I have been traveling for several days and often move from one city to another. I really like the feeling of traveling. The monotonous sound of rolling wheels and the changing but similar scenery outside the window will make me feel at ease inexplicably.

I am alone, carrying a big schoolbag and a black shoulder bag, and wearing a blue plaid hat, which looks very eye-catching. On buses, trains and planes, my traveling companions often ask me where I am going. I smiled politely and replied, "Suzhou." "Beijing." "Shanghai."

These are the places I'm going for the time being. Here we are, stay for a few days, then say goodbye and leave. Where the hell am I going?

Don't ask me this question. I'm very tired.

14 years1October 9th. I carry my schoolbag and shoulder bag on my back-that's all the luggage. I held my mother at the ticket gate and went to Beijing by train. About this time last year, I went to Beijing alone, like a reckless adolescent rebellious girl. Beijing is my favorite city. It's not very beautiful, but I just yearn for it, and I can't say why. My father used to do sweater business in Beijing. I was from five to thirteen years old, and I spent almost every winter and summer vacation there.

At that time, we lived in a quadrangle. Every day, I cross the same threshold, cross the same criss-crossing alley and stand on the same platform waiting for the tram. Life was simple and happy at that time. My father always wears a black leather coat and blows his hair high. He took my hand to Wangfujing Department Store and Xidan Shopping Mall to inspect the counters, went sledding in Beihai Park, and went to McDonald's to eat mai Xiang fish and milkshakes. Looking through the photos of my childhood two days ago, the little girl with two braids always has a pure smile on her healthy and ruddy face.

I remember the 45th anniversary of the National Day holiday, and I rushed to Beijing from my hometown to watch the fireworks. That night, we found a ladder and climbed onto the roof. I sat on the tile, between my parents, and clusters of dog tail grass emerged from the tile. From here, we can go through the tile roof of Chongwenmen and see the salute set off in Tiananmen Square. Clusters of fireworks bloomed in the clean night sky, and layers of brilliance bloomed overhead until midnight. Later, halfway through, I fell asleep on my mother's shoulder. My mother said I slept soundly and sweetly. This is the happiest moment in my memory. But many years later, people who knew me in the same city didn't give me the same happiness.

Happiness. I finally said the word. This is what I've been looking for. A world I yearn for but can't reach.

Just now I talked about going to Beijing by train. On the morning of 65438+1October 10, I was very excited to walk out of the railway station, the big clock in Beijing station, the shiny sugar-coated haws and the tram 104. I leaned against the railing of the overpass, and the cold wind brushed my skin with a dry and familiar smell. I always thought I belonged here, because all my dreams were piled up here.

I want to take the Tsinghua exam. This sentence is an ideal that I have never wavered since I was sensible and had the concept of university-of course, not now. University is a sacred place in my heart. I regard Tsinghua University as my goal and belief, and regard it as idolatry. As the girl with two pigtails grew up in school, this belief gradually evolved into the only motivation to study hard and even live. In my eyes, Tsinghua is full of happiness.

This idea is simple, even absurd. But now I envy those ignorant but fulfilling days. In this way, this simple and persistent little girl won the first place in the city when she graduated from junior high school. So I am more determined that I can step into the door of Tsinghua, I can get the happiness I want and reach the world I want.

I went to Tsinghua on purpose when I went to Beijing last year. The place I've dreamed of all my life At that time, I was a freshman in high school, and I was already suffering from depression-the summer vacation when I graduated from grade three, my grandmother died, and depression began to sprout. This is a fatal disease that slowly erodes people's souls. I have been suspended from school twice because of it, once as a freshman and twice as a sophomore, each for half a semester. Next, maybe I will repeat the grade. I don't know. I dare not think about the future. Stomach disease has been declared for one year, but there are many rumors, some of which are exaggerated, such as schizophrenia. In fact, I wish you were really crazy. Crazy people are the happiest.

