Morality-parents should strengthen ideological and moral cultivation, and establish a tall image in their children's minds with noble moral sentiments and perfect personality strength.
Children are a mirror of parents. Parents should pay attention to their own behavior and set an example for their children. In addition, don't spoil children too much, respect children, correctly evaluate children, create a good spiritual environment for children, and let children experience subtle feelings between people from an early age. Delicate emotion is love, mutual understanding, mutual concern and sympathy.
Parents should trust their children first. Children are willing to be good children and be loved by their parents, all of which have their own advantages and advantages. I believe every child is developing. Then we treat the child kindly, smile and appreciate, listen to his voice, and take time out to play with the child and exchange feelings. We should not interfere too much with the role of the child in the play, but appreciate his independence. Of course, children also have shortcomings, so don't be angry with them. Because we should believe that everyone has shortcomings that are temporary and can be corrected. Always trust him and encourage him, and he will do better and better.
Guide children to perceive the love of others. Children in early childhood have limited understanding. Without proper guidance, children will mistakenly think that people around them should love and contribute to them. Only through correct guidance can children realize their responsibilities, obligations and dedication, and understand that they will be a useful person to society and others in the future.
Teach children to think from the perspective of others. Let children understand that everyone has their own needs and can consider the problem from the perspective of others. Children will understand, sympathize with and care for others, and form the habit of helping others.
Cultivate children to bring happiness to others with their own meager strength. Children can perceive the love of others, know that everyone has their own needs, and care for others with that young and kind heart, so that children have a sense of responsibility and obligation, and know how to respect and care for others.
Ability-parents should constantly improve their ability and master real skills in practice. It is difficult for children to really admire their parents who have no real talent and learning.
First, confidence and courage. On the basis of objectively evaluating their own quality, family conditions and children's actual situation, parents should establish such confidence: they firmly believe that through their own efforts and children's efforts, children will make continuous progress and will certainly grow into qualified talents that meet the needs of society.
Second, reason and tolerance. Parents should maintain a stable mood, take their time, treat their children objectively and fairly, and calmly deal with difficult problems. Forgive children's ignorance and negligence in the process of growing up, encourage children in trouble and comfort children who have been hurt.
Third, perseverance and patience. Educating children is a long-term and arduous task, which requires long-term planning and short-term arrangements. At the same time, we should also pay attention to patience and meticulous, concrete and thoughtful.
Fourth, love and enthusiasm. The success of family education depends largely on whether parents are caring and enthusiastic.
Strict parents should establish a harmonious parent-child relationship. Excessive love and distorted love will create emotional barriers between parents and children.
Respect-parents should respect their children's personality, rights, hobbies and independent choices, and don't impose their wishes on their children.
A scholar went to a middle school to investigate the autonomy of middle school students. Among the 150 students surveyed, what should he do when asked about the problems that can't be solved for a while in his study and life?
150 students almost unanimously said: of course, if you have difficulties, you should find your parents to solve them. None of the students replied that they tried to solve it first, but they couldn't, so they asked their parents for help. When asked what career they plan to pursue in the future, 90% of the students said they would wait until they went home to ask their parents.
When summing up his findings afterwards, the scholar said with some concern that children lack autonomy and are insensitive to the importance of self-awareness in choice. Today's children live in a "greenhouse" built by grandparents and parents without wind and rain, which is a "big generation".
In children's lives, there is no need to take on any obligations, what to eat, and when to eat; What to wear, how many pieces to wear; Someone will take you to school, someone will pick you up after school, and so on. It's all arranged by parents, and the children just passively accept it. Some parents have a tendency to shape their children according to their own life ideals, values and behaviors from an early age, regardless of their own qualities and interests, and forcibly shape them like clay figurines. Some parents don't understand their children's psychological characteristics, can't experience or enter their children's psychological world, and arbitrarily replace their children's way of thinking with their own way of thinking.
When children are dissatisfied with their parents' arrangements or have resistance, parents always say, "We won't harm you. We know better than you. You must do as I say. " . In this way, under the aura of love, children are like puppets of their parents, and their choice is ruthlessly deprived. At the same time, it also lost the opportunity to think independently and take responsibility. Over time, children living in such an environment, when asked about their career orientation, naturally can only go back to their parents for answers, and when they encounter difficulties, they can only rely on their parents to solve them. It is worrying whether such children can gain a foothold in the competitive social environment in the future.
Children's social knowledge and life experience are insufficient, and independent choice will inevitably be biased. However, this does not prevent them from choosing. Choice and responsibility are twin sisters. People's sense of responsibility is formed in self-choice. A person has no right to choose. Only when he is chosen, he will not bear any responsibility. Therefore, it is necessary to cultivate children's sense of responsibility, so that they have more rights to make their own choices and become masters of their own affairs. At the same time, in the process of selection, it can also cultivate children's tenacious will to overcome difficulties and form a good psychological quality of calm and independence.
After all, children should go out of their parents' sight and open up a broader development space than their parents. If a child has no right to choose from an early age and has no taste of choice, how can he choose a development path that suits him and meet challenges and competition in all aspects in the future?
