A smart head is no longer just needed, but an interesting soul is still one in a million. Li Ka-shing also said: "Reading does not directly help you increase your wealth, but you have more opportunities, and creating opportunities is the best way". The same is true of speaking.
Many high emotional intelligence communication scenes written in the book always make me shine. When it's my turn, I'm always stupid. When I was young, I hated those who treated others with a sleek look. It was very pretentious and shrewd. Now I think that such a person is only a few years earlier than himself. As time goes by, you will follow the trend sooner or later and become a sleek and secular person, even if it is not exquisite. After all, many times, if you say two words with the same meaning and different expressions, it will bring two completely different endings to one thing.
In the past, I would have despised such books on how to speak. Life is supposed to follow one's inclinations. I don't like it when I forget it. It's just what I want when we die of old age. But what if the person who doesn't like you is your boss? Many people will complain that leaders like talking people and can't see what they have done. However, the boss's fault is his business, and our mistake lies in our poor expression ability.
so I settled down and finished reading this book. Although the book is finished, the truth is still someone else's. Slowly realize, savor, can always penetrate into their own lives. As follows.
let yourself say interesting things and become an interesting person. As for how to say funny things, it varies from person to person. Never say anything to death.
For example:
"What did you do last weekend?"
"I went to see the XXX movie"
"I know, so the movie was not good."
"..."
You can try saying:
"What did you do last weekend?"
"I went to see the XXX movie"
"I know, the scene of that movie is very beautiful, and all of them are first-line actors."
"mm-hmm, yes, I think it's not bad. ..... "
There are more and more speculators, and fewer and fewer people are willing to prepare patiently.
when you speak, quote some opinions from the other side, and the other side will automatically answer the words and extend the topic.
when asking questions, ask them in combination with the other person's experience.
For example,
"Your knowledge is really profound, and now there are endless new media articles. You can still calm down and write in-depth articles in such a big environment. How do you do it?"
When introducing yourself, you can tell the similarities and differences between two people. Even if you say, "You like basketball, so do I, and I like Kobe best ...", it's much better than two people who have nothing in common.
To meet each other's multiple needs, American psychologist Maslow put forward five human needs, namely, physiological needs, security needs, social needs, respect needs and self-realization.
Social needs are a person's needs for friendship, love and social relations. Under normal circumstances, as long as you praise each other, you can meet each other's psychological needs.
It is often said that speaking ill of others behind their backs will be widely spread, and everyone will know at last. Similarly, praising people behind their backs will do the same, and it will even spread faster than you think.
when people say that I am busy, do you feel that you have been rejected? This feeling usually brings us negative emotions.
1. The other party is really busy at the moment
You can say, "In this month, I helped 32 customers buy this equipment." This will create a sense of security for each other.
Then I went on to say, "I won't bother you now that you are busy. I'll call again next time. Do you think you will be free after five o'clock in the afternoon or tomorrow morning? "
2. It is normal for the other person to be busy
If you say, "I hope you can accompany me to dinner."
or: "I hope you have dinner with me." These are all too direct, although they are inviting each other, but more are asking each other.
You can try saying, "I know you are busy at work recently, and I used to have a hard time working overtime, so I can understand you. However, you really need to take good care of your health, especially under such a heavy workload. You see, I'll apply for a fitness card, and I'll go to exercise with you another day. "
In this way, you create an opportunity to meet each other, and turn your needs into the needs that the other party may have, which is more acceptable to people.
3. The other person thinks that you are boring and uses being busy as a refusal
He won't directly say that you are boring, but he will say that I am busy. At this moment, the most important thing for you to do is not to continue to pester and beat, but to measure what benefits your request can bring to the other party from multiple angles and analyze what the other party's urgent needs are now.
Sometimes, you will find that when someone growls at you, you say to the other person, "Can you talk properly?" "I don't accept your attitude towards me." In this case, it is tantamount to the tiger has rushed at you. Instead of avoiding it, you still stand in the same place and say, "You can't come over."
If the other person is angry at the moment, the biggest problem of the other person's mood is that he can't transition from emotional anger to rational thinking. What we need to do is to pull each other's emotions back to rational thinking.