The results naturally came down, and I didn't dare to take the exam at the end of the term, because I was afraid I wouldn't be able to rank. But I can already imagine how outsiders talk about how the top female students in the senior high school entrance examination last year studied hard and had a nervous breakdown to warn parents not to put too much pressure on their children. ...

Tsinghua, my heart is always twitching when I read this word. It's impossible. Why should we consider it?

I spent a lot of time thinking after my illness. In fact, I have understood that college is not the only way out, not the destination of life. When I clearly realized this, it was even more painful, because my persistence over the years was in vain. I was going to a happy world, but I kept going in the wrong direction. I am too far away from the origin, and I can't go back, because I can't go back to the simple state of braiding and watching fireworks, and then erase that wrong belief and redefine happiness, giving myself a new direction and a confident start.

65438+1October 1 1 I will fly to Shanghai. On the clouds, I feel detached from reality, as if the sky and the ground are two worlds. Seen from the plane, these clouds look like a city in fog and a forest after snow. Speaking of which, I only stayed in Beijing for one day, but before I left, I experienced a heavy snow. I am as happy as a child. But the snow will melt eventually. I like it. I yearn for the world in the sky, beautiful and ethereal, but illusory. Planes always land, and people can't stay in the sky forever. So, I'm going to a world I can never reach.

It rained in Shanghai for several days. Living with the contestants, a dozen boys and girls crowded into a room to watch movies and laugh. They are all very talented young people who get together and laugh loudly and talk about various topics. I like being with them, but I feel more lonely in this excitement. They have very clear goals, very realistic ideals and very fulfilling lives, but I always sit by, keep silent and listen quietly. I don't belong to them. I really envy these people, who can be so relaxed and happy. I have been divorced from reality, but my dream was accidentally shattered a year ago, so now I have nothing. I don't belong to any place or group of people. They look happy, so they should be happy, right or at least on the way to a happy world.

What about me? I stood in the rain with an umbrella, standing in such a big city and such a world, and suddenly felt very lost.

Just like a sentence: the road to happiness is always so short, can we stick to it?

Today is 65438+1October 17. The rain finally stopped. I hate the feeling of being at a loss when I get lost with a wet map in the heavy rain. The game is over now, and the classroom is very empty. My article is a mess.

And a few days later, similarly, I will say goodbye and leave. There is no terminal. Where the hell am I going? I'm going to a world I'll never reach.

Because I am an unhappy person.

People are on the road, and we always have to keep going. . . We can't be happy, but we also pursue happiness!

The world I can't reach 2006-08- 13 22:07 The weather has been very strange these days-it's not sunny, but it will definitely rain in the afternoon. Very punctual. The water on the playground has not dried up, but it is getting more and more every day. I watched a child play basketball today, and the ball rolled into a puddle. I saw him throw the ball with a stone, but I couldn't see his expression. Suddenly I feel serious and determined, and I am distracted. I haven't done this for a long time.

In autumn, there was no forecast at last, but suddenly it was unexpected.

I just said to Chou-heung, "I am very unhappy this summer." I didn't expect him to be like me. He is my brother. This summer should be a watershed for our growth. One of my articles is like a souvenir. Growth suddenly changed from colorful to melancholy, and summer was no longer what I once remembered-every hair was shining with golden light-and summer suddenly became melancholy, even so thoroughly hot. I don't know if I had too many expectations for this summer, so it couldn't bear so many wishes, so it fell down.

Speaking of it, I don't know what this topic has to do with what I wrote-in my logic, the topic really has nothing to do with the text-as long as the topic is bluffing enough. But I haven't had enough scary headlines for a long time. I can't reach the world-if there is an outline, then I want to write a description of my heart. Just like filming, the inner scene is the most difficult to grasp. If you behave well, you are the queen. If you break it, you are a sinner.

Lazy at home, you will like rainy days. However, unlike when I was a child, I wanted to tread water outside: now, I just look at the sky outside, then smile contentedly and lonely, hold my arm tightly like I'm afraid of the cold, and think about something rambling or nothing. It's nice to think about it.

