"Nonviolent Communication—Chapter 2: What blinds love?" 》

Date: August 8th

Weather: Showers turned cloudy

Chapter 2: What blinds love? Moral judgment

?Comparison

?Avoiding responsibility

?Forcing others to do what is difficult

Excerpts of golden quotes from the whole chapter

Alienated communication styles - the negative effects of certain language and expression styles. Although they are committed to satisfying certain desires, they tend to ignore people's feelings and needs, leading to alienation and harm to each other.

Excerpts from Moral Judgment

Moral Judgment is the use of moral standards to judge people. If a person's behavior does not conform to our values, he is regarded as immoral or evil. .

Criticizing, blaming, insulting, categorizing, comparing and commenting are all ways of judging people.

What we say about others actually reflects our needs and values.

The root cause of violence is that people ignore each other's feelings and needs and blame each other for the conflict.

Compare excerpts

Comparison is also a form of judgment.

Comparison blinds our love for others and ourselves.

Excerpt from the Avoidance of Responsibility

We are responsible for our thoughts, emotions and actions.

“Have to” phrases dilute personal responsibility, as do “you let me” phrases! This type of expression ignores the inner roots of our emotions.

We also try to avoid responsibility when we act on the basis of reasons

driven by unexplained forces.

?Why clean the room?

Because I have to.

Our personal circumstances, upbringing, self-image...

?Why drink?

Because I am an alcoholic.

The behavior of others.

?Why should I spank my own child?

Because he ran into the street.

Orders from superiors.

?Why deceive customers?

Because my boss told me to do this.

Peer pressure.

?Why smoke?

Because all my friends smoke.

The organization’s rules, regulations and policies.

?Why should I suspend you?

Because you broke the rules, according to school regulations, I have to do this.

Gender roles, social roles, or age roles.

?Why do I have to do a job I hate?

Because I am not only a husband, but also a father.

Uncontrollable impulses.

?Why eat chocolate?

Because the urge to eat chocolate conquered me.

The demise of mankind is due to the fact that modern people are submissive, lack a sense of responsibility, and obey all kinds of orders respectfully

———French writer: Georges Bernanos

Once we fail to realize that we are our own masters, we become dangerous people.

Excerpt from the article "Forcing others to do what is difficult"

Our demands on others often imply threats: if they do not cooperate, they will be punished. ——A common method used by the powerful in society.

We cannot force others to live according to our expectations. Being arrogant doesn't help.

Most of us use language that tends to judge, compare, command, and accuse rather than encourage us to listen to each other's feelings and needs.

Full summary:

People are born to love life and are willing to help each other. Alienated communication methods make it difficult for us to realize the love in our hearts.

Moral judgment is a type of judgment that sees people who do not conform to our values ??as immoral or evil.

Comparison is also a form of judgment, which can cloud your love for others and yourself.

Alienated communication methods also dilute our sense of responsibility for our own thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.

Forcing others to do something difficult will cause spiritual estrangement. What insights did this chapter bring me?

Moral judgment, when we judge a person from the moral high ground, have we ever thought that we are actually classifying him? Are you able to judge others by yourself?

You are not qualified to judge others for things that you cannot achieve yourself?

Evaluations include our own values ??and needs. So should we pay more attention to each other's feelings and needs?

According to a Buddhist perspective, the best way to compare is to compare yourself with who you were yesterday.

Most of us, when faced with something we need to be responsible for, more or less want to reduce our responsibility through various methods.

So am I the same?

I think you should do what you don’t want others to do to you, and don’t do it to others! Do I use alienated communication methods to communicate with my family?

Scenario 1: Making things difficult for others - Homework

If you don’t finish these two homeworks, don’t go home today!

Why?

You must finish writing before you can leave!

(Reluctantly) Write slowly. This is about forcing people to make things difficult. I say this because I stand in the position of a strong person and give orders.

Scenario 2: Avoiding responsibility—eating ice cream

My mother bought a lot of ice cream, and my nephew also bought the chocolate crispy ice cream that I like, and said he was specialized in it. Bought for me.

Mom: I bought a big bag of ice cream and put it in the refrigerator!

Nephew: I bought three Dream Dragons, cherry blossom flavor and white chocolate flavor. I bought one just for you.

Me: Then I will go and eat one. I bought everything.

?I really want to eat it in my heart, but I put the responsibility on myself because I bought it anyway, so let’s eat it! How can you avoid using alienated communication methods and adopt non-violent communication methods?

Scenario 1: You still have two assignments that you haven’t developed yet. We promised to finish them at 6 o’clock, but now it’s 5 o’clock! There's still an hour left. I think I can write one in half an hour.

After you finish your homework, we can play a game you like together, what do you think? (My nephew likes me to play traditional games with him.)

Scene 2: It’s okay to eat ice cream, but I have to understand that this is what I want to eat. After my family bought it, I should be in a grateful state! If you eat it, you have to accept the consequences of the heat explosion. How to actively turn on the non-violent mode when communicating?

Respect, understanding, appreciation, gratitude, compassion, friendship.

Help each other! Observe, express results, express emotions, and make specific requests.

Don’t judge others morally, don’t compare yourself with others, take responsibility and don’t run away from it, and don’t do to others what you don’t want others to do.

Non-violent communication is not something you can learn in one go. You have to be aware of yourself regularly

I love you Zou Zou too today?