On this journey, you will encounter all kinds of problems, and even get stuck in your heart.
Frustration at work makes you feel depressed, even desperate, unable to face the facts.
The disappointments in life make you doubt life, doubt yourself, feel sad about the things that can't be solved, and can't extricate yourself.
I felt guilty because I couldn't help my friends and relatives because of my limited ability, so I was sad for a few days.
If you can't cross the inner mountain, you will always be trapped in a cage and unable to get spiritual freedom.
Dr Edith eger, the author of "The Mountain Outside My Heart", studied under the psychologist Victor frankl, and obtained a doctorate in psychology at the age of 50. At the age of 94, she still takes pleasure in helping others with strong and tenacious vitality, and insists on writing to this day.
It is mentioned in the book: in the face of sudden misfortune, we can't face it calmly, accuse God of injustice and fall into the victim's mentality;
Facing the expectations of relatives and friends, we hide or even distort our true selves and are trapped in the eyes of others;
In the face of the death of our loved ones, we use regret and guilt to escape the reality and fall into insoluble sadness.
Faced with these questions, the book gives the answers one by one. Let's see how to solve different psychological problems.
0 1, the victim's mental cage
Victim mentality is a kind of mental rigidity, which traps you in the past and pain, makes you always think about your own failures and losses, and always asks yourself "I can't do it" and "I didn't do it" in your mind.
When people with victim mentality encounter problems, their first reaction is "Why me?"
Why did I lose my job? Why did I get dumped? Why did I meet such beautiful people and things?
Whenever they encounter unpleasant things or people, their first consideration is not "how should I solve it", but "why me"
Suffering is the normal state of life, and the victim's mentality can be chosen.
Facing the ups and downs of life, we can't change the status quo. The only thing we can change is our mentality. It is entirely up to you to choose the victim mentality or the survivor mentality.
However, getting out of the cage of the victim's mentality is actually very simple. Just do these three things well:
1, what happened at that time, please live in the present.
Whenever you are stimulated by something or someone to remember that you were unhappy before, you can feel it, but don't get caught up in it, but look at it with the present mood.
If you are stuck in the past, you can boldly say to yourself, "I am here, and I will take good care of you." The past has passed, has become history, don't care too much. "
Guide yourself to live in the present and get out of the unhappy time in the past.
2. Every crisis is a change.
Write down the person or situation that hurt you, as specific as possible, and then write a thank-you letter to the same person or situation, thanking that person for making you learn a lot, or thanking that situation for making you grow.
The purpose of writing letters is not to make you pretend to accept and like bad people or situations, but to let yourself know that you are a survivor and a capable person.
Those people or situations that hurt you will not defeat you, but will only make you stronger.
3. Use your freedom.
You can make a dream board for yourself, and write what you want and realize on it, or you can put corresponding photos in a conspicuous place and watch them every day to remind yourself to work hard in this direction.
02, escape cage
The feelings you express will not make you sick, but what is buried in your heart will make you sick.
Express the emotions you can feel, or write them down in a notebook. By doing this, you will solve half the problem yourself.
In the face of problems, choosing to escape and suppress them in your heart will only make you feel worse, get sick and lose more than you gain.
And let yourself have a healthy body and face the problems calmly, as long as you do these three things:
1, to feel yourself, to heal yourself.
Take advantage of your spare time, calm down and feel your body, have a scan, and see if you feel nervous, paralyzed, happy and painful, find out and feel it with your heart.
If positive emotions are detected, write them down and encourage yourself; If it is a negative emotion, then ask yourself why you have such an emotion, and how to control your emotion next time you encounter similar things or people.
Whatever the emotion, write it down and analyze it.
2. All emotions are temporary.
Whether it is joy, sadness or anger, these emotions are only temporary and may dissipate at any time.
When the emotion comes up, it is not in a hurry to change it and control it, but to find a way to calm yourself down, close your eyes, feel this emotion well, and feel how it came into being and how it dissipated.
Just feeling, don't care too much, because emotions are only temporary and will dissipate sooner or later.
3. Learn to express emotions
It's not terrible to have emotions. The terrible thing is that you don't know how to express it, or you don't want to express it. Then things will be even bigger, and you will only be trapped by emotions.
The best way is to face it, feel it with your heart and express it.
In this way, your heart will be more comfortable, you will not be trapped by emotions, and you will not get sick because of suppressing emotions.
03, the cage of self-neglect
Self-neglected people are always eager for others' attention, love and recognition, and strive to be what others want to see, but they have never faced up to their own hearts and have been on the way to imitate and please.
This kind of person, really sad, not only lost himself, but also became someone else.
When we are eager for recognition, attention and love from others (things we can't get from others since childhood), nothing can meet those needs and fill the emptiness inside.
To escape from the cage of self-neglect and find your true self, you only need to do these three things:
1. As long as we practice, we will become better.
Enjoy at least five minutes of happiness every day. Feel the things that make you feel happy and happy with your heart.
You can record things that make you feel good. If one day you are sad and have no motivation, then you can open these recorded beauties.
2. Mark your working time, love time and play time every day.
3. Give yourself some love
04. Cage of guilt and shame
Guilt and shame do not come from the outside, but from the heart.
As long as we accept it, feel it and face it calmly, then there will be no such mentality.
Because no one will refuse you except you.
Just like escaping from the cage of guilt and shame, it is also very simple, just do these two things well:
1, you did it.
Whatever you did wrong, it doesn't matter. Don't criticize yourself deliberately, but face it, accept it and correct it.
When you encounter problems or get hurt inside, you can choose to hug yourself, comfort yourself and tell yourself, "It doesn't matter, everything will pass."
2. What you care about will become stronger and stronger.
Practice talking to yourself with kindness and love every day, and use it instead of words that make you feel ashamed and guilty.
You can look in the mirror and say, "I am the best, I am kind, I have energy, and I love myself."
Then, hug yourself, pat yourself on the shoulder and cheer yourself up.
05, unresolved sadness cage
Sadness is not only a one-time painful experience, but also a part of life and interpersonal relationships.
The death of relatives, the alienation of friends and the betrayal of spouses are beyond our control, and if they do happen, they cannot be changed. There is no need to feel sad and sad except to accept.
I have read a sentence: "Everything is the best arrangement."
No matter what happens, it is arranged in the dark, and we can't change it. We can only change our mentality.
And escape from this unresolved sad cage, need not be too complicated, just do these two things:
1, let the dead rest in peace
Whenever you miss the dead, you can cry loudly, shout loudly, listen to old songs, look at old photos and read old letters.
Express your sadness and learn to endure it. After 30 minutes, put the person you love safely in a corner of your heart, and then face the present life.
2. The soul will never die
Sadness may push us forward and develop in a better direction. We should thank the man who has passed away, because he made himself stronger and taught himself the skills of survival.
Then ask yourself, "What kind of person does this person want me to be?"