But, I don't know, what were you thinking-this is a plural noun? This is a world I can't reach, and I will never reach it.

This summer, I learned a word "doubt", and I regret learning it. Once you learn it, you start to draw inferences from others and use it constantly, just like a philosopher-constantly thinking about whether it is reasonable or not. I suddenly miss the days when I believed everything-as long as you told me, I believed it-although I had no idea what you were thinking, whether you were laughing like a flower or glaring. Now I don't know what you are thinking, but every word, every expression, I will unswervingly doubt whether it is your tears or your smile. I began to be afraid of dealing with people, because I always couldn't help guessing the real purpose of each other. I always think a lot, although it is unnecessary at all, but it shows my ignorance and ridiculous. I hate this fear, but I can't help it-it's involuntary, even before you speak.

This is wrong, I know it very well. I think, if summer is over, maybe, I'm still the same.

I saw a movie today, French, Butterfly. There is no flowery rhetoric in the dialogue, nor is it deliberately telling any truth, but the story is laid out in such detail. However, maybe a grain of sand sees the world. Several times, my eyes were slightly moist. A little wet. I often hear people say that it seems a little untrue. Doubt, especially others' tears. Back in the movie, I only remember one scene: on the playground in the street, the mother of the old man and the little girl were sitting on a bench. The old man said, "Go and tell her that you love her." Mom said, "She knows." "If she knew, she wouldn't have done so many things."

Yes, I am willful because I don't know that you love me.

How can I get to your world without telling me? !

If I knew you loved me, I would tell the old man that your name was Isabella, and then the old man would mysteriously tell me, "We found her." In this way, I will know that the so-called happiness does not need to go over mountains to find.

Zhe, who has not seen you for a long time, is online today. I remembered the time when I was a "rooftop friend". This is still the case today. I'm talking about my mood, just like the tree hole Tony Leung Chiu Wai faced in In the Mood for Love, so trust-different things, I will get the same trust and comforting warmth.

This paragraph and the last paragraph have been separated for a long time, and my mood has changed again. The weather in recent days is always strange. I can't say whether it will be sunny or not, but it will definitely rain in the afternoon. It makes me feel very fresh. But not today. Maybe god is tired of this too regular weather.

I suddenly found myself not so crazy about Jay anymore. I watched his concert that day, and I kept changing channels-this was unimaginable before. It is enough to see that there is nothing to concentrate on at present-at least at present. People or things, maybe because I stay at home all the time and don't even go to school, make me look lazy.

I feel small because of laziness-what do you mean by falling into the dust?

This summer, I have an unprecedented sense of frustration and loss. Suddenly I feel that what I know is not what I think. In the worst time of winter, I use it as my spiritual motivation. But suddenly one day, it is no longer my only pillar-I don't know if it is my damn sixth sense. Winter passed, but I began to hate summer, as I once said-I am eagerly looking forward to winter.

Now I understand how much I want others to love me and how much I am loved by others-so much that I don't want to break this situation at all. Before 2006, I never thought you would leave me one day. Now, let me think about it. I know that one day, you will leave me, and perhaps, you will never see each other again. I'm not ready.

Fortunately, however, in the face of your departure, I was not at a loss, nor did I see your departure fly like time. I haven't realized that I want to talk to you, but I can only talk to the empty room. I'm not there without you.

Different from before, I began to prepare for this-I know you are ready to take it back at any time.

Good thing you're still here. When there is only bedside lamp in my world, you must have slept well there; When I squint at the sun, you must be breathing the air heated by the sun. This is my luck.

Up to now, what I want to write has not been written.

I'm just a mortal, and I can't do many things.

In 2006, you haven't left me. Therefore, the world I can't reach is that I plus you doesn't equal us. Maybe, in that world, I will always take pictures and take many pictures of the sky. Then send it to you one day and write a line on the envelope:

These are the days when I miss you.

