Fate is really an elusive thing. I didn't expect Third Sister, who has always been cheerful, to become a psycho. It is said that personality determines fate, but judging from the fate of the third sister, this classic sentence is somewhat reluctant. Because people's life is always influenced by the environment and always full of variables. Take me for example. If I hadn't jumped out of the farm after the college entrance examination, I might still be struggling in the dirt like my third sister, or even worse. But fate seems doomed. Although you try your best, it's still hard to escape God's arrangement.

Third sister is my own sister, but my name is Cui and her name is Liu. I must admit that this change of Third Sister has something to do with me. Because of my birth, Third Sister was forced to change her surname to Liu. Of course, there are factors that parents prefer sons to daughters, and the more direct reason is that the days of poverty and poverty can no longer provide her with the most basic material needs.

It was the fourth year of the 1960s, and natural and man-made disasters continued. On a snowy winter day, grandpa, as an intermediary, took the four-year-old third sister to her aunt's house in the heartbreaking cry of the third sister. Aunt has been married for five or six years and has never had children. The elder sister, the second sister and the eldest brother, who are already sensible, reluctantly followed my grandfather in the snow and mud, echoing the cry of the third sister all the way, and reluctantly sent the younger sister who lived together day and night to my aunt's village.

In exchange and appeasement, grandpa brought half a bag of sorghum from his aunt's house. My mother saw sorghum faint on the kang again, and my always strong father kicked down the sorghum bag and squatted in the snow outside the village with tears. Many years later, recalling this sad scene, my brother still said to me with red eyes: My family was poor, and I added you. There is a way, mom and dad are reluctant to give Shuanglan away. Third sister's name is Shuanglan.

The arrival of the third sister magically opened the prelude to the prosperity of the younger sister's family. Later, my aunt gave birth to three women and two men in succession. There are too many people and too few things, so Third Sister, who has just entered the fourth grade of primary school, has to put down her schoolbag and pick up her hoe. This clever and lively literary backbone of the school has become a small member of the people's commune.

〈2〉

I got an insider call in the past saying that I was mentally ill again. Have you seen it? I hesitated a little, but I took a helpless step. The deadpan phone call made me feel a little unhappy, but I can't blame him, because I have never publicly admitted that this mental illness is my third sister before, and others think that she is a paranoid person, because there are similar people who regard the news unit as a bolt from the blue every day.

I was so impatient that I even asked her in disgust why she was sitting at the door of the unit, which embarrassed me. She looked haggard and helpless and whispered, who do you want me to find?

Yes, I am her only relative in this bustling city. In the eyes of others, she is an out-and-out psychopath, but in front of me, she is related by blood, not to mention I squeezed out the beloved family that she should have enjoyed in her childhood. Although years of hypocrisy and many helplessness make me unwilling to admit that this dirty countryman is my own sister in public. Third sister's rhetorical question still hit my numb heart, and the waves of conscience washed away my hypocrisy and disloyalty. I took out 200 yuan and stuffed it into her pocket. I said to her in a gentle tone: go home, farm well and you can live a good life.

Third sister shook her head and silently refused my suggestion. I know her stubbornness. She has been like this since she was a child. I don't know how much I suffered in menstruation's house. When I returned to Cui's house, she kept smiling and refused to let her parents know her grievances. One year I was poisoned by spraying pesticides on the production team, and my third sister almost died. My parents took me to visit, but the third sister still squeezed a strong smile on her weak face in the hospital bed, even saying nothing, and tears fell on her hands. Later, I thought, I don't know how much bitterness Third Sister contains in these tears. In our Cui family, the old four became the boss when he arrived at the Liu family. This is not only a simple numerical order problem, but also a manifestation of sweat and burden. Xiao Yan's own five children have all gone to junior high school or above, and the work points earned and the responsibility fields later fell on the shoulders of his uncle and third sister. Get up early and get greedy. Several times, Third Sister fainted in the ground. Out of menstruation's house, my mother wiped away tears and said to me, if it weren't for you, your third sister wouldn't have come this far. Remember, don't forget the third sister if you have the ability in the future.

My mother's words are embedded in my ignorant memory. When I was admitted to the Teachers College, my third sister got married in the twelfth lunar month. After I know, despite the final exam, I still ask for leave to go home to see Third Sister off. When I arrived at my aunt's house overnight, Third Sister was very moved and proudly introduced me to every neighbor who had helped me: This is my brother, who is going to college.

