self-confidence on external things as one grows older. These external things may be: attractive heterosexual partners, special skills, money or social status and so on. The biggest feature of this self-confidence is that when the external thing disappears, it will collapse. Unfortunately, after breaking the precepts, those abstainers, after hundreds of days of success in abstaining from color, also became quite persistent in the matter of "abstaining from color successfully". Therefore, when the wall of abstinence collapsed, their confidence in abstinence, or their whole personal design, also collapsed with it. In fact, as an ordinary person, everyone's confidence will collapse at this time, but our eagerness for quick success and instant benefit can't see the longer-term development after the collapse of confidence, so we repeatedly sink in the short-term failure. Everyone will say that we should think dialectically, think positively from the bad, and see the bad from the good. But when setbacks really come, we should reflect: Are we optimistic about the bad? Or what we call optimistic about the bad is just a short-term comfort to ourselves?
The first question for those abstainers who have failed repeatedly after their sudden failure is: Have you really been confident in your personality?
True self-confidence should be that you still have firm confidence in yourself despite setbacks, instead of being complacent when you succeed and being defeated when you are frustrated.
I lost my confidence after a long-term failure to quit color, so I couldn't lift my determination to quit color at all, which led to a mess in actual combat. This is the reason why I found that I couldn't break my mind after quitting color again. Therefore, it is particularly important to rebuild self-confidence. Among them, we should attach great importance to the "accumulated power". Let's talk about it in detail.
First of all, building self-confidence is also about steps. We should not give full play to people's subjective initiative blindly, but we should respect the objective laws first. For example, after the first failure, abstainers will make a new "poison oath" to ensure that they will break the precepts for the last time. However, the objective law is that for most people, breaking the precepts is doomed to be broken again. If you set a higher goal for yourself at this time, when you fail repeatedly, you will only become less and less confident and quit more and more desperate. I suggest starting with the simplest: punishment.
buy a better notebook, record the time of breaking the precepts and reflect on it, and then punish yourself. This punishment can be: not eating for a day. When you write down this punishment, you must do everything possible. This is much simpler than quitting color for hundreds of days, because all it needs is short-term tenacity and not too strong temptation (it may be difficult to eat food). It seems that there is nothing special about this matter. The most important thing for this matter is that when you do it, you will regain your confidence.
Next, we should reflect on why we have been successful in abstaining from color before. Among them, there are some merits, such as persisting in exercising every day, persisting in studying, persisting in practicing formulas, persisting in going to bed early and getting up early, etc., and record them in the notebook one by one. No matter how much you resist, you must continue to adhere to these habits. When you can maintain these habits, your confidence will accumulate again.
However, if you only maintain the above, it is still likely to break the precepts continuously. At this time, a test comes, that is: do you doubt yourself, and doubt these once-useful methods of color cessation, and want to change to other methods of color cessation. Once I have this idea, it will be suspended. It is not that there is anything wrong with the idea itself, but that the idea contains a potential logic: I don't want to insist, I feel so miserable at present, and I want to change the easy way to quit color. However, the core influencing factor of abstinence lies in one's determination, not the method. When you give up the original method of abstinence and continue to pursue the so-called "easy method of abstinence", the determination of abstinence is gone, and the result is often: after trying all the methods, you still can't get out of the strange circle and break through the bottleneck.
When these good habits can be adhered to, you must record them in your notebook every day and make a mental "propaganda" to yourself-for example, you can definitely quit color again; You can do it. Wait. In this way, when you see that the record is changing day by day, a sense of practicality arises spontaneously, and the shadow shrouded by failure begins to be broken by you.
Then, it's time to start the next important step-enriching your life. After breaking the precepts, people often lose their confidence, and it is easy to become lifeless or irritable, but at this time, the more they want to do the opposite. There are many ways to enrich your life, such as setting goals and working hard for them, reading more books, etc., but the key point is still: expensive and constant. Only by doing it seriously can we feel the real sureness and calmness. In fact, no matter which period, the most needed emotional factor for abstinence from color is "peace and harmony", and the emotional factor is not something we can have if we want, just in response to the saying of our predecessors that "we can get it only if we do it", which is not only applicable to the material world, but also to people's mental state.
as for enriching my life, I'll talk more about a few things that I have done well. The first is to calm down and study or study hard; The second is to treat parents patiently, and constantly accumulate and play, and be more and more filial to them; Third, communicate with your friends. The warmth from family and friends is very important for abstinence. If a song is used to describe the mentality of abstaining from friends after breaking the precepts, I think of the most popular "Cool" at present, and the warmth of family and friends is like another old song-"Warm". When you can treat your family and friends calmly, that kind of warmth is like a glimmer in the eternal night, which can dispel all the darkness of lewdness at once.
When you can do a full life, you have accumulated a lot of self-confidence, and it is only a matter of time before you break through the strange circle. However, if you want to further improve your cultivation of color abstinence, so as to quit color more stably, you must "build up your self-confidence".
personally, I like the saying that a person's life contains three "dimensions", namely, length, breadth and depth. The length is the length of life, which can't be controlled too much. As the saying goes, there are no young and old people on the road to death. But generally speaking, we all want to live longer, at least we should have our own original life, otherwise we won't give up color and keep in good health. Let's talk about breadth, that is, how to make life more exciting. The breadth of life is closely related to the physical world. We can broaden the breadth of our lives, make our lives more colorful, enrich our social experience, and so on by studying and traveling, and avoiding color and keeping in good health. This is exactly what we should say: read thousands of books and take Wan Li Road. The accumulation of self-confidence I mentioned above is actually an essay on "broadening the breadth of life", the essence of which is to expand from the narrow pattern of indulging in prostitution to a new width of life.
