1. When there was a second-class bus, a BMW passed by, and a tall man next to him said to the people around him, "Look, that's IBM."

2. A friend of mine was practicing in Unicom. One day, an old man came up and said, "Get me a mobile card, okay?" Then my friend said without looking up, "Master, someone is coming to smash the venue!" "

3. Colleagues may be nervous when they go to see customers. As soon as they open their mouths, they say, "Hello, Mr. Liu, what's your name?" Sweat.

4. In the past, the geography teacher was a man, who was particularly violent. Anyone who spoke or was distracted was punched, but he didn't hit the girl. A new girl didn't know that she thought men and women were equal. Once, when she was secretly reading cartoons in class, the geography teacher found out that she came up to her and didn't say anything. At first, the girl turned pale and shouted: indecent assault. Our geography teacher waterfall Khan.

5, my classmate said: I put too much washing powder. The other asked: What? Your brother has too many wives?

6. One windy day, the bicycle fell down in a row, and I heard a classmate say while helping the bicycle: Whose Mercedes ran over my BMW?

7. I used to call my boyfriend's dormitory, but he didn't answer it. I was a little embarrassed, so I made up a name and said, "Is XX there?" If you want to pretend that you have the wrong person, it's over ~ ~ The other party hesitated and said, Wait, I'll call you. I was confused at that time! Hang up the phone in a hurry. Later, when I asked my boyfriend, he said that a boy in the dormitory opposite them asked me to make up that name.

8. Last time I was abroad, I saw a handsome guy selling cakes on the street. My friends and I said that he looked like Elvis Presley while buying. When he heard us talking about him, he asked us what to say. I thought for a long time: "kingofmiaomiao."

9. My girlfriend in the dormitory spoke to a net friend, and she was obviously very excited: Hello, I'm Wang Xiaoliang. Guess who I am? I can't afford to faint ...

1. I learned a word from a friend: I'll give you ten words-how far the fuck is it, how far the fuck is it. I remember when he said this to a group of us for the first time, he saw that all the people were pointing their fingers at the bottom to see if it was ten words ... What's more, I told n friends with this sentence that basically more than 9% would hesitate for a moment, meditate or move their fingers slightly, and then said with a smile, Shit, it is really ten words. It always works, hehe!

(It's so cold, it's winter now, which is harmful ...)

One day, eggplant was walking in the street and suddenly sneezed heavily. It wiped its nose and said angrily, "Damn it! Someone took a group photo again! "

There are 3 frogs in a pool, and only one frog wears underpants. Why? Because he takes a bath! )

There was a pig. He walked and walked to England. What did he become? -pig.

In class, the teacher randomly recited the text. Piggy, puppy and kitten all raised their hands. Who will the teacher call? -Little dog, because of Wangwang Xianbei.

Butterfly, ant, spider and centipede, they work together, which one didn't get paid in the end? -centipede, because you get nothing for nothing.

The elephant has the longest nose in the zoo. Who is the second longest? -Elephant.

Which fruit has the worst eyesight? -Mango.

Which two kinds of fruits have mobile phones? -turnips and greens have their own tastes.

If there is a car, the driver is a prince and the passengers are princesses, whose car is it? -If

Jin Mu is in fire and water, whose legs are long? -ham sausage

the cobra dated the elephant, and after a greeting, he said, "Come on, come on, and take such a big pig. It's welcome."

I think, as long as I have some modest qualities, I will be a perfect person.

One day, Mung Bean broke up with his girlfriend. He was very sad, so he kept crying, crying, crying .............................................................................................................................................................. ~ ~ ~

Two jellyfish collided at the seaside. Jellyfish A: "What the hell! You can't swim with your eyes! Jellyfish B: What are eyes? Jellyfish A: I don't know. Last time I bumped into someone, he called me that. Jellyfish B: Oh! That's right!

In primary school science class, the teacher told us that there would be knee jerk if we tapped at the knee. When I got home, I took a hammer and hit it on my dad's knee. As a result, my dad stood up and kicked me. It turned out that the teacher was right!

If one day I become a hooligan, please remember to tell me that I was innocent.

The first lie in life begins with writing a composition in primary school, while the truth begins with writing a love letter.

When brothers Grimm wrote Snow White, they were very prescient. The man who saved Snow White and lived happily with her in the end was named "Prince Charming". And now the female compatriots all want to find the prince charming in their minds, why pinch? Because the pinyin abbreviation of Prince Charming is-BMW, or Z series.

A man was about to jump off a building when his wife shouted, "Honey, don't be impulsive, we still have a long way to go!" Hearing this, the man jumped with a whoosh. The policeman said, "You really shouldn't threaten him like this!"

defecation and urination are good brothers. One day, defecation was killed by a car when crossing the road, and urination said, I really want to defecate ...

