However, the times are constantly changing, just as epistemology is constantly being overthrown. In our new century, "stick education" is no longer suitable. Because such a severe behavior that hurts children will make children feel afraid and have some fear of doing something wrong, but it will not only bring serious psychological shadow to children, but also have a very adverse impact on their physical and mental health, and will also cause certain harm to their bodies. Therefore, in the face of naughty children, we should use appropriate educational methods to raise them, instead of blindly beating and cursing, which can only cause more serious consequences.
I have a friend, Ms. Chen, who is always strict. I am very demanding of myself. Whether in school or in life and interpersonal communication. In school, Miss Chen was a good student with excellent academic performance, and all her teachers and classmates liked her very much.
But she is not only strict with herself, but also sets high standards for her son Chen Ming. If you don't obey, you will also implement "stick education." His son has been obedient because he has been scolded for a long time. I can study, swim and play basketball. However, he himself is very reticent, does not like to talk, and sometimes even feels a little inferior.
Such an excellent child has become a depressed, unhealthy and even a little inferior boy because of his parents' long-term severe reprimand. Finally, in adolescence, Chen Ming began to skip classes and fall in love, regardless of his studies, and began to learn to contradict his parents. He is no longer the obedient boy he used to be.
Perhaps Ms. Chen's strict education led to the outbreak of depression. Ms. Chen regrets it very much, and she also knows that she is rethinking whether she did something wrong, saying that she should not be so strict with Chen Ming, which led him to become like this and should give him a happy childhood. But it's too late to say anything now. Ms. Chen is very upset, but is there really no way out? Do you educate children like Ms. Chen?
Zhu Mei, deputy chief physician of tongji hospital Pediatrics affiliated to Tongji University and national second-level psychological counselor, said in an interview that if the physical injury caused by beating a child can be recovered in time, the psychological injury caused to the child cannot be cured by time.
"In the usual outpatient clinic, there are not a few children who have psychological problems because their parents snore. "Zhu Mei said that children who have been educated and disciplined by sticks for a long time will have the following problems:
1. Lying
Children lie to avoid being beaten, and later they will unconsciously lie to form a perfect illusion. It will also have an impact on future interpersonal communication. I dare not treat people sincerely, wear masks to deal with all kinds of people, and probably have no sincere friends. Not only that, but also communication with parents becomes difficult.
2. Inferiority and cowardice
Under the severe reprimand of parents, children will become self-denying. On the surface, although they are depressed, they are obedient, smart and obedient. In fact, they are very inferior and have no personality.
fight against
Parents' strict education of their children has traumatized their self-esteem, suppressed their anger for a long time, and produced rebellious psychology towards their parents. Some children even play truant, run away from home and even hurt themselves.
4. rude words and deeds
Children have strong imitation ability. If parents treat their children with rude words and deeds, children will also learn from their parents' behavior. Therefore, parents' behavior has a great influence on children. Children who have been beaten and scolded by their parents for a long time will only use violence to solve problems at school.
5. taciturn
Some parents beat and scold their children, which will make them have self-doubt, think that they will be beaten and scolded only if they are incompetent, show silence and do not take the initiative to communicate, be withdrawn, and even be vulnerable to bullying.
6. Anxiety and nervousness
Children who are beaten and scolded are prone to nervousness and mental problems.
If the child makes a mistake, parents should restrain their inner anger and not unilaterally understand the situation. For example, if a child is in trouble at school, he can't unilaterally think about how the teacher explains to himself and go home and scold the child directly. This is impossible, but we have to communicate with the children unilaterally and find out the origin of this matter. If the child does do something wrong, he can be punished in some form. For example, think about it. If you can't play computer games for a week, or the parade plan is cancelled, let him know that he will pay for doing something wrong.
Deputy Chief Physician Zhu Mei reminded, "It should be noted that punishing children should not be in front of school teachers or relatives and friends, but should safeguard their self-esteem."
What should children do if they don't listen to their parents' advice and insist on their own opinions? It is not a bad thing to let children try and make mistakes without touching the law, breaking the moral bottom line and threatening life safety. One thing you need to do is to tell your child that if the consequences of this matter happen, you must bear it yourself. It is impossible for children to grow up without making mistakes. Parents should treat them with a normal heart and guide their children to learn and summarize from their mistakes.
Many parents feel that they can't control their anger in the face of unreasonable troubles or when their children make mistakes. All kinds of endless "Xiong Haizi" operations make parents furious, so a lot of negative emotions are vented on their children.
Parents must control their emotions when facing their children. If you can't control it, you can tell your child that mom and dad are in a bad mood now. Can you leave me alone for a moment? Don't communicate with your child until you adjust your mood.
Therefore, when parents encounter children's educational problems in this respect, they must first sort out their emotions, and then conduct reasonable communication and reasonable punishment.