Text/Jiangzi

When talking about Xiao Hong, there is always a sense of vastness and confusion about her life experience.

If the picture of her life were to be framed into a painting, I think it would be a wilderness blocked by frost and snow under the chaotic gray sky, with the white earth covered with cracks and scars.

The twisted family of origin, the unfortunate childhood, the broken family relationship, the frustrated love, the dilemma of wandering, every time the sword of fate was struck, it severely cut a hole in her weak body.

But a generation of literary Luo Shen was not willing to be at the mercy of fate. The hunger, the cold, and the myriad holes she encountered all blossomed and bore fruit in her writings, and she wrote a novel. Another masterpiece.

The loneliness, sadness, coldness, and stubbornness between the lines are my first impression of Xiao Hong.

From a secular perspective, Xiao Hong's life cards are not bad. She was born in a squire-landlord family. She has no worries about food and clothing, and can receive a new education.

However, material abundance cannot withstand the thinness of human affection. Living in a distorted family environment since childhood, Xiao Hong's childhood was filled with more hardships than happiness.

In order to teach Xiao Hong a lesson by puncturing the window paper, her strict grandmother pricked her finger with a needle, causing her to scream in pain. Her violent father would kick her whenever she disagreed, often until her nose was bruised and her face was swollen. Because of her stepmother's alienation and neglect, Xiao Hong, who lost her mother at a young age, never enjoyed maternal love.

Xiao Hong's emotions are poor. She longs for someone to love and be loved. This sense of lack makes her fall into emotional quagmire again and again in the future, leaving her scarred.

The only person who loves her is her grandfather, who always tells her, "Grow up! It will be fine when you grow up."

Growing up means growing up, but the days are gone. good.

Xiao Hong’s nightmare began after her grandfather passed away.

Because she was dissatisfied with her family's arranged marriage, 19-year-old Xiao Hong fled to Beijing with her cousin Lu Zongshun, formally breaking up with her father. Lu Zongshun, who thought he was the right one, was forced to abandon Xiao Hong due to financial sanctions from his family.

Xiao Hong, who had been cut off from her financial resources, lived a wandering life of hunger and cold. She fell into the emotional trap of her fiancé Wang Enjia and was deceived into living together in a hotel and became pregnant with a child. Later, Wang pretended to go home to withdraw money and left. There was no whereabouts.

Helpless Xiao Hong was almost sold as a prostitute by the hotel owner. In desperation, Xiao Hong wrote to the "International Association" for help. She received help from left-wing Xiao Jun and fell in love.

But Xiao Jun is not a good man. He has a fiery personality and a tendency to commit violence.

Writer Jin Yi recalled: Once, several friends saw Xiao Hong’s eyes were bruised and swollen, and she covered it up by saying that she accidentally dropped it. And Xiao Jun said confidently, "What's there to hide? I was the one who got hit yesterday."

During the period of getting along with Xiao Hong, Xiao Jun cheated on her many times, and even created his own gangster love theory, "If you love, you will love." "If you don't love her, throw it away." This caused Xiao Hong to suffer irreparable emotional trauma.

All divorces are planned for a long time.

Taking advantage of the turbulent war, Xiao Jun followed Ding Ling to Xi'an, while Xiao Hong returned to Wuhan.

During the emotional window, Duanmu Hongliang began to pursue Xiao Hong and married Xiao Hong against all objections.

But in the end, he still loved himself more than Xiao Hong. When Wuhan fell, Xiao Hong gave the only ship ticket to Duanmu and asked him to flee to Chongqing first.

Later, when he moved to Hong Kong, when the war was raging, Duanmu Hongliang focused all his energy on dealing with the situation and self-protection, which made Xiao Hong on the hospital bed disheartened. She said, "We can't be together after all." *** is in trouble."

Then she turned her back and faced the ruthless desolation alone. Her life also ended in loneliness, and she died at the age of thirty-one.

03

Some people say that Xiao Hong is unkind to others, while others say that her upbringing environment has created her scum-absorbing physique. There is some inevitability in the accidental tragic ending. It is not without reason. reason.

People who are extremely lacking in love, as long as others show a little tenderness, they will rush to give themselves up before they have time to see the other person's true face.

There is a saying that goes, "If you have deep love, you will not live long, but if you are extremely wise, you will be hurt." Those who use deep love often hurt themselves.

Save three points for everything and seven points for loving others. In her "emotional" journey, Xiao Hong has always been an insider who does not know the true face of Lushan. Every time she goes to great lengths for love, she gets herself imprisoned.

But if she is allowed to learn to weigh the pros and cons, and get out shrewdly, then Xiao Hong may no longer be Xiao Hong. Purity, strength, and determination are inherently part of Xiao Hong. In that era, Next, she is destined to suffer some hardships.

As Xu Guangping said, "No one has experienced suffering, but the suffering written by Xiao Hong is more profound than anyone else."

When he was dying, Xiao Hong had only one last word Sighing, "I have been ignored for half my life, and I have to die first. I am unwilling, unwilling!"

I ran away for half my life to pursue freedom, but fell into the whirlpool of emotions again and again; the literary dream I painstakingly woven was mercilessly bombarded by the flames of fascist war. , What else can Xiao Hong have who has been drifting all her life?

Xiao Hong wants to have a lot of love. If love is too luxurious, health must be good, but if you don’t have both, then put your love in your works.

But fate was so unpredictable that before "Ma Bole" was completed, Xiao Hong had to stop writing due to serious illness, leaving only regrets. Probably these are all reasons for unwillingness.

Even though she is unwilling to do so, if Xiao Hong was allowed to make a choice again, I think she would still make the same decision when she was 19 years old, break free from the prison of her family, and live a life of flesh and blood. She herself said, "Although the back garden is big, it can no longer accommodate me."

Just like the person, the attributes of Xiao Hong’s works are closely related to her life background. They are naked descriptions of the present world, showing loneliness, coldness and stubbornness in the same way.

This is Xiao Hong's fate. Without the miserable experience, it may be difficult to write words that go deep into the bone marrow.

The sad and desolate yet heroic "The Story of Hulan River" is not so much a fictional novel that pities people's livelihood as it is Xiao Hong's semi-autobiographical documentary, which is drawn from the flesh and blood of her life. Works that grow.

If great works require pain to complete, this can be regarded as another kind of perfection in life.

With this understanding, will your inner pain be lessened?