Advantages and disadvantages of college students' love (paper) As Hugo, a French writer, once said, there are two times in life: the first time is the day you start living; The second time, it was on the day when love sprouted. For college students, it may be unrealistic to say that they have entered the university but have never thought about falling in love. Applying Freud's vocabulary, the state of consciousness will think without thinking. But thinking about love is not equal to having love, and having love is not equal to happiness. The problem of college students' love has always been a topic of discussion. There are three main views on the advantages and disadvantages of college students' love: first, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. When college students reach the age of love, love is a compulsory course in life; Second, the disadvantages outweigh the advantages, and college students should focus on their studies. Love distracts students' time and energy and should not be advocated. Third, the pros and cons are uncertain, and everything varies from person to person. We believe that it is inevitable for college students to fall in love. The key is to correctly guide them to establish a correct view of love, so as to solve all kinds of problems in love and avoid disadvantages. The following paper makes its own analysis on this issue. First, the characteristics of love (1), the concept of love is diversified. The destination of love is marriage and family. In the past, college students fell in love with this kind of love concept. Nowadays, students don't take marriage as the purpose, and the motives and purposes of falling in love are varied. According to the survey, 20% of the students think that their love is to lay the foundation for future love, and the rest of the students say that they are influenced by other factors. Some students can't treat love and love correctly. 30% students think that they can fall in love without love, and many students fall in love just to solve the emptiness. This concept of love is bound to affect the relationship between classmates and lovers. (2) Pay attention to the process of love and despise the result of love. Contemporary college students pay attention to the process of love itself, but don't care much about the result of love. Paying attention to the process of love is conducive to mutual understanding, deepening understanding, cultivating feelings and increasing psychological fit. However, it is a bit biased to separate love from marriage only by focusing on the process of love and emphasizing the "present continuous tense" of love without considering the "future perfect tense" of love. Paying attention to the process of love and ignoring the result of love only emphasizes the right of love and denies the responsibility of love. (3) There is a growing trend of youth and civilization. Generally speaking, in the 1980s and early 1990s, most college students fell in love in the third and fourth grades, but less in the first and second grades. Nowadays, many college students fall in love soon after entering school, and the love groups tend to be younger. The survey shows that freshmen and sophomores in love account for 12% and 26% of the participants in this grade respectively. In the university, a small society where young people in their twenties gather, the phenomenon of college students' love has changed from hiding half their faces behind guitars to being openly wandering in love, which has become a real problem for all beings on campus. Although the school does not encourage students to fall in love, in the eyes of students, this does not affect their development of love relationships. Some students take love as a part of their life experience and are proud of it. What's more, they use it as a show-off capital. Second, the benefits of love (1) Love is an important opportunity to cultivate people's sense of responsibility. The sense of responsibility is one of the important qualities of people under any circumstances, and the sense of responsibility of both men and women in love is more important. Love is never an isolated psychological activity. Both sides share joys and sorrows in the journey of life, and responsibility will really bring happiness to love. Most college students grew up under the care of their parents and families before entering the society, and their ideological independence and life dependence are extremely strong. However, when they begin to fall in love, under the psychological influence of their independence, they will begin to seek independence and gradually get rid of the shackles of their families. At this time, if they are properly induced and educated, it will help to cultivate their correct sense of responsibility and responsibility. You should know that being responsible for your lover means being responsible for others, for society and for yourself. Only in this way can you enter the society in the future and become a responsible person. (2) Being in love helps them learn how to get along with others, especially the opposite sex. Men and women are inherently different, and there are often great differences in thoughts and behaviors. When college students enter the society in the future, they will inevitably come into contact with many people of the opposite sex. The complexity of these people and things is unimaginable. So communicating with your lover now is an opportunity to learn and exercise. Cultivate your ability of expression, judgment and choice, so as to better communicate with others and achieve mutual understanding. Dealing with the relationship with the opposite sex other than the lover in the process of love is undoubtedly a kind of ability exercise. How can I keep close relationship with my lover without affecting communication with other members of the opposite sex? The cultivation of this ability helps us to distinguish the difference between friendship and love, and also provides experience for dealing with similar problems in the future. (3) The ability to realize self-love Van Gogh has a proverb: "Those who love live, those who live work." Love itself is an ability. If a person doesn't love or want to fall in love, then he is incomplete and he lacks this ability. Love is a kind of dedication, tolerance, understanding and trust. When you do this, you may feel a little hard, but more will be happy and happy. Third, the disadvantages of campus love (1), the impact on learning, most college students who are persistent in love appreciate Roman &; S226 Roland's famous saying: Without deep love, life is just a waste. College students have to face two major life issues: study and love. How to deal with the relationship between study and love has always been a headache for college students. Many college students think that they can have both love and study. As the seniors interviewed said, the premise of all this is the choice of boyfriend (girlfriend). Usually they think that the boyfriend (girlfriend) they choose must be like-minded, which will not affect their study. It is undeniable that those college students with clear learning goals and strong self-control ability can do it. However, there are still many college students, especially freshmen. Many of them are used to the standardized life in middle school, and going to college is their goal. At this time, they often haven't found the goal of the university, and their understanding of their university life is not very clear. It is difficult to guarantee whether they can rationally choose their love partners so that their studies will not be affected. College students' learning is a step-by-step process, which requires major time and energy; You need to make extra