I believe many people know Leo Tolstoy’s famous saying. Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. It not only emphasizes the universality of happiness, but also points out the difference of misfortune.

After becoming an emotional blogger, many people, mostly women, often come to me to talk about their current confusions in marriage. In fact, many marriages are in a deadlock, and outsiders cannot see it. I am very depressed.

I found that the problems can be summarized into three types: money, communication, and dignity.

Those who quarrel over the concept of spending money are most likely to quarrel over poverty, followed by "I'm married, but I'm single" marriages with close to zero communication, and then there are marriages where one party is developing rapidly and the other is standing still, with unequal status. Causing someone to lose their dignity.

But these are not unsolvable problems. A high-quality marriage must possess these three characteristics. I hope my views will be useful to you:

1. Financial independence. Personal freedom

I once wrote an article explaining my most basic point of view in marriage, that is, "I will support you" is the most poisonous love phrase in the world.

Reader A can never figure out when her husband, who has been buying everything for her since college, became stingy to the extreme.

They have been married for seven years and already have two children. The day before yesterday, they had a heated argument over whether their pocket money should be 1,500 or 2,000 per month. The husband insists that it cannot be increased, so it is only 1,500. Reader A thinks that it would be good if he does not ask for 3,000. I am working so hard at home that I am not even worth 500.

I asked her what she was doing before marriage. Didn’t you notice that she was so stingy? She said she wasn’t like this before. I asked why it became like this. She said maybe it was because she had a house loan, a car loan and two children. , the pressure is too great, "Actually, I understand, and I won't spend money arbitrarily. I'm just angry about his attitude."

So you see, people without income are particularly concerned about the other person's attitude towards spending money for themselves. On the contrary, those who have a salary or even earn more than their husbands will treat their husbands' perfunctory things about asking for money as jokes and jokes to others.

Only when you have a living security and don’t rely on others for everything, can you lower your demands on others and become less normal.

All personal independence is based on financial independence, so my opinion is that the first step to a stable marriage is that whoever leaves you can live well. I am independent of you. , so I formed a marriage alliance with you.

2. Active management is better than passive acceptance

Reader B’s trouble is that his husband seems to be married to a game. When he gets home, he rushes into the study to fight. For a month, the two of them can only She could say a few words, but she always scolded her angrily. Her husband treated her as if her existence was nothing. You express your anger while I play my game.

Reader B seems to have no solution to this impasse. She said that apart from wanting to kill him, she doesn’t love him at all. If I ask again, why don’t you just leave him? She is silent again. I guess it must be this. Is there anything else she can't let go of about a man? Sure enough, she said he is very obedient. No matter how much he plays, as long as she says you wash the dishes or dry the clothes, he will definitely do it.

His biggest problem is that he has lost interest and failed to communicate with her, and she has also lost her patience. This cold cycle has become a partner life day after day, which is very boring.

To be honest, I don’t know how to solve it, but I have a unique suggestion for this lifeless relationship. I think there is no problem that a passionate couple life cannot solve. , if so, twice.

Bedside fights, bedside fights, if you reach the tired stage and are relatively speechless, one party must take the lead in making changes and lead the other party out of the deadlock. You might as well try to arrange a family outing, a two-person world, and take the initiative Find a fun topic and proactively ask the other person to help solve your work problems.

Of course, the one who performs these actions is the one who has a deeper experience of love. Because some people think life is pretty good, they are unaware of the period of fatigue between couples, and it is not intentional.

If you want a colorful life, you must take the initiative to make changes instead of just complaining.

3. Well-matched and well-matched

I would like to remind those who are unmarried that the so-called well-matched refers not only to your background and status, but also to the same interests, consistent motivation, and three things. Views are consistent.

A girl who wants to live a better life should not marry a boy who is satisfied with the status quo. A girl who wants stability in everything should not marry a boy who is full of adventure. In this way, you will As life goes on, more and more people lack the same language.

If you want to fly, fly together, and if you want to be ordinary, be ordinary together. Only when two people’s views on the world, work, and family are more than 80% consistent, can a marriage be stable and stable.

There is a friend, a female, who has successfully started a business and is worth a lot of money. Her husband is very distressed. He doesn’t like too much money. He likes a comfortable and free life, as long as the money is enough, while women like luxury goods. Asking her husband to join the entrepreneurial team, five plus two, white plus black, finally the two of them parted ways after persuading each other for the 521st time, and the woman finally came together with her partner.

Both of them felt much more relaxed.

Everyone has a different understanding of happiness, so the performance of life is also different. A tough melon is not sweet, so we can only be more careful when we are in love and find people who are on the same wavelength as ourselves. After all, Married life is too specific. It would be so tiring if everything went one way and the other went west.

Only when you and your partner have the same three views and are equally matched in strength, can the seesaw of marriage maintain a long-term balance.