The world I can't reach

Read (5 1) comments (2) Release date: 0 1, 2009, 22:23.

The address of this article is:/blog/425165018-1230819812.

I heard Li Jian singing on TV. It was an unheard-of song, and my heart suddenly accelerated, so I didn't cry. My hair is a little shorter than the last time I saw him on the screen, and it's not messy. The black dress and white shirt are more beautiful than before. With clear eyes, I stood gracefully in the center of the stage, singing lyrics that shocked my heart.

At present, this quiet, introverted and gentle man, my love for him for four years from shallow to deep almost runs through my restless adolescence. But now that I think about it, I can't tell why I like him.

Perhaps his clean and ethereal voice touched my nostalgic heart, just like the purest sadness at the beginning of middle school.

Suddenly I miss the teenager who likes him with me, and I miss the time when I want to talk. Great times have painted that simple but beautiful young boy beyond recognition, but what lingers in my memory are those letters whose papers are beginning to turn yellow and whose handwriting is blurred, and those simple loves that I couldn't say before.

If I had known that I would live such a messy life in a strange city now, would I have tried to live better when I was young and frivolous? But at that time, the fool always thought that there would be a farther and broader sky in the future. He drifted away and wasted those brilliant years.

I still remember who learned the plot in the novel and vowed to say, dear, if we are not together in the future, let's pretend to be together.

In fact, I clearly know that the lasting friendship and vivid commitment were sincere, and no one cheated or betrayed anyone. Cruel time has changed us and faded the vivid brilliance of the story. But why? Only I am still sad.

I feel the indifference of this world. Over time, I put on the mask of indifference, even in the face of the person I love, I can't pull it down.

Day and night alternate, the seasons rotate, flowers bloom and fall, and people gather and disperse. I am just a poor orphan in this beautiful world, refusing sympathy and help.

I'm sorry, dearest singer, I listen to the song you whisper in my ear every night, but my soul is still dark and desolate.

Known as the end of the first day of 2009 for a long time, it has been a long time since I wrote my diary last time, and my fingers are stiff and come back to life. At last, I dare to write messy and unintelligible words on it with the feeling of being under siege. It is not that you are not understood, but that you are temporarily relieved.

In my dream, an angel told me when I missed the past and felt sad that the boys and girls who had taught me to grow and love were blown to a corner of the world by the humid sea breeze and lived peacefully. However, since then, I have never learned any legends about kindness and beauty.

Who doesn't want to be better? Why do I feel falling when I fly in a beautiful direction?

Some people just saw my cold and mean expression, but do they know my heart?

Please tell me why the older I grow up, the more I know, and the less I can be myself.

Dear XXX, XXX, XXX, I like you, why don't you like me?

God knows, I pushed you away with nervousness, or you walked away from me bit by bit when you didn't notice.

They say that when God closes a door for you, he will also open a window for you. And I hit a wall everywhere in the incomparable reality. God, is he wrong?

……

Who will remember me, who will I leave behind.

I finally know that happiness is just a legend to me.

The world I can't reach

Disappeared Published on: 05-03-20 07:43

I have tried to create some vitality to seek something or something repressed by the subconscious. I like to call it my spiritual world.

Kafka talks about faith: believing in the indestructibility of the mind and disintegrating it. Never deliberately liberated anything, and the soul is still pure cowardice. But I can clearly realize its existence, another hidden spiritual world. I am willing to go in and destroy everything, even if it is indestructible.

Although I dress like a windbreaker, wear a black shirt, or have simple attachment thoughts, when I look in the mirror, I am extremely satisfied with my image. Maybe there is no mirror, I mean a window, through which you can see many things, either snow or a glass of wine brewed by a person's shadow. Sometimes I like to dig a hole in it, let the snow fall into my gap, and sometimes I take a sip of wine and hide a person in my heart. Opposite is a wall with a small mouth on it, but I don't know the specific position of the small mouth, so I can understand its internal structure, that is, when I need a mirror, it will open to comment on my dress or heart. Of course, the time is uncertain. Sometimes it stubbornly makes its own wine, or it snows pale. But this time it was very punctual, even before I invited it, it happened in Huo Ran. I know it cares about my flight. But I never did. Being sad when flying is a luxury.

