Short Jokes

College Entrance Exam Question: [If there is an old lady standing next to you on the bus {you are sitting}, what will you do? ]

Bali: I will tell her, old lady, you are so old... , don’t always save money by taking the bus, it’s safer to take a taxi

Short Jokes

Teacher: Don’t cheat in exams!

Bali: Yes! We can't sit still and wait for death!

Teacher: I’m so big xxxxxxxxx

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Geography class

The teacher asked: "Where is Brazil?"< /p>

Dumb: "It's fifty-one pages in the geography textbook."

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Mouse

A middle school computer classroom needs to use Windows requires purchasing 100 mice. Not long after, I received an official letter from the Accounting Office. Due to limited funds, please purchase a pair of mice in order to breed offspring.

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Which hole are you drilling?

Today’s swimming class teacher changed to wood ball.

The aces students in our class

are aiming at the goal and preparing to score a hole-in-one

< p> Unexpectedly, the mallet swung……….

The ball actually went into the butt of the girl next door who was squatting and talking

Teacher: Which hole are you playing?

aces:! @#$@#%%$^

Me:………. (I’m laughing so hard!!)

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I’m so sleepy...

There are three guys in a certain class who are good at sleeping, so the class gives them His nicknames are Sleeping God, Sleeping Saint and Sleeping Bully.

One day, the three of them decided to compete with each other to start with early self-study. After sleeping until noon, Sleeper got up. Knowing that he had lost, he went to eat lunch alone. When school was over, Sleeping Saint got up and walked home by himself. The next morning during self-study

,

I saw the God of Sleep closing his eyes and secretly cursing: Damn! ! After sleeping for so long, I was still studying early...

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Teacher: "You have to do everything in one go to be appreciated."

Student: "I understand, and I will never give up in the future." "Intermittent farts"

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Causes of low back pain

My classmate went to the doctor because of low back pain

After taking an x-ray. The doctor said:

This is your liver, it has no cirrhosis...

This side is your stomach, there is no problem...

Here, this is your kidney, without stones….

This is your stool. If you don’t poop cleanly, your waist will hurt...

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You are not allowed to go there

There was a teacher who was a very devout Buddhist

Once he The children said how good heaven is

Asked the children if they wanted to go to heaven

Only one child did not raise his hand

Then he told the children how terrible hell was

Asked again whether those who were going to hell would raise their hands

The same child did not raise his hand

So the teacher felt it was strange... Why don't you go to heaven and hell?

Just ask this child: Why don't you go to heaven and hell?

The child said: Mom said that after school, we should go immediately Go home, you are not allowed to go there...

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Electric shock

In the medical class, a male student asked: "How can I move your heart?" ? 』

Female student: 『Didn’t the teacher teach you? Use electric shock. 』.

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Surface Tension

Two biochemists were sitting in front of the laboratory drinking coffee when a beautiful woman walked by outside.

The more mature and cautious biochemist saw the look of dementia on his colleague's face,

and said: She is just like us, more than 75% is water.

The colleague still looked stupid and said: Yes, but look at their surface tension!

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Jokes I heard in class

When I was taking a highway engineering class, the professor said that if there was a paint stop on the highway, most people would rush over. He No exception.

He then said that when international students are abroad, if there is paint stopping on the ground, they usually abide by the rules and

stop. At this time, Xiao Wu made a surprising statement, because he didn't know what the words on the road were. He stopped the car to press the translator, so he stopped.

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A warning to the world

Once I was reading a reference book and fell asleep, and I accidentally glanced at two sentences in the book:

Why sleep for a long time when you are alive

You will sleep forever after death

Wake up immediately...

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Empathetic?

One time when I was in the dormitory, I wanted to say that I hadn’t contacted my high school classmate for a long time and asked him to call me (I was afraid that someone might use the public phone number urgently), so I asked her to call me from there. Calling from home to our dormitory), I happened to see a very introverted junior student, pick up the phone and seem to call his pen pal of the opposite sex. It was rare to see him finally take the first step, I I wanted to wait until he finished typing before typing, so that he would not let him know that I was there

so that he could continue talking (ps. he is a very shy person). Unexpectedly, he talked for more than half an hour, < /p>

In my opinion, he could only talk for five minutes at most. I wanted to call my classmate later, but he happened to put down the phone and seemed to have finished speaking. Just as I When I was about to call, he inserted the phone card, which made me confused, but he only spoke for a minute this time. When I asked him later, I found out that he had been practicing how to say it for the first half hour. You're not hitting me at all a, b,

c,

...x, y, Z

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Roman famous saying< /p>

Freshman year: All roads lead to Rome

Flat University Road

Sophomore year: Rome was not built in a day

University is not built in four Finished studying in 2008

Senior year: Rome has been built

Not finished studying in college yet

Senior year: Rome has fallen

I’m still studying in college

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Examination

The teacher said: Normally, exams are snacks, and I never tire of them;

Duan exams are Dinner is regular and rationed;

The joint examination is a Manchu-Han banquet, and one meal is enough.

Why don't you study hard?

The student said: Tell the teacher, we are losing weight! ! !