First, think of a number in your mind, multiply it by two, add five, then subtract the number you originally thought of, multiply it by eight, subtract five, and then close your eyes. You can't see anything, right?

A man fell down while walking. He got up and walked on and fell down again. So he said; If I had known, I wouldn't have gotten up just now.

The drizzle fell on the river, and there was a layer of goose bumps.

What cartoon characters are the most devoted? Answer: Mermaid (because she can't cheat)

Xiao A said to Xiao B: Dig ... it's raining outside! ! See

Xiao B is very excited: Yes, I saw you.

One day, three little pigs built three huts to avoid being chased by the wolf.

The wolf destroyed the straw house, wooden house and brick house easily. The three little pigs ran desperately, but they were caught up by the wolf.

the three little pigs said in despair, it's up to you. We gave up, whatever you want.

At this moment, the Wolf smiled and drooled and said, Then tell me where Little Red Riding Hood is.

This diver's movements are very difficult. He made a twist for three weeks, followed by a forward somersault for three and a half weeks, followed by a backward somersault for one month.

which animal has the darkest teeth?

Guo Meimei's "Not Afraid of Not Afraid" lyrics: Mo Yi Ya Hey (ants have black teeth)

On New Year's Eve, I dreamed of you. Happy New Year to you: Happy New Year! A sneeze woke me up from my dream. I knew you missed me, so I immediately called you and said, Bring me the red envelope!

It's the New Year. I think I have nothing for you, and I don't intend to give you too much. I only want to give you 5 million yuan: be happy! Be healthy! Be safe! Be content! Don't forget me

. I wish you a new year. You have leisure in your busy work. You can win money by yourself at cards. Your passbook is infinitely increased. Your pockets are full of dollars. Beautiful women are crowded in front of your bed. You are full of energy and your lover is fierce and sweet.

pig, you are safe, pig, you are happy, pig, you are desperate, pig, you come safely.

Heroes stride across the horse, beautiful women bring blessings with them, people get drunk when the wine is not intoxicating, and people get fascinated when the color is not attractive. I wish you a new year: go out to make money, fish online, eat abalone wings endlessly, and soak beautiful girls endlessly every day!

Happy New Year, I wish you good health, all the best, happy family, happy life, successful career, rich life, deep pockets, invincible!

as the saying goes, a year's plan lies in spring. Tell you a secret of getting rich in the new year: seize the opportunity regardless of the old chicken; Whatever the ram and ewe, steal.

Click to see your face all winter; Copy your enthusiasm and paste it in my heart; Download your breath and keep it forever; Delete all the gray viruses, welcome the splendid new year, bid farewell to the old year and welcome the new year!

The new year is coming. May you receive gifts and receive red envelopes every day, and win a mountain of money at cards. Newcomers love you like bean bags, set off firecrackers all over the street, and say hello to anyone who catches you, and the police are not afraid to know! Good luck is coming!

With the coming of the New Year, I wish you to be a carefree mouse, a strong cow, a tiger, a good rabbit, a noble dragon, an auspicious snake, a swift horse, a gentle sheep, a clever monkey, a diligent chicken, a loyal dog and a happy pig!

one catty of melon seeds and two jins of dates, I wish you good luck and come early; One catty of candy and two jins of banana, I wish you good luck and won't run; A catty of peanuts and a catty of peaches, I wish you money rolling into your pocket!

on new year's eve, send four dishes and one soup: happy braising, steamed friendship, stir-frying wealth, boiled health, happy soup every day, a bottle of Lanling aged good luck wine, and a bowl of worry-free rice forever. Happy New Year.

it's the new year, and I made a couplet for you! Part I: I am bitter for you, tired for you, and shed tears for you. The bottom line: crazy for you, crazy for you, hitting the wall for you. Horizontal batch: related to the post. I wish you a happy New Year!

The New Year is coming. For the sake of the global environment and resources, please reduce the purchase of traditional paper greeting cards. You can write a congratulatory message in pencil on large denomination RMB and send it to me! Thank you for your support for environmental protection! I wish you happiness!

happy new year! May your popularity surpass that of Notre Dame, your wealth dare to be the mother of Bill Gates, your heroic spirit surpass that of Saddam Hussein, and you are handsome enough to catch up with Beckham. You are the international superman!

when I have money, I will use remy Martin to flush your toilet, light your cigarette with US dollar bills, take a bubble bath with 999 roses, take you to work by Boeing, and use Princess Huanzhu as your maid! Happy new year!

No matter how much water there is in the sea, how great the mountains are, how many legs spiders have, and how hot the peppers are, no matter how ghost the D is and how tired the United States is, you are the most beautiful in the Spring Festival! Happy new year!

There are two main purposes of texting this time: one is to exercise fingering, and the other is to contact feelings. I am very responsible to tell you that today is New Year's Eve, and the new year is coming soon. Send a technical sentence: Happy Spring Festival!

