What do you mean by family background?
In the definition of sociology, family of origin refers to a family where children still live with their parents before marriage. A warm, loving and caring family plays a vital and positive role in shaping children's character. On the contrary, a family that lacks love and warmth will do serious psychological harm to children. Adler, a famous Austrian psychologist, once said such a famous saying: "Happy people are cured by childhood all their lives; Unfortunate people have been healing their childhood all their lives. " His words profoundly exposed the influence of family background on children's psychological comfort. In a family of origin, parents' indifference will do deep harm to children's physical and mental growth. When children grow up in such a family, their outlook on life, values and world outlook will be negatively affected. The most typical performance is that it will make children's personality more withdrawn, unwilling to open their hearts and communicate frankly with others, alienating people around them, alienating children from the world, and greatly lacking sunshine, positive and optimistic mentality. Especially this kind of parent-child relationship that only pays attention to favoring one child and ignores the psychological feelings of another child.
What are the problems with Born into a Family?
Children who grow up in a chaotic and conflicting family environment, or parents who often fly into a rage, often think that loud quarrels and insults are normal ways of communication. Therefore, when they are adults, they often get along with others in this way of communication, which is easy to hurt their intimate relationship. In addition, growing up in an environment where both parents are often depressed and often quarrel will greatly improve the anxiety level of children. They may have trust problems and think that family life is unstable and all relationships are fragile and unreliable.
1. Children are often rejected and ignored by their parents.
Children need their parents to "see" and accept them for who they really are. If parents can't see their children's true character, but blindly ask their children to have an ideal appearance, children will easily feel depressed, lack self-confidence and have no opinion ―― they often need others to evaluate themselves and tell them what to do. For example, a shy child, but his parents always let him deal with various social occasions, children will not really change as their parents expect, but they will not understand their own advantages and disadvantages. They may have contradictory self-perceptions and often think, "I am like this now, but I should be different." Parents ignore the true appearance of their children and refuse to accept their nature. On the one hand, children always feel that they are not good enough when they reach adulthood. On the other hand, many of them have become picky people and often set unreasonable standards for others.
He is a survivor who has experienced emotional/physical/sexual abuse and other traumatic experiences.
Abuse is a very complicated problem, and the impact on children can't be finished in just a few papers. Generally speaking, being abused often leads to these consequences: inferiority complex, anxiety, depression, trust problems, low self-evaluation, aggression, intimate relationship and problems in gender relations, and so on.
3. One parent's role is missing or emotionally abandoned by one parent.
Many children are loveless. They are not short of food and clothing, but they never feel the love of their parents and have a strong sense of distance from their parents. In fact, these parents often have serious problems themselves (they are also victims of family background! ), so that they can't express warmth and love to their children. Children often feel that they can't feel the love of their parents because they are not "excellent" or "perfect". They may become perfectionists, demanding themselves and others around them with ridiculously high standards. And because they feel that they are not good enough, it will be difficult for them to open their hearts to their partners and share their feelings and ideas. Because they are always worried that once they know their true identity, they will lose respect and love. At the other extreme, they may be extremely dependent on their partners and hope that their partners can give them endless love, which they can't get from their parents.
Why does family background have a great influence on a person?
Early emotions will determine your speech, speech will determine your socialization, socialization is the ability of socialization, and socialization will affect the cognitive style behind you. When you have no judgment, your most basic knowledge comes from your family. Not only your world outlook, outlook on life and values are strongly influenced by it, but also your lifestyle and way of thinking will be influenced by your family and the people closest to you. Good family style, education and financial resources provide a good foundation and conditions for personal growth. If you are lucky enough to be born in such a family, you are lucky. The influence of family background on you comes from the contrast between your personal independence and your family influence: the greater your personal independence, the less their influence; On the other hand, the less independent you are, the greater the influence of your family.
1, lacking love
The lack of love can be divided into emotional neglect, emotional abuse and emotional confusion. Emotional neglect means that parents care too little about their children, and children can easily gain love by pleasing them, and feel that they are not worthy of being loved, and gradually develop into the anxiety type of dependence. Emotional abuse refers to the way children's parents often abuse and belittle their children. This way is easy to make children begin to deny themselves, be hostile and afraid of others, and develop into isolation in attachment. Emotional confusion means that parents have serious psychological problems and emotional instability, which often causes great trauma to their children, and then try their best to make up or apologize afterwards. Children can easily distinguish between good and bad emotions and develop into chaotic attachment.
