I'm always avoiding. Others' eyes, others' warm words, and even harmless complaints seem to make me feel stressed.

Sometimes I like silence inexplicably, and hearing others' emotional noise, whether happy or angry, makes me want to run away.

I'm afraid of showing off and being laughed at. My self-confidence is trapped in a corner of my heart. I don't like strange things. Everything I don't know will make me feel uneasy, and my integration with people and the environment is much slower than ordinary people.

I often ask myself why I often envy other friends who express their emotions freely, and feel that I have lost a free and easy job. Until I saw the topic "What is the biggest injury to you in childhood" on the Internet a while ago, many of them talked about how the injuries they suffered as children affected their characters when they grew up, and they were deeply impressed.

Adler said that lucky people are cured by childhood all their lives, while unfortunate people are cured by childhood all their lives.

Perhaps, I am one of those people who used my whole life to cure my childhood.

According to my mother, I started to get sick just four months after I was born, and it was a serious pneumonia. Since then, I have been in poor health, always crying, and the hospital with many strangers in my impression is always cold. My mother said that I am afraid of strangers, and people at home always like to hide. My relatives also say that I am as quiet as a little girl.

I remember when I was in the first grade, the boys in the class were very naughty and active. Soon after the walls in the classroom were painted, the boys used their hands to stain the dyes on the walls and then chased after the girls in the class. The class was in a mess. Finally, these boys were called to the podium and spanked. I watched it with trepidation from my seat. Swear that you must not be so ashamed.

At that time, I felt that boys were too aggressive. I didn't like the frequent physical contact and fierce verbal conflicts between them. On the contrary, the way girls got along with each other made me more comfortable. Of course, I naturally became a "different kind" in their mouth.

At that time, I didn't understand where the children's malice came from. I didn't understand why some people came to scold you, took your stationery or slapped your head. At that time, I thought maybe I was wrong, so I was bullied by them. Maybe being unsociable was the biggest mistake. At that time, every semester in my little green book, there was a comment that "collective cultural and sports activities were not active enough", which I found particularly dazzling.

Bullies like to form small groups. Once they find that someone is bullying and dare not resist, they will get worse and worse. After the first grade, I dropped out of school for another year because of illness. Originally, my classmates were one grade older than me. However, the situation of being bullied has not improved. It seems that there are always a few arrogant people in each class. They like to suppress all those who don't obey themselves or are different from themselves. At that time, I felt that they were monsters in reality and wanted to stay away. At that time, I changed my seat once a month in the class, and every time I was worried, I was afraid of being assigned to a table with "monsters". Unfortunately, once we really got together, I made three bloody cuts on the back of my hand with my nails just because I didn't talk to him in class. "It takes two slaps to make a ring" was a classic saying of the teacher at that time. I had to be patient and didn't dare to tell my family and teachers, for fear of being laughed at for incompetence. At the same time, I hated myself for being so cowardly and didn't dare to resist.

My neighbor's girl went to school with me. Because I dropped out of school, I was one grade older. We went to school and left school together every day. Unexpectedly, this caused the hatred of their classmates. Some gossip spread. On the way after school, several senior students blocked our way, insulted me and my friends, and slapped me. There were a group of classmates watching the drama around me. I was scared and angry, and I also slapped.

when I got home, I couldn't stop crying. My previous depression and hatred broke out with that day. At that time, my depression was vivid. My father was very angry when he learned about it. He wanted to go to school to find them, but I finally stopped him. At that time, "finding parents to solve it" was a particularly shameful thing and would be looked down upon by others. I discussed it with the girl next door and made up my mind to hit them on the head with the iron lunch box in my hand next time if I was bullied. Now I think of the seemingly naive idea, and the helplessness and sadness at that time were particularly real. Later, my brother transferred to another school. He was fearless from the primary school martial arts, and dared to confront the seniors. When he saw someone supporting him, the situation of being bullied improved. Maybe someone would ask why he didn't be a little bit car-scrapping and bravely resisted, but for the bullied, it might be a very difficult step, and not everyone could do it.

At that time, I was particularly suspicious of myself. I thought it was wrong to do anything, or even to do nothing. It seemed that I was born wrong, sometimes I was in a daze, and sometimes I even felt that I was simply dead. This situation would not happen. All kinds of experiences made me unwilling to express myself, afraid of strangers, and dependent on the environment and people I knew.

Looking back on this memory, I still hate the bully, and I will never forgive those wicked people who trample on others' dignity at will. It is precisely because of this experience that I understand how important respect is, respect all people who are different from myself, do not criticize at will, and consider the possible impact of words and actions on others, because this may affect a person's life.

The heroine in the movie The Life of Disliked Pine Nuts was short of her father's love when she was young. When she grew up, as long as others were a little kind to her, she would do whatever it takes. This desire for love is the source of her tragedy and the expression of his childhood trauma.

family of origin's influence on the formation of a person's character is also enormous. Quarrel and domestic violence, some parents only think from their own point of view, resulting in the wrong way of discipline, sometimes destroying children's cognition and causing indelible harm to children. Love for children is not only manifested in eating and wearing warm clothes, but also in spiritual comfort. From this perspective, do the families of bullies themselves have great responsibilities?

Simon spent six years writing the Science of Evil, and he put forward the hypothesis of "* * * emotion". When someone does evil, his * * * emotion is corroded, and the level of * * * emotion is much lower than that of ordinary people. * * * Emotion is a kind of ability, which enables us to understand other people's thoughts or feelings and respond to them with appropriate emotions. I think every family has the responsibility to teach their children the basic emotional ability, that is, to respect and understand others.

"If adults can know what children think, the tacit understanding of love and being loved will be better than now."

Whether bullied or influenced by family of origin as a child, it seems that all personality defects in adulthood can be traced back to childhood. Even some small things that can't be remembered, a scolding, may be suppressed below the memory level due to people's psychological protection mechanism, but these memories are still playing a role, affecting the mood and behavior of the parties.

Just as some people often say: Don't be so sensitive, but in many cases, sensitivity itself is a kind of trauma.

This kind of trauma needs to be healed, or supported by friends, or cared for by family and society, and there are never a few people who lack such care. I believe many people are now as self-doubting, depressed, hateful and helpless as I was then. I hope to say to those who have been hurt or have been hurt:

You are born innocent, so you don't need to be sorry. To embrace a better self.