Third Sister's husband is a veteran surnamed Yang in a neighboring village. The Yang family, like the Liu family, is overworked and has poor conditions. The dowries and weddings held by the shabby two families are naturally a little shabby. For this reason, Third Sister was unhappy and sullen. I know Third Sister has a strong personality, and I'm afraid she will be angry. Back to school the next day, I went to Yang's house to visit Third Sister.

The dust rippled and the cold wind brushed my face, so Third Sister sent me a long way. I advise Third Sister not to be angry about it. Good men don't eat separate meals, and good women's dowry clothes will get better in the future. Third sister lost a lot of anger and confidently said to me, don't worry, I won't be worse than others in the future.

When I got on the bus, Third Sister gave me five dollars. I know this is Third Sister's hard-earned money, and I won't accept it. Third Sister said angrily, You look down on Third Sister, don't you? Pay me back when your conditions are good. The car went away like a dead leaf, my thin third sister gradually went away in my retrospect, and the red scarf was dazzling in my sight. I bless my third sister in my heart.

〈3〉

Separated, gave birth to two daughters, cultivated responsible fields, raised pigs and sheep, and occasionally did some small business. Third Sister keeps the trivial and austere days in order.

I graduated from Teachers College and went back to work in the county. Although I am not far from my third sister, except for a few words in a hurry during the Spring Festival, my brother and sister are not close. I once told her to come to me when she was in trouble, but Third Sister never opened her mouth to me, even though her life was not easy. Every time I squeeze a little money out of my meager salary to help her, she always politely refuses: you just started and spent more money than me.

After I transferred to work in the city, I had less chance to meet my third sister, but every time I met her, she still refused my help with that sentence. When asked about the difficulties, she suggested that if she had the opportunity to find a job for her husband in the city, she said: farming is very hard, food is worthless, fertilizers and pesticides are surprisingly expensive, and the village wants a lot, and sometimes it takes a year to get back the money. I feel the same way about what Third Sister said. Although I have been away from the countryside for many years, as a farmer's child, I don't know the hardships of farmers. I have promised Third Sister several times, but I have never found a suitable job for her husband. Her husband is exhausted by the heavy work, and it is hard to find an easy job. And many laid-off workers in the city are staring at it and have no work to do. I looked for it several times, but I was disheartened. At first, I felt guilty about my fruitless words, but with the ups and downs of fame and fortune, the soil of family gradually hardened in my heart, and my commitment to Third Sister was forgotten with peace of mind.

Secular infection and geographical barriers made me intentionally or unintentionally downplay the affection that should not be downplayed, and Third Sister, who wanted to save face, deliberately avoided my charitable gift in her inferiority complex. Later, I almost relied on my old father in the country to get the news of Third Sister's life.

Third Sister and her husband opened a restaurant in Nandabao Vegetable Market in Yongnian in the late 1980s. After a year of operation, they even invested in it. Unwilling, I went to Fengfeng mining area to resell vegetables and lost a lot. Finally, I returned to the responsible field in my hometown. After returning home, everything went wrong and went from bad to worse. During this period, I asked my father to give money to my third sister three times. Later, my father returned all the money to me. Father said: You don't want Third Sister. She is very strong and won't give up. She also wants to come out and look for a job. You should help her seriously. She's not a ghost now.

I didn't think much about my father's words, thinking that Third Sister was just a temporary difficulty. /kloc-in the winter of 0/996, an old classmate who was the principal of my hometown middle school came to the city to find me a job. At lunch, the classmate's principal said that rural students are seriously out of school now, and a junior two girl in their school was forced to drop out of school because her parents were ill. When she dropped out of school, she wrote a letter to the headmaster and told her about herself. The headmaster was in tears. The headmaster asked me if I could appeal to the media to help a group of rural dropouts. When the headmaster said the girl's village and name, the wine in my cup spilled. Although I haven't seen her for several years, I guess from memory that this girl is my third sister's eldest daughter-my niece.

I took out my mobile phone and immediately called my hometown. After the inspection was correct, my tears fell on the glass and I felt guilty. I have served as a social conscience for many times to appeal for the help of poor children I don't know, but I didn't expect my niece to be among the recipients. When I got home, I told my wife about it. Shocked, we agreed to let our two nieces go to school no matter how much it cost. However, we have not done so.