To learn to fight for our own rights in language, this does not require a person to communicate aggressively with others, but we should understand that we must have a psychological balance with others.
Let's feel the difference between the following two conversations:
"I call you every night, but you are so busy that you never take the initiative to call me."
"I'm quite busy this week."
"You will have time that weekend, won't you? Would you like to have dinner with me?"
"I want to check the time."
"No matter how busy you are, you have to eat. Shall we make an appointment for Saturday?"
"all right."
In this dialogue, the woman gives up all her rights, and instead of making the other person feel happy, the man feels that he is the conquered party. Even if the man agrees to go to dinner, it will be full of reluctance.
"You have been very busy this week. I remember you called me last week. Although you just talk to me casually, I feel very happy. "
"Sorry, I brought a new team this week, and I was so busy."
"I can understand you. After all, you are a leader. You should set an example first. So what do you want to do this week but have no time to do? "
"I haven't even had a good meal this week."
"Do you like Chinese food or western food? I'll go with you at the weekend. "
"Let's eat western food. I really hope we won't work overtime this weekend."
Only people who have a bottom line can truly win the respect of others, and only we need to grasp "why to say no", "when to say no" and "how to say no".
there is nothing wrong with doing good, but it must be wrong to be "abusive" blindly. We have a saying that "promoting rice to nourish kindness and fighting rice to nourish enmity". It is said that the two families are neighbors, and the relationship is not bad at ordinary times. One of them is richer than the other. One year, the poor family had a bad harvest, so the neighbor lent them a liter of rice, which saved the day. The poor family is very grateful to their neighbors and thinks they are the benefactors who saved their lives.
After the hardest time, the host of the family who received help came to thank his neighbor. The neighbor said very generously, "well, I still have a lot of food here, so you can take it again."
after going home with a bucket of rice, this person felt bad. He felt that the other party had so much food, but he was so poor, and the other party helped him too little. He felt that the other party was still very bad. The two families who had a good relationship have become enemies ever since.
this is the story of abusing good people. Similarly, the flood of kindness and premature kindness are behaviors that reduce your credibility.
A little boy is moving stones in the yard. He is a very small boy, and the stone is quite huge for him. He used his hands and feet, but he still couldn't move the stone.
The little boy tried to lift the stone again and again, but he failed again and again. Finally, he began to cry sadly. The whole process, the boy's father can see clearly from the window. When tears rolled over the child's face, the father came to him.
Father's words were gentle and firm: "Son, why don't you use all your strength?"
The dejected boy sobbed, "I have tried my best, I have tried all my strength!"
Father kindly corrected, "Son, you didn't use all your strength because you didn't ask me to help you."
Father bent down and easily removed the stone.
In many cases in life, the problems existing in intimate relationships will be solved in other occasions.
Ms. Qi bought a plane ticket to spend her holiday abroad, but at this critical moment, her mother refused to allow her to travel on the Mid-Autumn Festival, which should be a reunion day, on the grounds of traditional customs. She argued with her mother, but the effect was not good. Seeing that she was going to suffer both mental and economic losses, she complained to her neighbor Aunt Chen about it.
I didn't expect Aunt Chen and Ms. Qi's mother to talk briefly and make things clear. Aunt Chen said, "I heard that your children want to spend their holidays abroad. They are really promising children. They should go out and see the world while they are young. Look at our age, especially you and me, our waist and legs are still not good, and we don't have the heart to go. " A few words solved Ms. Qi's dilemma.
when we can't find a way out in chatting, we must remember that we should learn to borrow external forces to accomplish something that individuals can't solve.
at the end, what I want to say about the art of speaking.
We learned how to speak before we were three years old. Learning to use commonly used Chinese characters is a must for primary and secondary schools, but it takes a long life to learn how to speak well.
In our life, we will meet all kinds of people. These people have different personalities and are changeable. Only by making ourselves versatile can we be comfortable in this society. Chatting sometimes just lets us know ourselves in the process of chatting with each other.
it's difficult, but it's a necessary way to grow up.
it's very long. I've been studying and growing all my life.
Then, before you speak next time, please carefully examine your own language.