Step 2 blame
People who often blame others often see other people's mistakes, shortcomings and deficiencies, and will blame each other for bad results and their own bad emotions. In the face of people who like to blame, others will feel very bad, just like useless people, no matter what they do, they can't meet the requirements of such people. Blame is a problem handed down from generation to generation. People who like to blame others often have a parent who likes to blame himself. In the eyes of parents, they have no merits and should not make mistakes. They grew up in the criticism of "it's all your fault, it's all your fault, it's all because of you". Therefore, instead of becoming tolerant and understanding, they will internalize the image of their parents and create an extremely harsh critic in their hearts, who is very critical of themselves and others. People who are accused of growing up live like their parents, and use accusations to induce others to verify the correctness of their early experiences. If you want to improve your relationship with this kind of person, you can't be induced by their subconscious, but you should affirm him every time he accuses you.
Step 3 control
The closer the relationship between the two sides, the more prone to emotional manipulation. Lisa aronson fontes, a global expert on anti-emotional violence and a famous American psychologist, believes in her book Emotional Manipulation that emotional manipulation in intimate relationships refers to using emotions as a weapon to hurt each other, dominate and intimidate others to achieve their own goals. The relationship between Joe and his mother in the TV series Little Joy can reflect this point. Song Qian said the most to Ruth: "Ruth, you are everything!" "You are a piece of meat that fell from your mother." "Your mother is the closest person to you and can still harm you!" Such a boundless emotional relationship will make people suffocate, and Eiko's final depression also confirms this.
How can a loveless person save himself in Origin and Death?
1, all the qualities in you must have helped you at some point.
Whether it's your caution, anxiety, emotional ability, observation ability, adaptability and so on. Children who lack love must have experienced a particularly difficult childhood, but they also have a particularly powerful side. If you were lonely when you were a child, few people accompanied you and took care of you. Then in order to survive, you tend to be more independent and self-care than your peers; If your parents are grumpy, if you make them less angry for family harmony, you will unconsciously improve your emotional observation ability and the emotional ability of your peers. After a long time, you can accurately grasp the emotions of others at the moment, and better understand what others want to hear and what they want you to do. If your parents leave you to relatives, friends and teachers to take turns to take care of you, then you will develop a strong adaptability, no matter who you can get along with, you are not afraid of strange environment. Behind the bitterness, you have also been given special power. These forces have helped you in the past and will still help you in some way in the future. What you should do is not dislike them, but thank them, embrace them and make good use of them. They have long been a part of you. After all kinds of bitterness, you deserve to be loved, and so do all kinds of forces attached to you.
2. Let you, as an adult, re-nurture your lonely inner child.
You want to heal yourself, which means that you have realized that there is something inside you that needs to be cured. And what is hidden in that place is actually the weak child in your heart. This child is the epitome of your subconscious childhood. Once, he was a helpless child, but now, the child has something to rely on. That dependence is your adult now. You can take him back, give him unconditional love and bring him up. When your inner child grows up, wakes up, puts down, and is no longer afraid, plus the special blessing that has helped you, you will even be more powerful than the child who was smooth sailing since childhood. Nietzsche once said: What can't kill me will make me stronger. Successful people often experience unbearable pain. The pain you have experienced is not only pain, but also potential energy. Accept who you really are, make good use of the characteristics given to you by special experiences, and bring your greater potential into play.
3. What should I do instead of why?
Erich Fromm told us: "Most people think that love is just an emotion that ripples in the soul. Experience love by accident, only luck can fall in love with love. They regard love first as a question of being loved, not a question of love and the ability to love. However, love is actually an art that requires people to have relevant knowledge and make corresponding efforts. " Unsafe personality is actually incapable of love. Because of lack of love, they take on more responsibilities in sexual relations. According to Erich Fromm's theory, in fact, the ability to love should be to have the courage to love someone without asking for anything in return, and to be good for each other wholeheartedly. In the process of love, it promotes our growth and makes us happy. When we are young, if you feel neglected by your mother. When you grow up, you need to consciously know that your mother needed a job to ensure your life. You love your mother, but you shouldn't have hated her for so long, so many years. You need to make peace with yourself. You should apologize to your mother.