Trust-parents should win the trust of their children, tell the truth to their children, tell the truth, don't make arbitrary wishes, and keep their promises.
Rule 1: Parents should be honest with their children.
Parents must think twice before making a commitment to their children. They can't break their promises, they must keep their promises to their children. If you can't fulfill it, you should explain it to your child in time, apologize to your child, and make self-criticism, so that your child can understand and forgive his parents from the heart. Afterwards, parents should make efforts to fulfill their promises.
Because what children say to adults always counts. Otherwise, over time, children will distrust their parents, think that what they say can't count, and gradually learn to do so.
Rule 2: Praise and encourage children sincerely.
Rule 3: Parents should pay attention to and respect the "agreement" between their children.
For example, if you plan to take your child to your grandparents' home on weekends, but the child has promised to go to the children's home on weekends, then parents should first respect the agreement between their children and friends, and cannot force their children to obey their parents' arrangements and violate their promises to others.
Rule 4: If you find your child lying, don't punish him without asking why.
When children are found lying, the correct way should be to patiently enlighten them and let them realize their mistakes. If children admit their mistakes, parents should forgive them and say something encouraging.
Harmony-the relationship between parents should be harmonious and the attitude towards children should be kind. We should emphasize democracy and equality.
First, get close to your children.
In the process of cultivating happy personality, friendship plays an important role, so parents should deepen their feelings with their children, encourage their children to play with their peers and let them learn to communicate with others happily and harmoniously.
Second, give children the right to make decisions.
Cultivating a happy personality is closely related to guiding and controlling children's behavior. Parents should try their best to give their children opportunities to know how to use their decision-making power from an early age.
Third, teach children to adjust their mental state.
To let children know that some people are happy all their lives, the secret is to have a highly adaptive psychological state, so that they can quickly cheer up from disappointment. When a child is frustrated, he can point out that the future is always bright and let him find comfort in the environment of restoring his happy mood.
Fourth, limit children's material possessiveness.
Because giving children too many things will make them have the illusion that "getting is the source of happiness". Children should be made to understand that happiness in life cannot be equated with material wealth.
Fifth, cultivate children's broad interests.
Usually pay attention to children's hobbies, provide children with a variety of interest choices, and give necessary guidance. Children have a wide range of interests and hobbies, and naturally have a happy personality.
Sixth, maintain a happy and harmonious family life.
Family harmony is also a major factor in cultivating children's happy personality. According to some data, children who grow up in harmonious families can live a happy and healthy life as adults, much more than those who grow up in unhappy families.
Tolerance-parents should be tolerant and considerate to their children. It is necessary to allow children to have shortcomings and give them room for introspection and correction.
One night, the author met a father who studied child psychology with his youngest son in the building of the institute. On the way through a dustbin, my son wanted to throw out the empty beverage box in his hand, but the naughty boy didn't want to put the empty box in the dustbin according to the rules, but threw it backwards with his back to it. I threw it and missed the target. At this time, the passing father found out and immediately encouraged his son to say, "Don't lose heart, try again!" " "With the encouragement of his father, my son happily picked up the beverage box and turned around and threw it again. With the applause and encouragement of his father, his son's third "blind shot" finally hit the target. The father patted his son on the head and said proudly, "Great, this projection will be a piece of cake for you in the future!" " "Father and son walked away happily.
In such a small incident, it undoubtedly reflects the father's good intentions towards his son. Perhaps it is because the father has studied children's psychology for many years and has a rich understanding of the influence of "encouragement" on children, so he will encourage his son very timely and frequently, hoping that his son will have the courage to meet challenges anytime and anywhere and be a strong man every moment. However, what I really want to discuss with my parents and friends here is whether this father has gone too far.
It is important to cultivate children's self-confidence, but if you show extraordinary interest in children's every little move and encourage them to "strive for progress" in every little thing, then maybe parents will always pay attention to you and encourage you inadvertently, which will bring two side effects to children's growth:
First, over time, these encouragements will make children rebellious. When children grow up, they will have their own evaluation standards more and more. If parents still make a fuss about what their children have done, children may not want to listen, because at this time, children will find that their parents' comments can't stand the test of time and peers. Once they are over the early stage of thinking that they are all right, children will be more sensitive to how they compare with other children in all aspects.
The second is that such attention and encouragement will bring psychological pressure for children to pursue perfection. Children may lose the courage to try anything when they find that their parents expect them to "do well in anything they participate in, persist in not giving up and have the confidence to win". And this is the most terrible ending.
Therefore, parents can restrain their care and encouragement and only release them occasionally at the most appropriate time. And more often, learn to be a calm bystander.
Please believe that your child's own growth strength will surprise you!
Listening-parents should listen to their children's voices, communicate with them more, and always care about their spiritual needs.
A heart-to-heart conversation is an exchange of ideas.
Psychology believes that people's thinking is closely related to language and is realized through language. Language is a direct expression of thinking and a tool for people to exchange ideas. People accurately convey their experiences and ideas to others through language, and they can also accept each other's experiences and ideas through language, so as to exchange ideas and understand each other.