Four great blessings: I booked a New Year's Eve dinner, stopped a taxi when I went out, stopped by to get lucky money, and had a holiday from the first day to the fifteenth; I wish you positive wealth, partial wealth, windfall, and rolling financial resources; Affection, friendship, affair, good luck!

considering that there will be an overwhelming blessing message blocking the network in a few days, the unparalleled universe super invincible genius with ideals, foresight and extraordinary wisdom wishes in advance: the ancient times are as old as death, the team's Apu, well, hey!

the new year is coming. do you miss me? If you miss me, press it again. Do you miss me so much? I didn't press until I said I wanted to. Press it again! I didn't expect you to think of me like this. I'm so touched! Press again! Tears filled my eyes.

I asked my troubles. They don't love you at all, and they say they will never talk to you. Let me tell you not to flatter yourself! Also, health let me bring you a love letter: it has a crush on you for a long time and will remain unchanged for life! Happy new year! I bought two pounds of fashion in the specialty store, three pounds of romance from the supermarket, and eight pounds of happiness. I cut a ton of care from my heart and gave it to you as a gift for the Year of the Ox!

1. The teacher asked us to use the word "sure enough" to make sentences, and my deskmate wrote: I didn't take a shower for three months, and my body really stinks.

2. an introduction to the teacher's appearance. It should be "the teacher has a melon face", and occasionally it is written as "the teacher has a paw face". Our Chinese teacher almost went crazy.

4. The 1-meter sports meeting finally started, and the students ran out like wild dogs.

5. People's Liberation Army uncles crawl forward one by one, just like green worms crawling on the ground.

6. "I was in the classroom because of illness ..." "My brother shaved his head newly, just like a little bald donkey in Shaolin Temple ..."

9. When I was in primary school, I was used to writing about good deeds. So people always write down the money. So, in order to exaggerate their own achievements, someone wrote in the park and found 1 million yuan, all in 1 yuan RMB, the thickness of which was as thick as a language document (grade four). The teacher read it out on the spot, and the classmate estimated that it was extremely cold.

1. The old lady took out four 5 yuan RMB.

11. "I have a classmate who is neither tall nor short, above 1.76 meters and below 1.78 meters ..." The works of my junior high school classmates ...

13. The primary school teacher wrote a semi-propositional composition: "My xxx". As a result, my classmates wrote the title: my comrade-in-arms Qiu Shaoyun.

17. Do you still remember Little Tadpole Looking for Mom in primary school? At that time, the teacher asked us to imitate this and write a composition about * * * ... A classmate wrote: My mother has a white belly and bulging eyes ... < P > 18. I used to peek at a girl's composition, and the coldest thing was: if I become a nurse in the future, I will treat patients like a lover.

19. A sister's little nephew made a sentence with "brand-new", "a brand-new vegetable was born" ... (Zhao Benshan's credit). !

21. This classmate wrote: "Guoqiang (a classmate of mine) sat on a stool with a big ass like a pumpkin in the field and a large piece of underwear exposed under his clothes." The teacher read it out in class and said that this classmate described it vividly. After class, this classmate was beaten by that classmate ...

22. In the third grade, another teacher took the place. We were asked to write an article. So I wrote: The corner of my house is beautiful, round and bright, and it is a toilet.

23. On an opaque night, the tadpoles in the pond are basking in the sun!

25. Classmate's famous sentence: the wild goose miemie (baa baa) flies by; The round moon is like a bow.

27. When I was in primary school, I heard that wild donkeys run fastest, so I compared a classmate to "He runs faster than wild donkeys". Later, the teacher said that I shouldn't write like this, and I wondered why I couldn't ...

28. I walked into a department store. Ah, it seems that people's living standards have really improved. Look at that old farmer, with a refrigerator in his left hand and a TV in his right hand, trotting away.

29. My classmate's content is probably: Once I was ill, he gave me a tutorial rain or shine. It rained cats and dogs that day, and it thundered. I thought he wouldn't come, but he braved the rain ... The next day he died of a high fever. I will always miss this good friend.

3. There is a reading question on the primary school Chinese exam paper, which tells the story of a mother who suffered a lot for her children and finally died. After reading, ask the students to say a few words to their mother in Tomb-Sweeping Day one year later. A primary school student wrote: "I wish my mother Tomb-Sweeping Day happiness, happiness as the East China Sea, and longevity as the South Mountain!" .

1 My colleague asked me: Is Clinton's wife Chirac?

2 Once I borrowed money from someone, I originally wanted to say "I'll pay you back when I get the money"

I said "I'll get you when I have the money"

Khan

3 My classmate's name is Yu Jingbo, and one day I wrote a letter, and the dormitory doorman shouted at the entrance of the dormitory: Dried cold rice noodles, dried cold rice noodles!

4 Our Chinese teacher: Please turn your books to 12 yuan.