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Zi Zai Sichuan said:

There was a teacher who asked his students to translate a passage from The Analects of Confucius

Zi Zai Sichuan said: Pass away He is like this, regardless of day or night!

As a result, the genius student showed his supreme Chinese language skills accumulated for more than ten years and said:

The son said in bed: I slept very comfortably and didn’t do my homework!

When the teacher heard this, he was amazed, touched the student's head and said:

You are a century-old talent! I teach you in anger

(You are really an idiot who only appears once in a hundred years. The more I teach you, the more unhappy I become)

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Team coach

p>

This is what my professor told us. He used to teach in the United States. Some of the students on the team had never gone to school, but they had to graduate from college and then enter the professional basketball team. After playing in the NBA, he often returned to his alma mater to coach the team.

There is a student (let’s call him Jordan) who is about to graduate, but he can’t pass calculus, so he can’t graduate and play NB

A! So he asked his coach, who was also the coach of the school team, to help intercede.

Coach: "Professor, please let Jordan pass. The NBA has been waiting for him for a long time!"

Professor: "Okay! Since the coaches have come to help and beg for mercy, let's Give you one last chance"

"What is one plus one?"

Jordan immediately answered without thinking: "Two"

Coach: "Professor, Please give him another chance! ”

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My m. c. Why haven't you come yet?

Little England is in the second grade, and her family sends her to learn English. One day when I got home after class, Xiaoying shouted: Mom

My mother. c. Why haven't you come yet? Everyone from Xiaohui next door is here. Mom was shocked: Xiaoying, who taught you this? c. Some don’t.

Xiaoying: I’m a cram school teacher. Mom, tell me my m. c. Why haven't you come for so long?

Mom blushed: Ask your dad.

Dad pretended not to hear and just then the postman came

Dad then casually said: Ask the postman uncle

Xiaoying had to ask the postman uncle: Postman uncle my m. c. Do you know why it hasn't come yet?

Postman: Come on, come on, look at this? This is what you've been waiting for. c.

Morningcall is the latest mail-order cartoon alarm clock

Mom and Dad:………….

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Peep comics in class! !

Everyone has the experience of peeking at extracurricular books in class. Especially reading comic books in class.

Speaking of high school, my favorite thing was reading comics in class, especially those classes that would make people drowsy. I remember once, my classmates were reading a new comic book during class. There are textbooks on the table and comics in the drawer.

Turn over page after page and savor it. Slowly, the teacher walked up to him and said, "This student, you don't need to put it on the table.

Because the board in front of your drawer is gone. 』. The whole class burst into laughter.

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Remember to brush your teeth! !

During a biological experiment one day, I observed my own saliva cells, looked at them with a microscope and recorded them... While everyone was observing and studying happily, there was a scream... Ah~ It turned out to be the message from the beautiful teaching assistant... The professor thought something happened

so he ran over to take a look at her microscope. He told her: next time you finish your work, remember to brush your teeth

and rinse your mouth! !

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During class, the teacher asked a question that he thought no one could answer:

A turtle walks five meters in one minute. An ant walked three centimeters in one minute and asked: How old is the teacher?

The whole class was silent...

I saw Xiao Dai lowering his head in thought, and after a while he raised his hand and answered: 44 years old.

The teacher was very surprised after hearing the answer! ! Asked Xiaodai how he knew...

Xiaodai replied: I have an uncle who is 22 years old this year and has a smart mind. If I multiply his age by 2, then...

Teacher: …. #$@%#$$^#

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To be fair! !

One day in a certain junior high school, the inspector came to the school to take the exam and announced to the students at the meeting: "For the sake of fairness, I will take the exam first this year.

The first grade, the second grade next year, and the third grade the year after that. grade". After the students heard this. ． ． ． ． ． ． ．

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Big?

The son asked his father: "Which one is bigger, one or twenty?"

Dad: "Of course it is twenty!"

Son: " Then I ranked twenty. Isn’t it better than first place? ”

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Simple question.

A professor of biology often went to various universities to teach "Genetics"

Once on his way to give a lecture. The driver said to him: "Professor, I have listened to your class at least fifty times. I have memorized it very well. I dare say, I can also teach this class."

< p> "Oh! Really. Okay! Let's switch roles later!"

Arrive at school. The driver went to give a lecture. And finish the class word for word.

But just as he was about to leave. Suddenly a student

asked a question...

The driver couldn't answer for a while...but he still said it calmly. "This classmate. The question you asked is too simple... In order to let you

understand how simple it is. I decided to ask my driver to answer you!~"

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Sex Education

One day. Xiao Ming returned home after class very sadly.

My mother asked Xiao Ming: What happened?

Xiao Ming replied: Everyone in the class knows where he comes from. But I don’t even know

My mother thought that it would be a good time to tell Xiao Ming about things between men and women, and to provide correct sex education

My mother began to tell Xiao Ming: Boys fall in love with girl. Then get married... also mentioned how the sperm meets the egg

Mom told Xiao Ming everything she knew.

When the mother completes the teaching to her satisfaction.

Xiao Ming is still confused. Look at mom. With a few tears dripping from the corners of his eyes, he said:

Xiaohua said he was from Yilan. But my mother gave me a lot of advice and I still don’t know where I came from.