To further build up self-confidence in one's personality, we should start from improving the depth of life. To improve the depth of life, the most effective and passive "methods" are frustration and suffering. Take a closer look at those people who have really made achievements in history. They have experienced hardships and setbacks that non-human beings can bear before they can finally witness the truth of life, such as Wang Yangming's enlightenment in Longchang, Zeng Guofan's self-cultivation achievements and the experiences of enlightenment masters. Most of us don't need to be enlightened, at least let our psychological age change from childish to mature, and establish deep confidence in our personality. And this can only be achieved if it is hit by setbacks. Therefore, it is not a bad thing to temporarily fail in abstinence, but to teach real abstainers lessons that they did not learn in childhood. When the pit of inferiority in the heart is lifted by the failure of abstinence, only a real warrior can dare to face it. Dear abstainers who have failed temporarily, you should believe in yourself, affirm yourself and cultivate a deeper confidence in yourself!
is it really a failure to quit color when you really get through the trough and successfully write down your own experiences to inspire others?
Re-establishment of pornographic circuits in the brain
Let's talk about another aspect after the sudden failure of long-term abstinence-re-establishment of pornographic circuits in the brain
When we first started abstinence, why did we feel so difficult? In fact, a large part of it was due to physiological reasons. Chinese medicine has long said: deficiency leads to hyperactivity. In the west, it is believed that the persistent addiction to pornography has formed a loop of "pornography" in the brain, and everything will be first associated with pornography, that is, "addiction" is very heavy. This is actually easy to understand. For example, if we often do something, such as singing, then we will be very sensitive to all kinds of sounds. Therefore, many people who are seriously addicted to pornography will associate everything with pornography. That's why it's more difficult for addicts to quit color, because their loop is deeply rooted, and it's really difficult to completely break that loop without a few years' abstinence.
back to the topic, first of all, I want to start with the "stable period of color cessation". Why do you feel very relaxed after entering the stable period of abstinence, and you can solve the battle with a little observation? In fact, it is the "erotic circuit" in that brain that is slowly abandoned, so evil thoughts are rare and easy to break away. Why is it so hard to get rid of evil thoughts at the peak of abstinence? My personal opinion is that this is actually the result of the battle between good and evil in the body. When the kidney qi slowly nourishes, and Chinese medicine: the kidney is connected to the brain, at this time the body will enter a state without lewdness, so it begins to mobilize the kidney qi to clear the original pornographic circuit. At this time, the good and evil begin to confront each other, which is manifested in the subjective feeling that the desire is unprecedented and it is difficult to break the thought. And why does the desire to successfully get through the peak of abstinence go into peace? In fact, that loop was cleared. Therefore, the difficulty of abstinence will be reduced in turn after each peak period of abstinence.
When the abstinence period suddenly breaks, the loop will be "activated" again, so the difficulty of abstinence begins to increase gradually. Once it is broken, the pornographic loop will be awakened, and when it is broken continuously, the pornographic loop will start to thrive again. At this time, it is conceivable how difficult it is to abstain from abstinence, and it is often intensified to continue to break the precepts, thus falling into a deeper cycle. And when every time I quit color again to the point where the loop is cleared in my brain, the unprecedented degree of desire actually exceeds that when the couple quit color. If I have no determination to quit color at this time and have been feeling sorry for myself, then how can I not fail in quitting color? What's more, after falling into a powerful cycle of negative energy, some abstainers became traitors to abstinence and began a more degenerate life.
[The painful battle of abstinence-the first three peak periods of abstinence]
After talking about the above theory of "re-establishing the pornographic circuit", it's time to talk about abstinence in actual combat.
Generally, the first three days after breaking the precepts are the time when the desire is strong, and it is also the time when continuous breaking of precepts is most likely to happen, and the jar is broken all the time. In about 2 days, there will be a second time when the desire is strong; In a month or two (in short, within 1 days), there will be a third time when desire is strong. Why are there so many peak periods of abstinence after long-term abstinence failure? The reasons are the above two: the loss of confidence (determination) in abstinence and the re-establishment of pornographic circuits in the brain. In fact, there are other reasons, such as being frustrated after breaking the precepts and staying alone all the time, and so on. Here are just a few examples.
What is the key point to break through after a long-term failure to quit color? The answer is that if you only break the ring once after a long-term failure to quit color, then the key point to break through is about 2 days and a month's peak period; If the broken jar falls into inertia after failure, then the key point of breakthrough is the first three days of breaking the ring peak.
In fact, after reading some cases and my own experience that I couldn't break through for a month at first, I understand the struggle and discomfort of these abstinence friends at the peak of abstinence, so I won't describe the pain here. Let me extract a passage from abstinence friends:
"When I was abstaining from color for more than 6 days, my desire was very serious once. From morning to night, my desire never disappeared, and I even couldn't sleep." The Zen monk's abstinence from friends is not a sudden failure for a long time, but his situation is very similar to that after a sudden failure for a long time. Once he breaks through the first three days or so and the pornographic circuit in his brain is eliminated to some extent, he will usher in the strongest abstinence peak. Of course, the date is not strictly divided, but the actual combat of abstinence during the peak period of abstinence is certain and unavoidable. It is a good thing to meet the peak of abstinence, because the breakthrough is a new world of abstinence, but it is often difficult to break through because of the repeated desire. Here, I recommend you to take a look at my other article on color abstinence, which is a supplement here. The name is: Some points and experiences from the initial stage of color abstinence to breaking through the day.
On how to break through this period of time, the article talked about many key points that I thought were crucial. Here, I would like to add a core point: recite the formula (or Buddha's name) desperately or even crazily.
I suggest that this type of abstainers must recite the formula as soon as they are free within one month of re-abstaining from color. If there is a counting standard, it will probably be the Buddha's name 6 times or the formula (all four sentences are recited). Only this amount can guarantee the police in the idle period.