01

Freud has a famous saying: The family of origin affects a person's life.

The difficulties of the original family are shackles that many people cannot untie in their lifetime.

As a bystander, it is really easy to say something like a matter of upper lip touching lower lip.

However, to do something, for some people, it may take a lifetime of courage.

Just like a girl I know, many people say she is stupid and "Fan Shengmei". She doesn't think about herself and just helps her family.

She is over 30 years old and not yet married. She said that she has seen too many quarrels and fights between her parents since she was a child, and she has no big expectations for marriage.

In her eyes, as long as one person can survive alone, she doesn't want to find another person to mess up her life.

Her relationship with her father is indifferent and distant. Because of her mother, she has too many opinions about her father.

If it weren’t for my father, the suffering my mother had suffered would not have come out of thin air.

Her father has an irritable character, talks a lot, and has no great skills. He only likes to drink. After drinking, he will go crazy and beat people.

She once stood in front of her mother without hesitation, and her father slapped her. She later described: "I felt like I couldn't even hear the sound."

The father did not apologize.

I just changed my temper a little during that time and bought her a pair of dancing shoes that she had always wanted. She was in elementary school at that time, and the girls in the class had to dance on Children's Day.

Originally, my father disagreed, saying that I should study hard and dance, which were all crooked things. They were not allowed and I had no money.

He turned around and came back with a large pot of wine.

My father's words were imperial edicts, and my mother did not dare to say anything more.

So, those dancing shoes were an unexpected surprise.

So much so that when she later talked about her father’s slap, her mother would defend her father: “Your father later realized that he was wrong and bought you shoes, so don’t remember it. . ”

02

As for her mother, she has always hated that iron cannot become steel, especially as she grows up, the less she understands what her mother is insisting on. What.

Why does she refuse to file for divorce?

Later, she said that this was probably the generation gap of the times. Her mother would never think of the word divorce in her life.

Not only did she not get divorced, her mother later gave birth to a younger brother who was 12 years younger than her. When he was born, her mother was very happy and so was her father.

Although at that time, people often teased her as a child: "Your parents don't like you anymore now that they have a younger brother."

She replied seriously: " No, my mother likes me.”

In fact, even though my mother’s energy was taken away a lot after she had a younger brother, she still never mistreated her in anything, nor would I wrong her in the slightest. .

My mother still tried her best to buy her what she wanted.

From beginning to end, my mother was just treating herself badly.

Although her father was happy to have a son, that was all. There was no change in his whole person. He was still the same as before, and he was unambiguous when he got grumpy.

The mother was still beaten, and her brother would sometimes cry.

This is something she has experienced before.

She said that she has a precocious personality, which may be related to this.

Once, her parents had a fight, and her father was unreasonable. He shut her mother out in the heavy rain and then locked the door from the inside.

The mother carried her back to her parents' home and put the only raincoat on her body. The mother only wore a large transparent plastic bag. She was worried that she would slip when walking. The mother carried her on her back and kept asking questions. Her: Did you get wet?

She wiped the rain off her face and answered: No.

At that moment, she had only one wish in her heart: I must grow up quickly and protect my mother well when I grow up.

When she thought of herself who swore at that time, it always felt like it was still yesterday, but now she has grown up.

But the heart of wanting to protect her mother remains unchanged.

03

Brother, he is the key to all this.

As her brother grew older, she became more worried. When she was young, her brother had a timid character. He would not fight back when bullied. He would remain silent and let others bully him.

Not only that, but no one will tell me, and no matter how much I ask, I can’t find out.

Suddenly one day, when she realized that her brother had changed, he was already more than a head taller than her.

She said that her brother’s personality was very much like his father’s.

She sometimes wonders, why does the little one who always needs her protection grow up so fast? And it turned into something she didn't recognize at all.

Ever since her younger brother entered elementary school, her father has gone out to work with others, and usually only comes back once a year. Even so, her father will still take action over some trivial matters.

So, in her brother's life, the role of fatherly love is completely missing.

In fact, she is the same.

But as she grew up, she constantly corrected her ideological mistakes and healed her past pain. Although she believed that her character still had many flaws, she was still working hard to get better. .

And what about her brother?

But it is allowed to develop.

Her mother can be said to be doting on her younger brother. To what extent is she doting? The father and mother were fighting, and her brother came out expressionless, saying in a bad tone that he was hungry.

Her mother hurried to cook before wiping away her tears.

Only she would educate her younger brother with a straight face.

Said he shouldn't talk to his mother with that attitude, and no one owed him anything. When her brother was younger, he still listened to her a little bit, but later he stopped and he especially liked to go against her.

Last time, she criticized her younger brother for spending too much money. As a result, his younger brother suddenly got angry and picked up a stool and threw it at her. Although she escaped quickly, her forehead was still swollen.

She was very angry and clamored to call the police. Her mother hurriedly came over and pulled her into the room, but her first words were: "My brother is still young, and you are my sister, please give in."

This sentence almost made her cry.

04

She has been working for many years. Others say she is Fan Shengmei because she spent a lot of money on her family, from repairing the house to buying various furniture and appliances, and then to the home. Expenses big and small.

There is also money given to parents during the New Year and holidays.

Especially her younger brother. Although her younger brother is still in school, he spends money lavishly. Sometimes when her mother runs out of money, she will complain to her that he spends too much money, and then she will give her mother money. .

My mother has worked hard for this family all her life, and she cannot bear to see her mother suffer.

Because if the family really has no money, her mother will only suffer herself, and will not suffer her brother or father.

So, she said: "I am not Fan Shengmei, I just feel sorry for my mother."

Someone once told her: "But your mother only feels sorry for your brother."

It’s not that she didn’t know this. She had always thought that she and her brother were the same, but there were countless moments in her life that later proved that:

In fact, they were different. In her mother’s heart, Her brother is much more important than her.

However, she still often thinks of that rainy day when her mother carried her on her back, and her original vow: to protect her mother when she grows up.

I think she is the only one holding this idea.

Perhaps in her mother's heart, she didn't think that she needed protection at all, and she didn't think there was anything wrong with this.

Some women are like this, taking hardship as a matter of course and taking suffering as a given.

So, there will always be this ideological gap between them.

I told her that if she continues like this, not only will she not be able to protect her mother well, but she will also be unable to protect herself. She will be dragged down, both financially and psychologically.

She just said to try her best. At this moment, I knew that she still had not come out of this prison.