What kind of person do you want him to be? In a close relationship, we all hope that the other person can become better, that he has what we want, for example, that he is hardworking, progressive, gentle and understands that you take care of your family. Then how can we make him what we want? Today's psychological knowledge can provide you with ideas and guide him to see what you want. A fairy tale: Expectation and praise can produce miracles. A psychological experiment: encouragement will make the encouraged move in the direction of encouragement. A true story: say he can, and he can.
A fairy tale. Let's look at a fairy tale first. There was a young king in ancient Greece named Pygmalion, who was good at carving. He carved a beautiful and lovely girl with ivory, fell in love with this "girl" deeply, dressed her in robes, talked to him, hugged her and kissed her. He hopes that his love can be accepted by girls. Finally, he couldn't bear the pain of unrequited love, so he turned to the goddess Aphrodite for help. Finally, his sincerity touched the goddess and she decided to help him. When Pygmalion returned home, the statue became a real person, smiling sweetly and looking at him with loving eyes. Finally they got married. People summed up "pygmalion effect" from this story: Expectation and praise can produce miracles.
Psychological experiment. Rosenthal, a famous psychologist, came to Oak School. First of all, he gave a test called "Predicting the Future Development" to the students in primary school 1 grade 6. In fact, it was an intelligence test. Several students were randomly selected in the class, which made the teacher realize that these students were the most promising students and made the teacher full of expectations for these students. Eight months later, the second intelligence test was conducted, and the results showed that the IQ of the expected students was significantly higher than that of other students. In addition, from the recognition of teachers' behavior and personality, students are expected to show more adaptability, charm, curiosity and active intelligence. This result shows that the teacher's expectation will be passed on to the expected students, which will encourage them to change in the direction expected by the teacher. Rosenthal called this phenomenon pygmalion effect. In real life, there is a true story.
A true story: say he can, and he can. There was a man whose wife always complained about him in life, saying that he couldn't do this and that, thinking that he was incompetent and didn't know her well enough, and finally she chose to divorce. The man was disheartened by his ex-wife's ruthless attack and no longer planned to step into marriage. But later, through the matchmaking of friends, he married a woman. Different from his ex-wife, this woman is very satisfied with the man, encouraging and praising him everywhere, and thinks he is excellent. The two of them have a good relationship, accompanied by a successful career for men. Later, the man met his ex-wife My ex-wife looked at the man's successful career and said bitterly, "If you keep doing this, we won't …" The man responded humorously, "If you look at me like this, I won't …" This reminds me of a sentence: Say you can do it, then you can do it, or you can't; Say you can't, you can't, even if you really can't. Mutual encouragement, praise and good expectations will eventually make him around you what you expect.
Suggested practice content. Encourage, hint and give expectations in some special places. What do you want the other person to be better? In daily life, you can give more encouragement and praise. For example, your boyfriend is not confident enough. When he is frustrated in the face of difficulties, tell him "you can", "you can do it" and "you are very capable" and give her more affirmation and encouragement. Sentences in daily life. In daily life, you can give more praise and encouragement to each other and express your expectations. For example, he is taking the teacher qualification exam recently. You can tell him more "I am looking forward to seeing you standing on the podium and giving lectures". Go out every morning and go home at night. You can also give him more compliments, such as "You are great today" and "You are also a hard-working girl today". Positive action. Encouragement alone is not enough. We also need to accompany each other, cooperate with positive actions, match encouragement with behavior, and match behavior with subconscious, in order to achieve real change and progress.