A truly happy life is not about pursuing happiness, but about learning to avoid pain.

Maybe you will say that happiness is happiness and pain is pain. How can we avoid it? The reality is unavoidable.

During my two recent negative emotional experiences, it took me half an hour to free myself from the pain, and it took me a day and a night to free myself from the pain. I was particularly depressed at that time. Pain itself is not growth, reflection on pain itself is. I was thinking about how to avoid pain, so I gained the following three points:

1. Learn how to face pain with powerful people

I found Erickson , because he claims to be a master of hypnosis created by pain.

Erickson, what kind of experience does he have? When Erickson was 17 years old, he contracted polio and was unable to move anywhere except his eyes.

But through self-suggestion, Erickson not only made his mother think that he could survive, but within three years, he stood up on his own, relied on a boat, brought some dry food, and traveled through Mississippi He, this is simply a miracle, so how did he do it? He uses self-suggestion. Let me tell you his story so that everyone can experience it.

After Erikson contracted polio, he was cared for by his mother and a nurse, who developed a method of stimulating Erikson's body, which included a series of methods such as Hot compress, massage, moving paralyzed limbs, etc.

The most critical thing is Erickson's own exploration. At that time, he was convinced that he didn't know how to recover on a conscious level, but his subconscious knew, so he quieted his mind and said to the depths of his subconscious: I have a goal that I want to stand up, please help. I do you a favor, guide me on what to do.

His subconscious mind really gave him the answer. In a completely relaxed state, a picture appeared in his mind: As a child, he was picking apples.

This scene is a scene that really happened. He did pick apples like this when he was a child. He was very happy and enjoyed it at that time. When this scene first appeared, Erickson ignored it. After all, he was asking such a big question as to go from being paralyzed to standing up. How could he give such a simple answer?

He asked the same question to his subconscious again and got the same answer. After this scene reappeared many times, he suddenly realized that this was the answer.

So, in a paralyzed state, he carefully perceived this picture, becoming more and more detailed, and finally detailed and vivid. His hand slowly reached for the apple on the tree. This process seemed to be broken down into a series of small movements. He was completely relaxed and very focused, experiencing the movement of his hands and body in every small movement. .

After a few weeks, the muscles involved in this scene regained slight mobility and they could do the actions in this scene. This was the beginning of Erickson's recovery.

Next, he kept repeating this work. Whenever he wanted to achieve a recovery goal, he handed himself over to his subconscious and asked his subconscious to do him a favor. The subconscious mind is always showing various answers. They may be a picture like picking apples, an image, or something else, but they all guide him to achieve the purpose of recovery.

In this recovery process, the key point is that Erickson deeply understands that there is no answer in consciousness or mind. If he asks his mind "What should I do?", he will not find the answer. ; but whenever he asked himself about his deeper inner subconscious, the subconscious always told him the answer.

So when we encounter specific difficulties, such as being unable to achieve a breakthrough in our career, or being unable to extricate ourselves from sadness in an intimate relationship, we don’t know what to do at this time, so we might as well dive in. The abyss of your own subconscious.

How can we enter the abyss of our subconscious? Relax your whole body.

When doing hypnosis, the hypnotist will constantly guide and say, relax, relax... What is it that makes us relax? It’s about relaxing the muscles and bones, our body.

Hypnosis master Gilligan said that every tension in the body is linked to an idea in the mind, so when you can really relax your body, you let go of the idea in your mind, that is, let go Consciousness, at this time, the subconscious mind has the greatest space to appear.

So, this is the first wonderful way I gained: relax the whole body. I can try it harder next time. Although relaxing the whole body is not that easy, it also requires continuous and deliberate effort. practise.

Secondly, I was pleasantly surprised to find that the reason for the pain is too much narcissism.

Many times, the first thing I do is to criticize everything and people. I would feel that there was something wrong with who they were and that they should act according to how my mind imagined them to be.

This is an important cause of pain, even the root cause. Our minds try to imagine what others should be like, but when others do not match our imagination, we will have emotional pain. When emotional pain accumulates too much, it will turn into physical pain, and the pain body is formed. . The source of its formation is our narcissism about our own thoughts.

The more narcissistic we are and the more attached we are to our own ideas, especially our ideas about how others should be, it can easily lead to great pain and even collapse.

Therefore, the more narcissistic you are, the more painful it is. The more you can let go of your attachment to yourself, the easier you can face it.

Third, pain will allow you to discover a deeper understanding of yourself and complete your own heroic journey.

We take it for granted that it is external people and things that scare us, but in the end we find that what you are really afraid of is within yourself. So we need to get in touch with the parts that particularly scare us.

The key to this process is not to become better in the popular sense, but to be able to touch your true humanity.

The hero’s journey within us is not a small tree struggling to grow into a big tree full of positive energy, but a complete tree that also reaches deep into the darkness to absorb energy, with its crown stretching into the bright sky and its roots. Take root in the dark earth.

Teacher Wu Zhihong feels that the key to this process is to be exposed to pain and darkness. Only by touching your own pain can you understand the pain of others; only by touching your own darkness can you tolerate the darkness of others. When you really touch it, you will find that there is a gift in pain, and darkness is power and life.

As the famous saying goes, you gaze at the abyss, and the abyss gazes at you. When you dive into the darkness, you can also feel the power that the darkness brings to you.

The so-called darkness is the raw energy of narcissism, sexuality and aggression that is not seen unexpanded. Therefore, we might as well be brave and bold, and live out narcissism, sexuality and aggression without hurting others or ourselves, instead of suppressing them all the time.

Therefore, when negative emotions come, the way we don’t have to wrong ourselves and can connect with the inner joy as quickly as possible is to go back to ourselves and feel the darkness and pain in our hearts, and then you will find , they will give you strength!