The harm caused by the original family will have many psychological sequelae when you grow up.

First, you will have a bad temper, quarrel, lack of security, and lack of trust in others. Try your best to study hard and have a deeper understanding of things.

Second, social phobia, fear of positive communication and dare not speak. When the topic you have thought about reaches a certain occasion, your mind will go blank. Exercise yourself more and overcome the difficulties in your mind. Only by building up confidence through continuous learning and progress can you overcome phobias and fears.

Third, distrust in marriage and fear of betrayal. Try to communicate and understand as much as possible when interacting with your partner. Do not enter the state of the original family. Treat marriage with a positive attitude and overcome fear.

Fourth, have a normal attitude toward your partner and family members, do not try to change them, face up to everyone’s differences, and gradually make your heart strong, capable, and financially strong to support yourself in getting rid of the family of origin. adverse effects.

The subject of the question is too broad. Many improper educations given by parents in childhood will bring different kinds of harm.

It is suggested that the subject can buy books written by his family of origin and read them. Once you are aware of them, this is the beginning of getting better. No matter what, we should be grateful to our parents for giving us life, and we can make other things better through our own efforts!

Each of us has been hurt by our original family to a greater or lesser extent. If you have psychological sequelae when you grow up, I think you can try the following suggestions.

First, face the harm caused by the family of origin, and do not regard it as a mistake and just blame and complain. Each of us cannot do without the family of origin. It is not perfect in itself, so we must face it and face it.

The second is to repair it with a positive attitude. On the road of life growth, constantly make corrections to make it more positive and correct, and believe that you have this ability.

The third is not to let the shadow become an obstacle and try your best to expand the area outside the shadow. Learning is the best way.

By doing this, you may be able to avoid secondary harm and develop towards a better side. @Beijing Happiness Charity Foundation

Any harm has both pros and cons. The harm done to the family of origin is even more so.

For example, if the father's constant cheating hurts the child, the sequelae may cause the child to hate men throughout his life, or not want to get married...

It is also possible that he is interested in studying men's psychology. I am interested in it, and then enter the palace of psychology and philosophy, and finally become a master of helping others...

The harm caused by the original family makes people feel aggrieved. Such people will suffer for a lifetime and have no feeling of happiness. , will constantly torture the people who treat them best.

A happy childhood can heal your life, but an unfortunate childhood takes a lifetime to heal.

From Freud's theory of personality and instinct, he mentioned the influence of the family of origin on the formation of individual personality. The worldview reflected by the subconscious is also inseparable from a person's childhood experience.

Childhood experience is also an important period for the shaping of a person's personality. If you do not get enough love from your parents at this stage, you will not get the emotional connection you need. This emotional lack will accompany you throughout your life. When they grow up, they are often insecure, pessimistic and anxious, and do not know how to refuse. After entering into an intimate relationship such as love, they will behave more thoroughly.

If you grow up in an environment with severe lack of love and extreme negative family influence, it will produce irreversible psychological trauma. The stress response will cause real trauma to the prefrontal lobe of the brain. This situation will not only be affected by Gray memories last a lifetime; it is easy to repeat these behaviors in adulthood, such as alcoholism or domestic violence in the family. Such children are more likely to engage in these behaviors when they grow up, or are more likely to be attracted to such people and enter into romantic relationships. , it is easy to fall in love with scumbag men and scumbag women, or have some masochistic tendencies.

The milder impact also makes people more sensitive, pessimistic and negative in all aspects of life and interpersonal communication, affecting the formation of normal and healthy interpersonal relationships. In daily life, some social and social activities that ordinary people are accustomed to They may never learn to do well in the small things in interpersonal relationships.

After growing up, it is easy to have such problems in social connections:

1. Intimate relationships

It is easy to fall in love with a type of scumbag/ Scumbags are always attracted to a certain type of person. This type is often similar to or opposite to their parents. Such people will awaken subconscious memories and experiences, which will create a special feeling. These are all reflected by certain points about childhood in the subconscious mind of the brain. They often think that this is love and attraction, so they will always choose to be with such people, even if some characteristics are obvious shortcomings in the eyes of others.

Because of the lack of some emotional connections in childhood deep inside, they will want to find those things that satisfy them when they grow up. Therefore, in close relationships, the people who attract them often have some obvious shortcomings and character flaws, and they will interact with their peers again and again. When a person of the same type is together, he or she will go crazy because the other person does not reply to messages, become anxious and ask questions constantly because of the slightest neglect, work hard to perform well, work hard, or give in and compromise without a bottom line when conflicts arise, and compromise and compromise. , even in the midst of some emotional abuse and violence, but still lingering and unable to leave. These are the reappearance of the frustrations and conflicts experienced in childhood. I always hope to change the person opposite me and get complete love, just like I hope to get the love of my parents when I was a child. Such feelings often do not end well and are not cherished. .