I made full preparations before I rushed to the post office. Of course, I made enough preparations, including toothpaste, fresh water, a small flashlight and the 5th battery, but I didn't bring my underwear because I didn't wash it or didn't have it at all. I don't remember this clearly.

When I wanted to fill out the parcel form, I found that I forgot to think about an extremely important thing and the name of the destination. But he (it) kept staring at me, but he smiled as if he knew it would happen sooner or later. I can't help it, but it's not a problem. I have overcome the problem, that is, I am coming. So I scribbled a place called "the spirit world".

He raised his eyelids and stopped looking at a flying insect crawling on me. Of course I know it exists, and I am willing to let it parasitize me, because I want to know where its indestructible things are hidden. But it never answered, so there is not enough reason to destroy it. The postman read the address, put it in his wallet and charged me a certain fee.

So I immediately got into a half-long paper box, which contained the prepared things, including the No.5 battery, but forgot to peel its plastic skin. I think things are predestined.

The postman was not surprised at that time, but now he sees me struggling into a box with a volume of one cubic meter. Of course, this kind of behavior is illegal or immoral. But I like the desire for power. The postman just smiled at me and let me see the movement of his mouth hair inside. There is nothing wrong with thinking about it carefully, because I haven't told me what is conventional and what is spiritual morality, so I have been mentally corrupted before. Maybe he doesn't think it's unconventional, but smiling is really a difficult thing. This makes me a little uneasy, even irritable. I stomped on the carton and there was a muffled sound.

When I saw the world clearly again, it was already night, as if I had deliberately chosen to recall it for a period of time. At this time, I took out my flashlight and found a mouth to see the time or where I went. But I decided to have a drink first. Because my stomach will be hungry and painful at any time, I don't know if I can forget more pain on the edge of space or time. The water is slippery, I think.

The light shines in the dark, devouring the light like a drowning beast. Fortunately, I can hear the postman himself talking vaguely about time and travel distance. I'm not sure, because what he said is not Mandarin, nor is it a word that existed for a certain period of time. But I heard him smiling, giggling and sometimes moaning like a cow. Although I am used to all this, I can't stand it.

The mind is aware of flying.

I lavish it so much that I can dig out all my memories, love, soul, spiritual home and death. I let them exist and merge. I found myself very confused, so I wanted to break through the boundaries of thinking to find a peace, but the facts told me:

Calm and confused.

An empty cage is looking for an exit for flying birds.

Finally, before all thinking stops, I want to act. I'm trembling slightly because there is no warm-keeping tool. I can't use portable water, but I managed to stretch my feet and regain some necessary feelings.

Arrive at the destination the next morning. "I can't think of anything on a beautiful morning." I think it's true.

When I heard a landing sound, I felt pain all over. Even started swearing. He moved me upstairs, and the wooden floor would curse me loudly in their own language. Finally saw the wooden door, very spectacular. Just a little scum. I'm sure I've never seen it before. I'm glad.

The recipient is her, a woman with a strange and cold face. But it's exactly the same as the shadow in the wine you've drunk

Fate is really amazing.

She opened the carton and signed for it. So I can look at the sunshine, because it is very beautiful when it snows.

She's not surprised. She took me in her hand and kissed me. Why did Nahan become a toy at that time? Maybe she doesn't want to think so, but the fact tells me that I do look like a doll.

I can't talk.

She turned around and kissed the man who put his arm around her waist in the same way. I hate this kind of men, because they all like to carve the words "morality" and "good people" on their faces. They dare not undertake the mission of superman, and they have not discovered their spiritual world.

