Let's look at the parenting model. What different parenting models may bring to children.

There are several types of family of origin:

The first is called autocracy. Autocracy is actually quite common in our country. Because China people used to think that children were my property and you were mine. No matter how old you are, because I am your parents, I have rights to you. I will treat you as I please, because you are mine. This view will lead to a very tense parent-child relationship, but the child will always be the final winner. No matter his parents, no matter how rude you were to him when he was a child, no matter how much power you had over him. But one day, you have to hand in the baton, and the children have to grow up, especially the fathers. A writer wrote a book called The Opponents. He talked about his father and son. Father and son are rivals, because the father will slowly pass by when he is young, while the son will grow from weak to strong. One day after the age of 30, the father is getting older and the son is getting stronger. The pain brought by all the authoritarian families in the past can not only bring the children back to their parents in the past, but also affect their sexual relationship and their families.

In our family, some are strong mothers. In a family where the mother is strong, the daughter is usually strong and the son is usually weak. Cowardice means no sense of responsibility, no responsibility and no masculinity. Such a boy basically grew up with his mother and grandmother. Because my mother grew up beside me and my father was not at home, my mother has a high proportion of strength. Because there are many families where dad is away. If a mother wants to love and control her children, she must suppress and suppress the boys. Do you want to be obedient or something? To this boy, he is like a baby elephant, and he can't resist.

The girls brought out by my mother are basically very strong. Because mom is the object of her study. So when she was very young, when her mother suppressed her, the girl could feel how her mother suppressed her. So she will imitate her mother's repression, and will suppress her boyfriend, her husband and her children in the future.

Depressed family, children are stressed, anxious and introverted. Cowardly, in fact, is afraid to express himself bravely, and he becomes very introverted. Such an authoritarian family, if the mother is strong, is this family, and the word tragedy cannot be used, but it is very bad. For a family, an authoritarian mother, we should actually adjust ourselves. Second, the father is autocratic, the son who comes out is also a compulsory son, and the daughter who comes out is a cowardly daughter. A daughter brought out by a compulsive father, if the father is too strong in this family, the daughter's marriage is not easy to be happy. Because she can't help marrying someone with her father's personality, because she wants to conquer her husband. Because she thinks her father doesn't like her, she has been trying to make up for the regrets in her life, which will make her life compulsory.

The second is neglected families. Ignoring family is because parents are too busy. My parents have to work and are very busy. Parents who have their own careers usually have no way to accompany their children after they are born and have no way to give them time. For example, an extreme little girl, because her mother is an older mother and her family is very rich. But dad really wants a son. Mom said, if the baby is born, don't let me take it. Dad agreed. As a result, the mother gave birth to another daughter. After confinement in the first month of my life, I gave this daughter to my aunt. Aunt is at her home. This aunt has been with her since the child was conscious. So my aunt sleeps with this child every night. Dad is often away from home, and mom often goes out to socialize. So when this girl was four or five years old, no one could control her. When she gets angry and wants something, she rolls around until she dies. You will feel sorry for her when you see her. You have everything in your family, but in your heart you feel really worthless and not needed. Besides, it's no use talking. Only when I am dead will my mother look at me and ask me what's wrong.

There are many parents, especially highly educated or successful people. Due to the pressure of work, they usually have little time to themselves. The child doesn't know why you don't accompany her because the child is unreasonable. 0-6 years old, he won't know that my father is working, so she will leave me and work outside. Mom is too busy to accompany me. Children can only think that I am unloved and no one cares about me.

So, nobody cares about me and nobody loves me. In such a family, in the child's personality, she has very shallow contact with people and poor social skills. She often doesn't know how to establish relationships with others. Left-behind children are actually neglected children, and they feel abandoned inside. So the family is divided, and the harm to the children is that I am not important, I can't establish better contact with others, and no one really cares about me. Therefore, in a neglected family, the child's personality is a tragedy. If you can change this, then accompany your children with high quality and make friends with them immediately. You must let your children know where you are going, whether it is on business or you need to go out today. You should constantly tell your children through WeChat, video and telephone that dad loves you and mom loves you. Mom doesn't want to go out, and dad needs you. Constantly use words to make up for his sense of neglect caused by distance.

The third type is called laissez-faire. We still remember a famous singer whose son was sentenced in his teens. He is a typical result of old age. China people said, give me a son forever. This son is really the lifeblood. Such a family can't wait for the stars in the sky to be picked for the children and completely revolve around them. Even if the child is a little bitter, parents will immediately be infinitely satisfied. Especially when I was a child, the children brought by my peers were basically willful and irresponsible. Because what grandparents give, what grandparents give, is basically the care of life, it is difficult to have discipline. It is difficult for old people to really discipline their children. So what children get from the old man is spoil. A spoiled child, spoiling the child is equal to killing the child! Therefore, a laissez-faire child, his adversity quotient is very low, he refuses to suffer, and he can't accept the setbacks in life.

I hope every parent knows that there is a word called delayed satisfaction. For example, if your child wants to eat candy, you can tell him before brushing his teeth if we can eat it at night. Or we have eaten today. We only eat one candy this week. Don't promise him at once, you must postpone it. Some people cry as soon as their children cry. After a long time, your child's satisfaction is getting higher and higher, in other words, the requirements are getting higher and higher. So mom and dad become, when taking care of the children, they spend a lot of energy and time, and the children are still not satisfied. Parents with young children, in particular, are willing to try and constantly delay satisfaction. Not dissatisfied, but wait, let your child learn to wait, let your child learn, not to give when she cries, nor to give when she asks. Make sure she knows she needs to wait. A child who can wait, a child who can wait, will certainly become a person who can make a difference.

Therefore, the first advice to laissez-faire parents is not to pass it on from generation to generation if possible. The second is the habit of delaying satisfaction, so that children don't want to have anything at once.

The fourth is the authoritative education model. This kind is more popular with us. The authoritative parenting model actually emphasizes making friends with children, being with them, giving them support, caring for them and giving them due expression and respect. There is family time with children, time to communicate with children, time to love and discipline children. Therefore, authoritative parents are either not loving or not strict. Authoritative parents have light in their eyes and a ruler in their hands. There are rules at home, but I love you.

In this process, we can love and discipline, a democratic and authoritative family, and make friends with children. Give strong support to children when they need it. The children in this family are confident, lively and independent.

Therefore, an authoritative family, an education model with love and discipline in parallel, high-quality companionship and making friends are all very critical and important.

The last one is a mixed family. Mixed parenting mode will bring anxiety and contradiction to children. Mixed families are families where parents disagree. Dad said relax and mom said study. Parents are always colliding, and the relationship between parents is very tense. In such a family, the child's personality is very stiff, nervous and contradictory, and there will be many emotions on him. In this case, parents may be separated because of different views, or really different views, or really incompatible personalities. The separation of parents and family turmoil should have a great impact on children.

These five modes of education, five types of family background, tell your parents its definition and the harm it may bring to your children. But this does not necessarily mean that children in such families will be like this. It is he who has such a personality trend and development. Every child of ours, some solidified things formed in his personality will be brought to his later study, to his new family, to his workplace and to his career. As parents, if we are willing to adjust our parenting model, we will change ourselves in the parenting model and make ourselves an authoritative family and democratic parents. In this way, our children's character will be as cheerful and lively as we imagined. This will be of great help to her later life growth.

Maria shared "Good Dad and Good Mom Growing up in University".

Let the education of love enter thousands of families!