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For women who are unhappy in marriage, I often hear their inner voice: I have given you so many opportunities, why don’t you know how to repent?

I have devoted my youth and paid so much for you, how could you do this to me?

I am all for this family, why don’t you understand?

This type of woman is most likely to fall into boundaryless expectations. She always feels that men should accept and agree with what she does and her thoughts, and she never really thinks about whether men really need them. , blindly blaming all the faults on men.

This kind of excessive expectations is just a pretext of "I feel wronged" to kidnap men's compassion.

Today, Xuehai just wants to use articles to wake up women who are still sleeping. I hope everyone will be enlightened after reading it. High expectations will never end, and happiness will definitely become less and less. Don’t Having too high expectations for a man is the best preservative for relationships.

02 Don’t overestimate your position in a man’s heart

With the liberalization of the second-child policy, countless mothers are excited and have embarked on the road to having a second child.

Xiaohui is a 35-year-old mother on the road to having her second child. She and her husband Xiaojun met on a blind date. Although they met on a blind date, Xiaohui told Xiaojun the day they first met that even if it was a blind date, she hoped to fall in love before getting married.

Xiaojun is a smart man, and he can tell from Xiaohui’s words that he doesn’t dislike him, so from the first meeting, Xiaojun began to pursue Xiaohui, either with flowers or gifts, or Treating guests to dinner, Xiaojun would change his ways to meet Xiaohui every day.

As time goes by, Xiaohui saw Xiaojun’s sincerity after long-term relationships, so she took out her sincerity and handed it over to Xiaojun. She believed that Xiaojun could bring her a lifetime of happiness. happiness.

Xiaohui gave birth to a daughter to Xiaojun. Since the two-child policy had not yet been relaxed at that time and Xiaojun was a public official, they did not dare to have a second child. I don’t know if it was because of the birth of a daughter that Xiaojun never liked her. He would not take the initiative to get along with her daughter when she got home from get off work, let alone take the initiative to take care of her. The two of them often quarreled because of the child.

But every time Xiaohui always comforts herself. After all, Xiaojun, apart from being a little indifferent to her daughter, can't see any dissatisfaction in him. In addition, her mother-in-law and eldest aunt often say that Xiaojun has been in love since he was a child. He doesn't like children very much. He never takes the initiative to hug his eldest aunt's two children, and even tells them to play elsewhere so as not to affect him.

But this is Xiaohui’s biological child, doesn’t he even like it?

Because of the quarrel between the children, Xiaohui hoped that her husband would love the children more, and she simply forgot about the quarrel with her. She asked her husband how he could not understand her, he obviously loved her so much. She had risked her life to pursue her.

Xiaohui has too high expectations for her husband and overestimates her position in the man's heart. She still thinks that the relationship with her husband is just like when she first fell in love. What do you ask him to do? , he does whatever he wants and is very obedient.

Overestimating one's position in a man's heart will only create unrealistic expectations for the man, expecting him to change towards his fantasy appearance.

However, the greater the hope, the greater the disappointment. This strong sense of gap between hope and disappointment will be completely chilling.

03 Fantasy is the biggest killer of relationships

Since her daughter can walk, Xiaohui seems to have really understood her husband, and understands that in his heart, maybe he really doesn’t like children that much. , at least he doesn’t like his daughter anymore.

Xiao Hui also fantasized, what if her daughter was a son? My husband might like it a little bit, but this is unrealistic. After all, my daughter can't transform.

It’s just that since then, Xiaohui’s temper has become louder and she is not as tender as before. The words that come to her lips the most are: Marrying a man is just like not being married. So-and-so took out a mortgage on her house this year, and she told her husband: She still has a job and can't even get a down payment.

When someone bought a new car this year, she said to her husband: When can you buy a car for me? It's not a shame to drive your crappy battery car.

At the beginning, her husband smiled playfully at her and told her about working hard and saving money. But as time passed, he gradually became impatient with Xiaohui, and once even beat Xiaohui because of her nagging.

But Xiaohui did not change because of this attack. He always believed that her husband loved her. This time she went too far. If she was not such a mother-in-law, how could her husband treat her like a mother-in-law? How about doing it yourself? After so many years of marriage, Xiaohui knew that her husband tolerated her again and again.

Actually, it is right to make progress together in love, but like Xiaohui, she puts all her expectations on her husband, always imagining that her husband can achieve the fantasy in her heart , sooner or later the relationship between husband and wife will be wiped out or even shattered.

Concern leads to chaos. You always hope that a man can make more progress and make more demands on him, but you don’t know that those unrealistic fantasies will only crush a man’s bottom line and ultimately hurt others and himself. The gain outweighs the loss.

04 The fantasy is inconsistent with reality, completely destroying yourself

Now that the two-child policy has been relaxed, Xiaohui seems to have seen a glimmer of light in her marriage relationship. After getting the support of her husband Xiaojun, With their agreement, they started preparing for a second child. She hoped to have a son to see if Xiaojun could change his dislike of children.

Perhaps it was luck, Xiaohui got pregnant soon, and gave birth to a son in ten months of pregnancy. The moment she gave birth to her son, Xiaohui seemed to have forgotten the pain of giving birth and couldn't wait to hand the newborn son into the hands of her husband. Unexpectedly, after the husband took the son, he immediately handed it over to his mother-in-law who was also beside him. He said he was afraid. I couldn't hold him and hurt the child.

At that moment, Xiaohui's heart dropped. He had waited for so long and finally gave birth to a son for him. Didn't he even like his son in his heart? So what does he like?

Xiaohui reflects on her married life over the years. Her husband doesn’t like children. Her husband makes too little money and doesn’t like to do housework. He talks very little and never likes to communicate with her. Once he meets her, When faced with conflicts, the husband always chooses to remain silent.

It wasn’t until she gave birth to her second child that Xiaohui finally realized that she was very dissatisfied with her husband and disliked him a lot. She told me with a wry smile: Although there are A complete home, but the backbone of the home is missing.

Yes, from Xiaohui's perspective, her husband is indeed a dispensable person. Although she has a complete family, she cannot feel the presence of a man. What causes this?

It’s just that Xiaohui’s expectations are too high, and she always imposes her own ideas on her husband, hoping that her husband can change towards her fantasy appearance. Isn’t this an alternative kind of “moral kidnapping”?

05 Letting others go is also letting yourself go

There is a famous saying: Don’t put all your expectations on others, because others are not obligated to fulfill your expectations. Others' expectations are too high, which is essentially an escape and evasion of one's own incompetence.

I think it makes sense. Everyone has their own life and the right to choose their own way of living. You can't ask others to follow you in everything without reason, and you also have to do the same. You won’t depend on others for everything.

Especially in love, women always ask men to follow their own ideas in everything. Isn’t this a distrust of themselves? Don’t you have unrealistic illusions about life? Which man would foolishly pay for your fantasy instead of choosing to go his own way?

After all, you need to walk your own life. Instead of imposing all your expectations on others, it is better to learn to live each day well, let others go, and let yourself go.

When your heart becomes strong, you will not feel lost. When a man fails to meet your heart's requirements, you will not feel lost. Instead, you will feel that this is a normal thing, and There will be no conflicts with men, which will affect family harmony.

So, although there is a complete family, there is no backbone in the family. It is not all the fault of men. Women should also find the reason in themselves. Once they can clear up their roots, how can there be no backbone? END?