Through the wooden door, I saw a form with the same specifications as me. Coincidentally, her handwriting is exactly the same as her beautiful handwriting. But after several rounds of searching, I couldn't find enough spare parts to fly with me or fly with me. Maybe she just broke free for a pair of wings.

They began to kiss and suck each other's body fluids like animals.

I remember clearly at that time that I was not sad, because it seemed that a glass of wine kept me awake, or I didn't know everything in front of me. But I clearly realize that this is a mistake, the postman's mistake.

She kissed me and put me in the window. It was the 28th floor and it was snowing. The man knocked me down with his arm.

I calculated that after removing the air resistance and the acceleration of gravity 10m/S2, I have 4.6s to fly, kiss the ground at the speed of 126km/h, and spill body fluids like them.

When I started flying, I saw the postman rush in, as if it were a ceremony, telling me that I had written the wrong address. Watch me fly down and smile at me, same as above.

I know luxury. I found it all predestined. He did it, no, it did it.

Nietzsche taught us that if we can't live proudly, we will die proudly. Although this is the first time and the last time, I never get tired of listening to it. But before that, I want to break its eyes and smash it to pieces for future generations to identify. But I have enough excuses not to do so because I can't see them.

Huo Ran, he rushed to the window and spoke loudly instead of moaning, "Don't point your arm at my left eye, there's nothing you can do.

"You have the right to choose a free and real world, but you can't reach it there, but you can reach a dead end.

There are goals, but there is no way to follow. The so-called road is nothing more than hesitation. "

Halfway through his speech, I realized that maybe death is the way to enter this unreachable world, but it costs a lot and sacrifices everything.

I put down my arm.

The last psychology.

The last luxury.

"Sleep, sleep well,

Go to sleep and stop crying. "

There is snow in the gap, and there is still wine brewed by shadow in the snow.

Now time:

4.68 seconds ago

The world I can't reach, my spiritual home and my subconscious memory are still there.

The world I can't reach-Wukong's story (2006-10-2818: 45: 42) Tags: Wukong's fate story is helpless and free.

"I walked through a sea of people, and people hurried by me, which made me feel the helplessness of a drop of water in the sea again."

"Life is not a dream? What you have gained will eventually be lost. If you thought it was true at that time, you would suffer. You knew it was just a game and a dream, and you would be free. Life is alive, whether it is a hundred years or a million years. It's all a moment before the future After this moment, you have nothing but yourself. You will always be lonely in this world, and you will never find anything to rely on your heart, unless you give up yourself, blend in with creation and become a little dust in the universe. You will be happy. "

"The difference between immortals and immortals is that immortals set what they are for everything, and immortals disturb everything. When fairies created heaven and earth, they didn't expect that there would be such a thing as a demon. The goblin is born of fallacy and exists because of the outside.

They try to be natural. Because of their birth, they refused to be erased as physical evidence of God. When they resist God's definition, they become unreasonable, and their obedience to God's definition should be destroyed. This is their destiny. "

"Everyone wants to say something to you. Everyone is embarrassed. Everyone knows your past. They don't think you should be you. You also know that you are yourself and have never changed. Change is the world and the heart ... "

"Pigs and people are just things dominated by the road to return. In order to survive, they have to operate like machines. If they don't want to live like this, they will be punished by heaven. If you can abide by the law of compromise, eat when you should eat and be eaten when you should eat, you will be like them. They lived and died in the chaos of war and plague, and they had no resistance. We can't resist people, and people can't resist God. We are just a part of countless exquisite designs in this world, one pushing the other and turning endlessly, no difference. The more I know, the more I understand that you can't control its operation, and the more I understand how small you are in physics. From this point of view, pigs are greater than people. "

"There are some places where you can't get there, some places where you shouldn't go, and some places where you will never get there. Your world is not as big as you think, and the border may be around you, but you think you can go anywhere. "

-"The Story of Wukong"

This is a story about ideal and reality, about nothingness and reality.

People always want to break through everything and go forward for their dreams. ...

But when the sun reappears in the sky, you find that all the pursuits are in vain.