Therefore, by talking with children, we can grasp their ideological trends in time and help them learn to deal with the problems encountered in life correctly.
How to talk to children? As the saying goes, a mother raises nine children, and nine children are nine kinds. There should be different methods for children with different personalities. Generally speaking, we can start from the following aspects.
First, build a harmonious relationship and create a conversation atmosphere.
A good family relationship between parents and children is a good foundation for the exchange of ideas. Some parents usually have little communication with their children, and severely reprimand their children after problems arise. Over time, the emotional distance gradually widens, or children don't like their own hearts, so they get angry with the card, which makes the children have rebellious psychology and the emotional relationship is in trouble. It's no use talking in this situation. To this end, when talking with children, we should first create a harmonious atmosphere, tell jokes and happy things, and bring the emotional distance closer, and the effect will be much better.
Second, take advantage of the typical, seize the opportunity to speak.
Some things may happen to children themselves and around them at any time. If we grasp typical events and communicate in time, the effect will be better than usual. A junior one female student was molested by a boy from the same school outside the school. The girl student went home and told her parents about it. Her parents didn't lightly say to ignore those indecent boys, but inspired her to deal with such things, enhanced her ability to distinguish right from wrong and realized the ways to protect herself. After that, she reflected the matter to the teacher so that the problem could be dealt with in time.
Generally speaking, after the parent-teacher conference, children are most eager to talk to their parents. Seize this opportunity to get to know their children. Boys in Grade One of Senior High School usually don't pay enough attention to their studies, and their mid-term exam results are "sloppy". After the parent-teacher conference, he was anxious to know about it. The mother of the student didn't scold the child loudly. She seized this sensitive opportunity and kindly said to the child, "I feel very embarrassed at the parent-teacher meeting, which also proves that I usually care too little about you." I just hope you can find out the reason for your failure and win a sigh of relief for me in the final exam. "The child respects his mother. He confessed his lazy and playful behavior to his mother and said that he must catch up in the future. Later, he really made great progress. When children care about a problem, they are easy to listen.
Look-parents should be good at finding the bright spots in their children. Praise and encourage children in time when they make progress, so that children can realize the value of their existence and enhance their self-confidence.
Many parents have high expectations for their children, but they are stingy in praising them. They often put on an elder face and blame their children, thinking that this is education, but in fact they ignore the wonderful educational effect brought by praise. Proper praise can produce many educational effects.
It is conducive to cultivating children's good behavior habits and moral quality.
In the initial stage of the formation of children's moral quality, the concept of right and wrong is vague and self-control is poor. Therefore, it is very important for adults to guide, reward and praise. Praising a child can stimulate the child's correct external motivation, produce good behavior, and strengthen the behavior that the child has completed. Later, when they encounter similar things, they will know what to do and gradually form good behavior habits and psychological stereotypes.
Can give children the sense of value, trust and self-confidence they need.
Adults praise children's small success, which can strengthen children's emotional experience of success, satisfy children's desire for achievement, make children feel good about themselves and stimulate children's interest in continuing to try and explore. Try to keep this praise or hope to get this "honor" again.
It can enhance children's trust in their parents.
Parents who often laugh at or blame their children can hardly win their children's trust. Parents make correct comments on their children's words and deeds, and often praise them, which will create a new atmosphere in the family, help parents and children to establish a positive relationship, make them closer to each other and generate trust. Children's enthusiasm will also improve. Therefore, to some extent, praise shows respect and love for important people in children's lives.
How to praise your children?
Stick to principles. Some parents spoil and praise their children's behavior unprincipled, which leads their children to develop the bad habit of not knowing right from wrong and being arrogant. If children do what adults ask and do well, they should praise them in time and do something wrong. Even if the child cries, don't pamper him or say nice things. Otherwise, praise will lose its original positive significance.
Timely praise. When a child finishes something or is in progress, it is very effective to give appropriate praise and encouragement. If you forget for a while, you must try to make up for it. After the teacher's persuasion, the child is finally willing to eat vegetables at dinner, and parents should praise him immediately.
Talk about things. Don't praise the whole child directly, but praise the specific behavior of the child. Don't exaggerate, it will make children complacent and think they are great. For example, children are very interested in puzzles and often spell out some novel patterns. "This child is really smart." This kind of praise is obviously inappropriate, but should be practical. You can say, "This design is really good." Otherwise, exaggerated praise will sow the seeds of vanity for children.
Praise in public. When a child deserves praise, he should get it in front of others. The children's achievements are publicized, which is a double reward. For example, the child's mother said, "The child is very polite." In the future, children will always be very careful to maintain this praise and develop a good habit of being polite to others. Every time guests are sent out, they will say, "Goodbye, please come back later."
Get proper limit. The child should be praised for his efforts and achievements, or for doing what he should do. However, in daily life, be careful not to praise something repeatedly. When children develop good habits, they can appropriately reduce their praise in this regard. Praising children and giving them appropriate rewards or kisses or hugs will give them wonderful power.
"It is better to praise a child than dozens." Young parents should learn to praise their children!
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