2. Social relationships

When interacting with others, people who lack love are more likely to show excessive kindness to others' little contributions; they habitually think of the worst in everything. Negative explanation style, fear that others will not like them, always worrying that they will not perform well in public situations, excessive self-consciousness, being unable to say a word in front of the person they like, and hesitating during the interview for the job they dream of. I blame myself under any circumstances, attribute negative and bad things to myself, default that I am not good enough and not worthy of being loved, always feel that I need to pay more to please others, and cannot establish healthy interpersonal links in social interactions. Often form some unhealthy personalities: dependent personality, obsessive personality, avoidant personality, please personality, impulsive personality, borderline personality, etc., and even anxiety and depression

How to improve

From a practical point of view, this impact cannot be completely changed by oneself, but there are many ways to reduce the negative impact. At the same time, these traumas are not entirely negative. Research has proven that everyone can heal themselves. Ability, and the ability to learn special advantages from adversity. Different experiences also shape you as a special person, as well as some unique strengths. Those frustration points and pain you have experienced will give you deeper and sharper abilities. , you are also more adaptable to complex environments and relationships. This is an additional gift that negative experiences bring to you. You will appear more special than those who have not had the same experience.

1. Face yourself and your family of origin. Your parents can only take care of you within the scope of their cognition and ability. They do not want to deal with ignorance, unconsciousness, and some uncontrollable factors. Being too harsh on your family and parents is actually a kind of harsh criticism on yourself, and it is you who will suffer.

2. Accept the status quo. The past cannot be traced back. You must learn to face reality when you cannot force it. The trauma caused is also irreversible. When you feel sorry for yourself and feel wronged, scholars should love themselves more.

3. Reshaping attachment relationships is a positive and effective way. Some people will leave their original family, leave their original circle, change their life in a city, or establish their own social links to choose what they like. Build friendships with friends, choose a partner with a healthy personality to build your own family, etc.

4. Look at it objectively. You have to know that the past experience has passed and is a short part of your life. The road you have to go next is longer. Your past cannot be changed, but you The future is your own choice and shape. Even if you stand in ruins, you can build your own bright and warm house, with people who truly love you and you like in it.

I hope my answer is helpful to you.

No one can choose their favorite parents. Most people’s parents are also ordinary people among all living beings. They also have joy, anger, sorrow, love and hatred. Parents are also burdened with too much pressure when raising children in an ordinary life. They were once high-spirited teenagers who also looked forward to a better life in the future. But the edges and corners were helplessly smoothed by the sharp stone of life. Helplessly living an ordinary and ordinary life. Problems that arise in the original family include (1) parents often quarrel. When we were young, our parents often quarreled in front of us. At worst, we would get red-faced and neck-deep, or at worst, a whole table of delicious food would be overturned to the ground. Finally, there was the sound of my mother closing the door and sobbing loudly. My father was furious as he cleaned up the mess in this place. When we were young, we hid in the corner and shivered, afraid that our parents would not want us. That feeling, that fear is a spiritual memory that can never be erased after growing up. (2) The father cheats, but the mother tolerates it. As we grow older, our parents gradually reduce their quarrels. It's not that their relationship has improved, but that their quarrels are more hidden, and in most cases they are in a cold war. This silent harm also hurts the children of their children. Faced with my parents who don't care about each other, don't bother each other, and are strangers to each other. The child feels like he is superfluous. He does not understand why his parents do not give in to each other and hurt each other. In this atmosphere, my father chose to work in other places. People in a foreign land especially need warmth. At this time, there happened to be a person of the opposite sex asking for help. The emotional balance naturally tilted, and my father cheated. The sensitive mother sees everything and makes a scene. Reputable elders in the family intervened. The parents reconciled again and peace seemed to have returned to the family. (3) The father is partial to and criticizes his children.

Everyone cannot make everyone like themselves. Including their own parents. When you do your best to be kind to your parents and think of them no matter what, and they get sick, you give up the work at hand and drive from the east end of a big city to the suburbs in the west to take him to the hospital for examination. When he had surgery, you took your young child with him in the hospital and went home to sleep early in the morning. In the morning, you take the car to buy his favorite breakfast, and then take the car to your home for him to eat... So many things are normal, and you do it for nothing else, just to repay him for his nurturing kindness. But he accuses you and accuses you of a lot of things you didn't do well. Turning a blind eye to your efforts will make you sad and even more chilling. The harm caused by the original family, when growing up, will produce a flattering personality in the heart, and dare not speak out one's true inner thoughts. I feel sorry for myself, I don’t dare to be too good to my spouse, I don’t dare to believe in eternal feelings, I am afraid that I will be hurt. The hurt caused by the family of origin causes pain in the heart, which may be difficult to heal in this life. I hope that parents all over the world can love each other and be together for a hundred years. Even if the relationship no longer exists, they should try to minimize the harm to their children. After all, that kind of harm is unforgettable and has a great impact on the child's character.

Our family of origin has a great influence on our lives, but most of us have not learned how to maintain close connections with members of our family of origin while maintaining a psychologically and emotionally independent self.