efforts to successfully complete your studies. However, 68% of the students said that they would take part in entertainment activities that they did not intend to take part in because of their lover's request, which would inevitably affect the distribution of their time and energy. The difficulty of academic tasks determines that college students' time and energy should not be too scattered. Therefore, after laying a solid knowledge foundation, college students can engage in activities other than study, such as falling in love. Falling in love when the academic foundation is not solid enough will have a negative impact on learning, and in serious cases, it will also cause great fluctuations in college students' emotions, thus causing serious consequences and undesirable phenomena such as being tired of learning and dropping out of school. (2) Who will pay for college students' love? Love is not a simple conceptual process, but also a practical process. Love practice needs a certain material foundation. Love without considering the material basis is platonic love, just a mysterious mental state in which man and God are connected. Contemporary college students can't be independent economically, and the expenses needed in the study stage mainly depend on family support. According to the analysis, in addition to the college students' love expenses in the living expenses, of course, there are also college students who want to be self-reliant. It seems that expensive "love consumption" will eventually be paid by parents. Some experts pointed out: ① College students are exposed to fashion at this age, eager for romance, lacking the reality and rationality of social love, and have high requirements for romance, all of which are based on material, so their love consumption is naturally higher. The high consumption of college love is no longer a personal problem, but has become a common problem of college students' views on love and consumption. As a generation growing up in a honeypot in the new era, it is necessary for college students to reflect on their behavior. (3) Is it the limitation of the two-person world or a wider circle of friends? According to the survey data, 25% of the students who are not in love think that the students who are in love around them have alienated their former friends since they fell in love, which is inconsistent with the original desire to contact more friends because of love. Shao, director of the Organization Department of the School of Economics and Business, said in an interview that the biggest drawback of love is that it limits the scope of interpersonal communication. With classmates in love around, other classmates, especially friends of the opposite sex, will naturally keep a certain distance from them to avoid misunderstandings between classmates. This situation is not uncommon. Students who fall in love often pay too much attention to the relationship with their lovers and don't realize that their friends have gradually alienated themselves unconsciously. Moreover, 30% students who are not in love said that this will be a problem they have to face in the process of falling in love. Therefore, the influence of love on a person's interpersonal communication can not be ignored. (4) Is lovelorn a loss? Love always pays off. Once you are lovelorn, it is difficult to recover what you have paid, especially spiritually. 90% of the students said they were serious about their current love, and 67% said they would be deeply affected by the failure of this love. College students' psychological development is not very mature, and their mood fluctuates greatly, which is easy to get emotional. It is inevitable that lovelorn love will have an impact on them. The psychological shadow period caused by lovelorn is normal, but some college students can't treat lovelorn correctly, and the latter is more serious. The most unacceptable thing is to end your life. Losing love itself means the end of a relationship, and its influence is more lasting. Therefore, lovelorn is also a loss. Fourth, treat love correctly and grow up in love (1). Is love a compulsory course or an elective course? Love is an instinct and an attitude towards life. People live in the world and need to love and be loved. What we get after birth is love from our parents. In adolescence, we long for a kind of love from the opposite sex, and that is love. Love is not only an attitude, but also a way of life. To love and be loved is obviously an innate instinct and need of human beings. Psychologist Eriksson believes that the primary task we face in late adolescence and early adulthood is to establish profound and meaningful interpersonal relationships, among which love is an important content. College students are in this period, and it is natural to yearn for love. On the broad road of courtship, there are both expectations and different bumps. Love may not come immediately because of our expectation, but believing in beautiful love and having the ability to have her is also an important part of college students' mental growth. (2) Make a good love reserve 1. Learn to love yourself first. There is a saying in the Bible: One must first learn to love oneself before loving others. The important performance of loving yourself is to have confidence in yourself, to appreciate and affirm yourself, and not to deny yourself because of a certain failure, so that you can live and pursue more actively. True love, as psychologist Fromm said, means "care, respect, responsibility and understanding. It is a proactive struggle for the growth and happiness of the person you love, rooted in your own ability to love. The determination of happiness and freedom of "human life, growth and happiness" is also rooted in care, respect, responsibility and understanding. If a person has the ability to produce love, he also loves himself. If he only loves others, he can't love at all. " It is very important to learn to love yourself before you love others. 2. The ability to store love in your heart first depends on how much love you can give in your heart. If a person's heart is dry, there is no love to give, and there is no basis for the ability to love. (3), cultivate the ability to love 1, what is the ability to love? The ability to love refers to the ability to establish close relationships with others, which is of great significance to all human development. Having the ability to love will lead a person to truly love others and themselves, and can truly appreciate the joy and happiness that love brings to people. The process of love is also the process of cultivating the ability of love. 2. The multiple levels of love ability include: the ability to recognize love, the ability to express love, the ability to accept love, the ability to refuse love, the ability to resolve the conflict of love, and the ability to bear lovelorn. Only when a person has these abilities can he face love, dare to accept his own love, get his own love and solve contradictions when he is in love. Only when his heart is full of love and he has the ability to love can he truly love himself and others. He can enjoy the happiness brought by love. By consulting a large number of materials on the Internet and in the library, this paper conducts interviews and questionnaire analysis on some outstanding students, and objectively analyzes the characteristics of college students' love and the advantages and disadvantages of college students' love. Once again, it shows our view that it is inevitable for college students to fall in love. The key is to correctly guide college students to establish a correct concept of love, so that all kinds of problems in love can be solved, and the advantages can be avoided. three