In the vast sea of books, what is the fate that makes you and I know each other and stay together for life?

Grateful company organizes a world classic reading meeting every month, so that you and I can meet in March. Of the six classic books, I am glad that I took a fancy to you at first sight. This is probably what people call fate.

You, nonviolent communication, are an artifact of interpersonal communication and a book of self-reflection and self-healing. You teach me to communicate with others in a different way, which will achieve unexpected results. You know, in the days when I met you, I was on the verge of communication failure. You saved my life. These days, with your company, I have deeply reflected and empathized with each other day by day, and my mood has gradually calmed down.

I am also very happy that I was lucky enough to get the reading qualification of the book "Non-violent Communication" and successfully expanded five colleagues. Every day, we read nonviolent communication together, discuss our feelings, and punch out the idea of reading every day on time. Warm your heart with your heart, so that you can benefit yourself, and at the same time, more people can benefit, supplement psychological nutrition and gain the ability to cultivate happiness.

The author of Non-violent Communication is the famous American Dr. Marshall Luxembourg, who is called the angel of non-violence and the father of humanistic psychology. He grew up in Detroit, Michigan, in a caring family. Although his family is poor, his charity behavior deeply affects him. At the same time, his city is always full of violence and discrimination. The turbulent social environment makes him interested in using new communication methods to resolve differences peacefully in the face of violence.

In the subsequent research, Dr. Marshall Luxembourg discovered a new way of communication. According to this way, people can communicate with each other and live in harmony. This way is called "non-violent communication".

Dr Marshall Luxembourg believes that people naturally love life and are willing to help each other. However, language and expression make daily life full of pain. The author mentioned in the book: "I am aware of the great influence of language and expression. Maybe we don't think our way of talking is "violent", but our language does often bring pain to ourselves and others. "

Therefore, Dr. Marshall put forward "nonviolent communication", also known as "the language of love". Paying attention to each other's observations, feelings, needs and requirements is a constant reminder. What it hopes to achieve is to help us contact people on the basis of honesty and listening.

How to establish contact with people on the basis of frank listening? What are the misunderstandings in our daily communication and how to correct them?

Based on psychology, this book vividly introduces this "non-violent communication" communication method for readers through the combination of theory and a large number of practical cases, that is, how to change the way of speaking and listening to reduce the pain caused by language between people.

To master this way of communication, you need to calm down and study the ways and means in the book. According to my experience, I give priority to recommending everyone to buy paper books and read them carefully, so as to get the essence of communication methods and help us change our communication thinking and daily communication misunderstandings.

I have read this book three times by myself through Mi Gu, but I still feel that there is no practical guide to digest and absorb it. So I did not hesitate to place an order today to buy paper books for all members of our group. I hope that in the following days, nonviolent communication, a practical communication skill tool, can help me communicate and contact with others better.

The overall structure of the book Non-violent Communication is very clear, and the four elements of non-violent communication run through it. The author starts with "love" and ends with "love", advocating a simple feeling of returning to self and life.

This book makes people know and understand several key issues:

1) The problem of traditional communication mode is the essence of violent communication.

2) How to correct errors? That is the elements and steps of nonviolent communication.

3) The basis of nonviolent communication: listening.

4) Application of nonviolent communication: love and expression

In this book, the author uses alienated communication instead of violent communication, which is usually manifested as "moral judgment, comparison, shirking responsibility and forcing others to do it". Come to think of it, it's true. In nonviolent communication, comments, comparisons, avoidance and coercion are not emphasized. It focuses on "observation, feeling, need, request, listening and expression".

Among them, "observation, feeling, need and request" are the four elements of nonviolent communication. Listening is the premise and foundation of nonviolent communication.

The first element of nonviolent communication is observation, and it is particularly important to distinguish between observation and comment. If observation and comment are confused, people will easily hear criticism and even have rebellious psychology.

Indian philosopher Krishnamurti once said, "Observation without comment is the highest form of human wisdom".

Therefore, nonviolent communication advocates that comments should be based on observation in a specific time and environment.

An important difference between observation and comment is that observation should be based on evidence and facts, using concrete and measurable language. However, comments are often general, and it is difficult to determine whether they are objectively described.

For example, the following two examples:

Comment sentence: Charlie can never finish his weekend homework well.

Observation statement: "Charlie has four homework assignments at the weekend. He only finished one physics assignment, and he didn't do any other languages, numbers or English."