After people leave their original families, most of them establish some new intimate relationships, such as the relationship between parents and children, the relationship between colleagues at work, and the friendship between friends. Whether an adult lives a happy life depends largely on whether he can deal with the various influences of his family of origin. These contradictions are reflected in the details of the relationship.

1. For example, the relationship between husband and wife: Coming from a family with no sense of security, they want to find a sense of security in their spouse.

When we choose a mate, we hope to get emotional needs that we did not get in our original family, such as: approval from our parents, the need to feel unique, etc.

We all carry around this unresolved emotional baggage that we hope to resolve in a new relationship or family.

If we don’t get the satisfaction from our family of origin, we will only care about asking for it and will not be able to pay for choosing a mate. Although this view is a bit pessimistic, if we have the courage to face the problems of our original family, we will have new motivation to love again.

2. For example, the parent-child relationship: The parenting model we experienced in our original family leaves irreversible trauma. I have thought many times that if I become a parent one day, I will definitely not do this.

But in real life, instinctive conditioned reflexes inevitably repeat the same parenting methods. When we have not learned new parenting concepts, we can only use the old ways in our brains. This is the influence and inheritance of intergenerational relationships.

These invisible family influences will have an inevitable impact on their children. They listen to their parents' words, observe their parents' behavior, and unconsciously imitate their parents' behavior.

In summary, the damage caused by the original family to oneself is lasting and irreversible. If you want to block the impact of trauma, you need to face the problem head-on and actively repair it.

"Fortunate people are healed by their childhood all their lives; unfortunate people are healed by their childhood all their lives." This famous saying by Adler, the founder of individual psychology, is like a wake-up call. Too many ignorant minds.

There is an important core concept in wanting to heal: if the trauma cannot be forgiven, learn to let it go and take full responsibility for your own life.

Parents are also ordinary people, and they all have more or less the imprint of the times. Everyone who is trapped by the times cannot be perfect, and they cannot give what they don’t have.

Just like us now, we inherit and integrate at the same time, learn and create at the same time, inherit the good family tradition, abandon the dross, and undertake the beautiful mission of optimizing family genes. Best wishes!

I am @EvianPsychology, a national second-level psychological counselor. I focus on the field of mental health. I like to write warm and heart-warming words. If you have any relevant questions, you can leave a private message.

There is no 100% perfect family of origin, just like there is no 100% perfect person. Each of us comes from different families and is unique. We have strengths and weaknesses. Be timid, impatient, and cowardly. As long as it is a relatively normal family, it will not cause you much psychological trauma. Each of us needs to maintain an upward attitude at all times during the long journey of life. By continuing to learn and be aware, we will continue to grow and become a better version of ourselves! !

In our lifetime, we usually experience two families.

One is the family that accompanies us when we are born and raises us, including mom and dad, maybe grandparents, brothers and sisters;

The other family is where we grow up. Later he started his own family.

The first family is our original family.

The second family is our reborn family.

However, each of us is deeply influenced by our family of origin, and our behaviors, habits, and values ??are all invisibly affected by our families.

Especially when we become adults, think back on whether you were unconsciously imitating some behaviors in your family of origin, even if they were behaviors that you hated or resisted at the time; engage in behavior that is exactly the opposite.

Because the influence of the original family on children is reflected in the following aspects:

Cognition ~ early life experiences and views on things around them;

Emotions ~ family members' emotions and attachment styles;

Consciousness ~ parents' consciousness, subconsciousness, etc.;

Behavior ~ parents' marital relationship and ways of dealing with others, etc.

In real life, different parenting styles have different impacts on children:

In a family where the mother is strong and refuses to let go, and the father is absent, children in such a family tend to have no independent opinions. Raise a giant baby.

If the father is too strict, the child will usually be timid. Unless the child is very resolute and has strong resistance to frustration, he will easily have low self-esteem, lack of self-confidence, and be afraid of authority. When you grow up and work, you may not be able to handle your relationship well with your boss.

Families with discordant relationships between parents are likely to make children feel insecure and prone to social barriers. Especially when parents often quarrel and engage in domestic violence at home, this has a greater impact on children. When children grow up, they will be full of fear or have no hope for their own marriage, and they are likely to copy their parents' relationship model.

Children raised by grumpy parents are either submissive or have the same fiery temper as their parents.

Families that are mentally deficient often fail to see the positive side of things. Parents often have negative emotions, which often has many negative effects on their children, and it is easy to cultivate angry youths.

Children who grow up in a more restrictive family environment are often cautious and live a very reserved life, for fear of making mistakes...

Many people will worry about their original family at this time. Too bad, is there no hope in the future?

Of course not! Because we have grown up and have enough ability and motivation to let go of the shackled selves we used to have.

Keigo Higashino once explained this to his family of origin:

“Everyone wants to be born into a good family, but you can’t choose your parents. Whatever cards are dealt to you, you can only try your best. Fight it well.”

In fact, all bad experiences in the past will become our resources and motivation. When you believe in yourself and work hard to change, we are reshaping your life. We try our best to change the bad aspects, and we continue to pass on the good character and experience. This will be the most precious wealth left to future generations.

Hope this helps