Later, I learned that due to many setbacks, the three sisters and her husband, who have always been strong, had a strong sense of inferiority and their personalities changed. This sense of inferiority was suppressed and fermented in their hearts, and then the spiritual dam collapsed. The two are suspicious all day, staying at home, and the housework and responsibility fields are borne by their two underage daughters. The economy can't make ends meet, and life is difficult. Relatives and friends have borrowed all the books, while relatives and friends in China are not very rich, nor are they helping the poor. Relatives and friends are disgusted with the third sister and her husband. Therefore, it is reasonable for Third Sister to come to the city to look for me again and again.

Walking into Third Sister's long-lost house, the adobe house when they got married was in ruins, in sharp contrast with the tall red brick tile houses around. It is the season of dripping into ice, and it is as cold indoors as outdoors. When Third Sister saw me, she smiled and danced strangely, and said to her husband who was lying under the covers, "I said there was food for us outside, and my brother found us a good job." . Her husband asked me with an abnormal face: Did anyone follow you when you came in? After receiving my affirmative reply, he said that someone had framed him and wouldn't let him go out to earn money. He also casually listed a series of names. These people he mentioned are either relatives or neighbors. They took out a kitchen knife from under their pillows and gnashed their teeth, saying, I won't commit crimes unless people attack me. If people attack me, I will attack. As long as the bad guy dares to come in, I will resolutely destroy him. He shook the kitchen knife in front of me as he spoke, which really made me break out in a cold sweat, for fear that he would imagine me as a bad person.

Leaving a little money, I hurried out of my third sister's house and said to my niece who came back from collecting firewood: Your father and mother are really mentally ill and have to be sent to the hospital. The niece said with tears in her eyes: They don't admit that they are mentally ill at all. They sent me to the hospital twice, came back halfway and beat me up. Looking at the child who is in charge early and thinking about her situation, my nose is sour. At this time, Third Sister and her husband were happily walking outside the street with their bags on their backs. They really thought I got a job. I explained that I would call a car to help them pull things, let them wait at home, and then flew away.

〈4〉

Under the kind persuasion of relatives and friends, Sanjie and her husband were admitted to the hospital. Six months later, they were discharged from the hospital. Although their symptoms have eased, they are still unwilling to work in the fields. Better than before, Third Sister asked me to find a job with lower conditions. She says it's ok to be a nanny, but who dares to hire her in such a mental state?

Third sister Huigen is still alive, and the last time she came to see me was for divorce. I asked her why she divorced, and she said that he didn't work all day. How will he live in the future? I asked her husband if he agreed to divorce, and the third sister pointed to the scar on her left arm and said that he didn't agree and hit me. This time, the third sister also brought bedding, saying that she was afraid that her husband would hit her again when she got home. At that time, because I was upset at work, I thought that fighting was just a normal dispute between husband and wife, and my housing conditions were not spacious, so I gave her some money and sent her away to the East Bus Station.

One night five days later, I was drinking and chatting with some friends when my cousin's voice suddenly came from my mobile phone: Brother, come back quickly. Sister Shuanglan is seriously ill. Asked why, my cousin said vaguely, you will know when you come back. Putting down the phone, I broke out in a cold sweat at a loss. I think something is wrong, except my spirit. When Third Sister came to see me five days ago, I didn't find anything wrong with her. Could it be her husband ... I just realized the seriousness of the problem. I found a friend's car and rushed back to my hometown overnight.

Third sister was killed by her husband because she insisted on divorce. Such marital problems have put Third Sister on the road of no return.

When Third Sister went to the funeral, I made a special trip back to my hometown to see her off for the last time. Third Sister is buried in the ancestral grave of the Yang family, that is to say, Third Sister will wait here for her killer. I wonder if the strong third sister can promise peace in the spirit of heaven.

The reason why I don't call Third Sister's husband and brother-in-law in the article is that the man is sorry for Third Sister. Ask yourself: am I worthy of the third sister? If I hadn't sent her away by force five days ago and found a place to settle down, she might have avoided this bad luck. In fact, this is an easy thing to do, but I didn't do it.

Third sister died on a spring day in 2000. For several years, because of self-reproach and hypocrisy, I have never had the courage to write Third Sister. Now, I am not lost in the secular fog. Although my confession is of no help to the third sister, at least I can correct the coordinates of family and humanity that I once lost based on this matter. Writing here, I am whimsical: if Third Sister has been living in Cui's house, if she can live in that barren land, if all our relatives and friends try their best to help her. If these assumptions are true, can Third Sister avoid such a tragic fate? I don't think so, because these weak elements are not absolute fate.

A matter of fate