The root of feelings lies in ourselves. Only by expressing your feelings and needs more clearly can you get better communication and feedback. To express your feelings clearly, you need to have a rich vocabulary. Words like "very good" or "very poor" are hard to make people understand our actual situation. Therefore, we need to establish a vocabulary to express our feelings in daily life. There are detailed descriptions in the book, such as excitement, joy and joy, to express our feelings when our needs are met. You can carefully consider the words and examples quoted in the book and apply what you have learned.

In daily life, when we hear unpleasant words, our mood will be affected. Usually we can have four choices: 1) blame ourselves; 2) complaining about others; 3) Know your own feelings and needs; 4) Understand the feelings and needs of others.

Generally speaking, we will choose to blame others, ourselves or others. The accusations, criticisms, comments and analysis of others reflect our needs and values.

Non-violent communication advocates expressing one's inner needs directly, which helps the other party to understand our needs accurately, and also provides the other party with an opportunity to make an accurate and positive response. Therefore, if we look at the problem from another angle, we may get different results.

In daily communication, it is helpful for the other party to quickly understand our demands and find ways to meet them.

We need to correctly distinguish between requests and orders. In daily communication, the more we regard the disobedience of others as our rejection, the more likely our will is to be taken as an order.

When we ask others, we don't want to force them. We need to express what we expect others to do very clearly, concretely and euphemistically. We can add five words in front of it: "May I?" For example, when we want others not to smoke indoors, we can say, "Can we smoke in the smoking area?" Instead of: "Please don't smoke indoors."

When others encounter misfortune, we are often eager to give advice, comfort, or express our attitude and feelings. In nonviolent communication, the emphasis is on listening wholeheartedly.

In order to listen to others, we need to put aside our existing thoughts and judgments and feel each other wholeheartedly. Don't deny, analyze, make suggestions, make excuses, and don't rush to expose each other's needs, so that their feelings can be released based on their own space to express their feelings.

Listening to others helps to understand and accept others. No matter what words others use to express themselves, we can understand their observations, feelings, needs and requirements with our hearts.

When we are too painful to listen to others, we need 1) to understand our feelings and needs; 2) make a loud request; 3) change the environment.

One of the keys to love yourself is to tolerate two different "I" at the same time: on the one hand, I regret a certain behavior in the past, and on the other hand, I tolerate the "I" who took that behavior.

Anger is caused by our way of thinking, and its core is unmet needs. Four steps to express anger: 1) Stop and do nothing but breathe. We avoid taking action to blame and punish others, all we have to do is to experience ourselves quietly; 2) Think about what makes us angry; 3) Know your own needs; 4) Express feelings and unmet needs. Sometimes, before step 3 and step 4, we need to listen to other people's opinions. After being listened to and understood, we can also calm down and feel our feelings and needs.

The central word of nonviolent communication is "communication", and good communication is the guarantee of a happy life. Most contradictions and conflicts in life are caused by poor communication or poor communication.

The core of nonviolent communication is actually to put aside superficial phenomena and pay attention to the essence of "need"

Everyone has "needs", often because their "needs" are different from those of others, which leads to conflicts, contradictions and even violence. No matter whether our "needs" are finally met or not, we will ease the tense relationship because of the attention and understanding of "needs" and meet the needs of non-violent communication.

In daily life, nonviolent behavior includes verbal violence and cold violence in addition to action violence, which are irrational self-protection measures taken because of inner dissatisfaction or anger.

As parents, everything we say to our children has inadvertently changed from possibility to verbal violence, which has caused deep harm to children's hearts. There are many examples in this book, including reconciliation negotiations between Israeli and Palestinian residents, discrimination against colored people, and the way teachers treat unruly students. Every example has something to learn and think about.

Because I read books every day, I will share the information I get from books every day on the headlines and the top 100 numbers, and I will also punch in the company's reading group. I find that every time I share my opinions, it will cause great resonance and reversal in the headlines and Baijiahao.

Non-violent communication is to change the way we speak and listen, not a conditioned response, but to understand our own observations, feelings and wishes and consciously use language, which requires repeated practice.

From the book Non-violent Communication, we know that in daily communication, we should distinguish between observation and comment, feeling and emotion, request and command, learn to listen wholeheartedly and dare to express our needs, so as to get twice the result with half the effort.